Dealing with Psychological Trauma as you age.

[slowbus]

I know this is an odd topic to post, but I can't really seem to find a suitable area for it. But, since the psychological affects of trauma are generally felt as we age, I thought maybe this would be the most appropriate section for such a topic because of the amount of life experience/time lived of most participants/members of this subforum.

My main question to you guys is: how do you maintain a healthy mental state despite all of the horrors and trauma that life throws at you? Do you feel that exercise is a viable outlet and sufficient enough for this? Or are there other things that you do to supplement your routine in order to maintain your sanity (like therapy or medication or treatments).

I would imagine that by a certain age (let's say 35), most of us have experienced most of the darker shades of life that this experience has to offer: loss of a loved one, a violent event, a sexual affront, a brutal verbal battery, etc.; but I would imagine that a majority of us experience more than just 1 of these events.

Me, I'm 27 now and am currently battling with a lot of dark things emotionally because of a lot of things I've experienced in the last 4 years of my life; things I never really gave a thought too before they happened.

How do you maintain your sanity as you get older and go through life? I'm sure the pain doesn't just decide to one day leave you alone. I woke up today looking at a picture of one of my bestfriends who will have been dead 1 year this October 25th, 2016. Her death is still unsolved. I'm still a mess. And I was also reminded, in my grief, that I'm not the only human who fights with this agony.

So how do you guys deal with the bull****?

[x-trainer ben]

I know this is an odd topic to post, but I can't really seem to find a suitable area for it. But, since the psychological affects of trauma are generally felt as we age, I thought maybe this would be the most appropriate section for such a topic because of the amount of life experience/time lived of most participants/members of this subforum.

My main question to you guys is: how do you maintain a healthy mental state despite all of the horrors and trauma that life throws at you? Do you feel that exercise is a viable outlet and sufficient enough for this? Or are there other things that you do to supplement your routine in order to maintain your sanity (like therapy or medication or treatments).

I would imagine that by a certain age (let's say 35), most of us have experienced most of the darker shades of life that this experience has to offer: loss of a loved one, a violent event, a sexual affront, a brutal verbal battery, etc.; but I would imagine that a majority of us experience more than just 1 of these events.

Me, I'm 27 now and am currently battling with a lot of dark things emotionally because of a lot of things I've experienced in the last 4 years of my life; things I never really gave a thought too before they happened.

How do you maintain your sanity as you get older and go through life? I'm sure the pain doesn't just decide to one day leave you alone. I woke up today looking at a picture of one of my bestfriends who will have been dead 1 year this October 25th, 2016. Her death is still unsolved. I'm still a mess. And I was also reminded, in my grief, that I'm not the only human who fights with this agony.

So how do you guys deal with the bull****?

In short the gym and exercise is my time for therapy, solutions, thinking about stuff, and resolving approaches to solving probs. I am not big on therapy and drugs, so i work through things there. Father passes go to the gym, girlfriend pisses you off go to the gym, bad day at work go to the gym, frustrations and need to be away from people....go to the gym!

[Jim48439]

I have seen alot of horrific things in my life. I learned a long time ago to just have a dont care attitude. Meaning my bills are paid im healthy those are my priorities. Dont sweat the small stuff in life care about what matters. Money isnt a priority for me or material things they come and go. I workout for me because i want to look beyter for me no one else. Learn to relax enjoy the simple things in life that is the key.

[ljimd]

So how do you guys deal with the bull****?

IDK, maybe beer, pretty women, puppies, breathing, a nice car,
good buddies, squats, a nice steak, kids, a healthy prostate,
............................................... focus on good stuff.

[paolo59]

It is always advisable to do everything you can do NOT to create your own 'psychological trauma.' Ha! May sound silly, but you'd be surprised how much of it we can and do produce by our own stupidity, and lack of judgement. You grow out of that (normally) with age. LOL Other 'traumas' come with the living. Working out has always helped me. The gym is the only place where I can completely step away from absolutely everything.

[quietchef]

It is always advisable to do everything you can do NOT to create your own 'psychological trauma.' Ha! May sound silly, but you'd be surprised how much of it we can and do produce by our own stupidity, and lack of judgement. You grow out of that (normally) with age. LOL Other 'traumas' come with the living. Working out has always helped me. The gym is the only place where I can completely step away from absolutely everything.

