Eating Disorder Support Group

[Darkwatcher758]

I have what you call a binge eating disorder that has been getting very worse for me and surprisingly I've kept it hidden for a while. I've lost almost all my social life from not wanting to leave the house. I lost my job for calling in sick because I felt fat and out of place from the binge last night..

I'm a wreck and I can't keep doing this anymore. I can't keep pushing myself in the gym then gaining it back. I've tried so hard to stop but I get this painful feeling in my stomach when I go to bed and it won't let me sleep it needs to be full for me to be able to fall asleep.

I feel bad and whats worse is I'm having a hard time leaving the house due to the gains I make back and forth.

I'm tired of ordering food , fast food, eating till I pass out. Then workout so hard past couple days until I collapse again. I want my life back.. why can't I stop eating. It's just food but I have no self control anymore.

I used to be 280lbs, lost 120lbs and my life still revolves around food. I don't how to stop and now that I don't have a job my life is falling apart..there's moments I'm even breaking up in tears while I go get food its horrible.

[BlackHeart.au]

I have what you call a binge eating disorder that has been getting very worse for me and surprisingly I've kept it hidden for a while. I've lost almost all my social life from not wanting to leave the house. I lost my job for calling in sick because I felt fat and out of place from the binge last night..

I'm a wreck and I can't keep doing this anymore. I can't keep pushing myself in the gym then gaining it back. I've tried so hard to stop but I get this painful feeling in my stomach when I go to bed and it won't let me sleep it needs to be full for me to be able to fall asleep.

I feel bad and whats worse is I'm having a hard time leaving the house due to the gains I make back and forth.

I'm tired of ordering food , fast food, eating till I pass out. Then workout so hard past couple days until I collapse again. I want my life back.. why can't I stop eating. It's just food but I have no self control anymore.

I used to be 280lbs, lost 120lbs and my life still revolves around food. I don't how to stop and now that I don't have a job my life is falling apart..there's moments I'm even breaking up in tears while I go get food its horrible.

This is exactly what happened to me, Lost 2 jobs and social life.

[Darkwatcher758]

This is exactly what happened to me, Lost 2 jobs and social life.

did you manage to stop it?

This has been a very serious issue for me and now that I no longer work eating has been an issue. I've tried self-control but I can't explain it I feel like its a drug in a sense. My stomach hurts really badly, sharp pain until I eat something at night.

I've filled it with Salad
I've tried keeping myself busy, loooking at my goals
I've tried not limiting myself with "bad food" but my mentality always is all or nothing.

[nkiritsis13]

I've been on a cut now for a little over 4 weeks I think.

Although I've been working out like mad and staying at least below 1900 calories, I haven't really noticed any difference in body composition. I'm counting everything I eat, rounding up on things like ground beef even after weighing it, and have enough energy to do all of my workouts, but even if I'm actually a little hungry at the end of the night I'm still sticking to the plan. I just don't know if I'm calculating everything right for fat loss calories.

Feeling exactly the same has been frustrating and I've managed to not digress and deprive myself to an extreme level. I'm trying to keep that out of my head, but every day has been getting harder, making me begin to resent food and my focus in life has been getting close to nonexistent. I feel like I'm a failure to myself for not accomplishing anything for my goal.

[BlackHeart.au]

did you manage to stop it?

This has been a very serious issue for me and now that I no longer work eating has been an issue. I've tried self-control but I can't explain it I feel like its a drug in a sense. My stomach hurts really badly, sharp pain until I eat something at night.

I've filled it with Salad
I've tried keeping myself busy, loooking at my goals
I've tried not limiting myself with "bad food" but my mentality always is all or nothing.

Fk i just spent 20 mins writing how i fixed those problems. then somehow lost it.

If you're really interested, pm me and ill rewrite it.

[Gargoyle77]

did you manage to stop it?

This has been a very serious issue for me and now that I no longer work eating has been an issue. I've tried self-control but I can't explain it I feel like its a drug in a sense. My stomach hurts really badly, sharp pain until I eat something at night.

I've filled it with Salad
I've tried keeping myself busy, loooking at my goals
I've tried not limiting myself with "bad food" but my mentality always is all or nothing.

