Why do I have to be so big?

[maxometer]

I just...hate myself so damn much. I hate being such a big person. I've been working out, I'm getting stronger, work out 3 times a week hitting the weights HARD, like I've gotten to 215 on my squat! I try to push myself every time by adding 5 lbs of weight. It's been amazing progress in a short amount of time in terms of lifts. Seeing more definition in my arms and my chest is like, swelling big time.

I guess I look great...but I'm still never happy with the way clothes look. Since I was nine, buying pants has been a nightmare. Like I used to have to wear a size 38 everything, and now thankfully I can fit in some cuts of 34 now, like 35 overall I think. I don't think I look good in them since I don't think I look good in much but they fit. Some things I have to wear 36's. Cut is so weird.....would working out affect how my clothes are fitting? I didn't think I'd get bulkier...pants are especially hard since I have generally a bigger butt and thighs than I guess my waist. It's embarrassing!

I mean I just posted to a clothes/fashion forum to get advice on finding the right pants since I still have a lot of problems finding things that look good/flatter me and just needed advice on what would be the best, and I included a picture of a pant I thought fit well/looked good and turned out in their opinion to not look like it fit well and said to go a size up. THAT WOULD BE A 38 AGAIN.

This has me in shambles, all I want is to look good and be muscular/lean...and I'm not THAT big am I? Please look at my pics, am I really that overweight or portly? I promised myself I'd never be that big again. I refuse to be that big again.

I absolutely hate being big...I'd do anything to have a size 30-32 waist.

I have my workout tomorrow but now I'm just, worried I really will have to go back up a size. It makes me feel so defeated! I've been working hard, shouldn't it be going the other way?

[shuntster]

alright dude, here's the deal... I'm at about 215 right now, I know a lot of people here are much heavier than you and I but are busting their ass daily to drop the weight and would kill to be where we are. Stop hating yourself man, seriously, there's no need for it. If you're struggling to get your weight down I'm willing to bet that most of it is in your diet. What are you eating? How much are you eating? There is plenty of great info on these forums about a proper diet and how to cut weight. Instead of complaining about how you can't wear jeans because you have a big butt or whatever it is. Just start checking your calories doing cardio and hitting the gym. Stop hating yourself man, as long as you're trying to be a better, healthier, person than you're better than most other people out there now.

no excuses... get your **** together and make yourself happy, no one else can do it for you

[maxometer]

Hey man, I'm doing good in terms of workouts, I go out there and do them and have been working the weight HARD.

I was pressed for time one day and I could have easily skipped a session but I went and did my workout anyway! I am extremely dedicated, it's just dealing with myself outside the gym that gets to me. Trying to look good for myself and others is a hassle, and yet I generally have to look my best nearly most of the time. It's just not acceptable to look bad. I like making a good impression and for some reason the idea of having to get bigger clothes is just making my brain shut down.

It's really just my thighs and ass man, and I'm this problem just keep continuing as I continue my weight training workout for the next six months as I guess they get more muscular? I really don't want to be that size again, it's such an evil number for me.

[snwbordr008]

Look man, we all have issues with our body. Hell, I'm a wrestler and my entire life has been about weight and my body image. But you can't get down on yourself. Just find out where you're going wrong with your weight loss plan. Look at your diet, your workout regime. And try to incorporate walking everywhere you go. Park farther from buildings, etc.

With that being said, we're all here for you. All of us have something that we're looking to achieve and this community is great for that. You're surrounded by good people and people who want to see you achieve success. You've got this man. I know you do.

[maxometer]

Look man, we all have issues with our body. Hell, I'm a wrestler and my entire life has been about weight and my body image. But you can't get down on yourself. Just find out where you're going wrong with your weight loss plan. Look at your diet, your workout regime. And try to incorporate walking everywhere you go. Park farther from buildings, etc.

With that being said, we're all here for you. All of us have something that we're looking to achieve and this community is great for that. You're surrounded by good people and people who want to see you achieve success. You've got this man. I know you do.

Thanks man. I just, I'm just incredibly damaged goods. I was thin, got fat, wanted to be thin again and that impulse has never left me. Now I'm focusing on building actual muscle and all and my body's just one big changing mess, and I guess my fear of having to get a bigger pant is just that...it's a bigger size and my desire to be thin has made that a "panic" territory in my mind. I guess working out will do that you?

btw looking at your picture I'd kill to look like you. I just hate feeling so "large" even though I'm really not that fat. I guess? I don't even know where I stand anymore. I'd rather do heavy good weightlifting regimine though than being a slave to cardio and not eating....I guess that's half the problem?

