Jealousy!

[Katie975]

Ok, apologies for the rant-y nature of this, but does anyone else get seriously annoyed when female friends, colleagues e.t.c make catty and judgemental comments about your healthy diet choices and training habits, then spend half the day moaning about how unfair it is that you're in shape while they're overweight / unhappy with their bodies?

This happens to me all the time!

So many of my friends see me consistently in the gym and passing on the junk, but any time we're discussing body image e.t.c, they're always saying 'Oh, you're just naturally thin, it's so unfair. I could never look like that...'

It's so frustrating as they know I train 4 days a week and eat well! It's like they're in complete denial, or punishing you for making their own lack of will power more apparent. Ugh!

[illiniStrive]

Half the day, really?

Nobody has better things to talk about?

[medjen]

So many of my friends see me consistently in the gym and passing on the junk, but any time we're discussing body image e.t.c, they're always saying 'Oh, you're just naturally thin, it's so unfair. I could never look like that...'

It's so frustrating as they know I train 4 days a week and eat well! It's like they're in complete denial, or punishing you for making their own lack of will power more apparent. Ugh!

And there in the bold is your problem, unless you work in a body image counseling office.

I don't talk about my workouts at work. I don't talk about "body image" at work. I doubt if any of my coworkers have any idea what my workout plan is. And you know what? I never hear them complain about it or hear them make catty comments.

Problem solved. Stop making it an issue and it won't be one.

[Katie975]

I never talk about my workouts or diet either, but some of the girls are just really nasty to the others who they know make an effort to keep healthy. Sly comments about your lunch e.t.c seem to come way more from women than men.

[illiniStrive]

I never talk about my workouts or diet either, but some of the girls are just really nasty to the others who they know make an effort to keep healthy. Sly comments about your lunch e.t.c seem to come way more from women than men.

I find such comments usually come to people who are very overt about their lifestyle. The comments I've gotten about how I eat are 100% positive, because I don't make a big deal about it. It's the people who "preach" and promote that they've "seen the light" who usually attract negative attention.

If you don't want people to judge you based on what you choose to eat (or not eat), don't judge them based on the same criteria

[greesemuunkie]

I'm not sure exactly what you mean by catty comments, but the females in my office complain all the time as well, but no one ever really JUDGES me. They won't invite me for lunch (because they know I won't go) and sometimes they say I don't eat enough, but I don't ever really reply. I know that sometimes people get threatened by what they don't understand, but most of the time, people ask me for recipes and they ask me for workout advice.

I can't really empathize but maybe you can do something like bring a "healthy" potluck to lunch one day and show them that healthy is fun and tasty too--or maybe you can just say things like, "well, you'll get there!" when they complain.
As far as the naturally thin comment, maybe you ARE naturally smaller in frame and maybe you're not. Either way, abs are abs, and you know you have worked hard. I would personally try to encourage people to think positively about what you are doing by maybe inviting them to your training or bringing in a sugar-free, low fat protein cake! Just a suggestion

[NOVA888]

Truthfully, I could care less whether I'm embraced or understood. My life is my own, my body as well. I have to do what's right for me, for my own health--despite whether it's part of general thinking, physical or nutritional trends/cultures/ideals, whatever.

And why would you even care what others think? Or worse, to image that jealousy fuels these remarks/disagreements? It is what it is, but I wouldn't attempt to read too much into it, or it will drive you mad. Just do what you need to do, stay the course, and strive for continued, or even improved health and well-being. When you take good care of your body and mind, you'll look and feel fabulous for years to come.

[goalorientgirl]

I would personally try to encourage people to think positively about what you are doing by maybe inviting them to your training or bringing in a sugar-free, low fat protein cake! Just a suggestion

Eww, you don't win friends with sugar free, low fat, protein cake.

