I need srs help, I'm shaking here...

[B_Nelley35]

Very anxious, sad, depressed, angry as I type this. I cant emphasize enough on the serious tag. If you do not want to read it I understand. I will proved cliffs, but please I'm begging the misc of all places to give me some serious advice since I'm hanging by a thread here. I can barely type because I'm shaking.

I met this girl at work, we hit it off right away. She's haitian and I'm white and it was a little odd for me at first, but after our fun first date everything clicked. After a few weeks we finally became official. I was falling in love and so was she. After about only 8 months I asked her to marry me. She said yes and we've been engaged for nearly a year now.

I had back surgery in 2008. I take pain killers for pain, but I slowly got dependent on them. I somehow admitted to her that sometimes I take them to take the edge off and admitted my problem. I thought that since she was my fiance it would be okay to share something like that with her.

She desperately wanted me to stop, and halfway through our first year I promised I would try to stop. I wasn't able to stop totally, but I tried. I still needed them for pain, but I had a tough time coming off.

The pain killers were a problem, but I was still doing good in life. I'm in school, working full time, gave her my all etc.

Few weeks ago I set up my room for a romantic evening. I had a fireplace playng on my monitor, room filled with rose petals, a thing of roses on my bed with a note she wrote me when we first got together on top of it. It was a magical night and one I will not soon foget.

That Tuesday we had just got done having sex and something clicked in her and she suddenly said I know you haven't stopped taking meds. I told her I am trying, but she didn't believe me. She left our ring on my bed side and I didn't notice it until the next day.

She told me she wants me to change for me, and I am. I have been slowly detoxing and getting off the drug. It is one helluva battle and it is hard as hell, but it makes it 10x harder knowing she isn't there. I have delivered flowers to her house twice now, telling her that I need her to fight with me. The drugs were a problem and I broke promises to her, but I am doing it now. She tells me it shouldn't have taken that to make me want to quit.

So I am clean now, and now she's not back. I don't know what to do misc. I can't keep begging, but all I do is go on ******** and read her posts on boys walls etc. She doesn't message me on ********, call me, text me. The only times is if I go to her place with flowers. She'll say she misses me etc, but still feels far away.

MISC HELP ME.

CLIFFS:
Engaged a year
I have minor pain killer problem brought upon back surgery.
Girl wanted me to stop completely, I tried once but failed
She left ring by bedside, and I finally am stopping.
Now what? She doesn't say she loves me, is cold towards me, never calls etc.
Very depressed, hurt.
Shouldn't lovers be there to help each other out?

[B_Nelley35]

Misc, do I just continue staying clean fixing myself and see if she comes back? Is there anything I can say, should I straight up ask her what she wants from me? God I'm hurt.

[BanjoBalls]

Misc, do I just continue staying clean fixing myself and see if she comes back? Is there anything I can say, should I straight up ask her what she wants from me? God I'm hurt.

how old iz you guys?

[Fire8085]

Honestly man, you shouldn't get married after that short of time.

Beyond that, if she still REALLY loved you and was deeply attracted to you still, she would be right there next to you.

You NEED to do these things for yourself right now. You NEED to develop CONSTRUCTIVE habits and not destructive ones. Think and stay positive. Stop contacting her for now. She may just have lost those feelings for you, maybe you were smothering her, maybe she couldn't deal with the emotional stress...

Lots of things you can run over and over in your mind, but it won't help.

You need to reach out to family/friends and reconnect and fill your heart with love for those people. If you don't have many, fill yourself with positive things and feelings and realize that if she is mean't to be with you, she will come back.

For now though, just keep on improving for YOURSELF. Not for her. You need to realize the second you stop doing that, is the second you start losing MORE of yourself.

It will take time, it will be hard at first, but you will be thankful you did this.

[B_Nelley35]

thanks for the reply fire:

Her and I just had this convo. (she is mc I am me obv)

11:48amMe
so listen i wanted to tell u sumtin

11:48amMc
wat is it

11:49amMe
I can't continue to feel this way. I am clean and fixed, but not having you is only killing me each day, I am not going to bother you anymore with anything, if our love is true then we'll find out. I said all I need to say

Theres nothing else to say or do

I love u so much, but talking to u while u show no interest n **** is bothering me tons

11:52amMe
You are the love of my life, the person I wanna spend the rest of my life with, and this **** is killing me, like im literally shaking here

11:54amMe
So you need to tell me straight up your feelings right now.

11:55amMe
I am a man of truth, integrity, and pride, and while I respect how you've opened my eyes, I do realize that I can't continually feel this pain

11:57amMe
And the emotion I've gotten from you obv tells me u want nothing to do w/ me right now, and words cannot change it.

