Tired of talking myself down: Torre's journey to the stage....

[TorreTornado]

My name is Torre and I am here because I am ready to get serious. I found my way to fitness when I had my first baby in 2007 and gained 80 lbs. Being 5'2'' and pushing 200lbs was a huge wake up call. Before that, I had gone to the gym a handful of times with my husband and was a cardio queen. I didn't need to workout, I remained relatively slim on my own and didn't want to look "manly". After having Abrielle, I lost all 80 lbs in 4 months with cardio at the gym. But things were different. Bits and pieces were all over the place, deflated, and for the first time I looked in the mirror and knew I was skinny fat. I started reading Oxygen magazine and found Cathy Savage Fitness. I worked my butt off and got really close to competing but life happened and it got put on the back burner. So, 7 years, 2 more little pink bundles later, I am 30, a mom of 3 and am TIRED of always wanting to be successful at my fitness goals but talking myself out of it. My pregnancies were disabling, unfortunately and working out during them, was out of the question, even though with my subsequent babies I gained far less weight and dropped it all very soon after having them, I just have never had the body that I've always wanted. I have had periods of loathing my body, cursing it, hating it, telling myself crossing the stage was pointless and how I wasn't pretty enough and would get laughed off stage. After having Luci last year, my body failed me in the health sense. My body was clearly TIRED. Vitamin and mineral stores depleted, thyroid issues, I started working out at 6 weeks post partum and lost all my weight within 8 weeks (37 lbs) but had to stop working out because my milk supply suffered and I really wanted to nurse Luci as long as possible. So, here I am, 15 months post partum, READY, FIRED THE HELL UP and READY TO TEAR IT DOWN. I'm thirsty, I'm hungry, and I WANT IT. I have learned to look at myself in the mirror and APPRECIATE my body, saggy skin and boobs, stretch marks and all because DAMN IT, it GAVE LIFE. But now for a new chapter! My baby making days are OVER so why not be the best me I can be? I love myself and will no matter what I look like but I want to aspire for greatness....

A little about my personal life, I am a nurse by trade, I work as a doula and lactation counselor on a voluntary basis. I have 3 beautiful girls ages 7,5,1. I am married to my amazing and goofy husband who loves fitness as much as I do and is totally always supportive of me. I have an Etsy store and craft/crochet/sew/quilt. I am a homebody and have a hard time leaving my family for me time to go to the gym. I often work out at home when and if possible. I love music and sports and am a clean freak.

There, PHEW, that is a lot. Thanks to anyone who reads and anyone for support. It will be much appreciated and probably needed at times.

[TorreTornado]

August 17th Stats:

L Bicep: 9 inches
R Bicep: 9.5 inches
Waist: 25 inches
Hips: 33 inches
R thigh: 17.5 inches
L thigh: 17 inches

Weight 111.2
BF %: 22-25%

August 15th workout: Glutes: Ridiculous. My Glutes do not fire well, I am working on that. I didn't make the whole workout but I will just keep plugging away. My Quads are really sore and they shouldn't be.

August 17th workout: Shoulders: I did decent. Minimal weight because I am pretty weak these days but no where to go but UP! I was assigned 3 groupings of 3-5 exercises each, performed like a circuit in 3's. 4 sets of each 10-15 reps. I did all programmed except the last 2 sets of the 3rd grouping. I was just toast. I jogged for 25 minutes for my steady state cardio, this week.

August 18th workout: I'm heading to the gym tonight for the first time in months. I hate the gym. I have some social anxiety and the gym is pretty hard for me, I am going to go a little later to avoid the crowds. Tonight is Hams and Chest and HIIT. I CAN DO THIS!

[TorreTornado]

Here are this weeks photos....

[Artemis00]

Subbed and wow, what an accomplishment given your history. Really looking forward to seeing your progress.

What category are you looking to compete in?

[TorreTornado]

Subbed and wow, what an accomplishment given your history. Really looking forward to seeing your progress.

What category are you looking to compete in?

Aw thanks for coming by and reading! I am hoping for figure at some point, I might do bikini to get a few under my belt because I know realistically I need to build quite a bit before I could do figure...

