Eating Disorder Support Thread: "Take Action" (part 3)

[stevowrock]

Get this?

I can’t seem to get over of trying to not look at my belly, trying to not look in the mirror. I want to eat what I want and how much I want without feeling guilty or without holding back even if it’s nutrition or healthy eating it seems hard for me. I can’t seem to stop thinking that I need to love in order to eat what I want.

Suppostly it could be ocd? but I have done this for probably ten years and it’s hard for me to stop. I gain weight and look at myself and feel bad and then go back. I feel like im not living my fullest life.

basically copy pasted

but question, if not weighting myself to avoid anxiety a bad thing? since we need to do it to check how we are and also doesnt we need to not fight the anxiety and just relax about it?

btw did you felt useless after exercising? like super tired before eating more? how do you feel now compared to pre better eating? in terms of everything?

sorry for my english.

[AdamWW]

I can’t seem to get over of trying to not look at my belly, trying to not look in the mirror. I want to eat what I want and how much I want without feeling guilty or without holding back even if it’s nutrition or healthy eating it seems hard for me. I can’t seem to stop thinking that I need to love in order to eat what I want.

Suppostly it could be ocd? but I have done this for probably ten years and it’s hard for me to stop. I gain weight and look at myself and feel bad and then go back. I feel like im not living my fullest life.

basically copy pasted

but question, if not weighting myself to avoid anxiety a bad thing? since we need to do it to check how we are and also doesnt we need to not fight the anxiety and just relax about it?

btw did you felt useless after exercising? like super tired before eating more? how do you feel now compared to pre better eating? in terms of everything?

sorry for my english.

So, I don’t think it’s OCD exactly, moreso obsessive tendencies that EDs force us to to develop. If you didn’t always have OCD, it’s probably all just a learned reaction to your food and body image issues.

It’s hard for me to explain what life feels like by comparison… I just don’t feel like the same person.

I don’t think about food unless I get hungry, I don’t care about my abs really at all… I haven’t weighed myself in weeks… food and my bodyfat just aren’t things I think about ever outside of when I want to eat something, and then it exists my mind for several hours until I feel hungry again.

I mean I can literally grab the excess skin / fat on my lower abs and it does nothing to me emotionally. It’s just some stuff that’s there… has no impact on anything.

[stevowrock]

So, I don’t think it’s OCD exactly, moreso obsessive tendencies that EDs force us to to develop. If you didn’t always have OCD, it’s probably all just a learned reaction to your food and body image issues.

It’s hard for me to explain what life feels like by comparison… I just don’t feel like the same person.

I don’t think about food unless I get hungry, I don’t care about my abs really at all… I haven’t weighed myself in weeks… food and my bodyfat just aren’t things I think about ever outside of when I want to eat something, and then it exists my mind for several hours until I feel hungry again.

I mean I can literally grab the excess skin / fat on my lower abs and it does nothing to me emotionally. It’s just some stuff that’s there… has no impact on anything.

thanks for the response!

it seems like I have been having ocd for years now. Therapist did told me it could be part of OCD. Idk if I actually have improve. For a long time I have been eating mostly healthy, 2 meals a day, afraid to eat out because I also want to sit down late at night and relax eating what I mostly do every day. If I weight myself and see the weight up I have thoughts of eating less until the weight goes down.

worst thing is that two person in where I work told me I was getting fatter…

Also, I keep having thoughts of I need to exercise to be able to eat more . I dont even know where to begin with this. I already have 2 therapist but one wants to focus more in emotions and the other one in OCD. so idk about a dietitian one.
for example, I didn’t weighted myself for days and today I saw the weight higher and my mind wants me to eat less


I would like to go back to the gym actually. but lifting for some reason makes me feel sometimes extremely tired mentally and physically. probably it could be due to low test back then. I havent went to the gym in some time.

