Friend: I have no lunch money.
Me: Here's $10
Best friend: I have no lunch money.
Me: Good, you were getting fat anyway.
This patience thing takes forever.....
Sweet and sour chicken... how can it be both? Come on... let's get real China.
Your kid is running around the store screaming at the top of her lungs annoying everyone and I'm the @ssh0le for tripping her???
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce you deleted and blocked. You may now kiss my ass.
Keep scrolling, I got nothin...
Man: You look pretty today.
Woman: Did I look bad yesterday?
It was my hair wasn't it? You think I'm fat.
Instead of divorce, how about a marriage license you have to renew every year.
That's a horrible idea. What time?
Please God take me back to being 12 and let me start again and mess up my life in an entirely different way... I have fresh ideas.
Sorry the relationship everyone thought was the worst decision of your life has ended...
According to my neighbor's journal, I have "boundary issues."
I wonder if dogs ever see police dogs and think "oh sh!t the cops are here"...
Everyone is breaking up... Which means Christmas is almost here!
Some people are just beautifully wrapped boxes of sh!t.
A friend of mine told me he had sex with his girlfriend and her twin, I asked how he could tell them apart, and he said her brother has a mustache.
Texting "Good Morning, Beautiful" will change a girl's whole day. If you time it right, it will do the same for her boyfriend.
They say 1 in 4 men is gay. So there must be one in my group of friends. I hope its David he's super cute.
If video games have taught me anything, it's that if you encounter enemies then you're going the right way.
Statistics show the number one cause of failed relationships is opening your mouth and letting words come out...
It's beginning to look a lot like fu=k this.
There was a therapist on TV talking about the importance of having a reward system in place for when your child behaves. I remember having that with my parents, it was called "not getting your ass beat"!
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Results 2,911 to 2,940 of 3108
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12-16-2014, 07:52 AM #2911is here to fuk sh!t up!
- Join Date: May 2003
- Location: South Carolina, United States
- Posts: 13,477
- Rep Power: 66002
Last edited by steeperdolphin; 12-16-2014 at 11:22 AM.
Be happy while you're living, for you're a long time dead.
I am black.
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12-16-2014, 09:25 AM #2912Registered User
- Join Date: Oct 2013
- Location: United States
- Age: 34
- Posts: 480
- Rep Power: 1430
i dont know what is worse, a knife stuck in your head or All About the Bass.
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12-18-2014, 07:57 AM #2913
Jack & Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water. However, if you sponsor Jack & Jill for just $2 a month we will dig a well in their village.
It's weird how it's socially acceptable to put someone else's genitals in your mouth, but eating a Dorito off the floor after a few seconds is gross.You wouldn't worry so much about what others think of you if you realized how seldom they do.
"I'm a total egg slut." --Anthony Bourdain
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12-18-2014, 08:05 AM #2914Last edited by
- Join Date: Dec 2012
- Posts: 1,398
- Rep Power: 4434
This card knows my feels better than anyone else
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12-18-2014, 08:26 AM #2915Mississauga brah!
- Join Date: Sep 2008
- Posts: 350
- Rep Power: 2574
Seth Rogen and James Franco having their movie pulled due to terrorist threats sounds like the plot of a Seth Rogen and James Franco movie.
*Fap before I make a decision crew*
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12-18-2014, 05:39 PM #2916Registered Nice Guy
- Join Date: Apr 2008
- Location: Denver, Colorado, United States
- Age: 41
- Posts: 13,568
- Rep Power: 51136
Life is not like a box of chocolates... It's more like a jar of jalapeños. What you do today might burn your ass tomorrow!
Success is like a fart. It only bothers people when it's not their own.
Costco: The most expensive place in the world to save money.Drunk at 3am on a Thursday crew.
Say something nice in my CP get something nice back ;)
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12-19-2014, 05:20 AM #2917Registered User
- Join Date: Jan 2011
- Posts: 7,813
- Rep Power: 18713
You just have to blow it offOriginally Posted by ShanBL
"An independent woman is a contradiction in terms. For woman's chief want is to feel that she is wanted. Therefore it is that with women, cruelty is more easily borne than coldness. Indeed, It is astonishing how much downright cruelty a woman will stand from the man she loves or has loved. What women admire is a subtle combination of forcefulness and gentleness. If a woman has to choose between forcefulness and gentleness, always she will sacrifice the latter." - Arnold Haultain
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12-20-2014, 06:47 AM #2918Fecalpheliac
- Join Date: Apr 2008
- Location: Port Arthur, Texas, United States
- Posts: 2,755
- Rep Power: 3567
lol bump
Spreading Smucker's grape jelly between female booty's and licking them.
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12-20-2014, 09:30 AM #2919Registered Nice Guy
- Join Date: Apr 2008
- Location: Denver, Colorado, United States
- Age: 41
- Posts: 13,568
- Rep Power: 51136
Tequila won't solve all of your problems but it's worth a shot
Drunk at 3am on a Thursday crew.