[TorreTornado]

I have social anxiety and it is magnified by a million at the gym. It feels like you are under a microscope. I have worked really hard over the years to stop caring but I still try to go late and miss the crowd... My particular gym is the best in the area but it's a meat market. It's totally annoying and when I had a run in with one of the trainers there a few months ago over a gym policy regarding plyo boxes that another employee of the gym incorrectly gave me permission to use, after yelling at me in front of the entire gym during peak time and continuing to harrass me while I tried to work out, I complained at the desk prior to getting my kids from the child care and leaving, only to be confronted one last time by said trainer AFTER complaining about her, I just couldn't manage to return.

I'm over it. We have some great equipment at home but I NEED the gym and she can blow it out her you know what... She isn't going to stop me.

Onto tonight's work out, I did Hams and Chest. I trust my trainer and coach, so I continue on but these routines make me crazy sometimes lol. I did pretty well until the end and pooped out. I could barely walk when I left. Looks like tomorrow will be my rest day because I don't think I can manage quads and my upper body is trashed from the chest routine.

I had to run to the grocery store right after. I was due for my last meal and Omg this is NOT a good idea... LOL I had to walk through the bakery area. UGH. I resisted though (did I mention I often will eat a half dozen of cupcakes when my eating spirals out of control? I love sweets, NO BUENO!)....

Anyways. Workout has been smashed.

[Artemis00]

Well considering how much you have accomplished, I can't imagine that you won't be able to compete in figure after a bit of hard work.


And great job on getting back into the gym. Wow, I don't know how that gym keeps a personal trainer like that...that is completely unacceptable on so many levels. Glad you made it back though and didn't let that keep you away tonight.

And it is too funny regarding you mentioning the grocery store. I have a horrible tendency of going to the grocery store right after the gym (did it again tonight). And I always have to walk thru the bakery area. Only difference is I'm not good with resisting. Had to pick up two slices of yellow cake with buttercream frosting.

[DieselsMom]

In. Excited to follow along, I hit the stage for the first time this year and can say it is quite the experience.

[Cardioconvert]

In - amazing history - way to go!

Re: trainer - that is insane. Wish I had been there.....known for going off on ignorant gym staff.......'nough said

Welcome and looking forward to reading along

CC

[TorreTornado]

Thanks ladies! She truly was out of line and ignorant. My training tends to be a little more circuit like with lots of plyo type stuff with heavy weights mixed in, so sometimes I feel like I look like a complete idiot at the gym, which is what made it so embarrassing. She is known to be a real witch but with the member turnover and the limited gyms in the area, I don't think they really care. most of her clients are in their 80's and are pretty low key, use mostly machines. I took a plyo box about 10 feet out of the Aerobics room where there is a small workout space with dumbbells and other items I needed for my circuits but before I took it, I asked the Aerobics instructor who told me I could take it out of the room. Apparently she was misinformed and there had previously been a sign stating that policy, I guess, however it was no longer posted. When she confronted me, I simply told her that the instructor said I could, explained I needed a bench for my circuit and didn't want to bring one into the Aerobics room and that I only had a few jumps left and would return it and then use it in the Aerobics room from then on and went about my workout, she was in the middle of training someone, too, which made it even more awkward and unprofessional. I finished my last few box jumps and then put it away. She came up to me AGAIN to reiterate? WTF? Super loud and I just kind of stared at her at that point. I went back to my area and completed the rest of my workout, as I started to walk away into the main gym area, she came up to me a third time, seemingly trying to be nice and explain AGAIN about the boxes (which I was no longer using and stated I would not take out of the Aerobics room again) and I finally said, "LOOK, your colleague was obviously misinformed about the Plyo-box policy, I understand now, I feel like you are harassing me and I want you to leave me alone, please." So I went to the front desk to clarify the policy, ask for a new sign to be displayed and complain about her and mid sentence, she pops around the wall, behind which, she was still training her poor client, and started YELLING at me, so I cut her off and yelled back, "I'M NOT TALKING TO YOU, I UNDERSTAND THE POLICY, IT'S YOUR ATTITUDE AND POOR PEOPLE SKILLS I HAVE A PROBLEM WITH. You are extremely unprofessional and I am not sure how you have remained employed here." She muttered some half a$$ apology which was completely insincere and I told her she sounded very insincere and I wasn't interested in her apology at that point.