11:58amMc
now u finally know how felt when i waited for you for almost a year to give up ur ****, but i dont think ur feeling 1/2 way how i felt

11:58amMe
can i ask u tho
during the last few months after i promised to stop, was I bad towards u?
do u even realize the **** i had to go thru?

12:00pmMe
so does it ever end?
do u ever regain ur trust
or do i just hopelessly continue to bash my brains out to get u to feel our love again?
ive changed for the better

12:02pmMe
why r u doin this to us?

12:02pmMc
wat,its not bout ur behavior towards me.its bout me tellin ya i did wanna deal wit that ****,u didnt even consider it.now dont put ur frustration out on me sweetheart its on ya and ur talkin bout being a man then live up to it.u did this to us noy me

12:02pmMe
u dont think i consider it?
thats where ur sorely mistaken

12:03pmMc
so dont blame me for none of this ****.i aint takin that

12:03pmMe
I tried hard, but i never hard another word from u
i had a personal problem

12:04pmMe
i have changed wat u wanted me to change
open your eyes
u dont have a clue wat im goin thru
its liek im talking to a brick wall

12:07pmMc
cuz if cared bout this relationship god knows u would try.i got personnal issues to but u dont see me rely on any **** for..cuz life has 2 parts of: the good and the bad. and taking both of them,u needed to do that but ur sooo afraid of suffering and u still are thats the worse part of and u wanna get married how can i rely on ya..honey u can say watever u want..if blamin me would make ya fell better go head be my guess

12:07pmMe
i do not blame u
i neber said that
I took the pills for pain, then i got dependent because i was takin them everyday
i was still a fine person, working, school
loving u everyday
i dont blame u for nething
but i do blame u for giving up on me now, u truly never knew how strong of a man i am obviously

12:08pmMc
ya for now wat bout later wats long use of narcotics do to ya..

12:09pmMe
didnt i tell u i had doctors manage my pain medicine?

12:09pmMc
yea after i gave u ur ring back

12:09pmMe
well then so be it
when r ugonna let that go?
u obv do not love me
i understand being angry

12:10pmMc
watever dude...srs dude tksssssssssss

12:10pmMe
but to throw this **** away
no more words
im done, i love u too mcuh to take this pain
maybe one day ull feel different, but words cannot change this nemore


I wrote this and I exploded when she abruptly left the convo. I tried calling but she hung up. I am sick to my stomach. So now I'm gone. I will stay away from here and better myself, but now it makes me want to relapse even more misc.

[B_Nelley35]

how old iz you guys?

I'm 24 shes 25.

[SoggyDoughnut]

most important conversation of your life.... happened via text and included words like tkkkkkssssssssssss

[B_Nelley35]

most important conversation of your life.... happened via text and included words like tkkkkkssssssssssss

No **** soggy. I hate it. Maybe I'm just blinded by my love.

[hublife]

She wants nothing to do with you.

Sorry bro.

[BreadNGatorade]

She sounds like her mind is in high school and used your drug dependence as a excuse out of the relationship. I mean seriously, why would she care you are taking pain medication if you are still productive in life, going to school, working, treating her right.

Maybe she should do some research on pain medication and see it really isn't that big a deal to be addicted as long as you don't OD. Just because it is "illegal"...

Let me not rant, she seems closed minded and definitely not someone I would want for the rest of my life.

[stevenz1g]

Yeah, bro, real talk, you guys are done.

cut your losses now.

[B_Nelley35]

Just had a long talk with my dad (no homo).

He told me basically what you guys are saying. It hurts like a bitch, but chasing her will do nothing but push her away. I need to man up, fix my life, and if one day she comes abck u decide then, but it still hurts big time. Especially goign through detox of pain killers.

[B_Nelley35]

This is an immature post, but I can;t take the ******** thing though. Seeing her sign on, not talk to me or even say hi, and posting on dif guys walls about working out together or some ****.

Should I delete that ****? Block her? What?

[JesseV87]

She sounds like her mind is in high school and used your drug dependence as a excuse out of the relationship. I mean seriously, why would she care you are taking pain medication if you are still productive in life, going to school, working, treating her right.

Maybe she should do some research on pain medication and see it really isn't that big a deal to be addicted as long as you don't OD. Just because it is "illegal"...

Let me not rant, she seems closed minded and definitely not someone I would want for the rest of my life.

This. She's definitely just looking for an excuse to back out. Doesn't sound like you were abusive with her or anything.