I'll second this!

If you have your health, everything else is just details. A roof over your head, food on the table, and someone who loves you and you're pretty damn successful.
Family problems, loved ones lost, bills starting to pile up, resentment from the past, and so many other things, I chalk up to 'Dat Bullchit' that will suck the life out of you if you let it.

Lifting is therapy to stay healthy, keep my mind healthy, and with that allotted time it usually gives me a chance to sort what's important and whats bullchit.

[ElrondHubbard]

I know this is an odd topic to post, but I can't really seem to find a suitable area for it. But, since the psychological affects of trauma are generally felt as we age, I thought maybe this would be the most appropriate section for such a topic because of the amount of life experience/time lived of most participants/members of this subforum.

My main question to you guys is: how do you maintain a healthy mental state despite all of the horrors and trauma that life throws at you? Do you feel that exercise is a viable outlet and sufficient enough for this? Or are there other things that you do to supplement your routine in order to maintain your sanity (like therapy or medication or treatments).

I would imagine that by a certain age (let's say 35), most of us have experienced most of the darker shades of life that this experience has to offer: loss of a loved one, a violent event, a sexual affront, a brutal verbal battery, etc.; but I would imagine that a majority of us experience more than just 1 of these events.

Me, I'm 27 now and am currently battling with a lot of dark things emotionally because of a lot of things I've experienced in the last 4 years of my life; things I never really gave a thought too before they happened.

How do you maintain your sanity as you get older and go through life? I'm sure the pain doesn't just decide to one day leave you alone. I woke up today looking at a picture of one of my bestfriends who will have been dead 1 year this October 25th, 2016. Her death is still unsolved. I'm still a mess. And I was also reminded, in my grief, that I'm not the only human who fights with this agony.

So how do you guys deal with the bull****?

I agree with the others that lifting is great therapy. It's not the only therapy, though. As you said yourself, you are not the only person who has to deal with this mess. It's called "life", and it's often not a pretty thing.

One way I deal with it is to get out in the wilderness whenever I can. When I'm hiking through a desert mountain range, I realize that nature doesn't care about my past, it doesn't care about my looks, it doesn't care about my economic status, it doesn't care about who loves me, who hates me, who I love, or who I hate. It doesn't even care about whether I live or die. How I handle it becomes 100% my own decision. I am powerless against it, yet I have all the power. Only me. It's the perfect way to be in the moment.

Live in the moment, take lessons from the past that you can apply to the moment, but don't dwell in that past. It's gone. The moment is the next step to the future, and that's what you need to be concentrating on.

[DuracellBunny]

I recommend going with the serenity prayer. AA/NA/etc are big on it, but it is very valid as a general philosophy.

The paraphrased version is

If you can do something about it, do it
If you can't do something about it, forget it
Learn which is which.

[vakrka]

Unfortunately I had more things happen to me before I was 19 than most have in a lifetime. So these little things that most get upset about are so tiny and minor that it doesn't effect me

[vakrka]

But it also makes me a horrible person when it comes to being compassionate.

One of my secretaries is currently watching her mom die. But the mom is 89. My mom died when I was 19, so even though I give the impression that I feel bad I'm thinking you got 50 more years with your mom than I did stop whining

[Cass40]

I think early childhood trauma has longer lasting consequences than the chit that starts happening in your thirties. In general I think it really depends on how resilient one is. Some people seem to go through tons of horrible things, and just seem to keep on going, whereas others crumble facing the smallest struggles. Those experiences can't be compared because everyone is different and experience things differently.

OP, it seems like you're on the sensitive side. When you say you're a mess, do you mean you can't function properly, like go to work, enjoy life, have meaningful relationships etc.? Do you have hard time getting out of the depression or do you think it takes longer than it should?

Grieving is a part of life and you go through steps. That is normal and everyone has to go through it. It sucks but you will survive it because you have no choice.

