wife cheated on me.

[JaxBrah]

This is the first time ive ever been cheated on so im very confused and need advice. I know the obvious decision should be to kick her to the curb but im having some beta thoughts. I love her to death and we have a kid. It would be like someone dying. But if I forgive her I lose dignity.

At heart ive always been a forgiving and second chance kind of person which is why this is so hard. My logic is saying nothing but get rid of her but my heart is saying otherwise. I dont even know if its possible for a relationship to survive this. I need help bros

[mikelebron]

But your 6'2 with abs what more could she want?

[tmax1995]

As in cheated she had sex wit another dude?

[LB63]

theres no way you should take her back.

did she confess to you? or how did you find out? give us some details and we can give you a number out of 10 of how bad it would be if you stayed with her....but regardless it is bad.

[MrBungle11]

theres no way you should take her back.

did she confess to you? or how did you find out? give us some details and we can give you a number out of 10 of how bad it would be if you stayed with her....but regardless it is bad.

Yeah we need to know how it went down...did you find out or did she confess and is begging for forgiveness? I personally couldnt trust her again which means she'd be out the door straight away.

[mydawgs]

You are married with a child. A violation of trust is one of the most difficult things to overcome in a relationship. The only way possible IMO is BOTH parties are willing to come to the table and figure out what went wrong and become vested in the solution. You have to leave the emotion at the door and use your logic.

If you decide to stay it is not about your dignity, it is about your future....you cannot fix a broken marriage alone, you both have to want it, you both have to look at the problems realistically, avoid blame and embrace resolution.

Not easy but can be done. Good luck to you.

[Xndndn]

Fuark!! Brah need the full picture first before advise. I feel for your feels srs.

[Broner5]

Shouldn't have gotten married so early brah - need more details but to me it seems like this is a good opportunity to give her the boot before you catch her up again down the line and are even more invested and crushed.

[novawildcat25]

condolences... the relationship will never be the same though and there's absolutely no reason to be a doormat. NEXT.

[JaxBrah]

So a little more details. See did confess. It was a one time thing. We have been distant for a while and things werent great as it was.

I dont take any blame for her cheating but I do take part blame for the marriage not being great. We went through about 5 or so major life changing events all at once when we got married that put a major strain on our marriage from the get go. Ive also been diag osed with low t inwhich I recently started trestment for. This cause me to show little to no affection or intamacy throughout the marriage which drove us apart. This is not me excusing her, this is just me laying down some backround.

Im really in shock right now and can not fully think straight so im sorry if im not being fully descriptive here.

[novawildcat25]

So a little more details. See did confess. It was a one time thing. We have been distant for a while and things werent great as it was.

I dont take any blame for her cheating but I do take part blame for the marriage not being great. We went through about 5 or so major life changing events all at once when we got married that put a major strain on our marriage from the get go. Ive also been diag osed with low t inwhich I recently started trestment for. This cause me to show little to no affection or intamacy throughout the marriage which drove us apart. This is not me excusing her, this is just me laying down some backround.

Im really in shock right now and can not fully think straight so im sorry if im not being fully descriptive here.

did another man's penor enter her? how can you even be sure the kid is hers? i wish this kinda stuff on no one.

[Steveyblack]

So a little more details. See did confess. It was a one time thing. We have been distant for a while and things werent great as it was.

I dont take any blame for her cheating but I do take part blame for the marriage not being great. We went through about 5 or so major life changing events all at once when we got married that put a major strain on our marriage from the get go. Ive also been diag osed with low t inwhich I recently started trestment for. This cause me to show little to no affection or intamacy throughout the marriage which drove us apart. This is not me excusing her, this is just me laying down some backround.

Im really in shock right now and can not fully think straight so im sorry if im not being fully descriptive here.

Even if the relationship was on the rocks, cheating is still not acceptable and is 100% her fault. If she was unhappy in the relationship she should have just left you. Im not gonna tell you how to live your life like most misc'ers will do (brb beta ******* she visited the british broardcasting, go out and slay some poon, ect look past that ****), do what is best for you and your kid. How did she react when she told you ? She show any empathy? or was she cold as ice?

[JaxBrah]

Even if the relationship was on the rocks, cheating is still not acceptable and is 100% her fault. If she was unhappy in the relationship she should have just left you. Im not gonna tell you how to live your life like most misc'ers will do (brb beta ******* she visited the british broardcasting, go out and slay some poon, ect look past that ****), do what is best for you and your kid. How did she react when she told you ? She show any empathy? or was she cold as ice?

She was crying and empathetic. Whats best for my kid is having both her parents together. Right now I have no idea whats best for me at all

[brah123]

Fark, I can't help with this sort of thing but I hope things turn out for the best bro.

[MrBungle11]

Whats best for my kid is having both her parents together.

Not always....kids can pick up on all sorts of things, despite your best efforts to hide them. I'd rather be a great father to my kid and be have them see me happy than staying in a marriage that I'm unhappy in or isn't working. How old is your kid?

[spcscr]

I would separate for a while. she needs to earn your trust again and this could be done by trial separation. If she is loyal after and you feel better about it then great. I don't think I would be able to sleep in the same bed with someone who cheated on me. It is a plus that she told you though. It's a start

[mydawgs]

She was crying and empathetic. Whats best for my kid is having both her parents together. Right now I have no idea whats best for me at all

Only if the relationship is healthy....otherwise I would disagree with you. If you decide to stay, then you have to make the relationship right. There is never an excuse for cheating and the worst relationship in the world does not justify it, however it takes two to make a relationship successful and it takes two to let one fail.