It was so ridiculous! :/

Anyhoo, I cannot let people stop me from achieving my full potential and I know that I have a BEAST inside me, wanting to get out and show the world what this crocheting, muscle mama, of 3 can REALLY DO. LOL

I'm off to friend you 3 lovelies and then eat some breakfast... XO

[TorreTornado]

So, I have been eating this meal as my first and last meals the last few days and OMG it's so satisfying and yummy! I thought i'd share!

plain fat free greek yogurt (Whatever amount fits into your macros)
1/2 cup pureed butternut squash or pumpkin either work. You could also use apple or pear puree but I am not having fruit at night so the squash works for me
apple pie spice or pumpkin pie spice
vanilla
1 tbsp almond butter
a bit of sweetener of your choice, I am a maple syrup/raw honey type girl, I use about a tsp?

Stir together and enjoy! In the morning I add some steel cut oats to it to satisfy my carb macros. I know it sounds whacky but DUDE, it's SO GOOD!

[TorreTornado]

Trying a little meal experiment, I am admittedly not a good eater, My problem is, I rarely slow down to sit and enjoy a meal. I am programmed 6 meals and I find eating every 2 or so hours to be a ridiculous chore... So I combined meals 2 and 3. I find myself NEVER wanting 2 until it is time for 3, anyways.

Meal 1: Chobani, almond butter, Steel cut oats, banana, butternut squash, maple syrup,

Meal 2: 3 egg omelet with 2 cups fresh spinach, a whole wheat bagel with local raw butter, and 1/2 cup mixed berries.

meal 3: a pear, 100 calorie pack almonds (I was out with kids)

Meal 4: 1 SW turkey burger with tomatoes, greek yogurt, avocado

Meal 5: Squash, chobani, almond butter, maple syrup

[DieselsMom]

I rarely eat 6 meals, usually 4 maybe 5 if I am snacky. Eat when you want to there is not magic to 6 meals

[IrishLassie78]

In! That trainer is an azzhat and I think if I was her client, I would have fired her azz for acting so unprofessionally.

I actually eat something similar to that meal you have posted. I do half a cup of greek yogurt, half a cup of pumpkin, a scoop of vanilla protein powder, some cinnamon, nutmeg, and ginger. It's delicious. If I need some more fat for the day I'll throw in some chopped walnuts or some almond butter. So I don't think it's weird at all That's my dinner after work (I don't get home until around 8:30pm) almost every night.

I also find eating 6 meals a day to be ridiculous, which is why I don't do it. I eat when I feel like it (or when my work tells me I can ). I just make sure that at the end of the day I've gotten in everything I need. But then, no one would ever accuse me of not being a good eater. I love food and will eat pretty much anything that isn't nailed down. You just have to find what works for you physically and psychologically.

Anyway, looking forward to following along with your journey.

[TorreTornado]

In! That trainer is an azzhat and I think if I was her client, I would have fired her azz for acting so unprofessionally.

I actually eat something similar to that meal you have posted. I do half a cup of greek yogurt, half a cup of pumpkin, a scoop of vanilla protein powder, some cinnamon, nutmeg, and ginger. It's delicious. If I need some more fat for the day I'll throw in some chopped walnuts or some almond butter. So I don't think it's weird at all That's my dinner after work (I don't get home until around 8:30pm) almost every night.

I also find eating 6 meals a day to be ridiculous, which is why I don't do it. I eat when I feel like it (or when my work tells me I can ). I just make sure that at the end of the day I've gotten in everything I need. But then, no one would ever accuse me of not being a good eater. I love food and will eat pretty much anything that isn't nailed down. You just have to find what works for you physically and psychologically.

Anyway, looking forward to following along with your journey.

Hey! Thanks for coming by.. I felt bad for her client, she was probably almost 80. She looked soooo confused and like she didn't know what to do/say. I agree, i'd fire her too. LOL

I usually eat that as a last meal between 7-9. It tides me over all night, satiates me and keeps me from eating in the middle of the night <----- I do that lol. Glad i'm not the only person who eats something like it! LOL

Yeah, today went well. I just cannot get those 6 meals in and tbh, I was having GI issues because I was constantly eating! I'm glad i'm not alone...

I still have some HIIT to do today, I spent the day chasing kids, cleaning, running errands, cleaning, took my 5 year old to her welcome ice cream social at her new school, and did about a bajillion loads of laundry.