I know exactly how you feel when you say your mentality is 'all or nothing' and I have been in a very similar situation, however by the sounds of it you are doing worse than I was (in terms of binging/purging) and I can only try and help you out with your problem as best I can (I too am currently recovering from ED)

the number one thing I find DOESN'T help with the 'all or nothing' mentality is the number of unhealthy foods we have to choose between, with me I'd think 'okay ill give myself a treat for working hard all week, but what do i choose?' I wanted a bit of everything, so that in a way caused me to binge, I don't know if you are the same but either way something is causing them and I believe from personal experience you should SLOWLY cut down, definetely not all in one big go because I believe it is more likely that you will have another binge later down the line (just like you are more likely to put the weight back on if you lost it quickly than if you maintained steady progress over a longer period of time)

So this is what I did, if I felt hungry and wanted to binge or whatever, instead of going for the unhealthy stuff which I love I'd go for the healthy stuff I love, simply replacing all the unhealthy crap you are putting into your body with healthy stuff is a good place to start, now I'm not talking about leafy salads and crap that aren't going to satisfy but merely fill your stomach, get something you whole heartedly enjoy!! for example I am a HUGE!!! fan of cereal, so I'd go for some all bran with full cream milk instead of the froot loops or reese's puffs or w/e. Also, oats were a godsend for me, because they are not only delicious and very healthy but depending on how you make them they can fill you up significantly without the excess calories that unhealthy junk will give you. I make 1 cup oats with 2 cups water, 2 tblsp nat pb, 1 packet of stevia and 1 scoop of choc whey and it is freaking delicious and definetely satisfies my cravings for anything rees's + fills me up a butt load so I'm alot less likely to crave something later on.

I hope i could help in anyway! wishing you luck

[saviorex]

i think more than anything, even though I've bumped my calories (and will continue to do so when I engage in my first ever bulk this fall), I hate the fact that I can't ingest something without counting it.

I've tried, but I can't, and it kind of ruins stuff for me. Hell, I counted calories on my damn birthday.

[BlackHeart.au]

did you manage to stop it?

This has been a very serious issue for me and now that I no longer work eating has been an issue. I've tried self-control but I can't explain it I feel like its a drug in a sense. My stomach hurts really badly, sharp pain until I eat something at night.

I've filled it with Salad
I've tried keeping myself busy, loooking at my goals
I've tried not limiting myself with "bad food" but my mentality always is all or nothing.

Well i have learn't to manage these problems.

I been having the same on going problems and trying to find ways to fix ( including blood test )

For males i have learn't that most of it has to do with testosterone. As we lose weight ( especially thinner people who are trying to get cut ) will notice a loss of labido.

As we lose testosterone, our body's signal's the brain that we are deficient and responds to fix it with food cravings, and these cravings will continue untill the body has fully restored itself. ie weight gain, and will continue till you put more weight on than you initially started, as an immunity, just in case it goes through another starvation period.

The ways i have managed to lose weight and keep it off
( the leaner you are, it is very important to lose weight much slower )

* losing 0.25 kg week so the body can ajust to the body change

* eat lost of red meat, will help keep testosterone up, preventing estrogen which signals cravings for sweets ( ie why women like their sweets more than a steak )

* going easy with exercise, most people try to hard when on a cut, esecially from a quick change, from lazy too many calories suddenly to very active will less calories. this is why you're body dies.

Sorry about the spelling mistakes, im in a rush.

All i can say, you most likely will put it all back on. (those cravings are just impossible to hold off for the rest of you life )

But like i said, do it very carefully next time.

do it much more sensible.


I hope this helped.

[thegymbum]

I am struggling so much right now. Up to this point I've kind of been struggling, in a sense of not being able to gain weight when I know I still have a lot to go. I've been out of treatment for about 6 weeks now and up until now have maintained the weight I've gained and have been pretty steady with my meal plan. I'm a mess right now though. I was sick the past few days and dropped a few pounds and it's making the eating disorder thoughts sooo strong. It's like part of me is like "hey remember how great it feels to lose weight", and just wants to keep losing. I know I can't keep doing this. It's so overwhelming though. Anyone relate?

[determined4000]

I am struggling so much right now. Up to this point I've kind of been struggling, in a sense of not being able to gain weight when I know I still have a lot to go. I've been out of treatment for about 6 weeks now and up until now have maintained the weight I've gained and have been pretty steady with my meal plan. I'm a mess right now though. I was sick the past few days and dropped a few pounds and it's making the eating disorder thoughts sooo strong. It's like part of me is like "hey remember how great it feels to lose weight", and just wants to keep losing. I know I can't keep doing this. It's so overwhelming though. Anyone relate?

Yes there are certain things that are always triggering.
Instead of asking yourself if eating X or Y will cause you to gain weight or not allow you to lose weight, forget about the weight aspect (as hard as it sounds). Ask yourself instead if eating it or not eating it will benefit/detract from your health. My ED started because I wanted to be healthy (I wasn't at the time). Over the course of the ED, wanting to be healthy became an obsession with weight, weight loss, fear of weight gain. I totally forgot my original intention to be healthy.
So now when I am triggered and dont want to eat, I ask myself what the healthy decision would be and it is ALWAYS to eat.
You are still obviously at a place where choosing to eat would always be the healthier option. You cannot afford to stay at your current weight to maintain proper health, nevermind think about losing anymore.
I see you frequently giving advice to others about how they can change their diet to improve health. Do you not have the same care/concern for yourself? Put more value on your own health/life and make the healthy/right choice.