You have to decide what you want first. You don't stay for any other reason than to make the marriage a success, and you have to have her full commitment as well, otherwise you may as well make a happy life without her and share a healthy environment with your child. A child will never thrive in a tense or stressful environment and will end up taking on characteristics and behaviors to shield themselves from the strain.

[Dennis71]

That is really tough bro. First off, it's great that she was honest and told you about it. It must hurt you a lot, but if you're asking for advice then it seems like you really lover her and want to work things out. She might have wanted to hide it from you but it was too difficult.

First off, don't blame yourself for it. You might have treated her like ****, but she did something worse. You will have your differences, you will fight, you will not talk sometimes. This stuff happens and it will happen again in your relationship. Now since this happened, you have to ask yourself a few questions.

-- She really regrets this and feels absolutely bad about it so she doesn't want to bring it up anymore. Will you be able to forgive her or will you hang this over her head?

-- You will have your moments and fight again.
Will you be able to trust that she won't cheat on you when this happens?

[Boffothe]

She was crying and empathetic. Whats best for my kid is having both her parents together. Right now I have no idea whats best for me at all

What's best for the kid is having both her parents together in a happy, trusting, loving relationship.

That ship has sailed.

What's absolutely the worst for the kid is baring witness to crumbling, bitter, tension filled relationship that will forever warp her ideas on marriage and how she should treat and be treated by the opposite sex.

Good luck.

[mydawgs]

What's best for the kid is having both her parents together in a happy, trusting, loving relationship.

That ship has sailed.

What's absolutely the worst for the kid is baring witness to crumbling, bitter, tension filled relationship that will forever warp her ideas on marriage and how she should treat and be treated by the opposite sex.

Good luck.

I agree with everything but the italic....I have seen marriages repaired and rejuvenated, but the couple really has to let the past be the past and do the right things to avoid the path that led them to where they came from. Cheating is really hard though, I have to admit.

[LB63]

this is why im scared to get married. I would be in jail for murder by now (srs).

Honestly, this is the misc and the answer is always dump the sloot.

but I really want to tell you that even if you try, there's no way you'll ever trust her again and things will never be the same. you leaving is NOT selfish. you didn't break the marriage, she did. she's the one who betrayed you and your daughter, not you

[Furtado05]

This is the first time ive ever been cheated on so im very confused and need advice. I know the obvious decision should be to kick her to the curb but im having some beta thoughts. I love her to death and we have a kid. It would be like someone dying. But if I forgive her I lose dignity.

At heart ive always been a forgiving and second chance kind of person which is why this is so hard. My logic is saying nothing but get rid of her but my heart is saying otherwise. I dont even know if its possible for a relationship to survive this. I need help bros

literally have been there in your exact situation, history repeats itself, I had to figure that out instead of someone telling me, ultimately its your decision, if you wanna talk brah message me, i know it sucks

[Ascendent]

Start hiding your money away, and begin closing any joint accounts. In divorce, you will get raped. Seriously. Move your money and things.

Moving on.

There's no trust anymore, so why stay? I understand for your child, but she will cheat again. No relationship should endure that, and when it does; it's time to move on from there. Because she told you out of guilt (which means regret, and the possibility of losing her solid relationship in the hopes that you're dumb enough to stay with her) does not mean that she will be faithful from here on out. It means she respected you just enough to tell you.

Also, one time? No. Just, no.

[novawildcat25]

literally have been there in your exact situation, history repeats itself, I had to figure that out instead of someone telling me, ultimately its your decision, if you wanna talk brah message me, i know it sucks

good post, will rep you on RC, hope that helps

[YellowLabrador]

- How old is she?
- Who is the primary breadwinner in this family?
- Is she a full time stay at home mom?

[cbr1k]

Look man if you realy think its worth working through then try but know it won't be the same from now on but if she had sex with the guy I wouldn't even think about trying to save the marriage that's somethin that can't be looked past

[Prim3]

It will not work. Once you lose trust, no matter what anyone says... you'll have a terrible time trying to get it back and in most cases, it will never be the same. Look at it this way, you're STILL young. You can start over fresh. I personally wouldn't be able to do it. Please see a lawyer and protect yourself OP. I don't wanna hear later that she took half your **** while you were moping around for her.

Do what's best for you and your kid.

[Woofwolf]

Forgive but don't forget!

[SwaggerMcdaniel]

in law number one hundred twenty nine it states: "If the wife of a man be taken lying with another man, they shall bind then and throw them into the water. If the husband of the woman would save his wife, or if the king would save his male servant (he may)." This code is saying that if a woman cheats on her husband and gets caught, than they will tie up the woman and the man that she had cheated with and throw them to the bottom of the lake. If the husband goes in after the woman than she can go back home and she will be forgiven. But if he chooses not to go in after her, than she will die at the bottom of the lake with the man she cheated with. The king may also choose to go in after the man, but again if he chooses not to then the man will drown.

[supersuk]

start gathering evidence of her cheat and look up a good lawyer.

I know some states dont care who cheated and will divy up according to a formula, some places will give you as much as as they can because the wife was the one who cheated.

I wouldnt be able to fake a happy life with a cheater.