Can my life be turned around? srs thread. reps.

[ICUH8N]

Thanks for checking this out. I appreciate any real responses. I expect some hate but its whatever. Maybe somebody will be able to offer their input. I hope we as men can help one another even though a lot of us are going at each others throats on here a lot.

Am in my early 40s, full head of hair, decent-strong jawline, 5ft10 and from RL experience I am an objective 7.5/10 in looks but am indeed an incel with maybe one friend and havent been on a date in 3yrs, havent had a girlfriend in about 7yrs and Im trying to figure out how to turn things around.

I was rode hard pretty good in grad school and was the kid just about always picked last, bullied, spit on, etc from age 6ish til I graduated. For whatever reason it instilled this mental fog or this haze where its a state of depression I do not know how to escape and am currently being treated for Major Depressive Disorder. I contemplate ending things about 20 times an hour id say and have for years. Every now and then I'll go a full day without those thoughts but its rare.

It is debilitating to the point all I can do sometimes is sit back and stare at the ceiling. No emotions or thoughts going on. I feel zombie-like. People often think im angry when im not at all because I barely smile or anything. My sense of humor, because I am unable to garner real emotion, is extremely dry.

I recently moved because of my job and joined a gym. Well there were two pickup dodgeball games I went to and out of 14 people that showed, I was picked last both days.

I am also taking night classes and am partnered with 4 other adult students but am being ostracized from that group. One will actively move away from me if I sit there and the other day, did it awkwardly when I was the last of 4 to sit.

I make over 6figs and have a pretty baller house but it doesnt matter at the end of the day.

I have to go now but will edit in more later for clarification.

[Godfrd824]

Post a pic of your face with a spoon next to your face. That's the first step.

[ICUH8N]

Post a pic of your face with a spoon next to your face. That's the first step.

srs question what does that do?

[Godfrd824]

srs question what does that do?

It shows us you're not a troll. No one will take you seriously or help you until you prove you're not a troll.

[LateShow]

Mirin join date to post ratio.

Provide pics as evidence of situation, and you’ll get real advice

[ICUH8N]

Mirin join date to post ratio.

Provide pics as evidence of situation, and you’ll get real advice

Do I have to do a spoon pic? This is very legit. Maybe there is some other way to verify?

[Godfrd824]

Do I have to do a spoon pic? This is very legit. Maybe there is some other way to verify?

It has to be a spoon pic.

[ICUH8N]

It has to be a spoon pic.

Said I need a post count of 50 or more to post pics or links. Swear its legit.

I can try some other way til I get to 50 if you know of one.

[mulletwarrior]

Mirin join date to post ratio.

Provide pics as evidence of situation, and you’ll get real advice

This.

Also, have you tried men?

[ICUH8N]

This.

Also, have you tried men?

Nah bro.

[BDSMBBW]

Thanks for checking this out. I appreciate any real responses. I expect some hate but its whatever. Maybe somebody will be able to offer their input. I hope we as men can help one another even though a lot of us are going at each others throats on here a lot.

Am in my early 40s, full head of hair, decent-strong jawline, 5ft10 and from RL experience I am an objective 7.5/10 in looks but am indeed an incel with maybe one friend and havent been on a date in 3yrs, havent had a girlfriend in about 7yrs and Im trying to figure out how to turn things around.

I was rode hard pretty good in grad school and was the kid just about always picked last, bullied, spit on, etc from age 6ish til I graduated. For whatever reason it instilled this mental fog or this haze where its a state of depression I do not know how to escape and am currently being treated for Major Depressive Disorder. I contemplate ending things about 20 times an hour id say and have for years. Every now and then I'll go a full day without those thoughts but its rare.

It is debilitating to the point all I can do sometimes is sit back and stare at the ceiling. No emotions or thoughts going on. I feel zombie-like. People often think im angry when im not at all because I barely smile or anything. My sense of humor, because I am unable to garner real emotion, is extremely dry.

I recently moved because of my job and joined a gym. Well there were two pickup dodgeball games I went to and out of 14 people that showed, I was picked last both days.

I am also taking night classes and am partnered with 4 other adult students but am being ostracized from that group. One will actively move away from me if I sit there and the other day, did it awkwardly when I was the last of 4 to sit.

I make over 6figs and have a pretty baller house but it doesnt matter at the end of the day.

I have to go now but will edit in more later for clarification.

Stop thinking about your past, you are way too neurotic and thinking about stuff you cannot change even after almost 2 decades of it happened?

Stop caring what others think about you and looking for approval from others, if others don't talk, let them not talk.

If you find someone who you might see a FUTURE with - go and talk to them - talk without expecting sex or relationship or anything else and get to know them first.

You tick all the boxes for what women want in a man, You just need to up your own self-confidence. Your mate value is very high - you are struggling because you have low self-esteem. Work on your self-esteem, don't let people tread on you ever and do things that make you happy first. Life is way too short my man,

I'm not sure if you are a troll , but if anyone else is going through same issues as you hope they find my post useful.

[suave2000]

What do you want tho, it's not clear from your post. Do you want new friendships or are you looking for a relationship with a woman? Or both?