[saviorex]

I am struggling so much right now. Up to this point I've kind of been struggling, in a sense of not being able to gain weight when I know I still have a lot to go. I've been out of treatment for about 6 weeks now and up until now have maintained the weight I've gained and have been pretty steady with my meal plan. I'm a mess right now though. I was sick the past few days and dropped a few pounds and it's making the eating disorder thoughts sooo strong. It's like part of me is like "hey remember how great it feels to lose weight", and just wants to keep losing. I know I can't keep doing this. It's so overwhelming though. Anyone relate?

Definitely know what you mean. I went from 155 @ ~15% to 135 @ 8% BF. The problem is that I lost muscle mass as well, but the fatloss kept coming and those 'deep cuts' and the six-pack were so satisfying to see. But then my lifts started going down, and I just looked skinny, instead of the acceptable 'filled' out I had at 150 or so. You have to face the fact that what you're doing is not healthy, and you can feel that same sense of accomplishment in a different way.

For example, I love HIIT and I love really intense running sessions (4 miles @ 6:30 pace or something) - the endorphin rush I'd get, and the feeling of 'wow, that was work' at the end is so satisfying. The only thing is that something like that burns 400 calories - 400 calories I presently don't want to lose. So just eat them back. Don't have a slice of cheesecake or something, but do the workout, shower/whatever, grab an apple and a handful of almonds, and indulge in the satisfaction of the workout.

As hard as it is for others to be committed to an exercise regime, it's equally important for some of us to be committed to a regime of living sanely with regards to our nutrition and exercise.

[randomhero565]

whats up all i havnt posted in here for a while because ive been doing really good with eating and all, but im hitting a hard spot... im trying to lose some extra fat i got, thing is everytime i try and do this it seems to start up my ED, ill be good for a couple of days then just binge like crazy on whatever i could then purge, but now its happening at least once a day and i really dont wanna be doing this. i feel like im losing the weight i DONT want to lose and my strength is somewhat going down. no matter what i do i seem to never be able to cut without having this problem, anyone else have this problem or have any advice ?

[andrewpoleon]

whats up all i havnt posted in here for a while because ive been doing really good with eating and all, but im hitting a hard spot... im trying to lose some extra fat i got, thing is everytime i try and do this it seems to start up my ED, ill be good for a couple of days then just binge like crazy on whatever i could then purge, but now its happening at least once a day and i really dont wanna be doing this. i feel like im losing the weight i DONT want to lose and my strength is somewhat going down. no matter what i do i seem to never be able to cut without having this problem, anyone else have this problem or have any advice ??

Ya I feel you there, same happened to me, and I am currently trying to control it, in the gym, what helps me is switching up my routine and telling myself that it's okay to loose a bit of strength on a cut, as for the diet, well I am trying to set true goals in my head, figure out why I want to do this, and realize that I shouldn't control life through food.

[SupremeClientele]

I feel like im slipping bad on my bulk. In fact i KNOW I am. \i have been slightly losing weight and everyone around me is starting to notice my lifts go down and I am noticing much strength in the gym. The problem is that I already know the problem yet im to much of a pussy or something to do something about it and fix it. I need to take more rest days and eat more calories. But I think in my mind i have created an unnatrual unhealthy relationship with food where I feel that if i eat big on off days or on bad gym days that all the calories are basically going to waste and not to muscle. I know its bull**** but its really a hard feeling to explain. I dont know what im so nervous about to be honest. I remember i was happiest when i had a slight gut and amazing lifts and personal records in the gym.Now its like oh no i ate to many calories today that i didnt even burn.

Anyways sorry for the long rant just needed to get some feelings out.

[thegymbum]

Determined- thank you so, so much for your post. Your encouragement has really helped me get back on track a bit. Still struggling and really battling the thoughts... but the boost was indeed helpful So thank you! I know I need to find SOME way to get my mind out of the weight trap... one day at a time, I suppose! You're so right, though, I love to be able to help anyone else, but when it comes to taking care of myself, err, there's room for improvement.

Saviorex- I like your way of thinking... COMMITTMENT to HEALTH.

Thanks guys.