I still have almost no sexual desire tho
thats why i ask for help here

[AdamWW]

thanks for the response!

it seems like I have been having ocd for years now. Therapist did told me it could be part of OCD. Idk if I actually have improve. For a long time I have been eating mostly healthy, 2 meals a day, afraid to eat out because I also want to sit down late at night and relax eating what I mostly do every day. If I weight myself and see the weight up I have thoughts of eating less until the weight goes down.

worst thing is that two person in where I work told me I was getting fatter…

Also, I keep having thoughts of I need to exercise to be able to eat more . I dont even know where to begin with this. I already have 2 therapist but one wants to focus more in emotions and the other one in OCD. so idk about a dietitian one.
for example, I didn’t weighted myself for days and today I saw the weight higher and my mind wants me to eat less


I would like to go back to the gym actually. but lifting for some reason makes me feel sometimes extremely tired mentally and physically. probably it could be due to low test back then. I havent went to the gym in some time.

I still have almost no sexual desire tho
thats why i ask for help here

I’m not sure if I’m misreading your words but it sounded like you’re saying you only eat two meals a day and you’re not letting yourself eat out?

We’re you describing the past or is this still happening ?

[Strawng]

thanks for the response!

it seems like I have been having ocd for years now. Therapist did told me it could be part of OCD. Idk if I actually have improve. For a long time I have been eating mostly healthy, 2 meals a day, afraid to eat out because I also want to sit down late at night and relax eating what I mostly do every day. If I weight myself and see the weight up I have thoughts of eating less until the weight goes down.

worst thing is that two person in where I work told me I was getting fatter…

Also, I keep having thoughts of I need to exercise to be able to eat more . I dont even know where to begin with this. I already have 2 therapist but one wants to focus more in emotions and the other one in OCD. so idk about a dietitian one.
for example, I didn’t weighted myself for days and today I saw the weight higher and my mind wants me to eat less


I would like to go back to the gym actually. but lifting for some reason makes me feel sometimes extremely tired mentally and physically. probably it could be due to low test back then. I havent went to the gym in some time.

I still have almost no sexual desire tho
thats why i ask for help here

Wow, there's A LOT wrong here. First of all, EVEN IF you have OCD, the last thing you wanna do to deal with obsessive thoughts is restrict your calories. If you look at the literature, even normal people without OCD develop severe OCD-like behavior in the face of starvation. I, for example, couldn't think of anything but food until I had gained weight and kept it on for years. Even recently, when I lost a large amount of weight quickly due to covid, I briefly became extremely body focused and obsessive about minute things until I started putting weight back on. All I thought about was food and I obsessed about things nonstop when I was sick and for a long while, but eventually and with having more weight on me, I got so bored of all that chit. I use to watch "What I Eat In A Day" all day on Youtube, but now nothing could seem more boring. You'e limiting your life by limiting your food intake. You don't know how much you need to gain or how long it's gonna be until those thoughts begin to naturally dissipate.

Secondly, you have to force yourself to eat out to challenge your ED/OCD behaviors.

Thirdly, neither you nor anyone else who has had a disorder relationship with food should ever be eating two meals per day.

Oh, and you libido's fuked because you're body's likely still reeling from starving for so long. That's not to mention the fact that you're completely disconnected from your body. What room or desire is there for sex when you're agonizing about your abs or 2 fuking meals a day all day long? Sex is a bodily activity fist and foremost, and you essentially live entirely in your head.

[AdamWW]

Wow, there's A LOT wrong here. First of all, EVEN IF you have OCD, the last thing you wanna do to deal with obsessive thoughts is restrict your calories. If you look at the literature, even normal people without OCD develop severe OCD-like behavior in the face of starvation. I, for example, couldn't think of anything but food until I had gained weight and kept it on for years. Even recently, when I lost a large amount of weight quickly due to covid, I briefly became extremely body focused and obsessive about minute things until I started putting weight back on. All I thought about was food and I obsessed about things nonstop when I was sick and for a long while, but eventually and with having more weight on me, I got so bored of all that chit. I use to watch "What I Eat In A Day" all day on Youtube, but now nothing could seem more boring. You'e limiting your life by limiting your food intake. You don't know how much you need to gain or how long it's gonna be until those thoughts begin to naturally dissipate.

