If you could rewrite the story of Jesus, how would you change the ending?

[Harbinger]

Looking for ideas for my next version of reality.

[Ramoneb87]

There would definitely be a T-rex involved

[mistahAIM]

"... and then all the Jews (except Jesus) died and were sent to hell."

[SmithMachineGuy]

Jesus is up on the cross. He looks like he's about to die. Then suddenly, Jesus starts trembling. His arms start shaking. You can see the power rushing through his veins! He rips one arm off the cross. He rips the other arm off the cross. The Roman Centurions gasp in disbelief. They being to attack. The head Centurion punches Jesus in the face, but it has no effect. He tries again but no effect. Jesus is walking around in circles shaking his head and pumping his arms up and down. The Centurion tries one more punch but again it has no effect. Jesus shakes his head and points a finger directly in the Centurion's face. Centurion tries one more punch, but this time Jesus blocks it and unleashes a right hand of his own! Jesus whips the Centurion into the post. Centurion comes back only to run into Jesus's size 17 boot to the face! Jesus holds his hand up to his ear to listen to the capacity crowd! Jesus gets a short running start and drops the leg on the Centurion. The whole of Golgotha is going insane! They are chanting USA, USA, USA! Jesus starts flexing his guns for the fans! Fireworks are going off everywhere.

[lasher]

Looking for ideas for my next version of reality.

Needs more american flags, rocket launchers, and real booze. Red wine is for bitches.

[WABeast]

Would have Pilate whisper in Jesus's ear, "negged"

[kingmanaverage]

Instead of dying on the cross he was exposed as a fake natty.

[OttomanEmpire]

Sloots gonna sloot get the Stones.

[StoliFun]

Looking for ideas for my next version of reality.

I'd just copy Nick Cave's script for Gladiator 2.

[Harbinger]

Needs more American flags, rocket launchers, and real booze. Red wine is for bitches.

Ain't that the truth.

[r0bo]

he smells crime again, he's out busting heads. Then he's back to the lab for some more full penetration. Smells crime. Back to the lab, full penetration. Crime. Penetration. Crime. Full penetration. Crime. Penetration. And this goes on and on and back and forth for 90 or so pages until the book just sort of ends

[memcop]

Well the strictly isn't over and there is a more detailed chapter to come so there is no need to rewrite.

[memcop]

Needs more american flags, rocket launchers, and real booze. Red wine is for bitches.

He'll definitely be American and they hadn't figured out rock and roll or bourbon yet back then.

Theres a good chance it may go down this way less the rocket launcher. Jesus was known for not slut shaming.

[Shortfuze]

@0:29

[JoshSP1985]

While being crucified Jesus calls down 10,000 angels to destroy the world and set him free.

There is even a hymn written about that power.

[rhadam]

Looking for ideas for my next version of reality.

I like to picture Jesus in a Tuxedo T-shirt, ’cause it says, like, ‘I wanna be formal, but I’m here to party, too.’ I like to party, so I like my Jesus to party…. I like to think of Jesus like, with giant eagles’ wings and singin’ lead vocals for Lynyrd Skynyrd with like an Angel Band, and I’m in the front row, and I’m hammered drunk…

[Suit]

"He's never returning so you must cleanse the world in his name as if he had returned for the rapture"

[pandaboy89]

Jesus goes on cross gets tortured about to die inb4 annunaki alien ship appears..


brb Earth annihilated

[BIGJIMSLADE22]

He comes back and takes Eddies place in reuniting Van Halen. He also resurrects David Lee Roths hair, voice (what there was) and gets him back to chugging bottles of Jack Daniels.

[Seatard]

Imbecilic best friends Jesus and Judas stumble across a suitcase full of money left behind on Mary Magdalene's mule, who was on her way to the port. The pair decide to go to Bethlehem, to return the money, unaware that it is connected to a kidnapping. As Jesus and Judas -- who has fallen in love with Mary -- are pursued across the country by hired killers and police, they find both their friendship and their brains tested.

[Paul Kreul]

Looking for ideas for my next version of reality.

Seeing as Revelations is happening exactly as foretold...wouldn’t change a thing.
I’ll say it again, today it’s a mask, tomorrow it’s the Mark.