[snwbordr008]

You have to eat in order to burn calories. Otherwise you won't have any energy to lose the weight. I'm just like you. I hate being big. Numbers on the scale scare me so much. I'm in a bulk phase right now and I'm scared about gaining weight. Even if I don't like fat (as I'm sure you don't). I still hate what the number reads. But we both have to live with these fears and conquer them. Use them to our advantage. There's a quote somewhere that I'll try and find for you

[snwbordr008]

Here it is:

[maxometer]

cool quote man, I'll save it to my desktop.

I guess I'm just frustrated with myself that's all. I just want to be my best, and so I push being my best, but then I get little reminders that I still suck like trying to put on a pair of pants or trying to figure out what what looks best and always finding nothing or being unsatisfied with how I look.

[shuntster]

Sorry if I sounded negative earlier bro, maybe I just don't understand exactly what you're getting at. It's my understanding that you want to be thinner but you also want more muscle?? If that's the case then yes.. by all means continue to lift, but you still need to get your diet in check and do some cardio and drop that bf % down... if you're lifting regularly and your lifts are getting heavier and heavier then yeah, your muscles are going to get bigger.

As far as telling you what clothes you'll look good in, I can't help you haha. But trust me, if you were to go out on the town with me, I could easily make you look better in comparison :P

[snwbordr008]

I know how you feel. I don't know it in the same context as you but I can empathize with you. Hang in there and be tough. You will see the results you seek. But only if you're willing to put in the time and effort. It's not going to be easy. But nothing in life worth having comes easy

[maxometer]

Sorry if I sounded negative earlier bro, maybe I just don't understand exactly what you're getting at. It's my understanding that you want to be thinner but you also want more muscle?? If that's the case then yes.. by all means continue to lift, but you still need to get your diet in check and do some cardio and drop that bf % down... if you're lifting regularly and your lifts are getting heavier and heavier then yeah, your muscles are going to get bigger.

As far as telling you what clothes you'll look good in, I can't help you haha. But trust me, if you were to go out on the town with me, I could easily make you look better in comparison :P

Yeah I should have been a bit more specific. I WANT to be thin, very thin, but in terms of what would be advantageous to my build I've been told, put on a bunch of muscle instead so I am. It's going against my impulse/want to be tiny/thin again pretty much and while I've been pleasantly surprised at my progress, I still think I'm just huge. I'd rather be the skinny guy who can't gain weight no matter how much food he eats. I USED to be like that. People thought I didn't eat. Then when I actually started showing weight people said I ate too much (and I did!).

SO yeah...I'm guessin some of my new muscle eat away at some of my bodyfat? I did a MAJOR cardio binge, like 45-60 minutes of treadmill or bicycle at cardio speed a few falls ago and ever since I've been really reluctant and not interested in cardio that much. I'd like to avoid it as much as possible really.

So yeah shunster in summary I think more for me I think its a clash of aesthetics- what I want versus what would look even better and advantageous for my build. For example most people I'd rather want to look like are often 3-4 inches shorter than me and about thirty pounds lighter. It's just not going to happen with my body structure. I don't even think it would be wise even to aim for 30 lbs of fat loss....I just get so stressed out. I just want to look like everyone else that's lean and just looks effortless and comfortable with themselves.

snwbordr008, thanks for your empathy man, you're a good guy and I totally agree. The whole pant size thing really threw me for a loop though.

[snwbordr008]

Yeah I should have been a bit more specific. I WANT to be thin, very thin, but in terms of what would be advantageous to my build I've been told, put on a bunch of muscle instead so I am. It's going against my impulse/want to be tiny/thin again pretty much and while I've been pleasantly surprised at my progress, I still think I'm just huge. I'd rather be the skinny guy who can't gain weight no matter how much food he eats. I USED to be like that. People thought I didn't eat. Then when I actually started showing weight people said I ate too much (and I did!).

SO yeah...I'm guessin some of my new muscle eat away at some of my bodyfat? I did a MAJOR cardio binge, like 45-60 minutes of treadmill or bicycle at cardio speed a few falls ago and ever since I've been really reluctant and not interested in cardio that much. I'd like to avoid it as much as possible really.

So yeah shunster in summary I think more for me I think its a clash of aesthetics- what I want versus what would look even better and advantageous for my build. For example most people I'd rather want to look like are often 3-4 inches shorter than me and about thirty pounds lighter. It's just not going to happen with my body structure. I don't even think it would be wise even to aim for 30 lbs of fat loss....I just get so stressed out. I just want to look like everyone else that's lean and just looks effortless and comfortable with themselves.

Girls like six packs. Women like muscles.
Women feel that bigger guys will be able to protect them.

