How should I handle my breakup? Cheater involved.

[Carson92]

Breaking up with my girlfriend tomorrow. This girl honestly made me happier than I had ever been. A real sweetheart, great with kids, a hopeless romantic at heart, just as I am. She took off for a vacation with a friend to Arizona. Come to find out, she had a separate hotel room with an ex boyfriend out there. That's all the information I have on it now, and I had to go around her to her friend to get that intel tonight. She has no idea that I know now, but she has lied to my face for over a month every time I've asked her about it. She asked for a little space this past weekend to figure out a few things (which she honestly does have a LOT on her plate at the moment). I plan on going up to her dorm tomorrow, saying I'm bringing a few pairs of jeans she wanted from my house, and then break to her what I know.

Do I drag this out and make her feel the hurt I feel right now? Do I say I know and turn around and leave? What do I do misc? I've really never experienced this before and my friends are saying a few different things on what I should be doing. I'm obviously not in a great state of mind and would love to have an epic blowout and make her suffer, but I know I need to be a bigger man here.

[RyanLeee]

Be the bigger man. Appear calm, cool and collected, it will drive her nuts.

Just state what you know, that it is over and its best for you to both move on and no contact. Than peace out and delete her number and DO NOT RESPOND as she will blow up your phone. This will drive her up the ****ing wallllll

[AlexxVann]

Just give her all her sht back and break it off quickly.
Don't be a dik to her either cause girls have a habit of making things up about guys when they get dumped and you don't want happening.
Just get to the point and get it done then leave.

Don't respond to the 1,000 texts you'll get.

[Miscamus]

Op as a man who's been in a similar situation do what the guy above me said. Be the bigger man and no contact.

It won't make sense to you now, but if you go no contact you will be thanking us later.

I didn't go no contact and wasted time and made myself look like a fool. Serious.

[Prim3]

Be the bigger man. Appear calm, cool and collected, it will drive her nuts.

Just state what you know, that it is over and its best for you to both move on and no contact. Than peace out and delete her number and DO NOT RESPOND as she will blow up your phone. This will drive her up the ****ing wallllll

Do this. And do it with as few words as possible. I would just say, "I know what happened in Arizona. We're done."

Walk away, like a boss. Then NC.

[obe1cannoli]

lol actually the first two reaponses are perfect.

[BreakYouDown]

^ What he said.

Break up with her but remain calm.

Think long and hard on how you're going to act infront of her as this is probably the last time you will see her and she WILL remember it. Do you want to leave as the strong confident guy who knows it is HER loss or would you rather be a beta teary eyed *******?

Don't show any emotion or weakness brah. Once you've done the deed, feel free to go home and let it all out.

Completely cut contact with her. Delete everything (social media/phone #/messages/ hide everything that reminds you of her)

[myjohnson]

Play it cool.

Personally, more intel is needed.

Can you confirm what her friend said is true? Some bishes be hatin just to hate, yo.

[Carson92]

Thanks for all the responses guys. She's honestly still got a TON of **** at my place that a) I can't fit into my car all at once b) don't want to put the effort into hauling it all up to her dorm for her. I think I'll just tell her I'll arrange to get it to her (ie message her roommate and have her come get it next time she passes through my town).

I kind of want to mindfck her a little first and ask one last time what happened in Arizona before revealed what I know, not sure if I should. It was one of her very best friends that told me, and gave me permission to throw him under the bus on this one, which I honestly can't appreciate enough. He just really understood how I felt about her and knows I don't deserve to be dragged along anymore. (Before anyone questions the "he", he's a 17 year old gay kid that was basically raised by my girlfriends family. I had no reason not to trust him and still don't have a reason not to trust him. He talked to me tonight when I called him about this, man to man.)

[Carson92]

Play it cool.

Personally, more intel is needed.

Can you confirm what her friend said is true? Some bishes be hatin just to hate, yo.

See my post directly above this one about trusting it. He doesn't have any reason to lie to me. But she has. She told me multiple times after I specifically asked if he stayed the night at the hotel at all, and she said no. That's enough to warrant a breakup IMO.

[Montre]

The sign of a mature person is the ability to not get upset when someone hurts them, but to understand their situation.

Understanding their situation will give you more clarity, closure and insight than any amount of vindictive, vengeance.
The situation is simple. She's in a relationship with you, but she got a hotel with an ex-boyfriend on vacation. There isn't much more you need to understand about her situation, there is no excuse for it.

