Matches have pretty much died ³

[dolvioblue]

This is a bit of a misundertanding. It's the hyperliberal attitude towards sex that's the issue, which correlates significantly with high counts.

I think I understand. Can you give an example of the attitude?

I have a good friend who’s 36. She actually doesn’t date a lot but has a boyfriend now. He’s number 16 and he’s aware of this. She’s not a slur or anything. Great family, career, friends, etc. Isn’t trash and really a kind person at heart. Would she be disqualified because of her number or is that okay given her personality?

[Luc1fer]

I think I understand. Can you give an example of the attitude?

I have a good friend who’s 36. She actually doesn’t date a lot but has a boyfriend now. He’s number 16 and he’s aware of this. She’s not a slur or anything. Great family, career, friends, etc. Isn’t trash and really a kind person at heart. Would she be disqualified because of her number or is that okay given her personality?

It's fine, my long term ex was around that number and I wouldn't disqualify her. However, she still wasn't as conservative as I'd prefer. I want a woman that doesn't give it up that easily, and recognizes the valid double standard.

Context and her attitude matters more though. My recent ex and her friends were just really liberal about sex across the board. I'd say they were hypersexual tbh. Almost proud of their ONS and had some empowerment thing going on, about how women can have sex just like men.

[dolvioblue]

It's fine, my long term ex was around that number and I wouldn't disqualify her. However, she still wasn't as conservative as I'd prefer. I want a woman that doesn't give it up that easily, and recognizes the valid double standard.

Context and her attitude matters more though. My recent ex and her friends were just really liberal about sex across the board. I'd say they were hypersexual tbh. Almost proud of their ONS and had some empowerment thing going on, about how women can have sex just like men.

So your long term ex was a good match for you or not based on her being a bit too liberal? When you say women should not give it up easily does that mean at all times during their life? So a woman can never have a fling or a tinder hook-up if she’s in the mood but not wanting a relationship..?

[Luc1fer]

So your long term ex was a good match for you or not based on her being a bit too liberal? When you say women should not give it up easily does that mean at all times during their life? So a woman can never have a fling or a tinder hook-up if she’s in the mood but not wanting a relationship..?

I can overlook it but she was a bit too liberal as to what I’d prefer. Not a dealbreaker though. We all compromise a bit.

A woman can do whatever she wants, it’s a free world. But the type of woman that opts for casual sexual flings on Tinder does not align with what I’d prefer. It’s trashy. Why is this difficult to understand?

It isn’t an equation, it’s the _indicators_ towards what her attitude is with regard casual sex. And yes that can change too; if she looks back and regrets it and realized it wasn’t for her after doing it once or twice, that’s great.

It makes sense to care about how promiscuous your gf is before you marry and commit. This is both innate (avoid cuckoldry) and embedded as practice into generations of civilization for a reason.

It’s a new thing that we’re supposed to not care about how slutty a girl is. This is modern feminist propaganda.

[dolvioblue]

I can overlook it but she was a bit too liberal as to what I’d prefer. Not a dealbreaker though. We all compromise a bit.

A woman can do whatever she wants, it’s a free world. But the type of woman that opts for casual sexual flings on Tinder does not align with what I’d prefer. It’s trashy. Why is this difficult to understand?

It isn’t an equation, it’s the _indicators_ towards what her attitude is with regard casual sex. And yes that can change too; if she looks back and regrets it and realized it wasn’t for her after doing it once or twice, that’s great.

It makes sense to care about how promiscuous your gf is before you marry and commit. This is both innate (avoid cuckoldry) and embedded as practice into generations of civilization for a reason.

It’s a new thing that we’re supposed to not care about how slutty a girl is. This is modern feminist propaganda.

See, you do contradict a little with some things you say. In some cases you can overlook things and then you call a certain behaviour trashy. But then go on to say if someone learned from this it’s great; however, would you accept them if this was the case? Not getting all over you just trying to understand. This is important to you I can tell. Cheers.

[Luc1fer]

See, you do contradict a little with some things you say. In some cases you can overlook things and then you call a certain behaviour trashy. But then go on to say if someone learned from this it’s great; however, would you accept them if this was the case? Not getting all over you just trying to understand. This is important to you I can tell. Cheers.

1. It’s trashy behavior.
2. I can overlook a certain amount of historical trashy behavior, given the right context and explanation.
3. The context enables me to determine her attitude towards the behavior and therefore whether or not she’s likely to cheat etc.