I'm off to make some yummy southwest Turkey burgers for din din, finish up all the laundry, HIIT, then work on the antique desk I got today for 25$. Needs refinishing and some work. XO

[TorreTornado]

i'm so sore, today. I took Motrin but it isn't touching it. I'm going to rest instead of HIIT. I have till friday to finish so more than enough time... Im going to try to rest early.

[Cardioconvert]

Why try to force 6 meals into the schedule if it doesn't work for you? For me (like DM), 5 meals works. But that is the way I've eaten for years - it isn't a proven 'must' (as evidenced by some extremely successfully observers of IF who post here).

My kids are older (12 and 11) and I agree - eating smaller meals when they were young was more difficult than now. I am always of the camp of doing what works and is sustainable vs. doing what you are told and will cause frustration/stress.

Keep up the good work - you've started to post in a wonderfully supportive community and we are all looking to be your cyber cheer squad

CC

[TorreTornado]

Why try to force 6 meals into the schedule if it doesn't work for you? For me (like DM), 5 meals works. But that is the way I've eaten for years - it isn't a proven 'must' (as evidenced by some extremely successfully observers of IF who post here).

My kids are older (12 and 11) and I agree - eating smaller meals when they were young was more difficult than now. I am always of the camp of doing what works and is sustainable vs. doing what you are told and will cause frustration/stress.

Keep up the good work - you've started to post in a wonderfully supportive community and we are all looking to be your cyber cheer squad

CC

You are so sweet! Yeah, I just find with the kids 4 or 5 meals ends up working out better. Also with work, it can be hard. it's usually just meal 2... I have been getting really good at prepping and packing as of lately. I find it hard, sometimes to prepare food ahead and still enjoy the taste but I only work 3 days a week so that isn't too bad.

I am looking forward to having some female support... I don't have many people IRL that support me (esp females) and if they support me, they don't "get it"...

on a side note, I laid down at about 8:30 last night and slept till 7, straight through. Luci is a horrid sleeper and I have spent the last 15 months completely deprived of sleep, HUGE triumph. I needed that rest, SO MUCH.

I have Arms and Back and Core and Quads left to do this week. I want to go to the gym with the kids but I have no phone (it broke) and I have to call for a slot in the kids room. I think even though i'm supposed to get an insurance replacement but I made the claim Monday and there is still no movement on the claim so I am going to just head out, buy a phone, make the appt at the gym and pray they still have slots! I want to work out early today so I'm not too tired later.

[TorreTornado]

I'm going to do arms and back today. My quads are still sort of stiff and sore. My legs are sooooo weak :/. Arms and back and HIIT! Got a phone and a spot in the child care! WOOOOOOO... EXCITED.

Meal 1: 3 egg omelet with broccoli, tomatoes, and avocado, half whole wheat bagel, 1/4 cup blueberries on the side

[TorreTornado]

Arms and back SMASHED. I love upper. I'm so much better at upper body than lower body. This routine was awesome, too. Made much more sense with the circuits. Sometimes its frustrating that the exercises on my routine are all over the gym and they need to be done in circuits, which I hate, because I cannot always do them correctly, for example, my hamstrings routine had me doing single leg dead lifts, Prone ham curls, then broad jumps, these things cannot possibly be done together, in a circuit, in my gym. Oh and BTW SLDL SUCK. I cannot maintain FORM! UGH... Anyhoo, I rocked my workout today. Pretty proud.

[TorreTornado]

So, I am thinking of making some changes in my routine. I am going to try a different routine for a few weeks that Kimm4 was kind enough to suggest and see if I feel better about that. I also am going to change up my diet a bit, too and see how I feel. I weighed in today at 113.8 I have gained 2.5 lbs in a few days time! I'm worried and excited all at once! LOL

[IrishLassie78]

So, I am thinking of making some changes in my routine. I am going to try a different routine for a few weeks that Kimm4 was kind enough to suggest and see if I feel better about that. I also am going to change up my diet a bit, too and see how I feel. I weighed in today at 113.8 I have gained 2.5 lbs in a few days time! I'm worried and excited all at once! LOL

I wouldn't worry about the 2.5lbs in a couple of days. It's more than likely water and weight from having more food in your stomach. My weight fluctuates all over the place depending on how much and what I've eaten, how much water I've had in a day, sodium, what have you. Once your body gets used to having more food in it, it'll level off.