She will tell you she is sorry, she is stressed, has alot on her plate. She will explain her situation, but you need to look at your situation, and ask yourself if this is a woman who really loves and cares for you. Any woman that does would NEVER put you in that situation, so you know the answer.

Her need for space doesn't apply, you don't owe her that favor. Go to her dorm, or see her when you're comfortable doing so. Calmly walk in, sit down with her and tell her that you know about the hotel room with her ex. Tell her there's no explanation necessary, and there is no excuse, the fact that she kept you in the dark is reason enough. Tell her that you're old enough to realize that a woman who loves or cares for you, would never put you in this position. Explain simply that, even if you wanted to love her, you couldn't, because your trust has been broken, and she lied to you. You can be emotional if it warrants it, or you feel that way. Just express yourself, but make sure you drive the point home that it's unacceptable and you've made up your mind, for your own sake as well as hers

As far as I can tell, THAT is the situation. Remember that even if you can forgive, if she is willing to pull moves like that on you, she likely isn't someone who is beneficial to you on a good day.

Also, I'd leave it up to her to pick it up. Be the bigger man, buy a few carboard boxes from Uhaul or wherever and package up everything that is hers. Do it neatly, don't break **** or deface it. If there's anything she misses when she picks it up you can mail it, or she can package it up herself.

[Carson92]

The sign of a mature person is the ability to not get upset when someone hurts them, but to understand their situation.

Understanding their situation will give you more clarity, closure and insight than any amount of vindictive, vengeance.
The situation is simple. She's in a relationship with you, but she got a hotel with an ex-boyfriend on vacation. There isn't much more you need to understand about her situation, there is no excuse for it.

She will tell you she is sorry, she is stressed, has alot on her plate. She will explain her situation, but you need to look at your situation, and ask yourself if this is a woman who really loves and cares for you. Any woman that does would NEVER put you in that situation, so you know the answer.

Her need for space doesn't apply, you don't owe her that favor. Go to her dorm, or see her when you're comfortable doing so. Calmly walk in, sit down with her and tell her that you know about the hotel room with her ex. Tell her there's no explanation necessary, and there is no excuse, the fact that she kept you in the dark is reason enough. Tell her that you're old enough to realize that a woman who loves or cares for you, would never put you in this position. Explain simply that, even if you wanted to love her, you couldn't, because your trust has been broken, and she lied to you.

As far as I can tell, THAT is the situation. Remember that even if you can forgive, if she is willing to pull moves like that on you, she likely isn't someone who is beneficial to you on a good day.

Nailed it. Thank you. Rep on recharge. It really sucks, cause I honestly have never felt this strongly with someone. I honestly saw a future together with her. She seemed to have a real good head on her shoulders, but this just ruined everything. I've been extremely worked up the past two weeks since shes come back, a full body tense I've never felt before. When her friend told me what happened tonight, I felt a huge weight lift knowing I was right all along. It hurt like hell, and I was absolutely infuriated for probably 10 minutes after, but talking to a lot of people and this thread has helped me settle down a lot and look at the situation a lot more maturely.

[Willanhanyard]

maybe her friend lied...

[AtxBrah]

The sign of a mature person is the ability to not get upset when someone hurts them, but to understand their situation.

Understanding their situation will give you more clarity, closure and insight than any amount of vindictive, vengeance.
The situation is simple. She's in a relationship with you, but she got a hotel with an ex-boyfriend on vacation. There isn't much more you need to understand about her situation, there is no excuse for it.

She will tell you she is sorry, she is stressed, has alot on her plate. She will explain her situation, but you need to look at your situation, and ask yourself if this is a woman who really loves and cares for you. Any woman that does would NEVER put you in that situation, so you know the answer.

Her need for space doesn't apply, you don't owe her that favor. Go to her dorm, or see her when you're comfortable doing so. Calmly walk in, sit down with her and tell her that you know about the hotel room with her ex. Tell her there's no explanation necessary, and there is no excuse, the fact that she kept you in the dark is reason enough. Tell her that you're old enough to realize that a woman who loves or cares for you, would never put you in this position. Explain simply that, even if you wanted to love her, you couldn't, because your trust has been broken, and she lied to you. You can be emotional if it warrants it, or you feel that way. Just express yourself, but make sure you drive the point home that it's unacceptable and you've made up your mind, for your own sake as well as hers

As far as I can tell, THAT is the situation. Remember that even if you can forgive, if she is willing to pull moves like that on you, she likely isn't someone who is beneficial to you on a good day.

