Can any married person on here geninuely say that marriage made them happier?

[shoobey]

If you are married, and not happier, you are doing it wrong.

When I was in my 5 year relationship I really thought I was happy, but the relationship just seemed too difficult. But after it ended and I got over the initial grieving (only 3-4 days in my case strangely), I started feeling rushes of happiness, and thoughts like "the sky is the limit again!". I guess I really wasn't happy? But it fooled me, I only stayed in this so long b/c it's what I thought I wanted to do based on feeling decent about it until near the end at least when the marriage pressure started.

[Madbrad70]

Just like getting that nice body takes hard work and dedication, so does a good marriage. Been married for 9yrs now and just because your married doesn’t mean you can have guys/girls night out. Me and my wife both go have a night out with our friends once in a while to.

[shoobey]

Just like getting that nice body takes hard work and dedication, so does a good marriage. Been married for 9yrs now and just because your married doesn’t mean you can have guys/girls night out. Me and my wife both go have a night out with our friends once in a while to.

In my mind, nothing comes close to the difficulty of not only having the proper judgment to find the right type of person for you and know it, but then maintaining a healthy relationship through life's ups and downs. How else can you explain super successful individuals who excel at everything, but their marital life is a wreck? I may be a little biased since I tried to have a calm/reasonable relationship with a girl with borderline personality disorder for 5 years (didnt figure out till the end), but I still think it's probably the most difficult feat on the planet, just because literally everything goes into it.

Even with lifting and stuff, I can get into zombie mode and still get things done. But with relationships, I feel like if you want it to work you really have to be on the ball at all times, and smart, and constantly paying attention to make sure the relationship isn't changing under your nose, or that you get too relaxed and too comfortable

[waldopepper]

I hate to get all philosophical, and I know it's not a "one size fits all" answer, but I really think that you have to:
1) Have the mindset of compromise. The "my way or the highway" attitude isn't going to work (for long).
2) Have the mindset that it's a "partnership." It's no longer all about "me" - it's about us.
3) You have to be willing to let her 'win" when it comes to arguments. Contrary to popular opinion, you aren't always right, even though it may feel that way.
4) You have to be willing to sacrifice "self" to maintain the relationship.
Having said all of that I don't think you have to give up being who you are - but you do have to be a little like putty in that you have to be flexible to mold to the nuances of each others behaviors. That can be hard on the ego but being in a committed relationship brings me great happiness. I met a great a woman who is equally committed so maybe I am partially just fortunate.

[Brackneyc]

When I was in my 5 year relationship I really thought I was happy, but the relationship just seemed too difficult. But after it ended and I got over the initial grieving (only 3-4 days in my case strangely), I started feeling rushes of happiness, and thoughts like "the sky is the limit again!". I guess I really wasn't happy? But it fooled me, I only stayed in this so long b/c it's what I thought I wanted to do based on feeling decent about it until near the end at least when the marriage pressure started.

Certainly a bad mariage is no fun. I miss my wife terribly when she is not around me, and I know I am happier when she is there. We have only been married 23 years, and I cannot think of one day it ever felt like work. Sorry you are where you are now. Marriage is not bad or good. The folks in it however are what defines each one.

[Tyros]

For people where getting married was never one of their life goals and they were just happy single and living life, did getting married actually make you happier and enjoy life more?

I can't say that getting married has made me all that more happy than being single. Having
been married 5 times before I am very cautious now about relationships. At least I was smart
and always had a prenup so none of them got their hands on the vette.

[Robosco]

Marriage isn't for everybody. Some are happier flying solo. That sums up the entire argument.

Personally, I've seen more miserable marriages than happy marriages.

[GuyJin]

Been married only fourteen years and yes, it's made me happier. I was doing fine when I was single, had a lot of girlfriends, did what I wanted, came home when I felt like it...blah, blah, blah...

After I got hitched I started to enjoy a different lifestyle, knowing my wife and I would be there for each other. Now, before everyone says "Perfect" the answer is no. We've had arguments, fights, periods of not talking with each other...we both grew up a little. Not just older--matured. And we have two children we love and want to raise the right way.

Happiness is a state of mind, not the state you're in. If you're miserable single, you'll probably be worse off when married. If you're miserable when you're married, then either do something about it or get out. Just my two yen.

Now, off to advise Dr. Phil.

[djflex]

Yes i am happier.

[cowboybiker]

I am happier and I love everything about my wife including her faults.

Cause its those very faults that kept her from finding somebody better than me

[hochspeyer]

If you are married, and not happier, you are doing it wrong.

You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to Brackneyc again.

I can't say that getting married has made me all that more happy than being single. Having
been married 5 times before I am very cautious now about relationships. At least I was smart
and always had a prenup so none of them got their hands on the vette.

A prenup, to me, means you value your stuff more than your spouse- it is pre-planned failure. You're not smart, you're very foolish in my opinion.

[KimberleyRN]

Absolutely.

Married in 1995.

