Getting the most out of life..

[hurdle68612]

I don't know if a thread like this has already been started, if so my apologies.

Anyway, I'll be graduating college after this semester and everyday I think more and more about my future and how excited yet nervous I am about it. So instead of pondering and daydreaming about it from time to time by myself, I wanted to get a discussion started with all of you to reflect on the path you have taken in life and all of its experiences.

Feel free to share stories, offer advice on all of life's secrets, pass along important things you have learned, talk about your passions and what it is you have achieved or are in progress of achieving, etc. I love coming to this forum from time to time because I feel like it has a lot to offer.

[hurdle68612]

maybe I'll get things started by asking a question..

What's one thing you know now that you wish you would have known when you were 20?

[StressMonkey]

What's one thing you know now that you wish you would have known when you were 20?

That no one in the gym gives a **** what you look like if you're just starting.

[TeenMisc]

so why do i allways get people staring at my skinny ass.


ps. im 116 lb and 5'4 at age 18

[immuno]

Man OP, you are wise beyond your years for posting a thread like this.

Here's my gem of advice: Be VERY wary of marrying someone if you two have "core" differences. (ie religion, etc) My marriage ended in May; Oh....if I could only have those 13 yrs back!!

[hurdle68612]

Man OP, you are wise beyond your years for posting a thread like this.

Here's my gem of advice: Be VERY wary of marrying someone if you two have "core" differences. (ie religion, etc) My marriage ended in May; Oh....if I could only have those 13 yrs back!!

ohh man I'm sorry to hear that. Ive been in a relationship for 2 years now, and while I'm not looking into getting married anytime soon..I have of course from time to time thought about it. When did you realize that you and your ex were heading in the wrong direction?

[Tyrbolift]

The time from the spring to the autumn of your life comes all too quickly, and you can't do a lot to change that it is inevitable. Anything you buy or possess can be taken away from you at anytime, except your experiences and education, so cherish those. Treat loved ones, and even strangers with respect. Don't warp out on stupid little things. Don't think general consensus of our society is necessarilly how things are or should be. Try to enjoy every minute, even if you can't always, at least you learn different ways to and that it is possible. Stop to smell the roses is such a cliche, but when you get older you realize it is a good cliche. I do not regret my lack of social or occupational advancement due to having fun, as long as I was behaving responsibly.

Other people would likely disagree or offer a different viewpoint. Listen to all of them. I guarantee you will not live your life exactly as you think you should have, because you will change.

[immuno]

ohh man I'm sorry to hear that. Ive been in a relationship for 2 years now, and while I'm not looking into getting married anytime soon..I have of course from time to time thought about it. When did you realize that you and your ex were heading in the wrong direction?

Well..even when we were engaged, members on both sides of the family were NOT happy. That should have been a big warning to both of us, but it wasn't. We were in love of course, and thought everything would eventually work out. We also each thought we'd be able to "convert" the other over time by logic. LOL. sorry...that just strikes me as amusing now... At any rate....

When we were both in school, we were so busy, our differences (and we discovered that we had a TON) didn't really rear their heads...When I was working and she was still in school getting her Phd, there still wasn't a problem. We were just both too busy for underlying issues to cause major problems. However.....once she was done with school, (2 yrs ago)...the differences DID start to matter...The little things wouldn't have done us in if the religion thing hadn't provided such a shaky base to build our marriage upon in the first place, however.

My advice on marriage (so ironic coming from a divorced person, I know) is just to make sure that you and she have similar tastes, beliefs, interests, etc before tying the knot. If you DO have major "core" differences, be absolutely up front with each other about them, and resolve them NOW.

For general marriage/relationship maintenance, purchase the book: "Men are from Mars, women are from Venus". It will be fun for both of you to read, actually.

Some people actually go to counseling annually, just to make sure they stay on the same page as their spouse; kind of like a marital oil change/tune up. This seemed a little strange when I heard this, but you know....I don't think that's a half bad idea.

[hurdle68612]

The time from the spring to the autumn of your life comes all too quickly, and you can't do a lot to change that it is inevitable. Anything you buy or possess can be taken away from you at anytime, except your experiences and education, so cherish those. Treat loved ones, and even strangers with respect. Don't warp out on stupid little things. Don't think general consensus of our society is necessarilly how things are or should be. Try to enjoy every minute, even if you can't always, at least you learn different ways to and that it is possible. Stop to smell the roses is such a cliche, but when you get older you realize it is a good cliche. I do not regret my lack of social or occupational advancement due to having fun, as long as I was behaving responsibly.

Other people would likely disagree or offer a different viewpoint. Listen to all of them. I guarantee you will not live your life exactly as you think you should have, because you will change.

wow man, this is gold.. really gives a lot to think about

[hurdle68612]

Well..even when we were engaged, members on both sides of the family were NOT happy. That should have been a big warning to both of us, but it wasn't. We were in love of course, and thought everything would eventually work out. We also each thought we'd be able to "convert" the other over time by logic. LOL. sorry...that just strikes me as amusing now... At any rate....

When we were both in school, we were so busy, our differences (and we discovered that we had a TON) didn't really rear their heads...When I was working and she was still in school getting her Phd, there still wasn't a problem. We were just both too busy for underlying issues to cause major problems. However.....once she was done with school, (2 yrs ago)...the differences DID start to matter...The little things wouldn't have done us in if the religion thing hadn't provided such a shaky base to build our marriage upon in the first place, however.