Also, I'd leave it up to her to pick it up. Be the bigger man, buy a few carboard boxes from Uhaul or wherever and package up everything that is hers. Do it neatly, don't break **** or deface it. If there's anything she misses when she picks it up you can mail it, or she can package it up herself.

This.
Subbed for results.
Don't leave us hangin op.

[Carson92]

maybe her friend lied...

I honestly don't think so. She was extremely distant the entire time she was away, would not skype with me, hardly texted me, and told me on her flight home she was depressed and going to miss this guy. It should have been my first and last clue, but I was wrapped up in her, and ignored it. Angrily, but let her explain to me nothing happened.

[Carson92]

This.
Subbed for results.
Don't leave us hangin op.

Will update tomorrow afternoon. I just have a real hard time staying strong in a situation like this, so I'm really hoping I can just keep my head high, say what I know, and walk the **** out.

[Montre]

Nailed it. Thank you. Rep on recharge. It really sucks, cause I honestly have never felt this strongly with someone. I honestly saw a future together with her. She seemed to have a real good head on her shoulders, but this just ruined everything. I've been extremely worked up the past two weeks since shes come back, a full body tense I've never felt before. When her friend told me what happened tonight, I felt a huge weight lift knowing I was right all along. It hurt like hell, and I was absolutely infuriated for probably 10 minutes after, but talking to a lot of people and this thread has helped me settle down a lot and look at the situation a lot more maturely.

Same boat. I'm in the process of breaking up with a girl who was incredibly sincere and genuine in her love with me. She never lied to me, was always honest. She called me on my **** and kept me accountable, and could handle it when i did the same. She opened my eyes to amazing memories, amazing music, people, events. My life is truly changed because of her and I will never forget that. However she learned, or discovered, or decided that she's no longer in love with me, and so we have to part ways.

It's a hard thing, but realize that this woman lied to you, kept you in the dark, and most important didn't appreciate your relationship enough to not risk it. In my case, I can't be upset because my girlfriends heart doesn't want me, she can't control that, but she was always genuine to me.

There are women out there capable of treating you far better. People who risk their relationship on seedy nights at hotels with ex's aren't worth your tears OP, as hard as it is. Realize that behavior is beneath you and find a partner that will support and motivate you, not sneak around on you and play games.

[Carson92]

Same boat. I'm in the process of breaking up with a girl who was incredibly sincere and genuine in her love with me. She never lied to me, was always honest. She called me on my **** and kept me accountable, and could handle it when i did the same. She opened my eyes to amazing memories, amazing music, people, events. My life is truly changed because of her and I will never forget that. However she learned, or discovered, or decided that she's no longer in love with me, and so we have to part ways.

It's a hard thing, but realize that this woman lied to you, kept you in the dark, and most important didn't appreciate your relationship enough to not risk it. In my case, I can't be upset because my girlfriends heart doesn't want me, she can't control that, but she was always genuine to me.

There are women out there capable of treating you far better. People who risk their relationship on seedy nights at hotels with ex's aren't worth your tears OP, as hard as it is. Realize that behavior is beneath you and find a partner that will support and motivate you, not sneak around on you and play games.

You're seriously improving my night, mood, and view on this so much. We had a real long talk this weekend, and I honestly did cry with her. Tears were shed over some of the terrible **** she's been through and is going through, and the thought of losing her because she's such an important part of my life right now. The fact that she saw that, and still didn't have the heart to tell me what had happened though, makes me realize that she's just been feeding me lies to keep me comfortable. Proves she cares about me, but doesn't truly love me like she has claimed.

[Montre]

You're seriously improving my night, mood, and view on this so much. We had a real long talk this weekend, and I honestly did cry with her. Tears were shed over some of the terrible **** she's been through and is going through, and the thought of losing her because she's such an important part of my life right now. The fact that she saw that, and still didn't have the heart to tell me what had happened though, makes me realize that she's just been feeding me lies to keep me comfortable. Proves she cares about me, but doesn't truly love me like she has claimed.

This, we always believe we won't find better. And then we do. My first ex tried cheating on me, my second ex decided she was no longer attracted to me and never spoke to me again. There is better out there, and you will meet them, and fall in love, and let your walls down, and maybe it will work, maybe it won't. There is always something to be learned. I promised myself I would never love again, and I did quite well with this one, but eventually we always let them in. I believed in her support, her love and I was right to do so, because she was always good to me. The first two, absolutely not.