Secondly, you have to force yourself to eat out to challenge your ED/OCD behaviors.

Thirdly, neither you nor anyone else who has had a disorder relationship with food should ever be eating two meals per day.

Oh, and you libido's fuked because you're body's likely still reeling from starving for so long. That's not to mention the fact that you're completely disconnected from your body. What room or desire is there for sex when you're agonizing about your abs or 2 fuking meals a day all day long? Sex is a bodily activity fist and foremost, and you essentially live entirely in your head.

X2 on literally all this.

I’m glad I haven’t had Covid (that I know of) because that would seriously concern me.

I used to do the same days of eating video chit on YouTube as well… watching cheat days and challenges all the time because I was so damn obsessed with the act of eating.

[stevowrock]

I’m not sure if I’m misreading your words but it sounded like you’re saying you only eat two meals a day and you’re not letting yourself eat out?

We’re you describing the past or is this still happening ?

past and present sadly. altho i did ate out a couple of weeks ago. but I didnt ate exactly how much I wanted. I went to a restaurant like a few days ago, but before that I haven’t go to a restaurant in a long time.

also do you still go to the gym and follow a strict routine

[stevowrock]

Wow, there's A LOT wrong here. First of all, EVEN IF you have OCD, the last thing you wanna do to deal with obsessive thoughts is restrict your calories. If you look at the literature, even normal people without OCD develop severe OCD-like behavior in the face of starvation. I, for example, couldn't think of anything but food until I had gained weight and kept it on for years. Even recently, when I lost a large amount of weight quickly due to covid, I briefly became extremely body focused and obsessive about minute things until I started putting weight back on. All I thought about was food and I obsessed about things nonstop when I was sick and for a long while, but eventually and with having more weight on me, I got so bored of all that chit. I use to watch "What I Eat In A Day" all day on Youtube, but now nothing could seem more boring. You'e limiting your life by limiting your food intake. You don't know how much you need to gain or how long it's gonna be until those thoughts begin to naturally dissipate.

Secondly, you have to force yourself to eat out to challenge your ED/OCD behaviors.

Thirdly, neither you nor anyone else who has had a disorder relationship with food should ever be eating two meals per day.

Oh, and you libido's fuked because you're body's likely still reeling from starving for so long. That's not to mention the fact that you're completely disconnected from your body. What room or desire is there for sex when you're agonizing about your abs or 2 fuking meals a day all day long? Sex is a bodily activity fist and foremost, and you essentially live entirely in your head.

really good points. maybe k I developed ocd because of watching food, what I eat, thinking about food all the time etc. idk maybe because of that?

but yeah its been a long hard road watching what I eat, eating two meals although dinner is pretty big. I thouht maybe my cortisol being high is because of exercising, but it can be a combination of many things. I just fear having a belly. people alreadh have said I look more fatter and thats really triggering. how to avoid these comments? can I still workout? how to be at peace with your body?

[AdamWW]

really good points. maybe k I developed ocd because of watching food, what I eat, thinking about food all the time etc. idk maybe because of that?

but yeah its been a long hard road watching what I eat, eating two meals although dinner is pretty big. I thouht maybe my cortisol being high is because of exercising, but it can be a combination of many things. I just fear having a belly. people alreadh have said I look more fatter and thats really triggering. how to avoid these comments? can I still workout? how to be at peace with your body?

All of these questions have been answered in recent posts in this thread.

[stevowrock]

what about this,yesterday i worked out and i probably wont be able to lift weights until tuesday or wed. my muslce would probably be recover until then. even when not working out should I still eat normally or a surplus?