Strong join date

[celltechbrahz]

Nothing to change. It's already perfect, if you understand the meaning of His death.

That said, I would change the consequences for being a communist in this country and make them much, much stricter so that we could avoid this endless clownfest 2020 we're living in right now.

[GreatOldOne]

I would have Pilot refuse to let him be executed for no good reason, and then have a Roman scribe document a series of dialogues between Pilot and Jesus to flesh out what Jesus's beliefs actually were like instead of having them develop in the writings of Jesus's followers decades later.

I suspect it would end up having the Kingdom of Heaven being inside yourself or at hand to mean a psychological state of wellness, contentness with life, and moral uprightness as opposed to being a universe separate from the one we exist in that we might travel to after death.

We might see that "the meek shall inherit the Earth" did not mean the downtrodden will eventually win, but rather...like the wild horse coming under control, that the world around us is a good place to live if only we can conquer our inner struggles. So that we harness our desires and live in harmony with others.

[Rubberduckyeee]

<At the last supper>

Jesus: Drink ye all of it; for this is my blood of the covenant, which is poured out for many unto remission of sins...

<Jesus turns to Judas>

Jesus: ...and what is your name, little jabroni?

Judas: My name is Ju—

Jesus: IT DOESN’T MATTER WHAT YOUR NAME IS!!! KNOW YOUR ROLE AND SHUT YOUR MOUTH!!11!!

<Jesus ducks a clothesline from Judas and proceeds to give him the Rock Bottom. Then he takes Judas’ chalice, shines it up real nice, turns that sonbitch sideways, and sticks it straight up his candy ass.>

<Jesus then checks all the Roman guards into the Smackdown Hotel and finally arrives one-on-one with Pontius Pilate.>

Jesus: Hey ya stupid son of a b**ch! Stone Cold Jesus Christ’s time has come and I’m fixing to stomp a mud hole in your azz and walk it dry!

<Jesus gives the two finger salute to Pontius Pilate followed by a kick to the gut and the Stone Cold Stunner.>

Jesus: JESUS 3:16 SAYS I JUST WHIPPED YOUR AZZ!!

<11 Christweisers fly out of nowhere and Jesus catches all of them and starts pouring them down his gullet and crushing them on his bald head>

<Glass shatters in the background, God comes down on a Brahma bull-shaped cloud playing some f*kking metal and making the devil horns, and a beer-soaked Jesus exits left with Debra McMichael and Trish Stratus in each arm.>

Jesus: AND THAT’S THE BOTTOM LIIIIIIINE CUZ JESUS CHRIST SAID SO!!

<Fade to black. The end.>

[Harbinger]

I would have Pilot refuse to let him be executed for no good reason, and then have a Roman scribe document a series of dialogues between Pilot and Jesus to flesh out what Jesus's beliefs actually were like instead of having them develop in the writings of Jesus's followers decades later.

I suspect it would end up having the Kingdom of Heaven being inside yourself or at hand to mean a psychological state of wellness, contentness with life, and moral uprightness as opposed to being a universe separate from the one we exist in that we might travel to after death.

We might see that "the meek shall inherit the Earth" did not mean the downtrodden will eventually win, but rather...like the wild horse coming under control, that the world around us is a good place to live if only we can conquer our inner struggles. So that we harness our desires and live in harmony with others.

I like this.

[Jayarbie]

I would make Jesus black. Oh, wait, he already was black. Never mind, then. Carry on.

[Harbinger]

I would make Jesus black. Oh, wait, he already was black. Never mind, then. Carry on.

Nice

[hendrixfreak70]

I would make Jesus black. Oh, wait, he already was black. Never mind, then. Carry on.

Your attempts to rustle me have failed conclusively. He was not black, nor was He white. Nice try tho. Nice try.



Attempts to rustle intensify.

[celltechbrahz]

I would make Jesus black. Oh, wait, he already was black. Never mind, then. Carry on.

Hebrew Israelite spotted

[Dorich]

OP is the most butthurt atheist **** on this forum.

There's not a single thread where he doesn't feel the necessity to insert some garbage regarding his anti-religious views, no matter what the thread is originally about.

And now if that's not enough, he's creating extra threads.

Did a priest molest you or something? srs

Your hatred and obsession of religion, especially Christianity, is staggering.