When you meet a quality girl but want to remain single (25k reps)

[chivasregal]

I’ve messed around the last year and a half and talked to numerous girls. I always said I wasn’t going to force a relationship. I recently met this girl who meets a lot of the criteria I’m looking for including career, goals, church girl, attitude, being bilingual and likes adventure/traveling. Our life goals align a lot. We’ve been talking and really click. I haven’t felt this feeling in almost 10 years when I first met my ex.
I have really enjoyed my single life the last year and a half and have done a lot including messing around, traveling and just doing my own thing. She’s down to travel, do fun things and she’s already an independent girl.
I guess what I’m trying to say or ask is that I’m conflicted and i wanted to see what advice you guys have or if you’ve been through the same thing.

[smashedurgfx10]

You said it yourself. You aren't going to force a relationship, so don't

let it play out just like you did with any of the other girls you were seeing. DON'T put her on a pedestal. Just treat her as a good prospect and be open to what happens.

When she starts asking for more commitment and starts taking it seriously, simply go along with it - instead of resisting it, as I'm guessing you were doing with other girls

that's how you can make this work. if she feels as good about this as you do, it won't be long before she starts investing more at which point you can match that

[ScottTil]

no offense bro but as an old bro myself, you're old af. If you click with this girl try to make it work. Not saying rush into it and force it like some autist but don't disregard it just to remain single either

[redliner9]

Go with the flow man, its hard to find someone that really gets you going.

[AceRok]

Well, clearly you're not forcing it because stuff is just flowing and you're clicking.

I know what you mean when you meet someone worthy of your time and you have to decide "ok I'm going to give this a fair chance to be something" it's a transition because you're so used to messing around. But when it's someone that's worth it once I decide that hesitation goes away after the first few weeks.

[chivasregal]

You said it yourself. You aren't going to force a relationship, so don't

let it play out just like you did with any of the other girls you were seeing. DON'T put her on a pedestal. Just treat her as a good prospect and be open to what happens.

When she starts asking for more commitment and starts taking it seriously, simply go along with it - instead of resisting it, as I'm guessing you were doing with other girls

that's how you can make this work. if she feels as good about this as you do, it won't be long before she starts investing more at which point you can match that

Good advice. I’m just so new to dating all over again after 8 years of being off the market.
So far I’m getting really good vibes from this girl. I’ll do as you say. But still inside of me there’s that hesitation to continue because I like my single life. But maybe I just had a bad experience before. I met my ex when I was 22. I’m 31 now so I’m a lot wiser too.

So at what point do we “begin dating?” Like we are talking and hanging out right now by attending church together, eating afterwards. Is that “dating”? I’m telling you, I’m so new to this again. And yes, I was married.

no offense bro but as an old bro myself, you're old af. If you click with this girl try to make it work. Not saying rush into it and force it like some autist but don't disregard it just to remain single either

Very true. Although according to misc, the prime age for a guy is 33-40. But you’re right. Can’t throw something like this away just to stay single only to realize a huge regret later.

Go with the flow man, its hard to find someone that really gets you going.

Thanks broski.

Well, clearly you're not forcing it because stuff is just flowing and you're clicking.

I know what you mean when you meet someone worthy of your time and you have to decide "ok I'm going to give this a fair chance to be something" it's a transition because you're so used to messing around. But when it's someone that's worth it once I decide that hesitation goes away after the first few weeks.

You’re right. I feel this more and more each day. Like, I can actually see myself with this girl forever. But the good thing is that even if it doesn’t work out for some reason, I’m still very content with myself and by myself.

[backinthegymbro]

If you both want a relationship, then go for it. Just dont get married again. Also be careful of knocking her up. Make sure she has a life going for herself and isn't looking to trap you.

[smashedurgfx10]

Good advice. I’m just so new to dating all over again after 8 years of being off the market.
So far I’m getting really good vibes from this girl. I’ll do as you say. But still inside of me there’s that hesitation to continue because I like my single life. But maybe I just had a bad experience before. I met my ex when I was 22. I’m 31 now so I’m a lot wiser too.