[stevowrock]

also one of the things I dont understand is, how can my testosterone was so low during around my current weight (160 and im 6’1”-2”) and it managed to increase while around my current weight? is it because im eating more fat, less stressed? I still hardly have sex drive tho. and idk if im underweight or not.

[AdamWW]

what about this,yesterday i worked out and i probably wont be able to lift weights until tuesday or wed. my muslce would probably be recover until then. even when not working out should I still eat normally or a surplus?

Why are you asking this question? Be honest.

You're looking for permission to either restrict or eat what you want. The answer is always the same: eat what you want, unless it's undereating.

also one of the things I dont understand is, how can my testosterone was so low during around my current weight (160 and im 6’1”-2”) and it managed to increase while around my current weight? is it because im eating more fat, less stressed? I still hardly have sex drive tho. and idk if im underweight or not.

Testosterone and sex drive change all the time, and aren't ONLY effected by bodyweight. Being in a 'normal' BMI range doesn't mean you'll have normal test.

160lb at 6-1" - 6-2" isn't medically underweight, but it's underweight FOR YOU if you don't feel strong and healthy. That being the case, stop worrying about the number and start eating for performance and to feel your best.

For example, I'm around 160lb but i'm 6-foot even... I still look very slim compared to most people. Im hoping to get close to 200lb within the next year.

[stevowrock]

Why are you asking this question? Be honest.

You're looking for permission to either restrict or eat what you want. The answer is always the same: eat what you want, unless it's undereating.



Testosterone and sex drive change all the time, and aren't ONLY effected by bodyweight. Being in a 'normal' BMI range doesn't mean you'll have normal test.

160lb at 6-1" - 6-2" isn't medically underweight, but it's underweight FOR YOU if you don't feel strong and healthy. That being the case, stop worrying about the number and start eating for performance and to feel your best.

For example, I'm around 160lb but i'm 6-foot even... I still look very slim compared to most people. Im hoping to get close to 200lb within the next year.

thanks for replying! dude you got this to 200! what time frame you have as a goal?

[AdamWW]

thanks for replying! dude you got this to 200! what time frame you have as a goal?

No real timeframe.. just a loose goal.

My guess would be getting there by end of 2023… eventually the weight gain slows down because my appetite will just not be the same I think… I’ve already gained quite a bit of fat… so I imagine if I gained 20lb more of it, it’d probably be even worse.

I’ve already gained quite a bit in 2022 which is pretty cool. But I want to push my limits.

I’ve never reeeaaally tried hard to push past my comfort for a long time… and I think it’s beneficial for natural lifters to really take at least one period in their lives to just see how crazy strong they can get.

[stevowrock]

No real timeframe.. just a loose goal.

My guess would be getting there by end of 2023… eventually the weight gain slows down because my appetite will just not be the same I think… I’ve already gained quite a bit of fat… so I imagine if I gained 20lb more of it, it’d probably be even worse.

I’ve already gained quite a bit in 2022 which is pretty cool. But I want to push my limits.

I’ve never reeeaaally tried hard to push past my comfort for a long time… and I think it’s beneficial for natural lifters to really take at least one period in their lives to just see how crazy strong they can get.

o snap man you got this! Do you ever get thoughts of wanting to go back to were you were? sorry dont know if this is triggering. I started going back to the gym and want to get strong AF. I really want to get super strong, stronger than I have ever been in my life. Especially legs.

What routine are you following? also question, I tried to go back in this tread but there’s so many treads already. do you know how to search better or go to specific stuff?

[AdamWW]

o snap man you got this! Do you ever get thoughts of wanting to go back to were you were? sorry dont know if this is triggering. I started going back to the gym and want to get strong AF. I really want to get super strong, stronger than I have ever been in my life. Especially legs.

What routine are you following? also question, I tried to go back in this tread but there’s so many treads already. do you know how to search better or go to specific stuff?

