Low mood and irritability

[PetiteL]

Hi,

I've been feeling quite low in mood lately and extremely irritable. My husband and I keep arguing and I'm worried that it will result in us seperating. It's mainly brought on by frustrations around the house, ie housework and the fact that my husband barely lifts a finger to do anything.

Is there the possibility that I'm more irritable as a result of weight training? I've been training for about 8 months now and I'm sure we didn't argue so much before.

Perhaps I'm just looking for something to blame?

Whichever it is, it's just nice to get this off my chest and hopefully hear from others that have been in a similar situation.

[LHarwood]

Hi,

I've been feeling quite low in mood lately and extremely irritable. My husband and I keep arguing and I'm worried that it will result in us seperating. It's mainly brought on by frustrations around the house, ie housework and the fact that my husband barely lifts a finger to do anything.

Is there the possibility that I'm more irritable as a result of weight training? I've been training for about 8 months now and I'm sure we didn't argue so much before.

Perhaps I'm just looking for something to blame?

Whichever it is, it's just nice to get this off my chest and hopefully hear from others that have been in a similar situation.

I don't think it's the weight training. Are you eating and sleeping enough? If not then that could be that issue.

You could just be at that point where you've had enough of his ways and something needs to give before you sort stuff out.

When my hubby went through a lazy phase I used all my will power and went 'on strike'..I left all the housework and after two weeks he noticed the house wasn't looking as tidy-I replied 'tidy up then'..at this point he realised I wasn't gonna let him get away with not doing any house work

Wife 1 - husband 0

[o0o0]

I don't think that is because of the weight training, either. Could it be PMS or hormone imbalance?

[PetiteL]

I don't think it's the weight training per se but I'm wondering if it's tiredness from the 5 am starts, hard training and time spent meal prepping.

Anyhoo, I'm looking into stress management. Hopefully that'll help.

Thanks ladies!

[amiaow]

That's a good plan PetiteL. The other thing I was going to suggest is fat in your diet- I was feeling really down in the dumps until I upped my fats and that has really helped me, so if you're not getting 0.45g/lb you could increase them to see what happens. Also some B-vitamins/multi may assst, I feel like that made a difference for me too. Sorry to hear about your hubby stresses, hope it improves for you shortly.

[eleanorjane]

Agreed with all the above. Eating, sleeping and organization are key to not getting exhusted.

All that aside, have you tried talking? I don't want to sound dumb or condisending. I just mean plain, straight talking, you might even want to write it down, what bugs you, why it bugs you and how you want to move forward together. Best in a neutral place when everyone is in a calm mood with full bellies.

My husband and I are both short tempered as **** so we have to have a time out together to say all sorts of stuff like 'yeah, I was totally tired and grumpy that time, sorry but you where bugging be becasue you're never on time.' 'Next time can we book dinner for earlier so you're not so hungry and annoying. 'Let's stay in this night and we'll all take a chore in the house and we'll get the place done in an hour so we have the whole day on Saturday off' 'Can we not stay out so late next weekend because I can't deal with you when you have the hangover fear.' 'Lets organise dinner with our friends with babies so we can get home quicker and aviod a big night.' 'Please stop using my tweezers for your nose hair, it's bending them all out of shape' etc, etc.'

It works for us beucase it keeps us on the same level and neither of us gets too pissed off with the other one. We're in comunication overdrive just now, we're at the end of a 5 weeks of house guests. Needless to say this extened period of irregular eating, hardly any proper training, boozing, staying up late all the time and working all day is making us rub up the wrong way. We're doing this like every few days just now because we're totally burnt out, else we'd be scrapping on the train and embarassing ourselves in front of our guests.

I'm really looking forward to 9pm bed times next week and not drinking for the rest of the summer. lol

[PetiteL]

Amy, I was definitely worse when cutting at the beginning of the year! So totally agree diet can be a big factor.

Eleanor, I know we should talk but I've been getting so angry that I explode before I can think it all through. I'm more aware of it now though and am tackling it.