[JerryB]

Thought this was the bodybuilding section, not dear abby.

LOL

Only way to answer that question is to live a single life and an married life simultaneously and compare notes. Some do, but that's called adultery.

[theKurp]

A prenup, to me, means you value your stuff more than your spouse- it is pre-planned failure. You're not smart, you're very foolish in my opinion.

As long as the marriage remains intact then a prenup has no meaning or value. And if the marriage fails? Then damn straight I value my stuff more than my "ex" spouse. By definition, marriage is a legal contract between two partners that among other things, spells out the economic rules for assets and debts. There's nothing foolish about trying to ensure that one partner doesn't unfairly profit at the expense of the other should the partnership dissolve.

In most cases, the decision to get married is dominated by emotions rather than logic. Emotions are the last thing that should enter the equation when making financial decisions that could make a significant impact on how you live your life.

[jasnija]

Honestly no I am not happier. I have known my wife since 1994 and have been married to her since 2000. We have 3 beautiful girls but the marriage is not a good one IMO. She did a lot of convincing to get married but I think I married a person that was not my ideal match. Sex life leaves a lot to be desired and we seem to be at odds with almost everything which has gotten worse the longer we are together. I have raised this issue with her several times but she seems to think the marriage is fine so obviously she doesnt listen to me. I have been kicking around divorce in my head for a few years now and am wondering if I will actually have the balls to proceed.

[Marius_Ursus]

The only thing that makes a person happier is that person. You can't blame joy or sorrow on your marriage. That's an escapist copout.

[Frnkd]

Thanks, that makes me feel like I really did make the right call then. This was actually one of the "normal" relationship issues we had. I am very convinced she had some kind of BPD, probably very severe. The BPD stuff was more the head slamming against the walls when she got mad at me, and me being legitimately frightened by my GF when she lost it with her emotions and started screaming at me like I've never even seen any human do ever. Just raw storms of emotions with literally nothing holding her back. She would just slam things down and break them, never did anything to me, but I didn't like the violence and rage she clearly had built up inside of her, and it scared me.

She was pulling this stuff like the first month we went out, but it was always during her periods and I just through it was standard PMS because i didn't know. About the 8th occasions she was hitting her head, and then one time locked herself in a room just to trick me and make me think she was hitting her head and I couldn't come help her, I knew this was farrr from normal, and probably more like some kind of emotional warfare she was waging against me without knowing.

I probably had many massive issues in this all at once. Dating someone who probably has some severe mental illness, dating someone who has the maturity of a 13 year old when it comes to relationships, and someone that thinks my job is to make her happy and if i'm not happy its because im being a wuss and not manning up.

I'd say that my problem isn't i can't commit, it's just that I'm an idiot and stay in horrible relationships for far too long because I am too optimistic even when living in hell lol

So she must have used the line " you NEVER.....", "You ALWAYS.......", "I HATE YOU...."? When she is not getting her way, right? BOARDERLINE! Beware folks

Love you one minute, hate u the next? Makes you feel it's your fault in every issue?
BOARDERLINE!!!!

1:00pm means 12:59pm and if it is 1:01pm don't even think about coming home to happiness!
BOARDERLINE

Seriously I'm in a very happy marriage 27 yrs. Comes down to communication and trust. Communicate what you don't understand and trust that what you communicate is clear. We have our similar interest and persue it together, she has her personal interest and allows me to persue mine same goes for me with her interest.
Similar: keeping healthy and fit- hers is yoga, mine is gym
She likes shopping and I don't mind it, good thing for smartphones. The best invention for shopping husbands. When she ask for my opinion I say "they both look good but I like that one" she ask I tell. Narrow it down to two choices.
We have one child. Planned, key here, we try to plan all major "investments"
Money can be n issue but we make effort not to make it.

Hope this helps at least a little.

[shoobey]

So she must have used the line " you NEVER.....", "You ALWAYS.......", "I HATE YOU...."? When she is not getting her way, right? BOARDERLINE! Beware folks

Love you one minute, hate u the next? Makes you feel it's your fault in every issue?
BOARDERLINE!!!!

1:00pm means 12:59pm and if it is 1:01pm don't even think about coming home to happiness!
BOARDERLINE

Seriously I'm in a very happy marriage 27 yrs. Comes down to communication and trust. Communicate what you don't understand and trust that what you communicate is clear. We have our similar interest and persue it together, she has her personal interest and allows me to persue mine same goes for me with her interest.
Similar: keeping healthy and fit- hers is yoga, mine is gym
She likes shopping and I don't mind it, good thing for smartphones. The best invention for shopping husbands. When she ask for my opinion I say "they both look good but I like that one" she ask I tell. Narrow it down to two choices.
We have one child. Planned, key here, we try to plan all major "investments"
Money can be n issue but we make effort not to make it.

Hope this helps at least a little.

