So I think my wife thinks I'm cheating on her...

[WoofieNugget]

My wife and I moved to a new city about 1.5 years ago and I had to basically restart my social life because I knew nobody in this new city. Because of my profession (work in a gym) I tend to have a social circle that is a bit different than a lot of guys my age. Most of the people I know are a lot younger than I am, including the women. So things like texting each other, etc are pretty common since it is the chief form of communication with people that age so occasionally I get texts from other girls. I always tell her everything that is going on though and have never given her any reason to think I'm hanging out with other women as opposed to the guys from work, who I hang out with once in a while.

Last night I went out for a co-workers birthday quite late. My wife was invited, but refused because she was tired. I got home fairly late because I walked home from the bar so I didn't have to drive (about a 45 minute walk and I couldn't be bothered paying for a cab). This morning now I'm getting the cold shoulder and when I told her that I walked home she asked "did you walk home with anyone?" which I thought was very strange (I didn't of course). I'm kind of worried that she thinks something is going on but have no idea how to approach it. I have an awful idea she thinks I went out and met up with one of these female coworkers to party and then something happened, but how do you bring something like that up without it seeming like you're bringing it up because it would seem a little strange (if that makes any sense at all?).

[Barry Bonds]

She's regretting not going with you now.

I'd let the part about "something happening" slide.

[Iceman1800]

Her next question will be "why didn't you call me, I could have come and picked you up." Get your answer ready....

[JoelM05]

My wife and I moved to a new city about 1.5 years ago and I had to basically restart my social life because I knew nobody in this new city. Because of my profession (work in a gym) I tend to have a social circle that is a bit different than a lot of guys my age. Most of the people I know are a lot younger than I am, including the women. So things like texting each other, etc are pretty common since it is the chief form of communication with people that age so occasionally I get texts from other girls. I always tell her everything that is going on though and have never given her any reason to think I'm hanging out with other women as opposed to the guys from work, who I hang out with once in a while.

Last night I went out for a co-workers birthday quite late. My wife was invited, but refused because she was tired. I got home fairly late because I walked home from the bar so I didn't have to drive (about a 45 minute walk and I couldn't be bothered paying for a cab). This morning now I'm getting the cold shoulder and when I told her that I walked home she asked "did you walk home with anyone?" which I thought was very strange (I didn't of course). I'm kind of worried that she thinks something is going on but have no idea how to approach it. I have an awful idea she thinks I went out and met up with one of these female coworkers to party and then something happened, but how do you bring something like that up without it seeming like you're bringing it up because it would seem a little strange (if that makes any sense at all?).

You don't know how to approach it? That's your wife, the lines of communucation should be wide open.

[crupiea]

Imagine the sitiation was turned around.

You move to a new city.

All of a sudden she is hanging around people alot younger then her, lots of younger guys, getting texts all the time.

Now she wants to go out with them all and asks you to go to. You would feel like the dad in that situation with al the younger crowd judging you, it would be easier just to not go. Now she comes home late as claims she walked.

This is the exact stuff you are heaping on her and then wondering why she is upset.

Every time you reply to a text from someone she doesnt know, it tear another little piece of her soul out whether you realize it or not.

Just turn the damn phone off for a while and dont talk about your new buddies or hang around with them until she can come to grips better with this.

Of course it sounds harsh but i guarantee you that this will get worse if you dont.

[Siafu4Life]

Communication is your friend...or, should be.

[discdoggie]

I agree with Crup. You are married. Why are you texting female co-workers? If it truly is work-related, that's one thing; although my opinion is that another form of communication would be more professional. You don't need to talk socially to young girls you work with. Come on! No wonder she's uneasy.

[jayluk4600]

Talking to a girl in the gym you work at is one thing. Getting texts from them is another thing. Listen unless your gay (which I doubt) and love female friends for shopping / fashion tips and the like (nothing wrong with being buds with the ladies but I know I never had any chick friends unless I was trying to hump them or setting myself up for something in the future so I question your motives) you really dont need to have all these female friends.

My girl works in a hospital and she has TONS of guy friends from there. I don't mind one bit but if she starts texting and communicating with them outside of work on a regular basis well that just wouldn't be cool.

[fittness93]

I think Crupiea pretty much has his finger on the pulse of what your wife may be thinking.

Also: she's in a new city too, and maybe she doesn't even have as much of a social life as you just yet. She may feel weird tagging onto your social circle, yet jealous you have friends while she is still friendless in this strange, not so friendly town. Then you come home late, and didn't get a cab. In your situation maybe she would get a cab. So now you've done something that in her mind just wasn't logical.

However, I am not one to pussyfoot. I flat out ask if I am wondering about something, so I would ask her if that is what she was thinking were I in your shoes. And I would be doing what I could to show her she has nothing to worry about, including cutting back on texting, if in fact that bothers her.

[Kraken]

Hmmm, it sounds like you did everything right. I can understand though, the girls at the gym typically are young, very attractive, and very social.

Just keep letting her know she is always welcome to come along and let her know that you love when she's along. This will let her know that her being there isn't interrupting you from being devious and that you have fun when she is with you in these group social events. Also, cut back the texting socially. It WILL get you in trouble eventually, even if you mean no harm by it. There have been several issues with the girls at the gym messing around with the married men that workout there. It might bite you in the ass, so tread carefully.

My girl works in a hospital and she has TONS of guy friends from there. I don't mind one bit but if she starts texting and communicating with them outside of work on a regular basis well that just wouldn't be cool.