[maxometer]

Girls like six packs. Women like muscles.
Women feel that bigger guys will be able to protect them.

Totally true. I guess I've been brainwashed? I don't know. All I know is that I hate myself.

[maxometer]

I'm so ****ing down. I feel horrible.

We're going to the beach tomorrow, I shouldn't even go. Why even bother going to the beach looking like I do? Seriously.

Just not worth it.

[remnex]

I'm so ****ing down. I feel horrible.

We're going to the beach tomorrow, I shouldn't even go. Why even bother going to the beach looking like I do? Seriously.

Just not worth it.

My good sir,

Find comfort in knowing that you have more motivation and dedication than most people in this world. We are surrounded by individuals that have truly given up on truly achieving anything short of their miserable existence on this planet.

In looking at your pictures, you have made some great progress and you should be proud of that. However, keep in mind, that the grass isn't always greener.

I have a 31 inch waist; I can't find pants. The pants I can find do not fit my thighs so I have to buy bigger pants that do not fit and fall down. Shirts that fit my chest and shoulders do not fit my waist and lower body so I look like I am wearing a parachute. Smaller shirts make me look like a douche and get caught on the top of my biceps and triceps and I sweat through them quickly because they fit so tight around my chest and shoulders. My traps make the shirt look dumb as well. 'Slim' shirts sort of fit but the fabric is so thin and I tend to sweat a lot that I end up sweating through them in a matter of minutes.

You think clothes are bad? Wait until you have to deal with the social changes that go along with getting in great shape. That, for me, has been the biggest thing to deal with.

[maxometer]

My good sir,

Find comfort in knowing that you have more motivation and dedication than most people in this world. We are surrounded by individuals that have truly given up on truly achieving anything short of their miserable existence on this planet.

In looking at your pictures, you have made some great progress and you should be proud of that. However, keep in mind, that the grass isn't always greener.

I have a 31 inch waist; I can't find pants. The pants I can find do not fit my thighs so I have to buy bigger pants that do not fit and fall down. Shirts that fit my chest and shoulders do not fit my waist and lower body so I look like I am wearing a parachute. Smaller shirts make me look like a douche and get caught on the top of my biceps and triceps and I sweat through them quickly because they fit so tight around my chest and shoulders. My traps make the shirt look dumb as well. 'Slim' shirts sort of fit but the fabric is so thin and I tend to sweat a lot that I end up sweating through them in a matter of minutes.

You think clothes are bad? Wait until you have to deal with the social changes that go along with getting in great shape. That, for me, has been the biggest thing to deal with.

I never thought of it that way..thank you for your compliment though, I always feel like what I view as advances, however slow they've been, are still not good for some people.

When you're in really good shape I figure people are both more receptive and yet at the same time dismissive? It seems people in really good shape are like, at the same time objectified in both good and bad ways, like, they are pursued because they are good looking but also assumed to be dumb or douchey or whatever..am I right? People make a lot of assumptions.....

[snwbordr008]

I have the same problem as the guy above me. Shirts don't fit me well enough either. My chest and shoulders are too big and wide that it looks like a parachute on my lower body. We all have problems with our body but we just need to learn to accept them

[Zuggie]

OP I'm in the same boat as you good sir.. I used to be skinny 170 lbs, ballooned up to 260 lbs in February of this year.. I've lost all that weight, and now I am at 190 lbs. My body is big boned, everyone in my family is big, the structure of being boned is that my face and body just don't look good when I'm skinny, especially at 170 lbs.

So my plan was to drop down to 180 lbs, then bulk up to 200 again.. And currently at 190 lbs I wear a size 36 jean, and it's not because I'm fat around the waist, it's because I have massive hereditary thighs. So when you speak of legs I totally know where your coming from. My advice to you, and my ability to shred the fat from these thigs is running, if you can't run far, run uphill.. I went from size 42 to size 36 in 5 months.

And when I actually started working on my legs, I noticed how much I love the thought of having these strong legs, so I began doing squat lunges, etc.. To improve the look of the genetically "gifted" things my body has.. We may not be given strong lean abs, or chiseled chest, or even a strong back, but when I'm walking by in a pair of shorts I want someone to be like "Damn that dude has some strong looking legs and calves" And if I'm working just as hard to imrpove my upper physique then in due time I will impress them with not only legs but a good upper body as well.

One more point, the summer is almost over, and I think I may have taken off my shirt maybe twice this whole summer at the beach. And it is because I believe that I have not reached my full potential in bodybuilding, but I am already looking forward to next year, and in how much time we have until then, so think about the future bro, think about what you can and will have if you keep dedicating yourself to the objective at hand.