[slowbus]

I think early childhood trauma has longer lasting consequences than the chit that starts happening in your thirties. In general I think it really depends on how resilient one is. Some people seem to go through tons of horrible things, and just seem to keep on going, whereas others crumble facing the smallest struggles. Those experiences can't be compared because everyone is different and experience things differently.

OP, it seems like you're on the sensitive side. When you say you're a mess, do you mean you can't function properly, like go to work, enjoy life, have meaningful relationships etc.? Do you have hard time getting out of the depression or do you think it takes longer than it should?

Grieving is a part of life and you go through steps. That is normal and everyone has to go through it. It sucks but you will survive it because you have no choice.

It means I am an emotional mess. I can't look at her picture without breaking down, I can't think about her without being inundated with feelings of remorse and sorrow. I can't imagine her face anymore except for when I saw her dead and lifeless. This is a person I was with just about every day, and who I had a deep emotional investment in since we were children (elementary school). I definitely couldn't function the first couple of months after I found out about her murder and I ended up dropping out of my classes that semester.

It sucks but you will survive it because you have no choice.

That's pretty much all you can do. I don't understand how people just say "forget it and continue with your life", if we are to forget the past then how does the present hold any meaning? How can I force myself to move forward and act like she never had an impact on my soul or affected my life?

We trudge forward and deflect the things that make us most uncomfortable but my gut tells me that's the most disingenuous way possible to deal with emotional pain. I'm still a mess in the sense that I've had something taken from me that is impossible to replace, something that was pivotal to a large part of my happiness and sanity as a person.

Now, it's not just a death of a friend that I've dealt with. PTSD/PICS, an extremely violent assault that left me with DDD, spinal arthritis and permanent brain damage (not to mention nightmares from time to time), and a few more things that really crippled my happiness for a while.

I couldn't really imagine what kind of mental state I'd be in if I didn't have exercise or a job...

[ElrondHubbard]

It means I am an emotional mess. I can't look at her picture without breaking down, I can't think about her without being inundated with feelings of remorse and sorrow. I can't imagine her face anymore except for when I saw her dead and lifeless. This is a person I was with just about every day, and who I had a deep emotional investment in since we were children (elementary school). I definitely couldn't function the first couple of months after I found out about her murder and I ended up dropping out of my classes that semester.

It sucks but you will survive it because you have no choice.

That's pretty much all you can do. I don't understand how people just say "forget it and continue with your life", if we are to forget the past then how does the present hold any meaning? How can I force myself to move forward and act like she never had an impact on my soul or affected my life?

We trudge forward and deflect the things that make us most uncomfortable but my gut tells me that's the most disingenuous way possible to deal with emotional pain. I'm still a mess in the sense that I've had something taken from me that is impossible to replace, something that was pivotal to a large part of my happiness and sanity as a person.

Now, it's not just a death of a friend that I've dealt with. PTSD/PICS, an extremely violent assault that left me with DDD, spinal arthritis and permanent brain damage (not to mention nightmares from time to time), and a few more things that really crippled my happiness for a while.

I couldn't really imagine what kind of mental state I'd be in if I didn't have exercise or a job...

I would never say "forget it". No. Don't do that. But you still have to move it ahead. You can honor her memory in many ways, and still have a productive fulfilling life. In fact, having a productive, fulfilling life and dedicating it to her memory is one way to honor it. There's no doubt you have a lot to overcome, and you might need some help with it. But you're alive, and you have choices, and you can choose to do positive things.

[Cass40]

It means I am an emotional mess. I can't look at her picture without breaking down, I can't think about her without being inundated with feelings of remorse and sorrow. I can't imagine her face anymore except for when I saw her dead and lifeless. This is a person I was with just about every day, and who I had a deep emotional investment in since we were children (elementary school). I definitely couldn't function the first couple of months after I found out about her murder and I ended up dropping out of my classes that semester.

It sucks but you will survive it because you have no choice.

That's pretty much all you can do. I don't understand how people just say "forget it and continue with your life", if we are to forget the past then how does the present hold any meaning? How can I force myself to move forward and act like she never had an impact on my soul or affected my life?

We trudge forward and deflect the things that make us most uncomfortable but my gut tells me that's the most disingenuous way possible to deal with emotional pain. I'm still a mess in the sense that I've had something taken from me that is impossible to replace, something that was pivotal to a large part of my happiness and sanity as a person.