Going back? Heeeeellllllll No. Not even for a second.... and honestly, it's not possible to 'trigger me' in the state I am right now, not on a forum. It would take some seriously traumatizing stuff or something to cause any even temporary relapse.

I'm following a slightly modified version of Stronglifts 5x5... I do 1-2 accessory movements and reduced the sets on compounds by 1-2 so I could avoid CNS fatigue. It's been working pretty well. Some weeks I don't get in all my sessions, but meh... right now I have a lot of other stuff I'm also trying to get better at like golf and just working on home improvement things.

I hadn't really thought about this until the other day after reading your posts, but TBH I notice my fat gain every day... the funny thing is though, I just walk away from it and forget it. I mean I'm not a robot, I still look in the mirror and see that I have a blurry 4 back (when flexing) and not a shredded stomach... I also have gained a little 'bump' on my lower abs and it rolls over when I sit etc. Still don't care... not sure why, I just don't.

[stevowrock]

Going back? Heeeeellllllll No. Not even for a second.... and honestly, it's not possible to 'trigger me' in the state I am right now, not on a forum. It would take some seriously traumatizing stuff or something to cause any even temporary relapse.

I'm following a slightly modified version of Stronglifts 5x5... I do 1-2 accessory movements and reduced the sets on compounds by 1-2 so I could avoid CNS fatigue. It's been working pretty well. Some weeks I don't get in all my sessions, but meh... right now I have a lot of other stuff I'm also trying to get better at like golf and just working on home improvement things.

I hadn't really thought about this until the other day after reading your posts, but TBH I notice my fat gain every day... the funny thing is though, I just walk away from it and forget it. I mean I'm not a robot, I still look in the mirror and see that I have a blurry 4 back (when flexing) and not a shredded stomach... I also have gained a little 'bump' on my lower abs and it rolls over when I sit etc. Still don't care... not sure why, I just don't.

YOOo nice man glad you’re feeling way better! I should also learn from you. respect for not doing three sets of compounds, I’m one that likes to finish all 3 and maybe that’s why I end up being too fatigue even mentally sometimes after working out -.- how do I know when it’s time to increase in sets?

you probably stop caring because it just doesn’t take over your life like it used too? im guessing theres just more important stuff in your life than food and looks. also is lifting like a second thing for you? or do you want to be like addicted to it or something? the thing is, counting calories and eating a lot of protein because I would feel like it’s a must is sometimes draining.

[stevowrock]

also im doing basically 3 days of full body greyskull lp. would it be too much to add accessories? im doing only 3 exercises per workout

[AdamWW]

YOOo nice man glad you’re feeling way better! I should also learn from you. respect for not doing three sets of compounds, I’m one that likes to finish all 3 and maybe that’s why I end up being too fatigue even mentally sometimes after working out -.- how do I know when it’s time to increase in sets?

you probably stop caring because it just doesn’t take over your life like it used too? im guessing theres just more important stuff in your life than food and looks. also is lifting like a second thing for you? or do you want to be like addicted to it or something? the thing is, counting calories and eating a lot of protein because I would feel like it’s a must is sometimes draining.

Well, your program should schedule regular weight jumps depending on how long you've been training. A beginner's linear program usually has weight jumps every week or two... but you need to actually be recovered for them. It's part planning, part intuition.

As for why I don't care anymore... I guess it just happened without thinking about it. My values are just different now. Sounds like you need need to stop tracking like you are... you're not enjoying life, so what's the point? When you eventually die, you won't look back on your eating habits with a smile... you'll wish you did something different.

also im doing basically 3 days of full body greyskull lp. would it be too much to add accessories? im doing only 3 exercises per workout

I'm not really familiar with that program. Accessories are fine as long as you don't go overboard.

[stevowrock]

Well, your program should schedule regular weight jumps depending on how long you've been training. A beginner's linear program usually has weight jumps every week or two... but you need to actually be recovered for them. It's part planning, part intuition.