[yeshli2nuts]

Looking at your pics, I would suggest to stop hitting the weights so hard and focus on cardio/cutting. You say you want to slim down, then stop trying to bulk. Getting your BF% down seems like will get the results you want.

[chmbs1]

I hate cardio, too. Try swimming if you are any good at it. I love swimming because I get to use every muscle in my body- I actually feel like I get a better pump from swimming than lifting. Also, when I swim hard I feel more out of breath than doing the elliptical for 20 minutes.

I would keep lifting weights if I were you and you don't have to go all out on cardio, only do 15-20 min. after your sets. As long as you are lifting hard, doing drop sets and all that you won't need any more.

Believe me, lots of skinny guys envy guys like us who have naturally big frames. I know because you don't know how many times other guys tell me they wish they were my size. You pay attention to the TV and magazines too much. Be proud of what God gave you and use it to your advantage.

[jpladers40]

In the immortal words of Ben Booker..."strive for progress, not perfection."

Remember, this journey is a marathon, not a sprint. The results will come. Just be consistent with your diet and training. =)

[KS450R]

These guys are right -- be proud of what you have and the progress you have made. I was in 44 inch jeans and now comfortably wear 34s....which I think is a great size. To me, being tiny would absolutely suck. Never really seen a tiny guy at the clubs that made me think, "Man, dont mess with that guy!"
Not that I look for trouble at all; actually I get along with everybody. But one of my pet peeves happens to be guys that are just bony, with no muscle at all. I believe a guy should have a decent amount of muscle. When I started my weight loss, my goal was originally to be no lighter than 225. Now that I'm at 211 I realize I can still lose more and stay a 'big' guy. Every girl I've ever talked to said that they find more security in a bigger guy. You don't have to be absolutely pure muscle to make people think you're in good shape. Being a bigger guy with a decent build just says strength to those around you. As another guy said, I know I alot of skinny guys that want to be my size. Don't worry so much about trying to be a tiny guy. Take pride in the fact that you are bigger than average. It's not a bad thing at all. The fact that you wear 34s says a lot. You're a decent size guy that's not obese in the eyes of modern society. Sure, there's always going to be the naysayers, but screw em. Keep up the good work man....and hold your head up high!

[InSearchOfTruth]

I lost weight first (95 lbs) then decided to gain muscle. I wanted to get cardio out of the way (not fun) and concentrate on weightlifting (fun as ****). And, dude, at my worst I used to tear my pants at work almost every other week (srs, one time it looked like I had a vag because of the way the fabric stuck out), had terrible moobs that were painfully visible through my work t-shirt, and could barely put on size 40 khakis. I felt like **** constantly. I realized, however, that my mood greatly affected my habits and decided that I needed an attitude change. Seeing that I failed so many times before at losing weight, I came to the conclusion that the only way to produce results was to take it slow ( adopt a "normal" diet first, then move on to the strict stuff) and not to overwhelm and upset myself. I still busted my ass in the gym though (but did it in a reasonable pace) and still averaged about 5 lb weight loss a week.

Guess what I'm trying to say is consider your wellbeing as a whole, and don't think you can immediately become alpha like some of these guys in a day or two. Pace it out, be reasonable, and most of all be consistent. Consistency is the key, not going all out (which I believe you gotta learn how to handle).

[maxometer]

Looking at your pics, I would suggest to stop hitting the weights so hard and focus on cardio/cutting. You say you want to slim down, then stop trying to bulk. Getting your BF% down seems like will get the results you want.

I want to slim down but I don't think it's what I actually "need" as I don't think I have much muscle tone and I won't look good, big frame + little muscle = strange look.

Going from stick-boy to fat-boy was very traumatic to me, and that's why I WANT to be smaller, it's totally a left-over compulsion from when I was bigger bigger and wanting to be like other guys my age - skinny and scrawny. To have a size over 36 is so disgusting to me...and yet it's a bit ridiculous for me to be so scared to be bigger and wanting to be a size 32-34 instead. I acknowledge the ridiculousness. But it FEELS much more rewarding to wear my 34 jeans than having to wear a 36 in a khaki type pant. I just want to be NORMAL.

I mean my brother is 6'4ish and is possibly the same weight, about 199 lbs and while he is much more willowy and a bit skinnier/athletic, he too wears generally a size 36 waist, albeit some slimmer cut styles. This indicates that we are just big guys overall but it still pains me to even consider getting a bigger size now, it pains me to even look at those larger sizes. I feel most larger pants just make you look even larger.