Now, it's not just a death of a friend that I've dealt with. PTSD/PICS, an extremely violent assault that left me with DDD, spinal arthritis and permanent brain damage (not to mention nightmares from time to time), and a few more things that really crippled my happiness for a while.

I couldn't really imagine what kind of mental state I'd be in if I didn't have exercise or a job...

No, you don't just get over those kind of trauma. Violent assault, friend being murdered...those are things that cause PTSD, and they are not "normal" life crisis. Normal is something like losing a parent, even though it sucks, it's part of life. Violence, murder...those things you don't just necessarily get over with without help.

Hope you are getting the help you need, and I agree that being able to work and exercise, not sabotage yourself with addictions etc. are already huge achievements.

[JediRN]

I find trivializing my own trauma helps. SRS

Am I the sole support of a family and just found out that I have pancreatic cancer and have to tell them? Nope
Did I just make a mistake in battle that resulted in my best friend being killed? Nope
Did I accidentally trip down stairs and now I'm a quadriplegic? Nope?

I've met all three of the people mentioned above before and when I get to thinking about it, I really don't have any problems in my life worth bringing me down.


Now I'm not trivializing you OP, or what you went through, I'm just stating how I deal with my issues.

[ThystleWeed2]

But it also makes me a horrible person when it comes to being compassionate.

One of my secretaries is currently watching her mom die. But the mom is 89. My mom died when I was 19, so even though I give the impression that I feel bad I'm thinking you got 50 more years with your mom than I did stop whining

89 is a very advances age. To me, that kind of reaction on the part of the daughter indicates strong dependence on the parent.

I never had a grandfather both were dead before my birth.
My maternal grandmother was my 'spiritual' Mom growing up. As a toddler I tried to call her Mom. She died when I was aged 7. My older sister died 8 years later and my bio Mom ( best friend really) died when I was 29.

I would have a hard time listening to any one belly ache about a 89 year old woman who was dying.

Sudden death or long term illness - I've been through both. Neither of them is easier. Grief is about your individual feelings, it is not imo about the dead person but u who are left behind having to cope with the loss. Grief can be isolating and in fact selfish in some ways.

Op - letting go of pain, anger and rage - coping with life and emotions is something everyone suffers. figuring out a process that works for you is key.

My eldest nephew is living with me currently. 8 years in Navy and 3 tours...he's seen more than most men his age. My advise would be to have 1-2 friends you can talk s**t with and decompress.

Life is always going to kick you in the teeth, that's a given. It's the getting up each day to feel those results and going on that makes us stronger.

[latebloomingmom]

I know this is an odd topic to post, but I can't really seem to find a suitable area for it. But, since the psychological affects of trauma are generally felt as we age, I thought maybe this would be the most appropriate section for such a topic because of the amount of life experience/time lived of most participants/members of this subforum.

My main question to you guys is: how do you maintain a healthy mental state despite all of the horrors and trauma that life throws at you? Do you feel that exercise is a viable outlet and sufficient enough for this? Or are there other things that you do to supplement your routine in order to maintain your sanity (like therapy or medication or treatments).

I would imagine that by a certain age (let's say 35), most of us have experienced most of the darker shades of life that this experience has to offer: loss of a loved one, a violent event, a sexual affront, a brutal verbal battery, etc.; but I would imagine that a majority of us experience more than just 1 of these events.

Me, I'm 27 now and am currently battling with a lot of dark things emotionally because of a lot of things I've experienced in the last 4 years of my life; things I never really gave a thought too before they happened.

How do you maintain your sanity as you get older and go through life? I'm sure the pain doesn't just decide to one day leave you alone. I woke up today looking at a picture of one of my bestfriends who will have been dead 1 year this October 25th, 2016. Her death is still unsolved. I'm still a mess. And I was also reminded, in my grief, that I'm not the only human who fights with this agony.

So how do you guys deal with the bull****?