[Darkwatcher758]

Thanks for the support, I wanted to report back my binge has been bad. I've tried with no luck but I found a method that might work for me. I'm ashamed I gave up my 60k a year job mostly for binging and never coming in to work because of the guilt. Also I lost so many friends and woman in my life thinking I was a flake when it really had nothing to do with them at all. This mentality is the worst sickness I can give anyone in life. I feel like I'm in prison and I keep myself in there.

Regardless starting monday I'm going to push as hard as I can and not give in temptation and control my eating habits. I will report back, wish me luck.

[BlackHeart.au]

Thanks for the support, I wanted to report back my binge has been bad. I've tried with no luck but I found a method that might work for me. I'm ashamed I gave up my 60k a year job mostly for binging and never coming in to work because of the guilt. Also I lost so many friends and woman in my life thinking I was a flake when it really had nothing to do with them at all. This mentality is the worst sickness I can give anyone in life. I feel like I'm in prison and I keep myself in there.

Regardless starting monday I'm going to push as hard as I can and not give in temptation and control my eating habits. I will report back, wish me luck.

Hey,man.i really do hope you get through it, i really do.... but i think on monday try just to eat at you're maintaince, then slowly control it back down, otherwise you could get junk food withdrawals that are very strong from a sudden switch making it even hardar again.

good luck.

[Raidon]

I have what you call a binge eating disorder that has been getting very worse for me and surprisingly I've kept it hidden for a while. I've lost almost all my social life from not wanting to leave the house. I lost my job for calling in sick because I felt fat and out of place from the binge last night..

I'm a wreck and I can't keep doing this anymore. I can't keep pushing myself in the gym then gaining it back. I've tried so hard to stop but I get this painful feeling in my stomach when I go to bed and it won't let me sleep it needs to be full for me to be able to fall asleep.

I feel bad and whats worse is I'm having a hard time leaving the house due to the gains I make back and forth.

I'm tired of ordering food , fast food, eating till I pass out. Then workout so hard past couple days until I collapse again. I want my life back.. why can't I stop eating. It's just food but I have no self control anymore.

I used to be 280lbs, lost 120lbs and my life still revolves around food. I don't how to stop and now that I don't have a job my life is falling apart..there's moments I'm even breaking up in tears while I go get food its horrible.

When one is stuck within the cycle of binging and the subsequent guilt, it can be rather daunting and all together impossible to just conclude it with will-power alone. Binging is very much a cyclical and methodical process. Usually most people who engage in binging do it out of psychological comfort, and after the binging has ended feelings of guilt arise. The guilt of course stimulates feelings of emptiness, depression and erratic nuances which nearly always predisposes one to turn back to the comforting and shall I even say 'pleasurable' episode of excessive binging. Its very similar in respect to yo-yo dieting; you are most likely to beat the cycle if you make sure you eat adequate amounts which will help to avoid physical cravings. But like anyone with an eating disorder, addressing the deep seeded pathology is a must.
This can end, but it takes great courage to do what you can to beat it with the help of trained professionals.

[Raidon]

whats up all i havnt posted in here for a while because ive been doing really good with eating and all, but im hitting a hard spot... im trying to lose some extra fat i got, thing is everytime i try and do this it seems to start up my ED, ill be good for a couple of days then just binge like crazy on whatever i could then purge, but now its happening at least once a day and i really dont wanna be doing this. i feel like im losing the weight i DONT want to lose and my strength is somewhat going down. no matter what i do i seem to never be able to cut without having this problem, anyone else have this problem or have any advice ?

One of the biggest culprits in the development and continuation of an eating disorder is our need for control. Food and weight obsession are merely symptoms of our strong and perennial need for self control. What I have found from experience with working with people with eating disorders is that the cravings to engage in distorted eating and compensatory behaviours are most potent following either excessive stringency in control or following a prior period of feelings of non-control (this is why it is commonly understood that the development of an eating disorder usually starts after a traumatic experience in one's life).
Gaining a healthy body-image is of course crucial if you are ever going to be happy with yourself. It is of course crucial if you are ever going to be accepting the idea of being more care-free in your eating and weight conscientiousnesses.

[Raidon]

I am struggling so much right now. Up to this point I've kind of been struggling, in a sense of not being able to gain weight when I know I still have a lot to go. I've been out of treatment for about 6 weeks now and up until now have maintained the weight I've gained and have been pretty steady with my meal plan. I'm a mess right now though. I was sick the past few days and dropped a few pounds and it's making the eating disorder thoughts sooo strong. It's like part of me is like "hey remember how great it feels to lose weight", and just wants to keep losing. I know I can't keep doing this. It's so overwhelming though. Anyone relate?