To the OP, other women might be jealous, but they might not be, either. Best to just draw as little attention as possible to "body image" related things at work. Luckily for me, I work in a place where no one would even think of taking about body image/diets. Hey, if they're constantly seeing you in the gym, maybe they will get their soon! It is a lot harder for some women than others though to be thin though (muscles, on the other hand, are a big struggle for most of us) and "thin" is what a lot of people aspire to. I've always been skinny, I was a skinny kid and have skinny parents, one of my closest friends has always been overweight and has overweight parents who taught her some pretty awful habits; she's just got more fat cells in her body than me and an aversion to non-packaged foods. Me getting fit will be much easier than her getting fit, so compared to her in that sense, I am lucky. As kids, we have very little control over our bodies and what we put in them, and that really shapes our figures as adults; some of us are a lot better educated about nutrition and fitness too; their are many things than can make a person "lucky", in some sense. Of course, there are women who were brought up fearing vegetables and exercise and end up 300lbs before they properly hit the gym and turn out to be models years later; if you're one of those women, don't be afraid to tell them that! But, if you've always been thin-to-fit or simply don't hate exercise like a lot of people do, hey, they have every right to be jealous!

[greesemuunkie]

^HEY! My protein cakes are a HIT! lol

I agree with ggirl. I was the fat kid in school and still struggle--so when I see a skinny girl exercising less and eating more than me--I get jealous--not hateful--but jealous...

[skybluefran]

I have found the more inshape i get the more bitchy girls are towards me. But i'm not exactly skinny but i do get comments like "do you throw up after you eat" and "you need to eat something" .. but to me this just shows how it's becoming acceptable to be overweight and being a healthy or a light weight or in good shape is this new werid rare thing lol.

[illiniStrive]

I have found the more inshape i get the more bitchy girls are towards me. But i'm not exactly skinny but i do get comments like "do you throw up after you eat" and "you need to eat something" .. but to me this just shows how it's becoming acceptable to be overweight and being a healthy or a light weight or in good shape is this new werid rare thing lol.

Was going to let this go, but whatever, I'm not lol. Being a healthy =/= light weight =/= in good shape necessarily. Don't want "bitchy girls" to judge you based on your weight? Don't judge other people based on theirs. You can tell NOTHING about a person's health by looking at them.

That being said, comments like that are very disturbing and if you get them on a regular basis I wonder why you continue to hang out with these people. Sounds like you need new friends.

[skybluefran]

Was going to let this go, but whatever, I'm not lol. Being a healthy =/= light weight =/= in good shape necessarily. Don't want "bitchy girls" to judge you based on your weight? Don't judge other people based on theirs. You can tell NOTHING about a person's health by looking at them.

That being said, comments like that are very disturbing and if you get them on a regular basis I wonder why you continue to hang out with these people. Sounds like you need new friends.

I was not suggesting a judgement on over-weight people, i was suggesting that it has become NORMAL which leads that okay maybe not healthy because you are right, you can't judge but people of a lower weight is now more of a taboo, they laugh it of when they make these comments, obviously joking but if i commented on the weight of an over-weight person i would most likely get alot of slack.

[thedogdidit]

Are your stats accurate -- 5'4" and 98 lbs?

Maybe your friends aren't jealous, but concerned and don't really want to hurt your feelings (or whatever!). Your stats are unhealthy and maybe that's the real problem.

eta: to clarify the "don't want to hurt your feelings" thing ... I think some people will say "you're lucky to be naturally thin" or whatever it is that they say not so much because they think you are lucky, but simply to draw attention to it in a non-confrontational way, if that makes sense? They may truly be concerned ....

[kimm4]

Are your stats accurate -- 5'4" and 98 lbs?

Maybe your friends aren't jealous, but concerned and don't really want to hurt your feelings (or whatever!). Your stats are unhealthy and maybe that's the real problem.

eta: to clarify the "don't want to hurt your feelings" thing ... I think some people will say "you're lucky to be naturally thin" or whatever it is that they say not so much because they think you are lucky, but simply to draw attention to it in a non-confrontational way, if that makes sense? They may truly be concerned ....

Agreed^^

Jealous of someone who's grossly underweight...I don't think so.

Just being honest...

[greesemuunkie]

wow, that's MY height... and... 30lbs less than me. omg.

[CKMH]

I was wondering about those stats, too. But since we are all so different, it seems a person *could* be healthy and at those stats. But maybe it's a slight exaggeration? Or it's the OP's lowest depleted weight, before being refed and watered?