Loyalty is what you’re trying to ultimately establish. Women should apply this to men too, but innately they don’t have to the same extent (a woman’s baby is guaranteed to be hers).

Promiscuous women have always been perceived as lesser marriage material, feminists are trying to change that and believe it’s an archaic social concept. Do you?

[dolvioblue]

1. It’s trashy behavior.
2. I can overlook a certain amount of historical trashy behavior, given the right context and explanation.
3. The context enables me to determine her attitude towards the behavior and therefore whether or not she’s likely to cheat etc.

Loyalty is what you’re trying to ultimately establish. Women should apply this to men too, but innately they don’t have to the same extent (a woman’s baby is guaranteed to be hers).

Promiscuous women have always been perceived as lesser marriage material, feminists are trying to change that and believe it’s an archaic social concept. Do you?

I do agree. I have always been someone who was critical of trashy behaviour and discounted a woman at the slightest inkling she ever did anything slooty. I once discounted a woman I was incredibly attracted to because she let me know she went to Vegas and had a one night stand. She was 34, married to the guy she met in high school and was a little lost once on her own after the divorce. I never took time to understand what was going on in her mind at the time and I eventually lost her because I was so judgemental. It was a me problem. Her and I met in the most beautiful way on NYE and had I not peppered her with questions about her past I probably would have been in a relationship with her.

I have done whatever I wanted my whole life while searching for a gem that's always made good decisions and what I realized is this doesn't really exist. If I do find that perfect woman who's never really done anything slooty, she's either married, has no interest in me or is a complete weirdo. I felt I could never win. Some of the coolest, most fun women I have ever spent time/slept with were a bit more sexually liberal than I would desire. Another woman I was dating checked literally all my boxes off. 4-5 amazing dates and things were going well... I thought she was literally the girl next door and she had zero signs of slootness and I was on cloud nine. After we finally slept together the truth serum started flowing and she admitted to being tag teamed after the bar one night. This made me seriously consider my judgement of people because I was so wrong about her and who she was and her views on sex.

The woman I am marrying this month was originally a hook-up from tinder. It was clear in my mind all I was wanting was sex. I am the only guy she ever met on tinder and the only ever hook-up/one night stand with a stranger she ever had in her life. She was married for a long time, had a few partners and when she told me I was the second guy she ever gave a BJ to I was pretty pleased. But at first I judged her, pushed her away and thought she was trash because she met me from tinder and we had sex. After her 15 year marriage (monogamous), taking a year to herself, she slept with a long time friend of hers once and then a couple months later we did our thing on tinder. She could not be a more reserved amazing woman and if I didn't bend my rules I would have missed out on her also. Would a woman like this be okay for you?

[Luc1fer]

Dovioblue, we do have a lot in common. I have relaxed my constraints too. I don’t want to judge a person irreversibly based on a single narrow facet.

So I’m with you on bending the rules a bit, this is compromise, and like you said you’ve established your fiancée did not have a pattern and have determined her character.

With my most recent ex I bent the rules too far. She had a clear pattern and hyper sexual attitude that aligned to it. Her actions followed.

I’m trying to find a middle ground.

Congrats on your upcoming marriage, she sounds great. Gives me hope, given you’re 50, is she younger?

[dolvioblue]

Dovioblue, we do have a lot in common. I have relaxed my constraints too. I don’t want to judge a person irreversibly based on a single narrow facet.

So I’m with you on bending the rules a bit, this is compromise, and like you said you’ve established your fiancée did not have a pattern and have determined her character.

With my most recent ex I bent the rules too far. She had a clear pattern and hyper sexual attitude that aligned to it. Her actions followed.

I’m trying to find a middle ground.

Congrats on your upcoming marriage, she sounds great. Gives me hope, given you’re 50, is she younger?

I hear you completely and it's a challenge for some of us. The happiest couples are the ones that focus on more important things in life and don't sweat the small stuff. Not saying what we are discussing is small stuff but in the big picture, what does it really matter. There is something harder to find than a girl with a perfect past and that's someone who's loyal through thick and thin, loves you no matter what and would stick by you if one day you were confined to a wheelchair. This is takes a special person and I think we should all be putting things like this first. I tried to.