[TorreTornado]

I wouldn't worry about the 2.5lbs in a couple of days. It's more than likely water and weight from having more food in your stomach. My weight fluctuates all over the place depending on how much and what I've eaten, how much water I've had in a day, sodium, what have you. Once your body gets used to having more food in it, it'll level off.

That is what I was thinking... I am actually ok with it... My size 0's were getting loose and I was starting to get concerned. I'll record my weight again Friday because that will be a week. I'll also take new pics. I'm stoked. Today may be another rest day, I am not sure what time Shawn will get home tonight and I work till 4. Tomorrow I am out at 3 and can probably make the gym for the last daycare session with the kids, I would prefer to go late though, like 8 pm when it's dead and the kids are in bed but we shall see. If I plan dinner in the morning and get it in the crockpot I might be able to just go after work. I just always feel bad getting Luci from daycare to go to another daycare.

Anyhoo...

I need to make a grocery run tonight, too, so maybe I will just hit the gym. We will see.

[TorreTornado]

So tonight I let my macros get dirty. It was delicious and unspeakable. LOL. Im off from the gym till Sat when I start the new PHUL routine and I have new macros to follow. Im stoked! I need to get riiiiiiipped.

Today was a rough day for me personally in so many ways. My brother and his wife are expecting and I am so happy for them as this has been something they wanted for a long long time but I am slowly seeing again, how my family favors him and his wife (not just me being a brat at all, others in my life see it, too). I get sad when I think about the fact that no one attended my last two baby showers and how I never once enjoyed a pregnancy because of other people in my life. Family sucks sometimes... Sorry for the randomness, I am ok, just needed to get that out.

[DieselsMom]

As LNG as your hitting your cal goal it's allowed to get dirty lol.


Totally get the favouritism thing as it is very noticeable thing in my hubby's side, hard to let it go but unfortunately will never change.

[IrishLassie78]

Family... We may love them, but sometimes we want to b!tchslap the lot of 'em. I know those feels in a way. I'm definitely the odd bird in family. Bertstares abound every time I have to do something with them. You just keep doing you and try not to let it get to you. Easier said than done, I know

Also, ain't bulking grand? God, I miss it...

[TorreTornado]

Family... We may love them, but sometimes we want to b!tchslap the lot of 'em. I know those feels in a way. I'm definitely the odd bird in family. Bertstares abound every time I have to do something with them. You just keep doing you and try not to let it get to you. Easier said than done, I know

Also, ain't bulking grand? God, I miss it...

I'm OK today about the family thing. Just makes me sad sometimes and of course my bodybuilding and dietary choices Escape my family as well so that doesn't help but whatever, It makes me happy.

So I have some sort of a stomach bug/virus/upset going on. I made it completely through my work day and got the kids and I am now home on my couch and feeling yucky. I barely ate today ...

Hoping to feel better tomorrow.

[Cardioconvert]

Hope you feel better

I can't say much about the whole family thing - my family (well, maybe with the exception of my dad - he just can't wrap his mind around it) have been very supportive. Stay strong and focused and show them you 'are still you' and eventually, they'll adjust (or you'll just get better at ignoring them - maybe that is what happened to me )

CC

[TorreTornado]

Hope you feel better

I can't say much about the whole family thing - my family (well, maybe with the exception of my dad - he just can't wrap his mind around it) have been very supportive. Stay strong and focused and show them you 'are still you' and eventually, they'll adjust (or you'll just get better at ignoring them - maybe that is what happened to me )

CC

Aw thanks love. My family doesn't really say anything about it very much anymore, its more like little jokes and jabs at the way I eat because even while bulking I remain relatively clean, diet wise. I just wish they were more supportive but WHATEVER....

I feel better today, not 100% but I have to go to the gym today... I'm more sore than anything in the areas I worked this week (upper) and today is lower, so I'll make it. I lost 4 lbs YAY SICKNESS!

Anywaysss. Excited to squat today. Im going to stop off and get a notebook to start my workout journal to track reps and set and amount of weight.

Hope you all have a nice day!

[karychuk]

IN!!

I am looking forward to having some female support... I don't have many people IRL that support me (esp females) and if they support me, they don't "get it"...

And you're spot on to reach out to a network and get connected so you can get the support you deserve to smash your goals!!
Stoked to tag along for your journey.