Need help training a female friend!

[arkansawboy]

Now I came to the women's' misc. section to get a REAL woman's response, however I'm just now realizing there's probably more creepin' 50 year old men on this page than actual women, but here goes.. (fingers crossed)

I have a beautiful beautiful friend who wants to lose some weight and tone up. She's maybe 5'7 and 155 to 175 lbs. She is a very close friend, so she natural notices my energy for working out and all things fitness, so she does ask me for help with her weight loss/body transformation journey quite often.

I could list the pieces of advice I've given her, but that would take all day.... but let me first be clear about my ability as a trainer.. I'm no certified nothing, and I'm not claiming to be the best trainer in the world... but I've gotten a handful of my friends in the gym, and gotten them to eventually motivate themselves the RIGHT way, and eventually do things the RIGHT way, on their own... however this friend is different.

THIS IS MY BIGGEST PROBLEM:

She is terrified of weights! I know women are usually scared at first to lift some weight because yall think you will turn into a Hulk, get "bulky" or whatever.. but she really will not do it!

Of course I cant force motivation on ANYONE, but its frustrating to hear her ask for help, and when I give it to her (mostly I just show her many of the beautiful, weight POUNDING, and very successful female fitness or figure models here on BB.com) she refuses... in fact she's almost doing worse than refusing... she looks up another fad diet after fad diet, while doing some cardio on a treadmill.. needless to say she has lost just about ZERO pounds in the last few weeks

Of all the things ive advised her to do, the #1 most important thing I said, was to chose a plan, any plan, and STICK to it.. she seems to lose motivation after only a few weeks of a certain plan, and then gets super pumped about another fad diet/workout plan that she saw on TV or something..

I could write pages and pages more of the things I've done to help, the meal plans, workout plans, and scenarios I've put in front of her, but the bottom line is that she just can't break that barrier, and get over her fear of lifting some weight.

NOW LISTEN - before you go bashing her, I, or anyone else who youd probably tell to just "grow the **** up" or "stop being a wuss" realize this..
She is a badass chick, and one of my best friends.. and I know she wants it, but more than anything I can tell she is insecure. As a weight lifting, fast car driving piece of meat that I am (totally kidding lol), I want to be able to relate and give her some confidence that she DESERVES

Ladies, I know that was kind of long, but please give me a shout if you have any advice. I know by reading your profiles that MANY of you struggled with this same fear of lifting some weight, but many of you lack going into more detail on how you broke the curse.
PM me, add me, write me a letter, IDC, this is important to me, but more importantly my best friend, who is the exact kind of person you should WANT TO MOTIVATE. Thanks!!

[bethtwenty4]

I've never had that fear but:

Start her with all body weight exercises. Variations of pushups, rows, squats, lunges, deadlifts, step ups, dips, planks, sit ups, plyos, sprints, jump rope.

You don't need to use equipment to get ripped and see changes in your body. Start her there. Slowly add in weighted exercises to compliment her weak areas.

[Euqinom]

I found that most of my friends weren't as terrified of weights once I showed them 1) How to properly lift, 2) gave them enough info to seperate broscience from what's really working and 3) showed them which bodies were within reach, and which ones were manipulated by photoshop, extreme dieting and certain external talent enhancers. . Somehow, my friends -and most girls, apparently- think they will overnight turn into a bodybuilder or extremely ripped fitnessmodel.
Plus, it helps that they've seen changes in me.

I think beth is right. STart her off on easy lifts, and progress to dumbell stuff next, goblet squatting is much less intimidating than a backsquat to most girls I know. Maybe even get her into those survival runs? Doing lifts outdoors (pull ups, pushups) might be more fun, and more playful.

But honestly, I think you should start her off by getting her into someting she enjoys. Be that swimming, dancing, hiking, and then ease her into mealplans, supplemental lifting, and help her stick with it, etc.
Also, some females are unconsciously afraid of changing their look, as they see it as their personality. What if she's not that funny big girl anymore? Happens.

Hey! Have you looked into the PLP plan on t-nation? it's a sixty day challenge, you could be competing in that!

[5more]

"New rules of lifting for women." Buy this book, get her to READ IT and DO AS IT SAYS....
seriously.

[kimm4]

"New rules of lifting for women." Buy this book, get her to READ IT and DO AS IT SAYS....
seriously.

Absolutely agreed!^^

Best $12 you'll ever spend.

[arkansawboy]

Absolutely agreed!^^

Best $12 you'll ever spend.

Wow, only 12 bucks? I think I may have a present for her soon as Amazon gets it shipped. Thanks guys!

[scyyy]

I can't believe girls still buy into the whole "training with weights will make you bulky" thing anymore. Even common media advocates weight training for women such as squats and deadlifts..

I mean I first realized this when I was 17. That doesn't mean I started to train with weights when I was 17, but I knew it wasn't a stupid thing to do. Am I the only one who have heard this thousands of times by now? Sure, it helps that I frequent bodybuilding forums, lol, but still - I read about it so many other places as well that I'm puzzled "regular" women who's not interested in bb hasn't caught on yet!

[arkansawboy]

I can't believe girls still buy into the whole "training with weights will make you bulky" thing anymore. Even common media advocates weight training for women such as squats and deadlifts..

I mean I first realized this when I was 17. That doesn't mean I started to train with weights when I was 17, but I knew it wasn't a stupid thing to do. Am I the only one who have heard this thousands of times by now? Sure, it helps that I frequent bodybuilding forums, lol, but still - I read about it so many other places as well that I'm puzzled "regular" women who's not interested in bb hasn't caught on yet!

Trust me, I am just as baffled as you are!
After starting this thread I started thinking more about my friend in need, and I am beginning to wonder how much of this whole problem just stems from insecurity, and her wanting to maybe do it her way.. maybe its an issue of control? She is adamant about this lifestyle change, but she seems like she wants it YESTERDAY and maybe thats holding her back.. All reasons why I posted here for the woman's perspective.

Also, starting this morning she informed she will try the vegan route for the next month.. not sure how I feel about this either, but truthfully I haven't done much research on the subject. Any vegan woman out there doing the whole body building thing??

[Jeshi]

What I am worried about is... If you do convince her to try it your way, that she will notice "gains" from muscle and start freaking out / demotivating herself because she saw the scale go up. Perhaps warn her? Steal her scale if she has one.

I have NROLW and it is really helping. Though sometimes I need to go look at videos on youtube for "form" to see the form in action. (Mind you I never had that problem of being scared to lift)