The point is, we must take away a lesson. Your lesson is that it's okay to love, and it's okay to cry, but you need to be cautious and understand that you're worth more than your relationship. Realize you deserve better. You deserve someone who is genuine, truthful and doesn't lie. And if you find that person and it works, then it will be amazing, or if it's my case and it doesn't - you'll at least know it wasn't because they did you wrong, but simply because nature didn't allow it. But do not settle for a liar, a cheat or someone who isn't genuine - because even if it works, it's still broken, and if it doesn't work you'll ask yourself why you stuck around so long for something wrong.

[Mr Beer]

Just say it calmly, walk off and no contact. Don't make a big speech or try to punish her...there's nothing to achieve by doing that. Also, really no contact.

[Carson92]

This, we always believe we won't find better. And then we do. My first ex tried cheating on me, my second ex decided she was no longer attracted to me and never spoke to me again. There is better out there, and you will meet them, and fall in love, and let your walls down, and maybe it will work, maybe it won't. There is always something to be learned. I promised myself I would never love again, and I did quite well with this one, but eventually we always let them in. I believed in her support, her love and I was right to do so, because she was always good to me. The first two, absolutely not.

The point is, we must take away a lesson. Your lesson is that it's okay to love, and it's okay to cry, but you need to be cautious and understand that you're worth more than your relationship. Realize you deserve better. You deserve someone who is genuine, truthful and doesn't lie. And if you find that person and it works, then it will be amazing, or if it's my case and it doesn't - you'll at least know it wasn't because they did you wrong, but simply because nature didn't allow it. But do not settle for a liar, a cheat or someone who isn't genuine - because even if it works, it's still broken, and if it doesn't work you'll ask yourself why you stuck around so long for something wrong.

The closest thing I had to this current relationship was a girl I was with for around 2 months. She was a bit older than me, a senior in college while I was a sophomore. Another genuine sweetheart, but eventually felt like since she was graduating she didn't want a relationship anymore, seeing as I would still be in school. She found a new boyfriend 2 weeks later, has dated multiple jailbirds since, and is now engaged to someone she's known for 3 months. I was a mess for two months after, and built up some serious walls. This current girl was the first that broke them down, and I made a conscious effort to let that wall breaking take almost two months. Once I let the walls down though, the floodgates broke and I flew into it fast. Confided a lot in her, treated her like an absolute princess. I lost my virginity to this girl (wasn't a FA, just a sincere guy that didn't wanna throw it away with a slut.) Had the best Valentines Day of my life, got to know her family over the few times I went down to her hometown, and she was going to move in with me as well. After AZ though, her acting distant happened so fast, and I think I was just clouded by the hope that she would return to normal, and continue to make me so incredibly happy like she did. It's been a terribly painful process, but knowing other people have faced something so similar is a breath of fresh air. I have a lot to look forward to soon, even without her in my life. The last month of my senior capstone with so many friends, a huge roadtrip to Georgia with some of my best friends for a car show... I just need to focus on these things and persevere.

[Montre]

The closest thing I had to this current relationship was a girl I was with for around 2 months. She was a bit older than me, a senior in college while I was a sophomore. Another genuine sweetheart, but eventually felt like since she was graduating she didn't want a relationship anymore, seeing as I would still be in school. She found a new boyfriend 2 weeks later, has dated multiple jailbirds since, and is now engaged to someone she's known for 3 months. I was a mess for two months after, and built up some serious walls. This current girl was the first that broke them down, and I made a conscious effort to let that wall breaking take almost two months. Once I let the walls down though, the floodgates broke and I flew into it fast. Confided a lot in her, treated her like an absolute princess. I lost my virginity to this girl (wasn't a FA, just a sincere guy that didn't wanna throw it away with a slut.) Had the best Valentines Day of my life, got to know her family over the few times I went down to her hometown, and she was going to move in with me as well. After AZ though, her acting distant happened so fast, and I think I was just clouded by the hope that she would return to normal, and continue to make me so incredibly happy like she did. It's been a terribly painful process, but knowing other people have faced something so similar is a breath of fresh air. I have a lot to look forward to soon, even without her in my life. The last month of my senior capstone with so many friends, a huge roadtrip to Georgia with some of my best friends for a car show... I just need to focus on these things and persevere.