[PeterPanMan]

Sorry bro,

Best thing to do is to improve your self. Sometimes relationships dont work, it happens to the best of us, the impornat thing is for you to keep moving forward.

It wont be easy, it never is, but you will learn from this and become wiser.

All the best

[GetPump]

she sounds ****ty and not worth you. Serious.

[IrkyMoto]

She wants nothing to do with you.

Sorry bro.

I agree...you still love her but she has moved on. Cut your loses, move on also. Take her off your ********, it will only hurt you to see her online and not messaging you, it'll drive you NUTS! I've been there, sitting staring at the name wondering why that person isn't messaging you. Better to be out of sight out of mind...Good luck, you will get through this!

[B_Nelley35]

I agree...you still love her but she has moved on. Cut your loses, move on also. Take her off your ********, it will only hurt you to see her online and not messaging you, it'll drive you NUTS! I've been there, sitting staring at the name wondering why that person isn't messaging you. Better to be out of sight out of mind...Good luck, you will get through this!

Irky,

Will do, this hurts terribly, but I'm going to the gym now. I am going to miss that sweet ebony ass of hers lol, but beyond that I can do much better and I know it. But to give the first girl in your life a ring and have them back out hurts like ****.

I will never open up too much to another woman in my life unless I'm married 10 years lo.

[BreadNGatorade]

This is an immature post, but I can;t take the ******** thing though. Seeing her sign on, not talk to me or even say hi, and posting on dif guys walls about working out together or some ****.

Should I delete that ****? Block her? What?

Just block her and any of her friends you have added.

Ignore, ignore, ignore.

As much as it will hurt, you have to stay strong and not speak to her from this day forward. We are here for you brah

[B_Nelley35]

I was going to call, but she hung up right after our convo. I'm just going to write her this on FB, then delete her, thoughts?

"The clues have been evident for weeks now, you stopped loving me, but my love for you blinded me from seeing that. I love you with all my heart, and always will, but everything is for the best. I was going to call you and tell u this, but you hung up.

Maybe tomorrow, a week, a month, 10 years our feelings for each other will once find where they truly were, and by then I will be a better man, and I can thank you for that, but I can't continue being led on a string not knowing whats going on. I'm sorry I hurt you, I truly didn't think I was. There are worst things in the world than taking pain killers. I think you used this as an excuse to tell me that you truly didn't love me anymore. I was still a productive man, and will continue to be one. I'm clean now, I'm almost done school, and I feel great.

I hope the best for you and your family,

Love,
Brett

[BreadNGatorade]

I was going to call, but she hung up right after our convo. I'm just going to write her this on FB, then delete her, thoughts?

"The clues have been evident for weeks now, you stopped loving me, but my love for you blinded me from seeing that. I love you with all my heart, and always will, but everything is for the best. I was going to call you and tell u this, but you hung up.

Maybe tomorrow, a week, a month, 10 years our feelings for each other will once find where they truly were, and by then I will be a better man, and I can thank you for that, but I can't continue being led on a string not knowing whats going on. I'm sorry I hurt you, I truly didn't think I was. There are worst things in the world than taking pain killers. I think you used this as an excuse to tell me that you truly didn't love me anymore. I was still a productive man, and will continue to be one. I'm clean now, I'm almost done school, and I feel great.

I hope the best for you and your family,

Love,
Brett

Don't write that, wtf man.

She doesn't care about you, why would you write her anything?

It hurts but you should talk to people other than her to vent your feelings, anything you say to her will fall on deaf ears.

[IrkyMoto]

I was going to call, but she hung up right after our convo. I'm just going to write her this on FB, then delete her, thoughts?

"The clues have been evident for weeks now, you stopped loving me, but my love for you blinded me from seeing that. I love you with all my heart, and always will, but everything is for the best. I was going to call you and tell u this, but you hung up.

Maybe tomorrow, a week, a month, 10 years our feelings for each other will once find where they truly were, and by then I will be a better man, and I can thank you for that, but I can't continue being led on a string not knowing whats going on. I'm sorry I hurt you, I truly didn't think I was. There are worst things in the world than taking pain killers. I think you used this as an excuse to tell me that you truly didn't love me anymore. I was still a productive man, and will continue to be one. I'm clean now, I'm almost done school, and I feel great.

I hope the best for you and your family,

Love,
Brett

Dont, please...don't post it on ******** where everyone will read it and think you're pathetic...in a way you are a little but, but very sweet, imo. DO NOT POST THAT!! She'll just laugh, you dont want to become a joke to her. Leave that note in your heart, lock it up and let it stay there. You will be surprised that after a month or two you will wonder how you even liked her and felt that way and laugh at yourself. She's a bitch, she doesn't deserve your kind words..