I would suggest you go in and talk to someone..might help ya sort out your feelings

[paolo59]

I would suggest you go in and talk to someone..might help ya sort out your feelings

This can be very helpful. Surprisingly so! There are 'counseling services' available, and many are covered by insurance. I was completely unaware of what was available through my employer some years ago. Mental health, your state of mind emotionally, is not something to be ignored or minimized. There are things that can leave you pretty much messed up on the inside. It is no admission of 'weakness.' Sometimes you need to talk through things to figure out where you are...and why.

[WillBrink]

So how do you guys deal with the bull****?

There's different paths people take, but the end point is, it does take work. Attempting to just ignore it/deal with it, often leads to bad things. Therapy, meditation, medication (if indicated) and other avenues can go a long way to assisting with trauma. PTDS is not just something soldiers deal with, not even close. You ave to take an a active role in your recovery and mental health. So the Q is, how do YOU deal with it?

Perspective is everything in my experience. Try donating a day per week to a homeless shelter some time. I always look to people that make what I have been through look mild in comparison and realize, no matter what I have seen or done, someone has had it worse and survived, and often even thrived.

Finally, even horrible crap shapes us as who we are and as my mother used to say (dead in her 50s) "It gives you character." Older I get, more I realize she was right. I fond those who have not really been through any real chit are often boring as hell and often wine about utterly mindless small stuff.

[tobymax123]

It means I am an emotional mess. I can't look at her picture without breaking down, I can't think about her without being inundated with feelings of remorse and sorrow. I can't imagine her face anymore except for when I saw her dead and lifeless. This is a person I was with just about every day, and who I had a deep emotional investment in since we were children (elementary school). I definitely couldn't function the first couple of months after I found out about her murder and I ended up dropping out of my classes that semester.

Oh man, you are experiencing deep grief over the loss of your close friend. Now the approaching anniversary of her death is probably stirring up the emotions even more than usual. Honest to goodness advice here: Seek out a grief recovery group in your area. Not a therapist that you would have to pay big bucks for, but a group of others who are wading through their own losses. It helps to know that you are not alone, and you would be in a confidential group setting once a week, once a month or whatever, where others talk about their difficulties (and successes) in escaping deep grief, and you can spill your guts as much or as little was you want. Your presence in a group would also be of help to others! Some will be experiencing grief over the loss of a parent, friend, child, or grief over a disastrous life event. And then you can have some donuts and coffee. :-) I know there are online groups too, but personally I think an real life group setting is best. Good luck and best wishes to you.

Find a group meeting near you: http://www.griefshare.org/

[bodyhard]

What the hell does age have to do with it? Hell I am experience sh!t when I was just a boy that still haunt me till this day. It depends on what you have seen and how well you can cope with it, for example when I was 14 I saw a girl roughly about 7 years old get shot in her head and die, at or around that same age I saw a friend of mine get cut in half when we were playing on top of the elevators jumping from one to the other....

[mtpockets]

So how do you guys deal with the bull****?

Dude my bull**** is nothing compared to yours, When stuff gets to me I usually just burn a fatty and go for a hike, works every time.


I think the others ITT gave you sound advice and talking with a professional may be whats needed.

You're already looking for advice, so I'm confident you will beat this..


Best of luck to you..

[FallenAngel80]

It depends on what you have seen and how well you can cope with it

^ ^ This, so I know it can be easier said than done but for me, my reactions to situations define how I feel rather than the situation itself. I can choose to allow a situation to p!ss me off/get me down, or I can choose to rise above it and help push me forward.

Sounds like you are grieving, and grieving doesn't have a set time-frame. My father died when I was 13 (23 years' ago) and I still grieve for him. As I have got older the pain often feels worse because of the events in my life that he hasn't been present for. But, I also use my grief to push myself to achieve the things I want to do as I know he would want me to follow the things I love doing.

Like others have said, have you considered seeing a counsellor/therapist? It might help to talk to someone neutral about how you are fe

[Cass40]

^ ^ This, so I know it can be easier said than done but for me, my reactions to situations define how I feel rather than the situation itself. I can choose to allow a situation to p!ss me off/get me down, or I can choose to rise above it and help push me forward.

Sounds like you are grieving, and grieving doesn't have a set time-frame. My father died when I was 13 (23 years' ago) and I still grieve for him. As I have got older the pain often feels worse because of the events in my life that he hasn't been present for. But, I also use my grief to push myself to achieve the things I want to do as I know he would want me to follow the things I love doing.