Say something nice in my CP get something nice back ;)
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12-22-2014, 04:49 AM #2920Registered User
- Join Date: Jan 2011
- Posts: 7,813
- Rep Power: 18713
I used to have a tshirt that had that same face, no santa hat, and read "Have a day"Originally Posted by kenjoshx
This card knows my feels better than anyone else
"An independent woman is a contradiction in terms. For woman's chief want is to feel that she is wanted. Therefore it is that with women, cruelty is more easily borne than coldness. Indeed, It is astonishing how much downright cruelty a woman will stand from the man she loves or has loved. What women admire is a subtle combination of forcefulness and gentleness. If a woman has to choose between forcefulness and gentleness, always she will sacrifice the latter." - Arnold Haultain
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12-24-2014, 05:55 AM #2921Registered User
- Join Date: Jun 2012
- Location: Oklahoma, United States
- Age: 32
- Posts: 690
- Rep Power: 886
Any good Christmas ones?
You have enemies? Good. That means you've stood up for something, sometime in your life. ― Winston S. Chruchhill
*jesse. Stahp! Crew*
*Would Smash almost anything female crew*
*Low standards crew*
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12-24-2014, 06:10 AM #2922Registered User
- Join Date: Jan 2011
- Posts: 7,813
- Rep Power: 18713
The ******** yr in review should read, "It's been a great year. Thanks for scrolling past this w/o looking at it".
"An independent woman is a contradiction in terms. For woman's chief want is to feel that she is wanted. Therefore it is that with women, cruelty is more easily borne than coldness. Indeed, It is astonishing how much downright cruelty a woman will stand from the man she loves or has loved. What women admire is a subtle combination of forcefulness and gentleness. If a woman has to choose between forcefulness and gentleness, always she will sacrifice the latter." - Arnold Haultain
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12-26-2014, 05:11 PM #2923is here to fuk sh!t up!
- Join Date: May 2003
- Location: South Carolina, United States
- Posts: 13,477
- Rep Power: 66002
People ask "how was your Christmas?"... Like they even give a sh!t.
I've been doing it all day.Last edited by steeperdolphin; 12-28-2014 at 06:37 AM.
Be happy while you're living, for you're a long time dead.
I am black.
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12-27-2014, 05:05 AM #2924
It's real cute how pedestrians confuse “right of way” with immortality.
If you win a year's supply of calendars, you would only win 1 calendar.
Ice skating is just walking in cursive.
As I looked at my naked body in the mirror, I thought to myself: "I'm going to get thrown out of this Home Depot in a minute."
For our next trick, we should hack into North Korea's TV system and put Jersey Shore on repeat...You wouldn't worry so much about what others think of you if you realized how seldom they do.
"I'm a total egg slut." --Anthony Bourdain
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12-27-2014, 05:17 AM #2925
G1 m8's
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12-28-2014, 07:00 AM #2926is here to fuk sh!t up!
- Join Date: May 2003
- Location: South Carolina, United States
- Posts: 13,477
- Rep Power: 66002
People who get out of the car and actually have a sit down meal inside McDonald's scare me.
Be happy while you're living, for you're a long time dead.
I am black.
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12-29-2014, 09:43 AM #2927
PARENTS: Your teen may be worshipping Satan. Look for these terms: LOL - Lucifer Our Lord, BRB - Burn Religious Books, TBH - Tell Beelzebub Hi
I'm starting to think that the ******** status update I liked has had absolutely no influence on Government policy at all.You wouldn't worry so much about what others think of you if you realized how seldom they do.
"I'm a total egg slut." --Anthony Bourdain
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12-29-2014, 08:37 PM #2928Mississauga brah!
- Join Date: Sep 2008
- Posts: 350
- Rep Power: 2574
Science fact- the top 5 fighters of all time:
1. Goku
2. Magic Johnson's white blood cells
3. Sharkeisha
4. Floyd Mayweather
5. Lebron's hairline*Fap before I make a decision crew*
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01-01-2015, 07:31 AM #2929Fecalpheliac
- Join Date: Apr 2008
- Location: Port Arthur, Texas, United States
- Posts: 2,755
- Rep Power: 3567
any New Year ones?
Spreading Smucker's grape jelly between female booty's and licking them.
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01-01-2015, 07:50 AM #2930Registered User
- Join Date: Jun 2009
- Posts: 7,780
- Rep Power: 25722
0* thread
If you *******s actually post this gay chit I have bad news- Disregard females, acquire real estate
- MAGA
- Fauci for prison
- Pureblood
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01-01-2015, 09:07 AM #2931Registered User
- Join Date: Jun 2012
- Location: Oklahoma, United States
- Age: 32
- Posts: 690
- Rep Power: 886
New year. New me.
I'm now to be identified as a cat.
I am going to quit my job to spend the rest of my life running through my house like a lunatic at 4am. Scratch doors until someone opens it and when they do im ajust run away. Ima spend 11 hours of my day licking my own balls.