Have you discussed this with any of your follow up therapy sessions? Also, have you questioned the helpfulness of remaining on a body building forum whilst you are going through a very sensitive and vulnerable period with regards to your body image?
Firstly, you need to review all the things in your life that are counter-productive in regards to your establishing a more healthy constructed image of you and the healthy and adequate diet which we all require to maintain both a mentally and physically healthy complexion.
If you are still finding it considerably arduous in replacing old behaviours for new innocuous ones, perhaps you need to undertake more therapeutic sessions to help its establishment.

You deserve health, happiness and a future, do not abandon your desires.

[BlackHeart.au]

One of the biggest culprits in the development and continuation of an eating disorder is our need for control. Food and weight obsession are merely symptoms of our strong and perennial need for self control. What I have found from experience with working with people with eating disorders is that the cravings to engage in distorted eating and compensatory behaviours are most potent following either excessive stringency in control or following a prior period of feelings of non-control (this is why it is commonly understood that the development of an eating disorder usually starts after a traumatic experience in one's life).
Gaining a healthy body-image is of course crucial if you are ever going to be happy with yourself. It is of course crucial if you are ever going to be accepting the idea of being more care-free in your eating and weight conscientiousnesses.

Hello Raiden

You seem to know the most on here. Ive been going through the same things as darkwalker for many years, Everytime i lost the weight , i would get depressed, thinking about food, it almost was like, the more you focused on weightloss, the more likely to fail causing an obsession over food.

Well after many years i kinda turned on to religion, it seemed to show me more important things in life,and respecting my own self, which really turned the food obsession away.

I always eat good now, and when life can get hard, i won't binge of food, i will just read.

People may call me an idiot for reading a bible, but if it's helping me respecting my body.

[thegymbum]

BlackHeart- I think you really have something there. Finding deeper meaning in life... something that really has true meaning to you... can make such a huge difference. It really is incredible. I'm so glad that you've been able to find something that's helped you get through such rough times. There is so much more to life than the eating disorder, and you absolutely deserve to find it. I'm proud you've been able to come this far with recovery and hope you can continue to do so!


DarkWatcher- I like your new attitude! There IS hope, you CAN defeat this... you CAN have the life that you want and deserve. I think the first step (and soemtimes the hardest step!) is just truly wanting it... and I can see that you're on your way. Don't give up the fight!

[Raidon]

Hello Raiden

You seem to know the most on here. Ive been going through the same things as darkwalker for many years, Everytime i lost the weight , i would get depressed, thinking about food, it almost was like, the more you focused on weightloss, the more likely to fail causing an obsession over food.

Well after many years i kinda turned on to religion, it seemed to show me more important things in life,and respecting my own self, which really turned the food obsession away.

I always eat good now, and when life can get hard, i won't binge of food, i will just read.

People may call me an idiot for reading a bible, but if it's helping me respecting my body.

Whether religion, family, relationships or careers....having purposeful intent is always helpful during such times of psychological distress. I know of many people who have sought solace within religion as a way of gaining self-love, preoccupation and a new philosophy on life. Having a purpose to recover outside of the realm of body preoccupation is a must. Remember, it's not the religion per se that has motivated you thus so far. It is the philosophy of your own recipiency, your will power, your aspirations, desires and dreams. Remembering that the strength comes within you is a must and placing your faith in your recovery...in faith, can be precariously fragile. One must realise that the goal of recovery is for them, manifested by them and a success to them. But use whatever harmless outer influence you wish to help spur that sense of encouragement.
I bid you well and I hope you find the physical and mental strength to which you deserve.

[Arteta]

This is ridiculous, my last 48 hours has consisted of 2 McDonalds breakfasts, a KFC, 2 packs of cookies and about 6 bowls of cereal. I did cook 2 tagliatelle carbonara's though.

It's insane, i'm having like 2 big ass meals a day. Why do I have an inability to eat vegetables, or at least cook my own food???

I'm now around 97Kg in bodyweight, I could do with losing around 10kg of fat. A gym buddy of mine said that if I want to keep a physique of around 10% bodyfat I am supposed to eat around 1.5kg of vegetables a day, and i'm not allowed to eat any rice, pasta or bread, even if it's brown. I also may have to give up red meats and tomato's depending on what blood type I am.

I'm supposed to ban ALL junk food and it seems all of my carbs must come from fruit or oats. I grew up eating no vegetables so this is terribly unappealing to me, but i'm unhappy with eating like I am. No self control whatsoever.

I'm hoping I can construct a new diet here on BB.

[BlackHeart.au]

This is ridiculous, my last 48 hours has consisted of 2 McDonalds breakfasts, a KFC, 2 packs of cookies and about 6 bowls of cereal. I did cook 2 tagliatelle carbonara's though.

It's insane, i'm having like 2 big ass meals a day. Why do I have an inability to eat vegetables, or at least cook my own food???