Also, Jay, you are on to something. My wife and I have been working in the medical field for quite some time. If there is one thing we learned, ESPECIALLY in emergency medicine, is that long, stressful hours of working together, and the personalities that tend to be attracted to emergency medicine, there is a lot of promiscuity going on. I love my wife, I trust her, because she is well aware of this fact and does not do a lot of socializing with the men in the department, other than work related stuff.

[cowboybiker]

She's your wife!
You made certain promises to her.
You were in the wrong going to a party and getting drunk with a bunch of women.
call them co-workers if you must, if that helps you justify your actions.
Would you let anyone else disrespect your wife?
probably not.
So why are you?

[Brackneyc]

Why don't you just ask her what is bothering her? This makes things so much easier most of the time.

[Meatpants]

I think that if I ever found it easier to communicate my thoughts and feeling on an internet chat forum, than I do with my wife, it would be time to move on. Seriously, go tell your wife what you just told us. Maybe it will open up a conversation that help move you passed the multple issues you sound like you have.

[thepowerwithin]

Unless they were work-related issues, I wouldn't tolerate my SO receiving/responding to texts from other females, especially ones that I didn't know. Red flag!

[emp1acur]

Unless they were work-related issues, I wouldn't tolerate my SO receiving/responding to texts from other females, especially ones that I didn't know. Red flag!

Agree. Unusual and leads to trouble.

[pharmamarketer]

I agree with MP. Talk to her. Why do you feel guilty over something you didn't do? You are lying or getting ready to "pull the trigger." I can't believe you walked 45 minutes from a bar. How much could the cab ride cost? $7?

[Tyrbolift]

To people who don't text, it's a form of communication whereby you wish it to be secretive, or else you'd just talk on the phone. Why go through the laborious process of pushing keys one by one when you could just open your mouth and speak.

[discdoggie]

There OP, you got your answers. The problem is YOU and YOUR behaviors, not her.


You're married. start acting like it, for chrissakes.

[IronCharles]

Unless they were work-related issues, I wouldn't tolerate my SO receiving/responding to texts from other females, especially ones that I didn't know. Red flag!

Would this apply to say, ******** friends as well? Or just cell phone texting?


Where does one draw the line?

[Corbi]

There OP, you got your answers. The problem is YOU and YOUR behaviors, not her.


You're married. start acting like it, for chrissakes.

You actually had the right poster earlier, just read my mind

OP, stop being a doofus.

[Tyrbolift]

Would this apply to say, ******** friends as well? Or just cell phone texting?


Where does one draw the line?

Wouldn't that depend on whether you share the info willingly, or instead engage in behaviors that hide the content of said communications?

[Whatanejit]

Your wife might not think you are cheating on her but sure is thinking that you are not putting her first and that leads to insecurity and unhappiness.

You could go down the lets talk about this route which might go nowhere or just recognise that it isn't really appropriate and just change your ways.

[Old-Time-Lifter]

Imagine the sitiation was turned around.

You move to a new city.

All of a sudden she is hanging around people alot younger then her, lots of younger guys, getting texts all the time.

Now she wants to go out with them all and asks you to go to. You would feel like the dad in that situation with al the younger crowd judging you, it would be easier just to not go. Now she comes home late as claims she walked.

This is the exact stuff you are heaping on her and then wondering why she is upset.

Every time you reply to a text from someone she doesnt know, it tear another little piece of her soul out whether you realize it or not.

Just turn the damn phone off for a while and dont talk about your new buddies or hang around with them until she can come to grips better with this.

Of course it sounds harsh but i guarantee you that this will get worse if you dont.

I agree with Crup. You are married. Why are you texting female co-workers? If it truly is work-related, that's one thing; although my opinion is that another form of communication would be more professional. You don't need to talk socially to young girls you work with. Come on! No wonder she's uneasy.

She's your wife!
You made certain promises to her.
You were in the wrong going to a party and getting drunk with a bunch of women.
call them co-workers if you must, if that helps you justify your actions.
Would you let anyone else disrespect your wife?
probably not.
So why are you?

Unless they were work-related issues, I wouldn't tolerate my SO receiving/responding to texts from other females, especially ones that I didn't know. Red flag!

There OP, you got your answers. The problem is YOU and YOUR behaviors, not her.


You're married. start acting like it, for chrissakes.

There you go...

[lkelley1975]

Op,

Women will always find something to complain about. Be patient and she'll find something else.

[thepowerwithin]

Would this apply to say, ******** friends as well? Or just cell phone texting?


Where does one draw the line?

I have male FB friends and I comment on their posts and pics all the time......no problem. My SO is free to do the same with female friends. My SO and I are friends on FB, so I see his posts and he sees mine. Texting is a little more personal, IMO.

[Nikonguy]

ITT: Over 35 people who are too immature to be friends with a member of the oppisite sex.

[billrich210]

Texting, ********...whatever. Let her read it. If you hide it you are automatically guilty of something (no trial). Deal with it. If she reads **** into messages that were perfectly innocent.....well, you gotta deal with that too....nobody said marriage was easy.

[KeithTheSnake]

Shame on you, OP. Be nicer to your wife.

[discdoggie]

ITT: Over 35 people who are too immature to be friends with a member of the oppisite sex.

ITT is most likely a poster who has never suffered the pain and humiliation of marital betrayal. (I'll save you the eyeroll, Nikonguy.)


No one sets OUT to have an affair. It ALWAYS starts out as "innocent" and "friendly" chatting and texting.


If you play on the railroad tracks, eventually, you're gonna get hit by a train.

[thepowerwithin]

ITT: Over 35 people who are too immature to be friends with a member of the oppisite sex.

No one said you can't be friends; just do it with healthy boundaries.