Happy 2015. Meow.You have enemies? Good. That means you've stood up for something, sometime in your life. ― Winston S. Chruchhill
*jesse. Stahp! Crew*
*Would Smash almost anything female crew*
*Low standards crew*
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01-01-2015, 09:10 AM #2932Registered User
- Join Date: Jan 2011
- Posts: 7,813
- Rep Power: 18713
"An independent woman is a contradiction in terms. For woman's chief want is to feel that she is wanted. Therefore it is that with women, cruelty is more easily borne than coldness. Indeed, It is astonishing how much downright cruelty a woman will stand from the man she loves or has loved. What women admire is a subtle combination of forcefulness and gentleness. If a woman has to choose between forcefulness and gentleness, always she will sacrifice the latter." - Arnold Haultain
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01-01-2015, 11:17 AM #2933Registered Nice Guy
- Join Date: Apr 2008
- Location: Denver, Colorado, United States
- Age: 41
- Posts: 13,568
- Rep Power: 51136
I can't believe the Earth is 2015 years old today!
Drunk at 3am on a Thursday crew.
Say something nice in my CP get something nice back ;)
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01-01-2015, 11:42 AM #2934¯\_(ツ)_/¯
- Join Date: Apr 2012
- Posts: 5,995
- Rep Power: 7518
The fuk, I was only doing it to impress you bbzOriginally Posted by the700level
“If you can walk with the crowd and keep your virtue, or walk with Kings - nor lose the common touch; If all men count with you, but none too much; then you'll be a man, my son.”
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01-02-2015, 09:31 AM #2935MWC gif lord
- Join Date: Nov 2012
- Location: Climax, Colorado, United States
- Posts: 24,692
- Rep Power: 77254
Dark chocolate tastes like chocolate that started doing CrossFit.
Drunk girls would be amazing lawyers if they cared about laws & freedoms as much as they cared about trying to convince people they're sober.
I've survived enough awkward high-fives to know they're not worth the risk.
Heavy metal is not intimidating to me because half of the time it's just the plot of Lord Of The Rings yelled over guitar solos.
Here's your social security card. It's paper and has to last you forever. Don't laminate it. Good luck azzhole.
I can't get hard unless I can hear a gluten intolerant person weeping over a menu.
What idiot called it an auction instead of serious bidness?☆MWC☆MissChill Appreciation Crew☆
☆/\^/\^Misc Colorado Crew^/\^/\☆
👊 Fisting Is My First Base Crew 👊
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01-02-2015, 10:24 AM #2936Platinium Membership
- Join Date: Nov 2008
- Location: Florida, United States
- Posts: 1,691
- Rep Power: 4345
Milk cartons in Asia have missing planes on them instead of children.
Well, I got fired from punching a guy at the company New Year's party ... when you hear an Arab count down from 10 instinct kicks in.
I'm so deep in the friend zone that she sends me nudes for approval before they go out to the other guys.
You'd think with as much time women spend looking at their ass in the mirror, they would be able to reverse into a parking spot.Join me on tsu - the only social network that pays you: www.tsu.co/flyordie
1. Go on www.tsu.co
2.click on How to join?
3. Enter my name: flyordie
4. Fill your info, add me as your friend and let's build a MISC family
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01-02-2015, 02:54 PM #2937Stay safe bros
- Join Date: Oct 2007
- Location: Okinawa, Japan Stats: 5'9", 175 lbs Bodypoints: 'bout 350M because I am a, Chad
- Posts: 26,924
- Rep Power: 206892
5 likesOriginally Posted by the700level
1 shareWe’re all gonna make it.
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01-02-2015, 03:30 PM #2938Last edited by
- Join Date: Dec 2012
- Posts: 1,398
- Rep Power: 4434
Airplane landed, an old lady onboard got up and said:"Praise the lord!" and everybody claps
I got up and said:"Allahu Akbar" and got tackled...
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01-08-2015, 08:58 AM #2939is here to fuk sh!t up!
- Join Date: May 2003
- Location: South Carolina, United States
- Posts: 13,477
- Rep Power: 66002
I hereby give my permission to the Police, the NSA, the FBI and CIA, the Swiss Guards, the Priory of Scion, the inhabitants of Middle Earth, Agents Mulder and Scully, the Goonies, ALL the Storm-troopers and Darth Vader, the Mad Hatter, Chuck Norris, S.H.I.E.L.D, The Avengers, The Men in Black, Gandalf and Dumbledore, Santa Claus, The Easter Bunny and all the members of Van Halen (even Sammy), to view all the Super Amazingly Awesome and interesting things that I publish on ********.
I'm aware that my privacy ended the day that I signed up with ********. I know that everything that I post can and usually will be shared, tagged, copied and posted elsewhere. If I don’t want anyone else to have it I DO NOT POST IT!
I’d like to add that whatever declaration that you publish has NO LEGAL STANDING whatsoever, and that the contract you signed with ******** grants them the use of everything you publish. If you don’t like it ask them for your money back.Be happy while you're living, for you're a long time dead.
I am black.
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01-08-2015, 03:00 PM #2940is here to fuk sh!t up!
- Join Date: May 2003
- Location: South Carolina, United States
- Posts: 13,477
- Rep Power: 66002
Wow, as it turns out you're supposed to urinate on a jellyfish sting, NOT a jelly stain. Sending a big SORRY out to that lady at the Waffle House from this morning. I was just trying to help!
Be happy while you're living, for you're a long time dead.
I am black.
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