I'm now around 97Kg in bodyweight, I could do with losing around 10kg of fat. A gym buddy of mine said that if I want to keep a physique of around 10% bodyfat I am supposed to eat around 1.5kg of vegetables a day, and i'm not allowed to eat any rice, pasta or bread, even if it's brown. I also may have to give up red meats and tomato's depending on what blood type I am.

I'm supposed to ban ALL junk food and it seems all of my carbs must come from fruit or oats. I grew up eating no vegetables so this is terribly unappealing to me, but i'm unhappy with eating like I am. No self control whatsoever.

I'm hoping I can construct a new diet here on BB.

When you're gym buddy say's you're not allowed to eat this and that, has already set you up for failure. Becouse we all want what we can't have, we are wired like this. So you start eating crazy, thinking, this is the last time im going to eat junk food! better make it worth while, then the next day, You have massive withdrawals and you're body wants more.

That blood type diet is bs, not saying it is wrong, but how can you persue a happy life with that diet. ( unless you get cancer )

Yesterday, i ate a zinger burger , small potato and gravy + cookies n cream cheese cake for dinner with a friend. But i was still in a calorie deficiet so its a win\win situation. I could do that everyday and still lose weight, but i don't, becouse the more you eat crap food the more you can get addicted to it by its processed chemicals.

people shoul'd never have cheat days, they are such a wrong approach to life.

That's another story, but no matter how much people posts up here to help, most people have to find out for themselves.

Dont try give it all up at once and shock the body....one day at a time...

ie

big healthy breakfast, big gourmat sandwhich for lunch, big mac and small fries w water.


next couple of days just wein yourself out slowly.

Hope this helps.

[gobrowns87]

Hi all, I have a binge eating issue so I'd like to share my story too.

I'm 23 years old, male, and have lost 140 pounds. Right now I weigh about 170, but I was 165. I have gained five pounds since I started to binge. I know that doesn't seem like anything worth complaining about but it was enough to make a light go off in my head before things got worse. So basically, once I hit 170 I had enough. I kept binging every weekend and kept telling myself "No more" or "Go ahead and do it, but never again". That never worked. I kept doing it and eventually it's gotten worse (more than twice per week).

Right now I am in counseling for this issue. I accept the fact that there will be screw-ups along this process. I already know that I will binge again but it's all part of the process. My counselor told me "If at first you don't succeed try again". I binged today but this time I did not feel bad about it. I accepted it and did not guilt over it, and this has helped me tremendously. The guilt definitely is there but I'm fighting it with positive thoughts.

This binging problem started when I was down to my last 40 pounds. I dropped my calories a lot (to about 1,400 per day) and I was exercising excessively. I got in the habit of "cheating" once a week. I never really thought much of it, and I never cared because I kept losing weight. Eventually it became a habit. And then, I slowly became depressed about it, and realized I really have no control over what's going on - this IS a problem. I realized that what I was doing was not "cheating" but something else. I should not become depressed and sad over cheating. I googled around and determined binge eating and was pretty sure I was onto something.

Since then I have worked on upping my calories to a more reasonable amount but it takes time and of course I need to be careful so I don't gain a lot of fat while doing so. For example, it would be a bad idea to go from 1,400 to 2,800. Counseling has helped and I know I will be binge free, but I know one or two sessions won't do it. Many positives have came up. With counseling help we have determined my "binge triggers" so we are working on a "recovery" plan to overcome this with the below provided.

1.) Deep thought - I'm the type of guy that could literally sit there and just enter the most deepest thought possible. Meaning, I'll think of something so deeply, eventually I'll "trigger" my own binges. So I'll basically think of how much I don't want to binge, how bad I want to lose weight, I'll tell myself I'm a fatass and I need to workout...and I end up "triggering" a binge. I'll start off small - meaning a little "spoon" of peanut butter - then it's off to the store for an all out food war. Cookies, ice cream, etc. I will sometimes pour food on a plate, tell myself no, put it back, pick it back, say no, eventually I just say f*** it and eat it. A lot of times though I can stop my binges. I get so pissed I'll take something like barbeque sauce and dump it over ice cream so I won't eat it. This has helped. It's a waste of money but it saved me from finishing a half-gallon of ice cream and 10 more cookies today.

2.) Obsession - Counting calories religiously, logging everything has really caught up to me. It's been an exhaustive experience.

3.) Self image issues - I'm 170 but I still have love handles and fat rolls on my back. They aren't horrible, but I often look in the mirror and tell myself I'm fat and hideous. This triggers depression and looking down upon myself. In return, I'll binge in order to make myself "happy".

