How to tell a 34 year old to get his sh*t together

[Kulvich]

Don't be so hard on him, and certainly don't tell him he is a loser to his face. Something is obviously going on. Nobody becomes a 34 year old recluse for no reason.

He's quite obviously depressed and he needs help, not judgement. Maybe he has a form of autism or sever social anxiety. Maybe he just thinks life gave him a chitty hand and just gave up, or something happened to him that your family is not aware of.

Or maybe he just likes to live off the government and do nothing. Most people fall into that category. Treating him with the hippie approach ain't gonna give him that motivational drive that's always been missing. Try working in a local mental hospital for awhile. There are quite a few people who have disabilities, see sounds, hear colors, etc., etc., but a lot of them are just there because of meds or have substance problems and end up there instead of jail. I'm sure that any paramedic, law enforcement, or fire-fighter, or psych tech/nurse/doctor who deals with these people on a day-to-day basis will agree with me.

And while we're talking about disabilities, my brother has autism and has held a full time job for the past 19 years. He's in his late 30s and has six figures in his bank account in savings. My neighbor has a kid with down syndrome who holds a full time job at the local hospital doing laundry.

A lot of people just like free sh!t. Plain and simple. That's what's calling "failing" in life. When you take the possibility of "failing" out of life, you get people like the OPs brother. I guarantee you if you placed the OPs brother on a deserted island and told him to find food, or starve, the sap would get up off of his lazy ass and find some food or die.

[LivingStrongE]

Get him addicted to crack. Problem solved.

[shinigami92]

Meanwhile I've to pay 50%+ in taxes once I graduate to cover the expenses of people who are just too lazy. To be honest, I don't mind paying a part of my salary and taking care of those in society who have some sort of disabilities etc or for some reason can't work... Or to pay for education and healthcare for people who can't afford it. But there are honestly thousands of people like my uncle who're low lives and just too lazy to work.

mind=blown

Move to the U.S., srs

[Mudshovel]

Get him a job at TelAmeriCorp

[Daniel1003]

inb4 suicide


but srsly

you cant help anyone who doesnt want to help themselves. if you guys have tried and he still isnt willing then its time for an intervention time. he probably feels like he doesnt have any purpose in life.

[Eurosong2000]

Wow I feel old. I'm old enough to be your uncle. Hello from neighbouring Germany. A simple way to start is by asking him where he sees himself in five years time. It can be a wake up call.

So he likes collecting coins, and working with computers. How about a website on his coin collection? Don't try and change anything too much. People say beyond late twenties is too late to change so much. Work with what is already there and spin it into something positive.

[Bingu]

Hey ___________, how does it feel to be a failure?

[Flareon]

Wow I feel old. I'm old enough to be your uncle. Hello from neighbouring Germany. A simple way to start is by asking him where he sees himself in five years time. It can be a wake up call.

So he likes collecting coins, and working with computers. How about a website on his coin collection? Don't try and change anything too much. People say beyond late twenties is too late to change so much. Work with what is already there and spin it into something positive.

Shut up brown nose

Changes are always possible.

[Tanktwo]

you guys don't understand that feel...

there is nothing OP can do..i know someone in the same boat...just content chilling on the computer all day. Just forget about it and focus on your future

[JtotheIzzo]

There might be nothing you can do. He might be content to what his life is like and not want to change

[Eurosong2000]

Shut up brown nose

Changes are always possible.

Nobody hopes that more than me after just joining the gym!

[ho_124]

- uncle is 34 year old and is the biggest loser I have ever known
- no skills or education (didn't do anything beside high school)
- around 300 lbs
- doesn't take care of himself (smells, his apartment looks like sh*t with clothes and food all over the place)
- still single and 99% sure he's a virgin (unless he has paid someone to have sex with him)
- family members have set a lot of dates up for him but he never goes to any of them
- doesn't care about anything
- no hobbies or interests - all he does is collect coins
- no job, has the government pay all his bills (we live in denmark)
- picks something up then quits a few weeks later (his record is to work part time at a super market for 6 months then quit)
- doesn't drink or take any drugs - he just doesn't have any goals in life
- sits behind the computer 24/7 and orders sh*t he doesn't need from ebay
- you get the picture

How do I help him? I feel really sorry for him and wish I could help him but I really don't know how. I know his siblings always tell him to not throw his life away like this but he doesn't care.

These people can only help themselves brah. What are you going to say to him that is possibly going to change his mind??? "Get off your lazy ass and do something?" Like he probably hasn't heard that before. And I'm sure he knows he isn't doing anything with life.

Edit. I have a cousin like this. Pretty sure never been with a girl. Early 40's. Actually smart, and has an engineering degree, though he never used it to work or do anything. Is a hermit in his mom's house all day. Isolates himself from everyone. Haven't seen him physically in 10 years or so even though I now moved to the city where he is in. Some family members even think he died because he never makes an appearance to family gatherings. Didn't even show up to his own brothers wedding...

[Harry815]

He needs some kind of motivation. Something to spark him. He needs a purpose.

"We have to take these cards ourselves
And flip them, don't expect no help
Now I could have either just
Sat on my ass and pissed and moaned
Or take this situation in which I'm placed in
And get up and get my own"

[Prose]

maybe he has low testosterone levels? you're basically living in a shadow

[xtraviolent]

You're a good guy, worrying about your uncle like that. Repped.

[QuickNutkus]

Sounds like me 12 years from now. And I feel hopeless. Him? Oh man....