In the dating part you're a mature man with money and a baller house, lots of women in their 30s would kill for that kind of partner. I hate dating apps but if you have a small social circle giving those a go would work great for you.

If you're balling have you thought about remodeling or redecorating your house? A new fresh space can do wonders to your spirit ded fkn srs I've seen it happen.

And yes life can be turned around in an instant at any given time (for better or for worse)

[ICUH8N]

Stop thinking about your past, you are way too neurotic and thinking about stuff you cannot change even after almost 2 decades of it happened?

Stop caring what others think about you and looking for approval from others, if others don't talk, let them not talk.

If you find someone who you might see a FUTURE with - go and talk to them - talk without expecting sex or relationship or anything else and get to know them first.

You tick all the boxes for what women want in a man, You just need to up your own self-confidence. Your mate value is very high - you are struggling because you have low self-esteem. Work on your self-esteem, don't let people tread on you ever and do things that make you happy first. Life is way too short my man,

I'm not sure if you are a troll , but if anyone else is going through same issues as you hope they find my post useful.

Its not that I choose to think about it. But what I dont think you understand is that it never goes away in that when things go as bad as they did age 6-18, they continue and snowball and peers, classmates, "friends" etc continue reinforcing it or the situations you find yourself in perpetuate it.

So maybe it happened very young but the effects set you behind in your 20s but while in college, people can see how damaged you are and they want almost nothing to do with you. Then youre in your late 20s and the cycle continues. Its not like it happened 20-30yrs ago and things have been peachy since then. But to expound on things, this pattern of what I would call being discarded has instilled what seems like a permanent feeling of uselessness, inferiority and a constant bother to anyone I might be around. Of course parents do not help it at all. Mom was/is legitimately crazy. Dad offered next to no mental support but of course provided the basics growing up which I am grateful for.

100% not a troll. I honestly do not know why someone would ever go through this effort, make up all this, and be a troll. Maybe for attention I guess but I see no sense in it. Hoping others see this is not a troll post.

What do you want tho, it's not clear from your post. Do you want new friendships or are you looking for a relationship with a woman? Or both?

In the dating part you're a mature man with money and a baller house, lots of women in their 30s would kill for that kind of partner. I hate dating apps but if you have a small social circle giving those a go would work great for you.

If you're balling have you thought about remodeling or redecorating your house? A new fresh space can do wonders to your spirit ded fkn srs I've seen it happen.

And yes life can be turned around in an instant at any given time (for better or for worse)

Good question. Long term I would like some friends, a girlfriend, people I see on occasion who actually value my time and give a crap Im there. How to get that is the question because as a lot of people would say, the look of depression is written all over my face.

For my house though I recently did about $5k worth of upgrades. It is a 2yr old house with custom finishes. I recently added two bedrooms downstairs, a pool table, poker table basically turned it in to a game room. In December Im adding an entry/exit off the master bedroom to a private deck with a hot tub. In the future Im adding a small water-feature like a fountain with river rock and stones. I am doing it all DIY as Im well versed in electrical upgrades and carpentry. I am also a musician but there again, the depression / low self-esteem is probably the showstopper for everyone. Wish I could kick it.

I am almost sure any girl would be impressed but the house or whatever but I do think it would have to happen almost as if she stumbled upon it on accident. In other words I cant be talking about it really. She just has to find out for herself. But right now Im starting with 1 acquaintance, 0 g/f prospects, etc.

[crupiea]

Sounds to me like group activities arent your thing so the simplest thing to do it not do group activities.

Also I see not much about goals and hobbies.

Setting goals doesnt have to be some difficult thing, just set some and take small steps towards them. Gives your mind something to focus on and something to always look forward to. It can be anything, learning to cook or building a picnic table or anything.

Sounds like you like to be active so what about that for starter. For me I like to ride my bicycle so i set a goal to get so many miles in per week. then i added in lifting weights so now I have two goals. just recently started working out on the heavy bag so now have three different goals to work on.

These goals while they might not seem that lofty will keep your mind focused and give your something to look forward to all the time.

Also what is your diet like? Small changes to your diet can make huge changes in how you feel about yourself.

[ICUH8N]

Sounds to me like group activities arent your thing so the simplest thing to do it not do group activities.

Also I see not much about goals and hobbies.

Setting goals doesnt have to be some difficult thing, just set some and take small steps towards them. Gives your mind something to focus on and something to always look forward to. It can be anything, learning to cook or building a picnic table or anything.

Sounds like you like to be active so what about that for starter. For me I like to ride my bicycle so i set a goal to get so many miles in per week. then i added in lifting weights so now I have two goals. just recently started working out on the heavy bag so now have three different goals to work on.

These goals while they might not seem that lofty will keep your mind focused and give your something to look forward to all the time.

Theyre spotty. In the past in a group, usually zero people ever approach me or try to talk to me so if I happen to walk in to a room first or even last, I get avoided and I feel like a puppy dog going up to people so I dont look so weird standing there alone. I absolutely loathe going to big gatherings by myself.