Like I said above I judged my fiancé's character hard about how we essentially met. People will always say "well if she did that with you imagine all the guys before you". Well that's not always the case and I think some people try something they feel is exciting in the moment but may never do again. My partner has never been with anyone she didn't know before me. Her being in a very long relationship kept her body count on one hand and I get the benefit of this now. Had she not had that long relationship we will never know what that body count would have been and it doesn't matter. She's taught me a lot... A lot about how women are dynamic and emotional creatures with desires like us and can be in control of their lives. We always think of a ONS as some trashy girl at the bar wasted going home with some dude. Sometimes a ONS looks a little different, sometimes people are lonely, sometimes people just want to have fun. It's about balance and compromise like you said.

Middle ground is good but the older we get the more open we have to be because people have pasts... People in the western world go through ups and downs and we have to accept them as they are. Within reason I mean.

She is great and a keeper for sure. I am actually 38, we are both 38.

[Rebel012]

1. It’s trashy behavior.
2. I can overlook a certain amount of historical trashy behavior, given the right context and explanation.
3. The context enables me to determine her attitude towards the behavior and therefore whether or not she’s likely to cheat etc.

Loyalty is what you’re trying to ultimately establish. Women should apply this to men too, but innately they don’t have to the same extent (a woman’s baby is guaranteed to be hers).

Promiscuous women have always been perceived as lesser marriage material, feminists are trying to change that and believe it’s an archaic social concept. Do you?

We've discussed this quite a bit, so I don't want to get on your case, but I do think you tend to fall prey to the naturalistic fallacy a bit when it comes to this issue. As you know, the fact that something might have been tradition for centuries, or is even partially based in biology, doesn't automatically make it right or something worth preserving. Once homo-sapiens developed consciousness, the instincts and behaviors you seem to want to reify became obsolete to a certain extent. I do think you fall back on evo psych to rationalize your own biases sometimes in order to frame them as objectively preferable.

[Luc1fer]

We've discussed this quite a bit, so I don't want to get on your case, but I do think you tend to fall prey to the naturalistic fallacy a bit when it comes to this issue. As you know, the fact that something might have been tradition for centuries, or is even partially based in biology, doesn't automatically make it right or something worth preserving. Once homo-sapiens developed consciousness, the instincts and behaviors you seem to want to reify became obsolete to a certain extent. I do think you fall back on evo psych to rationalize your own biases sometimes in order to frame them as objectively preferable.

I'm not saying it's objectively right or wrong, a woman is free to fuk the entire town if she wants. But I can argue that behavior is bad for a society, if it has enough participants.

It's interesting you frame innate behaviors as easily dismissible biases. I used to think that way a decade ago, but feel like I've progressed past that.

I've come to realize that our embedded nature and values are not so easily dismissed, they are ingrained within us.

Can you just logically and rationally decide never to have sex again and just be single and alone, and never have kids? It makes so much sense, life is simpler, less stresses, retire younger etc. I could go further and say, why have friends and socialize -- we're a "social species", but that's just ingrained, stay alone it's simpler.

If not, why not? Why do you desire those things, and not chose to override them so you can feel equal fulfillment alone?

[Rebel012]

I'm not saying it's objectively right or wrong, a woman is free to fuk the entire town if she wants. But I can argue that behavior is bad for a society, if it has enough participants.

It's interesting you frame innate behaviors as easily dismissible biases. I used to think that way a decade ago, but feel like I've progressed past that.

I've come to realize that our embedded nature and values are not so easily dismissed, they are ingrained within us.

Can you just logically and rationally decide never to have sex again and just be single and alone, and never have kids? It makes so much sense, life is simpler, less stresses, retire younger etc. I could go further and say, why have friends and socialize -- we're a "social species", but that's just ingrained, stay alone it's simpler.

If not, why not? Why do you desire those things, and not chose to override them so you can feel equal fulfillment alone?

I actually wasn't dismissing ingrained behaviors as biases, I was suggesting that the value judgements people and society have placed on some of those behaviors have at times been rooted in biases and power, and have changed over time--and change isn't automatically bad. The examples you chose are interesting, because they certainly are innate tendencies. Humans are social beings and long for connection, acceptance, and social bonds. Of course I wouldn't want to override that. But you also have to admit that the chaste behavior of women in the past was partially due to sexual repression, societal policing, and at times violence--not just biology.

At any rate, there might be a misunderstanding because I'm not some nihilist who thinks people should follow every base instinct and impulse without responsibilities or consequences. So if a woman fuks the entire town and gets abortions on a whim, I'd agree that's not a good thing for society.