As for why I don't care anymore... I guess it just happened without thinking about it. My values are just different now. Sounds like you need need to stop tracking like you are... you're not enjoying life, so what's the point? When you eventually die, you won't look back on your eating habits with a smile... you'll wish you did something different.



I'm not really familiar with that program. Accessories are fine as long as you don't go overboard.

You do have a point. Am I really happy tracking stuff? guessing what to eat or what to do with food? I have open the tracking calories app like 1-2 times in probably less than a month, but before that I haven’t tracked in a while. Even if I open the track app I guess around, but idk if it’s part ocd that just wants me that

It’s just weird for me to eat more and see my body changing differently.

I also need to change my eating patterns, I eat way too much late at night and that might interfere with my recovery during sleep.

[stevowrock]

Another problem I’m having is im tired of having to walk mainly probably because I want to burn calories. Like I want to just do nothing some days or just weightlift but nooo I also got to do some type of cardio or eat less dang it. its even worst when I dont exercise at all like weightlifting. like if im sedentary it wants me to walk to burn calories

[AdamWW]

Another problem I’m having is im tired of having to walk mainly probably because I want to burn calories. Like I want to just do nothing some days or just weightlift but nooo I also got to do some type of cardio or eat less dang it. its even worst when I dont exercise at all like weightlifting. like if im sedentary it wants me to walk to burn calories

You really need to just follow the advice you've been given.

Everything you're bringing up now has been addressed before... I think you're just looking for an outlet, which is fine, but there comes a time where you need to just do what you know you need to do... nobody here can take the action for u.

We all know it's hard, but it'll only get harder the longer you put it off.

[stevowrock]

You really need to just follow the advice you've been given.

Everything you're bringing up now has been addressed before... I think you're just looking for an outlet, which is fine, but there comes a time where you need to just do what you know you need to do... nobody here can take the action for u.

We all know it's hard, but it'll only get harder the longer you put it off.

for sure its hard. I try a lot but it’s hard. one question and maybe you can help I want to hit the weights but something that makes me wants to quit is that Im not wanting to follow a specific full body program or heck any programs. I have been following programs especially full body and I just dont want to jump from one to another specific full body. I want to just be healthy. get some strength and muscle. thoughts?

[AdamWW]

for sure its hard. I try a lot but it’s hard. one question and maybe you can help I want to hit the weights but something that makes me wants to quit is that Im not wanting to follow a specific full body program or heck any programs. I have been following programs especially full body and I just dont want to jump from one to another specific full body. I want to just be healthy. get some strength and muscle. thoughts?

You don't have to do anything.... it's your life dude... make the decision if you want.

[stevowrock]

You don't have to do anything.... it's your life dude... make the decision if you want.

so true. thanks for replying!

[stevowrock]

how did you felt when you stopped counting calories? if you don’t a while ago.

[AdamWW]

how did you felt when you stopped counting calories? if you don’t a while ago.

I mean it made me really anxious…

But eventually I just saw it didn’t matter..

[stevowrock]

I mean it made me really anxious…

But eventually I just saw it didn’t matter..

Also I’m guessing same thing could happen if I watch myself gaining weight or wanting to eat more things I want? like get anxious but still eat what I want and still manage the thoughts about weight gain? like health matters more? also do you ever plan in cutting if you gain too much?

[stevowrock]

Like today I use the app to guess how much I will eat and it seems like I keep controlling myself with it. I want to probably eat more but I already have a lot of calories so im like ugh. I’ll see what ill do. I already can sense the anxiety and or stress but i got to eat. I want to feel energetic again (idk if its due to eating tho) and better health.

[AdamWW]

Like today I use the app to guess how much I will eat and it seems like I keep controlling myself with it. I want to probably eat more but I already have a lot of calories so im like ugh. I’ll see what ill do. I already can sense the anxiety and or stress but i got to eat. I want to feel energetic again (idk if its due to eating tho) and better health.

I feel like you haven't been listening to all our advice....