I sympathise with your situation. I'm such a control freak that any change to my routine stresses me out. Yep, I'm a major stress head!

'Please stop using my tweezers for your nose hair, it's bending them all out of shape'

Ha ha!!

[Wadingbird]

I agree with the advice about getting fat in your diet. I feel awful when I don't eat enough healthy fats. Sluggish, tired, and cranky.

I do the majority of the housework in my home, but I always ask my husband to do 1 or 2 things each day to help out. Something that has worked with my husband is: I ask him nicely to do a certain chore by a certain time. (say, bedtime.) Then I don't bring it up again or nag him about it until after that time has passed. (Which is hard to do!) If he blows it off, I just say "I'm really disappointed that you didn't do (chore). It makes me feel like you don't appreciate everything I do around the house for us, and like you aren't willing to help out."

Then I put on my sad face. When he see's how bummed out I am, he usually feels AWFUL that he made me feel that way and jumps up to do the chore he blew off.

I feel like men react a lot better to sadness/disappointment than they do to anger/irritability. But it sure can be hard to hide the irritability sometimes! :-)

[katdav]

I try to not clean the toilet until my husband notices it needs cleaning...i just can't do it, its stained moldy and gross and he still does not notice. forget about replacing the toilet paper roll, or napkins in the kitchen, or vacuuming. Drives me crazy, we have the same fights over and over. He does do the laundry though...

[PetiteL]

I always ask my husband to do 1 or 2 things each day to help out. Something that has worked with my husband is: I ask him nicely to do a certain chore by a certain time. (say, bedtime.) Then I don't bring it up again or nag him about it until after that time has passed. (Which is hard to do!) If he blows it off, I just say "I'm really disappointed that you didn't do (chore). It makes me feel like you don't appreciate everything I do around the house for us, and like you aren't willing to help out."

Then I put on my sad face. When he see's how bummed out I am, he usually feels AWFUL that he made me feel that way and jumps up to do the chore he blew off.

Brilliant! Actually, my husband jokes that I am the 'puppet master' in our relationship and that when I pull the strings he dances. That makes me sound terrible! But I think I'll add this tactic to my 'repertoire'.

Katdav, my husband occasionally does the laundry, but he'll only do it when he has run out of something.

Since my original post, things are much improved. I think being aware of the problem has opened my eyes. I'm feeling a lot less irritable and happier. I've been really tired this week and have cancelled a few workouts, but we aren't arguing and are back to our 'loveydovey' ways

[acrawlingchaos]

I would avoid all the games and guilt trips. I don't see how it could be helpful to the relationship.

You need to communicate with your man. If you can't do it without exploding, I would strongly suggest counseling.

[JoWinters]

I guess, you are not too satisfied with the result of your training then. Try to consult a gym instructor so then you can achieve what you wanted. This then can reduce irritability.

[Angi3]

I def do not think its the training. For me I find training gets rid of a lot of frustration. It's when I don't train that I find I have all this aggression in me. Like most in this tread pointed out, It could most likely be your diet, or maybe it's not entirely you! Think positive, if you want your relationship to work it out, try approaching certain situations differently like with a more positive attitude. Try talking to your partner it might not be completely your fault & maybe you shouldn't be putting all the blame on yourself. Good luck & I hope you work thing out!

[PetiteL]

Hi everyone,

Thanks for all the suggestions and good wishes. Just wanted to report that things are so much better for me now. I'm truly happy, full of energy and my husband and I haven't argued in a really long time.

I think I was stuck in a bit of a low point caused by a few issues. I've been offered stress management counselling through the nhs which I'll start soon. I was offered counselling too but haven't taken that up as yet.

In the meantime, I've incorporated one household chore into my daily routine, which means the housework gets done and I'm not stressed by it all building up. This has really helped and the house is cleaner than it has been in a long time!

Plus, I'm seeing some great results with my training. I'm getting really strong and my shape is starting to look good. That has helped cheer me up too!

[amiaow]

That's a great outcome, so glad to hear it