[skinnyfat88]

1. It’s trashy behavior.
2. I can overlook a certain amount of historical trashy behavior, given the right context and explanation.
3. The context enables me to determine her attitude towards the behavior and therefore whether or not she’s likely to cheat etc.

I don't disagree per se and I know things naturally come out in conversation over time but it's a slippery slope when you start to gain information and get the urge to want to know more details. I think in most cases you don't need to know said info (context and explanation) and our gut instincts are usually correct without it (like it was with your last relationship).

[FemaleWarriorxo]

Bleh. Think I’m good on dating for awhile lmao.

-Ran into a few married men on the app. Deleted it.

-more concerned about a family members health since we received bad news

-had married female co-workers create a “list” of reasons why it’s hard for me to find a partner. Apparently I dress too high maintenance. Never knew there was such a thing

-became a statistic

Wooo 2020 is loving me lol could be worse. I’ll just focus on familia, school, and work.

Dear diary

[skinnyfat88]

Bleh. Think I’m good on dating for awhile lmao.

-Ran into a few married men on the app. Deleted it.

-more concerned about a family members health since we received bad news

-had married female co-workers create a “list” of reasons why it’s hard for me to find a partner. Apparently I dress too high maintenance. Never knew there was such a thing

-became a statistic

Sorry to hear about your family member.

Dressing nice/having style is a plus. Dunno wtf she talking about.

What do you mean "became a statistic?"

[TallSaint]

Last 48 hours have been a total daze

-Got home from soccer Tuesday night to a long message from my long distance gf saying she couldn't do it anymore with plenty of excuses. I could tell she was acting distant for the last few weeks so I called her out on it and she finally came clear.
-Replied with "Good to know. Take care"
-Felt like crap the entire night with no sleep
-Tried to sleep during the day but was restless, said fuk it and got Tinder, matched with a chick and within 5 hours of matching with her I was at her place having drinks and ended up hooking up with her. She asked to see me again on the weekend. I told her no dating or relationship and she was cool with just hooking up. Will probably go see her this weekend.
-Got home, went to sleep and here I am now.

Fuark!

[skinnyfat88]

Last 48 hours have been a total daze

-Got home from soccer Tuesday night to a long message from my long distance gf saying she couldn't do it anymore with plenty of excuses. I could tell she was acting distant for the last few weeks so I called her out on it and she finally came clear.
-Replied with "Good to know. Take care"
-Felt like crap the entire night with no sleep
-Tried to sleep during the day but was restless, said fuk it and got Tinder, matched with a chick and within 5 hours of matching with her I was at her place having drinks and ended up hooking up with her. She asked to see me again on the weekend. I told her no dating or relationship and she was cool with just hooking up. Will probably go see her this weekend.
-Got home, went to sleep and here I am now.

Fuark!

Props to you for being honest w/ her.

Though chillin with your boys will prob be better for you than a rebound right now.

[TBO1313]

Sorry to hear about your family member.

Dressing nice/having style is a plus. Dunno wtf she talking about.

What do you mean "became a statistic?"

Crabs in a bucket mentality. The other girl is too lazy to dress up so she wants to bring her friend down to her level instead of elevating herself

[Luc1fer]

Bleh. Think I’m good on dating for awhile lmao.

-Ran into a few married men on the app. Deleted it.

-more concerned about a family members health since we received bad news

-had married female co-workers create a “list” of reasons why it’s hard for me to find a partner. Apparently I dress too high maintenance. Never knew there was such a thing

-became a statistic

Wooo 2020 is loving me lol could be worse. I’ll just focus on familia, school, and work.

Dear diary

JFC, married people on dating apps - people suck. I'm trying my best to maintain faith in humanity right now. I don't want to become jaded.

Your co-workers... lol at men being turned off by you dressing well.

[FemaleWarriorxo]

Sorry to hear about your family member.

Dressing nice/having style is a plus. Dunno wtf she talking about.

What do you mean "became a statistic?"

Thank you. Just another thing we have to get through.

That’s what I tilted my head at. Then again most women don’t want to be feminine anymore. Especially the older women -shrugs-
I work for a very liberal company so I expect it

I wanna avoid the word with everything rn. anyways, I’m not “pure” anymore and that 1 in 5 stat hit me.

JFC, married people on dating apps - people suck. I'm trying my best to maintain faith in humanity right now. I don't want to become jaded.

Your co-workers... lol at men being turned off by you dressing well.

