i need some advice guys. i'm a 20 year old girl from miami, who for the last 4 years of her life has been heavily involved with bad things that caused alot of trust issues in my family. i just recently got back my parents trust after what seems to be an eternity
i finally made it to college about a year ago, i've decided to clean up my act and i joined a gym. I've lost 90 pounds since i started last year, and this journey has been a huge emotional roller-coaster ride for me. i've lost a few friends down the road because i felt they were only holding me back and only used me to party.
so fast forward to recent, i only have about one really good friend left. BUT to be honest, i totally wish i was alone right now. i need to push through, mentally to finish my last 60 pounds and be considered a healthy weight (i've been morbidly obese my whole life) the thing is, my close friend is a huge pothead and he smokes ALOT. and he always trys to get me to smoke with him, even after i say no and i've cried to him and told him how much i want to stop.
needless to say, i still smoke but now but it's only once a week. its not everyday like it use to be
so my question is this; i want to distance myself from him and be alone for the last bit of my weight loss journey. am i wrong in doing that? i don't want to be tied down to anyone. especially not somebody who smokes everyday. i just want to go below the radar for a few months, work hard on myself, and my school work.
i've lost alot of time partying and doing drugs, and i feel i owe it to myself to push through this last bit. it's getting increasingly harder and harder and i don't want to fail.
i'm doing well in college. i'm enrolled as a full time student, and i'm going for summer semester so that and the gym will help keep me busy this summer.
i'm not going to be opposed to making friends or having friendships, but i just don't want to be accountable for having any "close" or "best" friends right now. i want to do it on my own. i really do believe i can do well, i just hope i can cope with not having anyone to talk to my day about.
am i wrong in wanting this? does this make me selfish? he's a cool guy, but i just really don't want to deal with anybody right now on that personal level, that aren't my family. i want to concentrate, i need to push through these last 50 pounds