Dude, he's nuts. That's all there is to it. As long as he's happy, then leave it at that. If he ever wants help, try to help him, but it will take trips to the doctor/professionals to see it through.

If he doesn't want it, then leave it be.

[Cegooow]

Give him some vyvanse, 50mg once a day

[broservative]

- uncle is 34 year old and is the biggest loser I have ever known
- no skills or education (didn't do anything beside high school)
- around 300 lbs
- doesn't take care of himself (smells, his apartment looks like sh*t with clothes and food all over the place)
- still single and 99% sure he's a virgin (unless he has paid someone to have sex with him)
- family members have set a lot of dates up for him but he never goes to any of them
- doesn't care about anything
- no hobbies or interests - all he does is collect coins
- no job, has the government pay all his bills (we live in denmark)
- picks something up then quits a few weeks later (his record is to work part time at a super market for 6 months then quit)
- doesn't drink or take any drugs - he just doesn't have any goals in life
- sits behind the computer 24/7 and orders sh*t he doesn't need from ebay
- you get the picture

How do I help him? I feel really sorry for him and wish I could help him but I really don't know how. I know his siblings always tell him to not throw his life away like this but he doesn't care.

he doesn't believe in himself anymore.

and there's no impetus or reason for him to change; why when he's fine as he is right now? That's his internal logic.

You have to cut off his welfare checks. And force him to work. OR make him do something outside of his comfort zone and secretly reward him e.g. door to door sales and you have a friend who buys a ****load of his things at one point to reinvigorate him.

[Beast92]

- uncle is 34 year old and is the biggest loser I have ever known
- no skills or education (didn't do anything beside high school)
- around 300 lbs
- doesn't take care of himself (smells, his apartment looks like sh*t with clothes and food all over the place)
- still single and 99% sure he's a virgin (unless he has paid someone to have sex with him)
- family members have set a lot of dates up for him but he never goes to any of them
- doesn't care about anything
- no hobbies or interests - all he does is collect coins
- no job, has the government pay all his bills (we live in denmark)
- picks something up then quits a few weeks later (his record is to work part time at a super market for 6 months then quit)
- doesn't drink or take any drugs - he just doesn't have any goals in life
- sits behind the computer 24/7 and orders sh*t he doesn't need from ebay
- you get the picture

How do I help him? I feel really sorry for him and wish I could help him but I really don't know how. I know his siblings always tell him to not throw his life away like this but he doesn't care.

I have a cousin like this but she is female and near 40 now.

Know that feel very well..

[Tune5k]

I feel better about myself after reading that. thanks op

hahahaha

[SkinnyMexican]

I'm in the exact position except I'm 19, 150 pounds lighter, and don't smell. It's like I'm afraid to get a job or something.

[CDbrah]

let him know that you'll be there if he ever wants to change his life around
give him your contact info
then let him be
if he changes, you'll hopefully be around to help
if he doesn't then at least you tried.

[anonymous]

ghost cut. slip some clen, tren ace into his meals

[ChaseThisLight]

He's your uncle, not your son, let him do his thing, what's it matter to you?

[CDbrah]

This is the kind of country denmark his: all these things can be good or bad

Middle class = 90% of the population, they earn more or less the same. My dad is a radiologist, so if we had been living in the US he would be earning 600k+ a year - in denmark on the other hand he's just like everyone else, every friend I have had lived in a home similar to mine, their parents drove cars similar to my ours and nobody judges anyone for being poor/rich. This is the good part... but then you can ask yourself the question to why you should be working your a** off? Because in the end you're just going to have the exact same life as the dude who partied through high school.

It's really hard to hate on this country but I really can't like like that. In the end it's just not about the money but the fact that they've decided your entire life for you. The middle class consists of 90% of the population as I mentioned before, and those 90% are all going to live the same exact life. The mentality is that you're no better that anyone else in society and if the idea ever crosses your mind, you're and a**hole and this country is too good for you.

My friends at the school I go to are gonna continue to ride this bus and let the school and government decide what they should be doing the rest of their lives. They've even already started looking at the tiny apartments they're gonna be living in and the sh*tty cars they can lease once they graduate. And they see nothing wrong with this because, this is what they're "supposed" to do next.

I gave them all the middle finger, told them I'm gonna pack my bags and leave.

You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to Nik7 again.

[ccualumni]

He may be mentally ill and afraid to go outside or be around people, etc... Get him to a doctor.

[CDbrah]

[jwlee7ucla]

- uncle is 34 year old and is the biggest loser I have ever known
- no skills or education (didn't do anything beside high school)
- around 300 lbs
- doesn't take care of himself (smells, his apartment looks like sh*t with clothes and food all over the place)
- still single and 99% sure he's a virgin (unless he has paid someone to have sex with him)
- family members have set a lot of dates up for him but he never goes to any of them
- doesn't care about anything
- no hobbies or interests - all he does is collect coins
- no job, has the government pay all his bills (we live in denmark)
- picks something up then quits a few weeks later (his record is to work part time at a super market for 6 months then quit)
- doesn't drink or take any drugs - he just doesn't have any goals in life
- sits behind the computer 24/7 and orders sh*t he doesn't need from ebay
- you get the picture

How do I help him? I feel really sorry for him and wish I could help him but I really don't know how. I know his siblings always tell him to not throw his life away like this but he doesn't care.

don't think you can help someone who dug his own grave, unless you want to fill it. Cant help someone who has no interest in helping himself.

[Nik7]

Thanks for actually trying to help guys.

[SELCOUTH]

tbh its not really any of your buisness how he lives his life, if he is happy the way he is then mind your own buisness.