Eh, it’s common. At least in my area. I have always tried not to be jaded and turn my back on marriage. I’m sure I’ll find a decent guy for it.

I think it’s a bit of jealousy? They’re a bit older and stopped caring how they look. Even for their husbands when they all know I believe in the opposite.

[denrocks1]

Apparently I dress too high maintenance. Never knew there was such a thing

Not sure how you dress but I'm at the point where I just skip any girl that is dressed up in every pic or only has professional photos, since they never match/respond anyway unless they are bots.

[FemaleWarriorxo]

Not sure how you dress but I'm at the point where I just skip any girl that is dressed up in every pic or only has professional photos, since they never match/respond anyway unless they are bots.

Never do professional photos for dating sites.

Usually dress similar to this:

But my style outside of work varies

[spazzin]

Never do professional photos for dating sites.

Usually dress similar to this: (img)

But my style outside of work varies

this is too try hard. my currently girl just cooked me dinner a couple days ago and was wearing pajamas, easier to take off than that

[FemaleWarriorxo]

this is too try hard. my currently girl just cooked me dinner a couple days ago and was wearing pajamas, easier to take off than that

Not try hard when you grew up this way lol

I don’t just lay around the house like that. Of course, it’ll be more tshirt and shorts since I’m mainly speaking about outfits outside of the house

[skinnyfat88]

Not try hard when you grew up this way lol

I don’t just lay around the house like that. Of course, it’ll be more tshirt and shorts since I’m mainly speaking about outfits outside of the house

If a guy swipes left because your style looks "too high maintenance" or intimidating then he's not the one for you regardless.

[spazzin]

If a guy swipes left because your style looks "too high maintenance" or intimidating then he's not the one for you regardless.

what you wear tells a lot about you. On average, people who dress up like that (men and women) tend to be boring people from my experience, excluding the southerners as that style is the defacto. But if i see a girl walk around in NYC with that, id assume she has a stick shoved up her ass

[randomuser12345]

proffessional photos are ok when they are mixed with a regular once. It's always good to see other side of a person.

I have a girl at work, she's very pretty and cute, but when i saw her insta photos...i'd never swipe right to that. Tons of makeup, duck lips, screams "feed me money". F*ck dat.

[Luc1fer]

Eh, it’s common. At least in my area. I have always tried not to be jaded and turn my back on marriage. I’m sure I’ll find a decent guy for it.

I think it’s a bit of jealousy? They’re a bit older and stopped caring how they look. Even for their husbands when they all know I believe in the opposite.

Recently, I've just had had a few people betraying me in real life in ways I'd never do to them. My ex being one. People are so selfish.

I'm trying not to let these incidents jade me too much.

I strive to respect and not betray people, do the right thing. I want the same in return, but that seems to be too much to ask for.

I would've never met up with someone secretly like my ex did. Hell, I wouldn't even message past gfs/fwbs on social media. See how it sucks when I made the sacrifices, but she didn't. I'm pretty angry at her.

I'd feel guilty too. I don't know why it doesn't eat her up, but those are value differences. She probably thought if I don't know... what harm.

[TallSaint]

Props to you for being honest w/ her.

Though chillin with your boys will prob be better for you than a rebound right now.

Thanks man. Yeah had to do it, communication is important enough but when it's long distance, it's basically life or death. Things were so great with her until she started acting all distant for the last 3 weeks. Who knows what caused it, I just cut ties and moved on without asking.

Lost some respect for her too...like ffs you are 29 years old and playing mind games like taking forever to respond to messages, being less enthusiastic in the messages you send and not being available for calls. Stop wasting people's time and just be direct with them. Ridiculous.

Trying to hang with some of the boys this weekend as well. Though they are all pretty much tied into the relationship/married life.

[dolvioblue]

Thanks man. Yeah had to do it, communication is important enough but when it's long distance, it's basically life or death. Things were so great with her until she started acting all distant for the last 3 weeks. Who knows what caused it, I just cut ties and moved on without asking.

Lost some respect for her too...like ffs you are 29 years old and playing mind games like taking forever to respond to messages, being less enthusiastic in the messages you send and not being available for calls. Stop wasting people's time and just be direct with them. Ridiculous.

Trying to hang with some of the boys this weekend as well. Though they are all pretty much tied into the relationship/married life.

Games are no good and obvious signs the relationship is in trouble. Best you both move on but it might bother her that it didn’t affect you more but she can deal with that part.