4.) Reading too much into it - I've spent too much time on message boards and reading into weight loss. I have no doubt that it's really taken over my mind, and I need to take a step back and focus on the important things. It's effecting my job - I'll be on the internet all day researching weight loss when I have an actual job to do.

5.) Excessive exercise - I feel the need to exercise every single day. If I don't I feel like a failure. Part of my recovery is to understand I do not need to exercise everyday to lose weight, and there's no reason to "punish" myself but exercising a lot.

6.) I'm single - I broke up with a girl a few months ago and was really depressed. I have no girlfriend now. I think about this and end up binging to try and make myself happy.

But I'm positive this will get fixed. I want to get it fixed, and that helps even more. I recognize I have a problem, and I am determined to win. I lost 140 pounds, if I can do that I can do this. I know that in order to fix this problem I'm going to have to keep facing it. I accept there will be future binges and that's okay. This problem did not start overnight, nor will it be fixed overnight. I just thank God I'm in counseling now though. I couldn't imagine regaining all that weight back I spent so hard to lose. The best thing I've done to also help is to add my calories together for the week. I include my binges as well. I usually eat 1,600 per day and my binges are almost exactly 6,000 calories everytime. A few times I've hit higher but mostly 6,000. That's 2,228 calories per day averged (1,600*6 = 9600 + 6000 binge = 15600 for the week / 7 days = 2,228 daily avg). This helps me figure my body may just very well be wanting 2,228 or so cals per day so I am working on that goal. My binges have not been as bad since I've been working up to that goal. I am at least now to the point in my binges where I am questioning things and aware of what's going on. I have a sense it's bad for once. Before I just zoned out and ate and did not give a flying hell about anything.

[Prettyinink]

I have been experiencing problems with overeating since about the beginning of july. i thought that is was binge eating, because i was not purging afterwards, but i have been reading up on eating disorders and find that people who exercise obsessively after binging are victims of bulimia as well as those who purge or use laxatives.
i am not really sure what to do, i don't even want t eat, then i feel horrible until i work out, i have even worked out on a completely full stomach, which is no fun.
it feels like sometimes i just want to eat all the food in the house, so it is gone and i do not have to think about food or look at food or talk about food.
i was doing very well with diet and exercise until this past month, then everything just went completely down hill.

[Zephraim]

Also I lost so many friends and woman in my life thinking I was a flake when it really had nothing to do with them at all. This mentality is the worst sickness I can give anyone in life. I feel like I'm in prison and I keep myself in there.

I knew other people suffered from eating disorders, but until I came to this thread, I never knew people felt the exact same way- I thought it was a personal craziness.

I have developed an eating disorder as well, it started around three years ago. Until then, I was always a fat kid and hated myself, I was obese even at a young age due to my father's feeding me fast food whenever I wanted it and using it as a sign of caring. Three years ago I moved to my mother's house, I decided I was done with being a loser, and without any knowledge of weight loss proceeded to lose 80 lbs. I did it in a way that, in retrospect, probably led to my current dilemma. I essentially starved myself, eating nothing for breakfast and an apple for lunch, then eating a decent sized dinner and using my mother's elliptical for 1-2 hours at night. I then started doing even more exercise at a taekwondo studio near my home, and then began to run 4-5 miles every day outside.

My semi-anorexia ended last year, for some reason I started eating, eating everything I could. I began my binge eating disorder. I quickly gained 50 lbs, going from 155 to 200 in the course of four months. I attribute it partially to restarting a medication for my depression and OCD [zoloft], but I've long since stopped taking it and my eating disorder persists.

I started taking that medication at the beginning of my senior year of highschool, and throughout the course of the year, I saw myself slowly and methodically destroy my own dreams and relationships. I'd had a girlfriend during the summer, but I focused so much on my own obsessive eating and exercise thoughts that I didn't pay any attention to her. She broke up with me, and even though I knew I caused it, I also believed that I wasn't good enough for her. This happened numerous times throughout the year with almost everyone I was close to, and I started to believe everyone must hate me- that I was a "flake", a coward, or otherwise just a selfish person. They had no idea of the mental anguish, the hell I'd been unleashing upon myself. I saw myself become reclusive as I gained weight and tried desperately to lose it, I quit my job, I stopped going to my extracurricular activities, I dropped classes and began declining academically, and I lost any friends I'd once had. I even contemplated suicide a few times.

The worst part? I did it entirely to myself. In fact, I still do it to myself as I'm in the summer before going to college. I'm trying to solve it once again, and it's gotten somewhat better, but I still find myself eating when I know I shouldn't and eating nonstop. It's an emotional hunger that manifests itself as real, and won't let me think or sleep until I yield to it. I think to myself of the guilt I'll feel afterwards, but it doesn't always work. Afterwards, I feel a horrible guilt- an internal hate. This must be what an addict feels.