Minus the virginity part, you pretty much explained my life hahaha. First time a girls ever told me she loved me was on valentines day, and I was high as **** on some clean Mdma which basically takes your dopamine and serotonin (**** that makes you happy) and floods your brain with it so basically everything is amazing in the world. Couple that with this girl saying she loves me for the first time on valentines day and I think I actually started crying with Joy hahahahaha.

Such is life my man, we will make it. Also what a gentleman above said, no contact.

[Carson92]

This song has been carrying me lately. The opening speech means a lot, and the lyrics may be a bit hard to understand, but look them up while you listen to the song. Made me feel a lot less alone.

[Carson92]

Minus the virginity part, you pretty much explained my life hahaha. First time a girls ever told me she loved me was on valentines day, and I was high as **** on some clean Mdma which basically takes your dopamine and serotonin (**** that makes you happy) and floods your brain with it so basically everything is amazing in the world. Couple that with this girl saying she loves me for the first time on valentines day and I think I actually started crying with Joy hahahahaha.

Such is life my man, we will make it. Also what a gentleman above said, no contact.

I honestly felt like I was on MDMA at the time. This girl put me on Cloud 9, I had just never felt it before in my life. I couldn't help but grin like an idiot around her. I feel like I'm losing a lot, but just hope to find that feeling again, in someone sustainable though. I'm sure as hell not one for banging sloots all the time and empty feelings, I need to have a girl like that that can just relax and make me really happy with simple little things. We sure as hell will make it.

[Montre]

*****://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jCrm7CKTZZQ

This song has been carrying me lately. The opening speech means a lot, and the lyrics may be a bit hard to understand, but look them up while you listen to the song. Made me feel a lot less alone.

Will do, I've been listening to Ultra Music Fest all day and pretty much riding the feels train to some trance and ****. Brb songs that make me want to curl up into a ball and die. But whatever, some of my favorite songs I'll never listen to again because there are too many vivid memories.

Prepare to cry brah, the lyrics of non peace.
Copy paste this link. She actually signed my Vday card with lyrics from this. Song gets me everytime lmao
http://youtu.be/_O_IOBDlNeo?t=1m50s

This was another song lmao This is the last song me and the GF heard at the last event we went to and she sang the entire thing to me, the day before telling me she doesn't love me anymore. Strongest O I've ever O'd

[Carson92]

Will do, I've been listening to Ultra Music Fest all day and pretty much riding the feels trance to some trance and ****. Brb songs that make me want to curl up into a ball and die. But whatever, some of my favorite songs I'll never listen to again because there are too many vivid memories.

Prepare to cry brah, the lyrics of non peace, skip to 10 seconds. This is the last song me and the GF heard at the last event we went to and she sang the entire thing to me, the day before telling me she doesn't love me anymore. Strongest O I've ever O'd

Holy fuark those lyrics.

[HockeyBacon18]

Show up with the cockiest smile on your face you can muster. walk in say i know about her and xxx in arizona. Its done. give her a kiss on the cheek, and walk out like a boss

[Carson92]

Will do, I've been listening to Ultra Music Fest all day and pretty much riding the feels train to some trance and ****. Brb songs that make me want to curl up into a ball and die. But whatever, some of my favorite songs I'll never listen to again because there are too many vivid memories.

Prepare to cry brah, the lyrics of non peace.
Copy paste this link. She actually signed my Vday card with lyrics from this. Song gets me everytime lmao
http://youtu.be/_O_IOBDlNeo?t=1m50s

This was another song lmao This is the last song me and the GF heard at the last event we went to and she sang the entire thing to me, the day before telling me she doesn't love me anymore. Strongest O I've ever O'd

Just listened to both. We'll find another girl that really means these things man. Just talking this out with someone with a similar mind has made me feel so much more positive.

[Montre]

Just listened to both. We'll find another girl that really means these things man. Just talking this out with someone with a similar mind has made me feel so much more positive.

Yeah man, just remember you're the priority, not her. If she cries and begs and grovels you need to know you deserve better and kick her to the curb. It's like tearing a bandaid off, easier to leave it on, but in the long run it's going to have to come off.

Mine spent the entire day ignoring me, I texted her in the AM after she texted me a bible and she never got back to me. Yet she's never without her phone. It's funny that, girl who never puts her phone down suddenly never picks it up when it's not convenient It's all part of the game my man. We'll be fine, summer is right around the corner. I plan on doing all kinds of great **** I otherwise wouldn't be able to. It's a learning experience and **** you're 6 years younger than me, you have PLENTY of time.

Best lesson you can learn, you come first.

[Snakesrul3]

In to see how it ends