I hate you was one of her favorites lol. Also apparently during out 5 years together, she NEVER felt like I "swept her off her feet", even once. One day I was dating a creepy clinger girl who was nice and seemed to actually care about me and my interest, next moment we are in an argument and she starts yelling "i hate you" during "pms" fits. She would confuse me b/c sometimes after a fight she would apologize or sound like a normal person and say she realized she wasn't completely right either. But she just did this over and over and over.

I felt like I was dating two people, one of them was a really laid back sweet girl, and the other one was a bitter, unhappy person with a chip on her shoulder about everything. Near the end of our relationship like 99% of our communication was her complaining about her job to me. I would try to talk to her about music and things I like and positive things, and she would just meh me off. Very weird dude!

[Snausage]

Honestly no I am not happier. I have known my wife since 1994 and have been married to her since 2000. We have 3 beautiful girls but the marriage is not a good one IMO. She did a lot of convincing to get married but I think I married a person that was not my ideal match. Sex life leaves a lot to be desired and we seem to be at odds with almost everything which has gotten worse the longer we are together. I have raised this issue with her several times but she seems to think the marriage is fine so obviously she doesnt listen to me. I have been kicking around divorce in my head for a few years now and am wondering if I will actually have the balls to proceed.

Depending on how old your kids are and how much you enjoy spending time with them, it may be in your best interest to wait it out until they are older. I was in your boat 3 years ago and pulled the trigger on divorce, I wish I would have waited because spending every other weekend with my kids sucks.

[Mk35]

You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to Brackneyc again.



A prenup, to me, means you value your stuff more than your spouse- it is pre-planned failure. You're not smart, you're very foolish in my opinion.

You must spread reputation around.... blah blah.
Well put Hoch, I agree....
I've had awesome cars, etc. in my life but they are still cars & stuff.
I love my wife and am much happier & content being married.
Married 8 years

[jasnija]

Depending on how old your kids are and how much you enjoy spending time with them, it may be in your best interest to wait it out until they are older. I was in your boat 3 years ago and pulled the trigger on divorce, I wish I would have waited because spending every other weekend with my kids sucks.

Probably a good idea. I have a set of twins that are 5 and a newborn only 2 weeks. I would hate to give up that time or even separate the "work" that all three children can be between two of us living in separate places. I have always thought it would be better not to stay in a unhappy marriage for the sake of the kids because I wouldnt want the kids to see Mom and Dad not happy but in this case maybe I am wrong about that. I dont even really know if counciling would be worth it because to be honest if my wife and I werent married I dont even think I would be friends with her.

[Mk35]

Probably a good idea. I have a set of twins that are 5 and a newborn only 2 weeks. I would hate to give up that time or even separate the "work" that all three children can be between two of us living in separate places. I have always thought it would be better not to stay in a unhappy marriage for the sake of the kids because I wouldnt want the kids to see Mom and Dad not happy but in this case maybe I am wrong about that. I dont even really know if counciling would be worth it because to be honest if my wife and I werent married I dont even think I would be friends with her.

Sorry to read this but congrats on the twins and the newborn...
I was where you are about 4 years ago and now I couldn't imagine being without my wife & best friend.
I'm just mentioning this because there is still hope... be the change you want to see.

[theKurp]

Well put Hoch, I agree....
I've had awesome cars, etc. in my life but they are still cars & stuff.

I wouldn't exactly call 30 years of pension and 401K contributions just "stuff".

[ZaxWastedLife]

I am happier being married. I've been married since 2003. Its all about meeting the right person and being able to get over yourself. You will have to both compromise a lot as well as grow up. Over the years we have grown up together and became completely different people together. You have a best friend that knows and sees through all your BS and still loves you for it. You have a partner in crime, steady sex and more confidence. Oddly enough other women like you a lot more after your married for a while, which you just need to deal with by treating all women like a sister. seriously.

[elephino]

IMO, marriage just multiplies your existing state of mind. If you're a happy person, you'll attract a happy person and can be happier with someone to share it with. If you're not ready but convince yourself that you are, it'll make things 10x worse.

[jasnija]

IMO, marriage just multiplies your existing state of mind. If you're a happy person, you'll attract a happy person and can be happier with someone to share it with. If you're not ready but convince yourself that you are, it'll make things 10x worse.

I was a very happy person. I had no reason not to be happy. After the first few years of marriage it changed. All I can say it is very easy to take your spouse for granted and think that person will always just "be there" so we tend not to work as hard at the relationship.

[Tyros]

You're not smart, you're very foolish in my opinion.

No single person out there plans on getting divorced but, it does happen. It's better to
protect yourself, think of it as insurance.

[carnage1985]

Got married on Saturday

Looking good so far

Best day of my life yet!!!

Posting from airport bout to leave in honeymoon!!!!

[shoobey]

No single person out there plans on getting divorced but, it does happen. It's better to
protect yourself, think of it as insurance.

(women may think things and feel things and not tell you!)

[Tyros]

Got married on Saturday

Looking good so far

Best day of my life yet!!!

Posting from airport bout to leave in honeymoon!!!!

I wish you both the very best.