Like others have said, have you considered seeing a counsellor/therapist? It might help to talk to someone neutral about how you are fe

Well as much as you decide not to have PTSD when someone attacks you physically to the extent that you have chronic injury, or when you witness horrible things, you are not just going to grieve those things away no matter how much you choose to rise above it.
That kind of stuff may cause anxiety disorders, make a person hyper vigilant etc. as it did BH for instance.

[pondman]

I definitely believe in a healthy mind/Body connection. It's hard to give anecdotal examples, because we are all begin from different starting points. I'll tell you I made it out of abject poverty by focusing on athletics when young and staying away from drugs. which was pervasive in my neighborhood. The things I learned while on teams was much more valuable than what you learn while in a classroom. I've had a best friend get blown to bits in a war zone. I've watch both parents die of long term illnesses were they were on both on hospice, crazy out of their minds on morphine. There will be nothing more humbling than watching you parent die-- that will teach you the most about life and yourself. Throughout it all I continued practicing the big 3, stay strong, stay flexible, and move.

[slowbus]

I thank you all from the bottom of my heart for your helpful and hopeful replies. I'm really glad I posted in this forum section, the insight and maturity of all you members has really made for an enlightening and cathartic discussion. I appreciate everything you guys have said!

I've talked to a counselor a couple of years ago when my initial physical trauma happened but was incarcerated before I could finish my time with her. Since my release, I've yet to go back. But I think it is evident that I need it more than ever.

Oh man, you are experiencing deep grief over the loss of your close friend. Now the approaching anniversary of her death is probably stirring up the emotions even more than usual. Honest to goodness advice here: Seek out a grief recovery group in your area. Not a therapist that you would have to pay big bucks for, but a group of others who are wading through their own losses. It helps to know that you are not alone, and you would be in a confidential group setting once a week, once a month or whatever, where others talk about their difficulties (and successes) in escaping deep grief, and you can spill your guts as much or as little was you want. Your presence in a group would also be of help to others! Some will be experiencing grief over the loss of a parent, friend, child, or grief over a disastrous life event. And then you can have some donuts and coffee. :-) I know there are online groups too, but personally I think an real life group setting is best. Good luck and best wishes to you.

Find a group meeting near you: http://www.griefshare.org/

Her deathday is October 25th, and you are so right about the emotions. I was frozen with grief yesterday morning, I must have spent a good 10 minutes in my chair unable to move because of how badly I was sobbing over her. I think about her often, but I haven't broken down like that since the first month after she was taken from us. But yesterday, I absolutely lost it. And I realized that I'm NOWHERE near having dealt with her loss. So again, thank you for the link! I'm really hoping that I find healing there.

[thomashenry]

I know this is an odd topic to post, but I can't really seem to find a suitable area for it. But, since the psychological affects of trauma are generally felt as we age, I thought maybe this would be the most appropriate section for such a topic because of the amount of life experience/time lived of most participants/members of this subforum.

My main question to you guys is: how do you maintain a healthy mental state despite all of the horrors and trauma that life throws at you? Do you feel that exercise is a viable outlet and sufficient enough for this? Or are there other things that you do to supplement your routine in order to maintain your sanity (like therapy or medication or treatments).

I would imagine that by a certain age (let's say 35), most of us have experienced most of the darker shades of life that this experience has to offer: loss of a loved one, a violent event, a sexual affront, a brutal verbal battery, etc.; but I would imagine that a majority of us experience more than just 1 of these events.

Me, I'm 27 now and am currently battling with a lot of dark things emotionally because of a lot of things I've experienced in the last 4 years of my life; things I never really gave a thought too before they happened.

How do you maintain your sanity as you get older and go through life? I'm sure the pain doesn't just decide to one day leave you alone. I woke up today looking at a picture of one of my bestfriends who will have been dead 1 year this October 25th, 2016. Her death is still unsolved. I'm still a mess. And I was also reminded, in my grief, that I'm not the only human who fights with this agony.

So how do you guys deal with the bull****?