So at what point do we “begin dating?” Like we are talking and hanging out right now by attending church together, eating afterwards. Is that “dating”? I’m telling you, I’m so new to this again. And yes, I was married.

there's 3 stages imo.

meeting up before you smash
meeting up after you smash but aren't 'official' i.e. neither of you has brought up exclusivity
once exclusivity comes up is the last stage

you're dating, to me, when you're going out and doing coupley sh*t together. that doesn't mean you're together, youre just testing the waters.
keep this non-exclusive phase going until she brings up something more. which she will, if she's into you

i'm assuming you've smashed? if not none of this matters and do that first of all before you give her a 2nd thought.
A guy means fuk all to a girl if he hasn't been inside her. she's talking to 10 other dudes who want the same thing srs

[skinnyfat88]

I'd probably refrain from hooking up with anyone else at the moment.
You don't have to have the exclusive talk yet but in reality, quality people may bounce if they find out you're messing around with other people too when you seem to be moving towards a potential relationship with each other.

You seem to be confident, experienced, and level-headed enough that you don't need to keep other women on the go to keep yourself from moving too fast or over-investing in any one woman. If it doesn't work out nothing has changed bro you'll still be the stud you are now.

I went through a similar experience before my last gf. After we hungout 7-8 times and hooked up 3-4 times I kinda realized where this might be headed (& was cool with that) so I decided I should stop pursuing any other women. I think the next time we hungout she brought up making sure we were on the same page in that we were not dating anyone else (but also agreed we were still getting to know each other and what not so no need to label anything yet).
We dated for almost 2 years and brokeup 2 weeks ago as we were struggling to move forward (some cultural differences + I have a kid which complicated things) but I have zero regrets and know exactly what I want/deserve if I get into another relationship because of the positive experience with her (my relationship before that was not a positive experience).

[smashedurgfx10]

I'd probably refrain from hooking up with anyone else at the moment.
You don't have to have the exclusive talk yet but in reality, quality people may bounce if they find out you're messing around with other people too when you seem to be moving towards a potential relationship with each other.

You seem to be confident, experienced, and level-headed enough that you don't need to keep other women on the go to keep yourself from moving too fast or over-investing in any one woman. If it doesn't work out nothing has changed bro you'll still be the stud you are now.

I went through a similar experience before my last gf. After we hungout 7-8 times and hooked up 3-4 times I kinda realized where this might be headed (& was cool with that) so I decided I should stop pursuing any other women. I think the next time we hungout she brought up making sure we were on the same page in that we were not dating anyone else (but also agreed we were still getting to know each other and what not so no need to label anything yet).
We dated for almost 2 years and brokeup 2 weeks ago as we were struggling to move forward (some cultural differences + I have a kid which complicated things) but I have zero regrets and know exactly what I want/deserve if I get into another relationship because of the positive experience with her (my relationship before that was not a positive experience).

if you have a mentally mature woman on your hands, I'd say sure go ahead and do this. But the chances you'll start dating a woman who is happy to cut off other guys is super slim. Women lie man. About lots of things, but ESPECIALLY about other men in her life. And of course she would lie about that, it'll sabotage a sure thing with you if you found out, and she'd lose the validation of multiple guys fawning over her (whether she fukks them or not).

I'd be very hesitant to cut off options or stop meeting women just because it seems like a good thing with this one.

You'll just get stronger and stronger feelings for her, and as she (in all likelihood) HASN'T cut off her orbiters or potential options, she's gonna remain detached longer than you.

I hate this, i really do. But i've been here and it fukked me over. The moment you put all your eggs in one basket with a girl, even by means of just limiting yourself of other options - it goes south.

[chivasregal]

Good **** men. For reals I really appreciate the advice.
I’m definitely falling and falling over this girl. She’s mentally stable for sure, something my ex is wasn’t. I haven’t cut off any contact from FWBs. I’m taking it slow and not putting all my eggs in one basket. However I do recognize the talk will happen pretty soon. Being 31 i know what I want and what I’m willing to put up with. I’m already established and so is she. I’m looking for someone to complement my life, not make it. I guess from the sounds of it, quality girls are really hard to come by. Luckily I’m in a good position, make decent money, good looks (according to my mom) and I’m a good person that girls will naturally fall for me, it’s just up to me to decide who gets to go on this adventure with me.