Now I don't know what the hell I should aim to look like anymore, I got so confused a few months ago to kind of fight this compulsion to be smaller that I just gave up any visual in my head as to what I should be and just started working out consistently and have been basing my workouts entirely on strength and or rep increases. My thighs have totally gotten bigger from working out- my boxers are much tighter in the leg openings than they used to be. But yeah, I'm totally dedicated but I don't know what to aim for anymore....it's easy to point at someone and say " I want to look like that" but I can't do that because they're 5 inches shorter than I am and about fifty pounds lighter.

It would be great to get a better idea on what to aim for, because while it's smart to focus on something abstract like just strength, I think I'm suffering under those conditions. Knowing Jake Gyllenhaal is also 6'2 I've felt compelled to aim to look like him but he might be a tad too athletic a build to aim for...idk anymore.

[scottyhall]

Hell, quit worrying about that stuff, lift heavy and eat at or below maintenance. Your body will respond and recomp. Build muscle, drop fat, it works out.

Jake Gyllenhall is a totally different body type. It's nuts to compare yourself to him. Im NEVER gonna look like Brad Pitt. LMAO!

[maxometer]

Exactly what I've been doing, kind of ignore all of it and just work out with my weights, but it still gets frustrating outside of the gym. It's like I feel I have the potential due to decent looks already, but it is still hard to conceptualize.

I don't even know what kind of build I have (in pictures with my friends and stuff I tower over them...) to be honest. It makes it hard to figure out.

[scottyhall]

How long have you been lifting?

[thebigguy1]

I'm curious to know what is your training regimen like?

I could write several paragraphs in response to your post, but here are a few absolutes that caught my attention..

First off, don't try to please others! I read that in a couple of your comments, and that is simply setting yourself up for disappointment. I used to do that same thing and I learned a long time ago it is not worth it. Aim to please YOURSELF! You have to live with YOU for the rest of your life, so start by taking care of and pleasing YOU!

Secondly...quit thinking about your pant size. I couldn't even begin to tell you what my waist size is. and that is because I am pleased with what I am seeing and accomplishing in the mirror. THAT mirror should be your litmus test. Forget the sizes. I know, your past history makes it hard for you to do that as you used to be fat. I am from the opposite spectrum...used to be painfully skinny and hated it. To this day I shudder a little if I go on a scale and see that I LOST size....strange, eh? WEll, that leads me to this ......I stay off of scales. AGAIN, the mirror is my guide.

From what I have seen in your pictures you should TRULY congratulate yourself for how far you have come. In my opinion it is time for some muscle sculpting. You know one of the surefire ways to make your waist look smaller other than cardio and dieting (which are also very good)? Bring out the shoulders and the lats, develop that V taper that helps to make the waist appear narrower. Muscle ALWAYS looks good on a physique IMO, BAR NONE! Your physique would look so much better with shoulder, upper chest and back development. It al about the visuals, not the scales and pant sizes.

So, don't cloud your thoughs with pant sizes, hating youirself, trying to please other people, trying to look like Jake, Brad, Popeye, etc etc. Just get in to the gym and know that your are doing fantastic work for YOU, and it is not over yet. And outside of the gym hold your head up and know also that you are not following the herd that sits in front of their big screen TV's and their form of exercise is working the remote. And if you have negative people in your life, simply ignore them or stay away from them and keep them away from you. Positive energy is what you need, in and out of the gym.

So, good luck and simply do the work, the research and go for it!

Ron III---III

[MilkBender]

Wow its the same here (kind of). I've been fat my whole life and I usually wear 32's. My arms and legs are pretty skinny so my big waist doesn't match my physique. I'm doing rippetoe's SS (5lbs to everything each workout). I have to eat A LOT to keep up with the weight and my waist size went up to 35. I was just starting to naturally lose weight as I got older too.. I have a big butt and thighs so its pretty annoying.

You just have to push through it. It sounds like you're trying to get stronger and get mass, so you'll have to get fatter again. It sucks but once you cut it'll be awesome. I still have a month of bulk left and it feels good, but being overweight and gaining even more fat is torture

EDIT: I want to cut too, but I don't have much muscle under all my fat. I need to cut though because I'm starting to get a bit too big

[MusclesMarina01]

being in shape to a point is important. You need to be able to carry yourself properly and feel good about yourself by concentrating on how you feel, not how society tells you how you should look.

If it feels like you're at the point like no matter how much progress you made and you're still completely miserable with how you look, then it's time to talk with someone. You have a low psi (positive self image) and you may be in a depression.

It happens. You're just affected. Affected by society's/hollywoods bs.

to sum it up...

As long as you're making Progress, you're on the right path.


"Progress will lead towards perfection." - Me