In any case, I was thinking about this thread over the night and I just wanted to say to the OP that instead of focusing on how others are supposedly "jealous" of you, you might take a look in the mirror at what lies beneath your skin. Compassion is such an important and truly beautiful skill to practice. Whenever you say, "they are just jealous", you aren't being very compassionate. To experience jealousy is to experience pain. Try not to be angry at your fellow women for being in pain. I'm sure they are not trying to actively hurt you, but rather just expressing their own discomfort with what they see when they look in the mirror and feel inadequate when they think about somebody like you. It really IS a compliment, even if it doesn't come out that way or you refuse to receive it that way because you are caught up in your own feelings of superiority. Cultivating kind reactions towards their comments will go a long way towards healing for you both.

[sonti]

If I EVER talk about fitness outside of this forum, it's about my lifting numbers. I don't talk about food, I don't talk about image. And I've never had an issue. I think when people talk about what they're eating or their image, many people can take that as a personal attack. When I talk about my numbers or fitness goals, it's not such a hot issue. The vast majority of people could care less about numbers and don't take it personally.

When people are rude to you, I always recommend analzying yourself first. Let's be realistic - there are so many rude superficial people on this forum who think the world is out to get them because they eat healthy or work out. Come on.

You are a person who happens to like eating healthy and working out. That's fine. It's a part of who you are - but it's not "YOU". You are "X" whatever your name may be.

Don't become "THAT" person whose live revolves around that and can't stop getting into conversations about it. We all know they exist.

[thedogdidit]

In any case, I was thinking about this thread over the night and I just wanted to say to the OP that instead of focusing on how others are supposedly "jealous" of you, you might take a look in the mirror at what lies beneath your skin. Compassion is such an important and truly beautiful skill to practice. Whenever you say, "they are just jealous", you aren't being very compassionate. To experience jealousy is to experience pain. Try not to be angry at your fellow women for being in pain. I'm sure they are not trying to actively hurt you, but rather just expressing their own discomfort with what they see when they look in the mirror and feel inadequate when they think about somebody like you. It really IS a compliment, even if it doesn't come out that way or you refuse to receive it that way because you are caught up in your own feelings of superiority. Cultivating kind reactions towards their comments will go a long way towards healing for you both.

This is incredible advice that everyone should practice, imo. Personally, I'm still working on it ...
I think it's advice that goes beyond jealousy and is useful for all those negative, often bitter emotions that are either coming at you or are in you.

[thedogdidit]

You are a person who happens to like eating healthy and working out. That's fine. It's a part of who you are - but it's not "YOU". You are "X" whatever your name may be.

Don't become "THAT" person whose live revolves around that and can't stop getting into conversations about it. We all know they exist.

^^This is also excellent.

[Katie975]

Oh, I don't mean that they want to look like me - not at all! I just mean that they want to start eating healthier and exercising but can never seem to get there. I never speak about my diet or anything (as let's face it, outside of here or the gym, who cares!) but if the ever do ask me for tips, I always try to be encouraging. There's nothing worse than someone preaching, as we're adults and can make our own decisions.

My stats are correct, however, I'm naturally small and recently lost weight after a hernia surgery. I'm definitely trying to gain weight though!

[-H-]

I have had positive comments about a fit healthy lifestyle and people often ask me for tips etc- I am glad to share my experience but I don't regularly bring it up etc.

I do get what OP is saying with regards to offhand comments people make, sometimes people don't understand that not all thin/fit people are 'lucky' to just be that way, but some of us make sacrifices and work hard for it.

[jessrabbit]

I was wondering about those stats, too. But since we are all so different, it seems a person *could* be healthy and at those stats. But maybe it's a slight exaggeration? Or it's the OP's lowest depleted weight, before being refed and watered?

In any case, I was thinking about this thread over the night and I just wanted to say to the OP that instead of focusing on how others are supposedly "jealous" of you, you might take a look in the mirror at what lies beneath your skin. Compassion is such an important and truly beautiful skill to practice. Whenever you say, "they are just jealous", you aren't being very compassionate. To experience jealousy is to experience pain. Try not to be angry at your fellow women for being in pain. I'm sure they are not trying to actively hurt you, but rather just expressing their own discomfort with what they see when they look in the mirror and feel inadequate when they think about somebody like you. It really IS a compliment, even if it doesn't come out that way or you refuse to receive it that way because you are caught up in your own feelings of superiority. Cultivating kind reactions towards their comments will go a long way towards healing for you both.

As you can see I never comment on bb.com, but this post is worth coming out of lurking for. Very well thought out and meaningful. I just wanted you to know your words mean something to someone! Have a wonderful day, and thank you!