The Serenity Prayer is, God Grant me the Serenity to accept the Things I cannot Change the Courage to change the Things I can, and the Wisdom to know the difference..................By American Theologian Reinhold Niebhur

I can Only Speak for my Self, in the Last 10 Years of my Life, My wife had a Devastating Basal Ganglia Hemorrhage, Stroke, that left her Disabled and Paralyzed on her entire Right Side, I have Buried 2 Children under 30 yrs old, one from Suicide & the Other from a Heroin Overdose, I have spent over 135K on Medical Bills for my Wife, had to sell my house and an array of other things, The Gym helps a Great Deal, relieves stress and keeps me Physically in Condition, the Most Important for me is Church and the Bible/Faith, God tells me/us, "In this World you WILL have Trouble, but take Heart I have overcome the World", I have to Focus on his Promises, That gets me though anything, It has worked for me, may not for others, there has been on more than one occasion as you have read, I just stop and think what on earth is going on, I wonder what keeps me going, but then almost Immediately my thoughts for all intents and Purposes are that I do not have the answers to SO much, God Does, & I Pray and listen and just keep moving forward

[oldnotout]

I know this is an odd topic to post, but I can't really seem to find a suitable area for it. But, since the psychological affects of trauma are generally felt as we age, I thought maybe this would be the most appropriate section for such a topic because of the amount of life experience/time lived of most participants/members of this subforum.

My main question to you guys is: how do you maintain a healthy mental state despite all of the horrors and trauma that life throws at you? Do you feel that exercise is a viable outlet and sufficient enough for this? Or are there other things that you do to supplement your routine in order to maintain your sanity (like therapy or medication or treatments).

I would imagine that by a certain age (let's say 35), most of us have experienced most of the darker shades of life that this experience has to offer: loss of a loved one, a violent event, a sexual affront, a brutal verbal battery, etc.; but I would imagine that a majority of us experience more than just 1 of these events.

Me, I'm 27 now and am currently battling with a lot of dark things emotionally because of a lot of things I've experienced in the last 4 years of my life; things I never really gave a thought too before they happened.

How do you maintain your sanity as you get older and go through life? I'm sure the pain doesn't just decide to one day leave you alone. I woke up today looking at a picture of one of my bestfriends who will have been dead 1 year this October 25th, 2016. Her death is still unsolved. I'm still a mess. And I was also reminded, in my grief, that I'm not the only human who fights with this agony.

So how do you guys deal with the bull****?

It is a choice. Either suck it up or wallow in it. You choose. Harsh? Not really. You either make the choice to beat it, or it beats you.

Most of the pain is due to ego. Neither you or I are so special that we should be exempt from the horror and tribulations that people have endured since they began crawling across the planet.

I can clearly remember 27 years ago standing in the dark screaming, "F you, you have not won yet." at the world. 15 years of therapy, degrees is philosophy and psychology and 27 years later I still fight it. But nobody promised me a rose gargen.

It's a choice. I can recognize my place in the world, and recognize that my place exempts me from none of the horror, or I can choose to view myself as special. Again, ego.

I can grieve daily and be highly functional. Or I can grieve daily and need a nurse maid. I choose, just as I choose to lift rather than fall apart physically. It is the same thing. You build up your psychological strength the same way as your physical. Daily work, incrementally up the load, and eat and sleep an adequate amount.

And get help. You can go in circles for years, or you can get some one to get you going in a straight line. Just like lifting.

[FallenAngel80]

Well as much as you decide not to have PTSD when someone attacks you physically to the extent that you have chronic injury, or when you witness horrible things, you are not just going to grieve those things away no matter how much you choose to rise above it.
That kind of stuff may cause anxiety disorders, make a person hyper vigilant etc. as it did BH for instance.

No I agree, I didn't mean that you can choose not to have something like PTSD, definitely not. But I have worked with people with PTSD who choose not to seek help/get the support which might help them to work through what is happening. I'm not saying OP is choosing not to work through things, I'm just saying that whilst we may not have control over certain aspects of a condition we have a choice over how we choose to deal with it (or not).

[sy2502]

I don't. I shove it in the deepest recesses of my mind and pretend nothing happened.