I've built a prison for myself as well, and I'm trying to do whatever it takes to break free.

[gobrowns87]

I just woke up and thought I'd post. I did binge yesterday but today was the first time I've ever woken up without the guilt. It was hard to sleep last night because my stomach hurt but I'm up today at feel good. Usually I'll wake up with the mindset of punishing myself in the gym but today I'm happy and am not depressed, so to me this is a good sign. I had a good breakfast (protein waffle - 2 scoops whey, 1/2 cup soy milk, 1/4 cup soy flour, 1 egg) with 1 cup cottage cheese and 1 cup blueberries. So I didn't resort to "restricting" either like I've done before, which is good as well.

I also think it would help if you treat this as a "habit" versus a disorder. I've been working on this too - I'll get the urge to binge and instead of doing it I'll go outside and run for a while. Try to replace the "binge" habit with another habit instead, just make sure it's a good habit. Also try to look into your inner self for any weaknesses. For example, I'm the type of guy that gets intimidated pretty easily. While that may sound "wimpy", it's played in my favor. I know that if I don't get this to stop I will get fat and it's going to really take a haul on my life. That personally worries me, so since I tend to worry easily, it's actually helped me stop. My binges have been getting better though, and I've at least been able to "talk" to myself while doing it - ex. I recognize I am doing it versus before when I'd do the typical "zone" out and eat mentality.

Also Zephraim I know what you mean about girls. I dated this girl a few months ago and I have no doubt my eating issue made our chances of going anywhere straight to the ground. All I wanted to do was exercise and focus on losing weight. She would call me and I'd be in the gym working my butt off. She'd say "Hey how are you" and I'd say "I'm in the gym right now what's up", then pretty much try to kill the conversation. Then when we would go out, sometimes I'd binge before it, or binge a day before it, and I would be super depressed, very anxious, and/or lack complete confidence around her. Eventually on our third date she called me and said things weren't going anywhere. I never admitted to her why I acted the way I did. I truly believe things would have worked out between us had I not had this eating issue. I think it's too late to tell her now, it's been too long since we haven't talked. I still regret it, I miss her she was such a great girl.

Some of the things though that have helped me are the following though they may be a bit extreme. I don't keep binge foods in house but I will go to the store to buy them and what do I use to buy them? My debit / credit card. Well I have taken my debit and credit card and cut them up so when I want to go buy binge food I can't because I have no money. It sucks because then I have to call and get a new one sent to me. So far I've had over 5 new cards sent to me and being charged for new ones now but I would rather pay for this than food. If I get desperate I will start to binge on good foods but I will mess them up - ex. I was about to binge on a jar of peanut butter but dumped hot sauce and garlic seasoning inside the jar and mixed it up..no way would I eat that. Yesterday I binged but wasn't satisified. I went to the store spent $20 on cookies, ice cream, and peanut butter and knew it was pitiful - to stop myself when I got home I poured chipolte sauce on the cookies, I dumped BBQ seasoning on the ice cream, and the peanut butter I mixed in vinegar. I didn't take a single bite of any. A waste of $20 but it saved me a lot of grief. This sucks and is depressing, I want to cry but I'm a man and need to stand up and be strong. I can't let this beat me, I've got to beat it.

[randomhero565]

One of the biggest culprits in the development and continuation of an eating disorder is our need for control. Food and weight obsession are merely symptoms of our strong and perennial need for self control. What I have found from experience with working with people with eating disorders is that the cravings to engage in distorted eating and compensatory behaviours are most potent following either excessive stringency in control or following a prior period of feelings of non-control (this is why it is commonly understood that the development of an eating disorder usually starts after a traumatic experience in one's life).
Gaining a healthy body-image is of course crucial if you are ever going to be happy with yourself. It is of course crucial if you are ever going to be accepting the idea of being more care-free in your eating and weight conscientiousnesses.

its funny you say that most times people development of eating disorders start after a traumatic experience, my father died when i was in the 3rd grade and even tho it wasnt a everyday thing and wasnt as "bad" as now i was still doing it, i was over weight when i was younger and yeah i wasnt bingeing but in my head i thought purging was such a good idea, in my head i thought hey i could throw up without gaging myself, i could eat what i want and have no guilt or worries about what i eat and still lose weight... that was the complete opposite. ive gotten so much better tho i went from 135 to 207 eating right and lifting but when i first started to try and get my weight up and be more healthy my mom would make me eat sooo much which resulted in some fat gain that makes me feel extremely uncomfortable even tho my friends family and everyone else so its not bad at all i feel like there lying and just want it to go away