[JesseV87]

Don't post that.

[B_Nelley35]

Dont, please...don't post it on ******** where everyone will read it and think you're pathetic...in a way you are a little but, but very sweet, imo. DO NOT POST THAT!! She'll just laugh, you dont want to become a joke to her. Leave that note in your heart, lock it up and let it stay there. You will be surprised that after a month or two you will wonder how you even liked her and felt that way and laugh at yourself. She's a bitch, she doesn't deserve your kind words..

Irky,

I was on click from sending her a private message of that, but then decided else wise. I just deleted her from ********. I feel guilt, anger, sadness, frustration, anxiety, pretty much every ****ing feeling right now. Going to kill it in the gym today, thanks misc

[KrisKros]

The faster you get over this depression part..the better it will be. You gotta wanna be over it. Goodjob trying to take it all out in the gym. Anyways..she's right..she wants you to be 100% off of those meds..at least do it for yourself. Just think of it this way..if you hadn't met her..you'd probably still be on those pain killers. Maybe that was just her purpose in your life so that when you're 100% off of those meds..that girl who you haven't met yet will meet you at your best.

[NeverAgain87]

Well... looks like you have taken step 1 by deleting her. Almost everyone I know have had their heart stomped on at least once. Did well to not send PM. Nothing you say to her will make things better for you. It isn't easy just cutting someone off once you have grown so close to them but it is what is needed in such situations. Like it or not she made the choice of leaving you and that means she does not like you as much as you like her.

Set yourself some goals so you have something to focus yourself towards. You will probably be lying in bed one night and feel the desperate need to call her... don't and you will thank yourself the next morning.

[B_Nelley35]

I want to thank all who helped me this AM. I tried to rep everyone, and if I forgot shoot me a PM.

I've never been so alone right now, but I've never been so alive. Theres a great life out there, and as much as I hurt right now, and how much my trust in women has gone down, I think theres a reason for all of this.

I have personal demons with self-esteem which pain killers masked, but I am slowly coming in terms with myself. I'm a good looking guy, and theres plenty of girls out there.



touche.

[BigBeard86]

hey man peace.
first thing we must accpet inroder to have peace is that life is far from perfect, someone is always worse off than we. we end up thinking only about ourselves as if the world is about us.
First thing, have you apologized to her? She is a woman, so dont expect a mircale and expect her to come flying back into your arms. if she loves you, she will come back - how long this takes is up to her.

As for you, keep yourself busy in good ways and never allow yourself ot become bored. do good till your tired, and when your tried sleep, then repeat.
If you ge tthat thought or feeling for getting high, get up and get out. flush all those pills away, and if you feel like refilling or buying them run as soon as that thought comes. do anything to not dwell on it. its all mental, our mind is so powerful.

As for the women, i hope you sincerely apologized to her - and you must know why you are aplogozing inorder for it to be from your heart. having me tell you waht to say wont help you. give her some time and call her or talk to her once in a while. if shes not calling you back just move on brother, and keep your head out of the past and dont worry about your future - be optimistic and patient. If shes still willing to talk to you, that is good. but remembr to give her time - whne a womens trust is broken its a long and difficult process to mend for them, they are so different than us.

As you say brother - there is a reason for everything. keep your mind open and learn from your mistakes - this is how a human perfects himself. one who doesnt make mistakes has never done anything in life. strong and intelligent people learn from mistakes and see their suffering as something good and cherish the wisdom they gain from it. it might take you a month, 1 day, 1 hour, or 40 years to learn why this happened - but one day you will know why and how its all for the better.

every single one of us have demons - the dumbest of us dont even realize it, the smarter one see it, and the best one struggle to conquer it - a struggle that never ends.

peace.

[lfm01]

GJ OP... You're taking the right steps. Focus on YOU... everything else will fall into place right after.

In the mean time.. try these:
Delete Everything about her, get rid of anything that reminds you of her, get off ******** for a while if you need to so you dont keep going to her profile, spend time at the gym and bettering yourself.

You are going to feel every emotion possible during your detachment... Don't focus on the good about her, focus on how she pushed you away. Keep your head up high and dont look back. Eventually you wont even care to hate or love her... you'll just be... content.

[deaderinred]

Honestly OP, after reading your posts and that conversation, sounds like you dodged a bullet. Sure you love her, but if she loved you back she would be helping you through this, not ignoring you. Would you ignore her if the places were reversed? Yeah thought so. Move on, you're only 24.