HI Honey,
I want you to read this when you're alone and when you're completely sober. If you've been drinking, close this and come back to it later.
Today I told you that you could not come home if you've been drinking or if you plan on drinking. We're doing this because we love you and because we are concerned about your health, and the well being of both K and T. (along with both dad and myself)
We are all very concerned about you. It is rare these days that we get to spend time with the "real " C- the one who is kind, loving, and intelligent. Instead, more and more often we're spending time with the drunk C- the one who screams and yells at
all of us, who slurs his words, who argues and who can be insensitive and rude.
Your last trip home, after yelling at both dad and I, you went home and called us at 11:30 pm, knowing we both had to work the next day and would be sleeping. The problem was that you simply didn't care. You thought you might have left your shoes here, and that
was reason enough to wake us both up. Our needs didn't matter.
We love you more then anything in this world, and it's because we love you so much that we can't continue to watch you destroy yourself. So, here are the rules that we're going to have to enforce- for all of our sake:
1) If you plan on drinking at all, you may not come home- you'll need to stay at school or at a friend's house.
2) If you have already had anything at all to drink, you may not come home. If dad feels you have had something to drink, he will not pick you up. If he is already there, he will have to leave without you- no matter how badly it makes him feel.
3) Whether drunk or sober, if you yell at either of us again, you will be immediately sent out of the house. We've done way too much for you to be treated that way by you
4) If you want me to make you an appt., do your laundry, have dad drive you some place, lend you my car, etc., you need to ask nicely, without yelling at us if we say "no" for whatever reason
Because you offer to use the breathalyzer, does not mean we have to allow you to drive our car. I gave it to you so you would know if it was safe or not for you to drive, not as permission for you to take my car whenever you want. Because you're sober, doesn't mean you
can always take my car.
I'm not writing this to hurt you and I don't want you feeling that we don't want you here- it is the opposite. I want my #1 son who I love more then the world. I want to see the young man who we are so proud of. I can't continue to see the person I'm afraid you may
become if you don't slow down your drinking. You're well on your way to becoming an alcoholic- if you're not already- a sickness that literally killed your grandfather (dad's dad). When dad sees you drunk it destroys him. We love you so much and can't stand to
see you drunk any longer, which is why I'm having to write this. K was so bothered by your behavior the night you screamed at me that he almost called the police on you. The boys really look up to you (whether you believe that or not!), but they're losing that respect-
something I find really sad. Both have said that they no longer want to ever see you drunk again.
So please honey, no more drinking or being drunk around any of us- not even one beer. One turns into two, etc. When you come home, come sober and stay that way so I can visit with the son that I love more then anything in this world. I want to see the son who never used to lie to me, and is kind and respectful. Today you said you'd go straight to your room if you were drunk following your party on Saturday, but the problem is that once you're drunk you no longer care, or remember, what you said. Your drinking has gotten WAY out of control-
you are drunk almost every time we see or speak with you. (or have taken some sort of drug) You went to your grandparent's house drunk, went shopping with me drunk, went to school drunk, you drink in the morning, you drink when you're alone- all of the warning signs of being an alcoholic. You told me that when you got back from Hawaii you would only drink on weekends- that lasted a month or two and now you drink more then you ever did- it needs to stop.
You have a family who loves you, you're bright and funny- there is no reason why you should need alcohol to get through a day or to have fun. I asked you once if you would ever commit suicide and you swore to me that you would never
do something like that. It would absolutely kill me if anything ever happened to you. But, your drinking IS a form of committing suicide- you're going to kill yourself and I can't watch you do it. Please, C- for us- please get yourself some help if you can't quit or cut way back on your own. Put school first and if you have to drink, leave it for the weekends.
If you can't do that, then please don't come here- I can't watch you destroy yourself any longer. If you want help, we'll get you that help- just say the word and it's done. Please think of how your behavior is affecting the rest of us.
This is your home and will always be your home, but not when you're drunk or have been drinking or taking drugs.
I love you and am so proud you- please really think about what I've said. You're literally killing me and your dad when you are here drunk- it needs to stop.
Love you always- don't ever forget that,
Mom
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