In terms of goals I have them I just havent talked about them yet. I know what I want and am actively working towards them. To be honest it is to "retire" early with residual income and I am 35% of the way there and so the goal is to get the other 65% in the next 5-7 years. I have a plan and I have to hope it goes well while doing what I can to ensure it.

[ICUH8N]

Unable to post pics or links yet.

Negged by LogicalLifts
Message: I'll neg your main faster now loser LOL

And people wonder why this place isnt what it was.

[Goodguy03]

early 40s? just find some single mom on a dating app.

[fate0311]

did not read. when will you people learn these posts need to be in bullet points....concise bullet points in chronological order.

[katya422]

I believe that it can be done.

How to go about it exactly may not be something that is obviously apparent or easy to accept, but if you create a clear intention and continually redirect yourself towards pursuing that intention then I believe you can succeed.

Stop thinking about your past, you are way too neurotic and thinking about stuff you cannot change even after almost 2 decades of it happened?

Stop caring what others think about you and looking for approval from others, if others don't talk, let them not talk.

If you find someone who you might see a FUTURE with - go and talk to them - talk without expecting sex or relationship or anything else and get to know them first.

You tick all the boxes for what women want in a man, You just need to up your own self-confidence. Your mate value is very high - you are struggling because you have low self-esteem. Work on your self-esteem, don't let people tread on you ever and do things that make you happy first. Life is way too short my man,

I'm not sure if you are a troll , but if anyone else is going through same issues as you hope they find my post useful.

Yes.

And working on this stuff can be hard. It can feel really stupid and embarrassing. It will probably make you cry at times. It takes however long it takes which is why perseverance is crucial.

I can't tell you this "one cool trick" because if I could I would. Expect to have successes and setbacks. Keep going and don't quit.

I would say it resembles changing any behavior that is detrimental to you. Trying to lose weight and you have day where you fail to follow through and overeat? Get up the next day and start again. Trying to quit drinking and "fall off the wagon"? Get up the next day and start again.

Some things that might help:

https://www.goodreads.com/zh/book/show/15704926

^^^
This is short. A "read a little and then think" sort of book.


https://www.goodreads.com/en/book/show/40734128

^^^
Seminal work on trauma and the lasting effects.


https://wizbuskout.com/best-books-on-attachment-theory/

^^^
Annoying page, but a good list of books on attachment which given your post is something worth knowing a bit about for you.

You might want to look into personality disorders/toxic family patterns given your description of you home life as part of understanding why you are programmed to react the way that you do.

https://www.youtube.com/@CrappyChildhoodFairy

https://www.youtube.com/@patrickteahanlicswtherapy


There are resources out there to change yourself for the better if you are willing to seek them out and put in the work. FWIW the above is stuff I have found over a period of several years and not in any sort of organized fashion. I've certainly not read/watched all of this. This is just how I deal with whatever- if I have something going on and I want it to get better I'm going to go and see what I can find to get that done.

I also have tried to incorporate more positive content. Check out Mel Robbins and Ed Mylett.

I'm presently reading this:

https://www.amazon.com/Tell-Yourself.../dp/1544525028

^^^
Could be a very helpful mode of therapy for you given you are functioning fine and just struggling with self-worth.

Plenty of people look down on self-help. What's the alternative though? Rot in peace?

Might as well try. What's the worst that could happen?

[ICUH8N]

I believe that it can be done.

Cant comment on any of the content because I want to comb thru it all. Repped though. Thank you.

[MEDITATE]

so what do you want?? youre ranting but you arent saying what do you want


do you want :

a gf/wife ?
friends ?
what do you for work?
where do you live?
when you say people dont sit next to you , why? why do they actively move away?

answer these questions



edit: pm me your photo

[ICUH8N]

so what do you want?? youre ranting but you arent saying what do you want

do you want :

a gf/wife ?
friends ?
what do you for work?
where do you live?
when you say people dont sit next to you , why? why do they actively move away?

answer these questions

edit: pm me your photo

Yeah bro, because this is "ranting"

Read my replies.

[ICUH8N]

Bumping tonight, may bump tomorrow

[Godfrd824]

Bumping tonight, may bump tomorrow

For what? You couldn't even do the first thing you were told to do. You're not gonna change, you won't put in the work.

[MEDITATE]

Yeah bro, because this is "ranting"

Read my replies.

U say u arent ranting yet havent answered any of my question.

Op is trolling

[benedetto27]

Nice thread.

[ICUH8N]

For what? You couldn't even do the first thing you were told to do. You're not gonna change, you won't put in the work.

And what was the first thing? Add a spoon pic? Or are you too damned ignorant to see what I said about that?

[ICUH8N]

U say u arent ranting yet havent answered any of my question.

Op is trolling

Because i've already answered them elsewhere and you come off like a total prick.

[Kiop]

yes you can.
are you memecop or punicepts??

[Legendsneverdie]

OP,

What is your level of fitness? do you have abs or near visibile? Do you have above average muscle mass?

Have you studied masculinity? Pay a photographer to take pictures for your dating apps.

Stay on your grind, make sure you are investing somehow.

Read books, make a small social circle with high-quality people

I think these things will help you.