My advice on marriage (so ironic coming from a divorced person, I know) is just to make sure that you and she have similar tastes, beliefs, interests, etc before tying the knot. If you DO have major "core" differences, be absolutely up front with each other about them, and resolve them NOW.

For general marriage/relationship maintenance, purchase the book: "Men are from Mars, women are from Venus". It will be fun for both of you to read, actually.

Some people actually go to counseling annually, just to make sure they stay on the same page as their spouse; kind of like a marital oil change/tune up. This seemed a little strange when I heard this, but you know....I don't think that's a half bad idea.

I'm taking all of this in.. really puts into perspective that whole "love is work" saying, I think we're both still in the process of figuring out who we really are..I know I am anyway, and this is the one thing, if there is one that I could see posing a problem down the road. At the same token, I'm sure no one really ever 100% figures out who they are because life simply doesn't last long enough to determine it.

[GuyJin]

Tyrbolift's points are solid!

OP,

The one thing I learned is that nothing stays static forever. At the age of twenty, I thought I'd stay in Canada, get married, work a 9-5 job, etc. Instead, I ended up traveling (strange, as I HATE flying), meeting a lot of people, having a lot of different experiences--some good and some bad-- and wound up in Japan. While I'm married now and have children, I never thought it would be here. (But I'm glad I'm here anyway!).

The other thing is that if you want something to happen, whether it be getting a good job, finding the perfect someone to be with, making friends, getting a good body and so on, you have to make it happen. Life--most of the time--doesn't just hand you what you want; you have to work for it and earn it.

Lastly, over the years I've learned the value of seeing the majesty and wonder in things that I just couldn't appreciate when I was much younger. Art, music, the wonders of nature--all those things and more. Life is too short as it is, and I'm grateful for every day that I wake up and see the beauty of my family and friends around me.

[BuckSpin]

Everytime you catch yourself saying or thinking "There will be time for doing this/that when...."....stop yourself right then and there & do this/that. The only way the sand goes back up the hourglass is if you turn it upside down. Same with your life.

Also, if you have a passion/dream, see the first thing I said. Take the chance.

[pastorgbc]

In my line of work, I am often asked this question. Here is the advice I give:

1. Get your life right with God. Understand who He is, what He has done for you, and be humble before Him. John 3:16 is good start.

2. Professionally, do what you love before you settle for a job. There will be plenty of time in your life to get a job that pays the bills, etc. Doing what you love to do is blessing that makes life infinitely enjoyable.

3. As soon as you can, max out your 401k contributions, get used to living like that, and leave it alone. The only thing in life you cannot borrow for is retirement. If you can get started on that early, you are ahead of the curve.

Ray

[muladesigns]

maybe I'll get things started by asking a question..

What's one thing you know now that you wish you would have known when you were 20?

.com
then there was the real estate boom.

now would be the time for "green investing" follow the trends closely.
401K is an easy way to invest your hard earned money, but you are puting it where your employer wants you to put it, with a firm they decided upon.

Invest on your own instead, do your own investigating on the product, and more importantly look at who is on the board. that tells a lot where a stock and company will go.

As said before, and this is THE most important I think. Do in life what you truly enjoy first, and foremost. if you enjoy the career in which you chose, you wont mind putting in the necessary hours to accomplish success.

Work hard, but most importantly work smart.
"Pay yourself before you pay anyone else". if you follow this rule you will have a financially worry free life.
I have been fairly steady with this for the past 10+ years, and it has paid off well for me.

[GeHfN VAlLiS]

maybe I'll get things started by asking a question..

What's one thing you know now that you wish you would have known when you were 20?

That I was going to be 300 pounds.
That I was going to be alive to see 30 and now 35 and most likely 40.
Fear no art.
Learn the true meaning of integrity and let no one else cause you to question yours.
Collect all the meanings to "Nice guys finish last"

[wubby]

I'm taking all of this in.. really puts into perspective that whole "love is work" saying, I think we're both still in the process of figuring out who we really are..I know I am anyway, and this is the one thing, if there is one that I could see posing a problem down the road. At the same token, I'm sure no one really ever 100% figures out who they are because life simply doesn't last long enough to determine it.

When I was 15 I knew who I was, when I was 25 I knew who I was, I am 35 now and know who I am. They were all different people, but they are who I am. You will never figure out who you will be, just who you are for any given day. Who we are is a summation of our experiences. We are all constantly changing. Enjoy every day, embrace it. Don't get caught up in paralysis of analysis - trust your gut and go with it.

Yes, Love IS work, and that is the beauty of it. My wife and I got married when we were 21/22. We were totally different people then, and we have grown as people as we grew our relationship. I cherish each day that I get to spend with her. The wedding is just the beginning, you think on that day that you could not be more in love, but you find out that you are more and more in love after every passing year. Just think how great our relationship will be in 1000 years...

For work - never get comfortable. When I get too comfortable, I stop advancing. When I find myself plateauing I take on a role that is scary at first. I find that I work best under stress, sink or swim. This is part of knowing yourself, some people can't live like that - but I can't live any other way. Learn about different personality types, figure out which you are at any given time, and learn to identify other peoples types. I am in a role right now that I would have never dreamed of having this early in my career. Make yourself indispensable and you will be amazed at how far and fast you can go.

[Old-Time-Lifter]

In my line of work, I am often asked this question. Here is the advice I give:

1. Get your life right with God. Understand who He is, what He has done for you, and be humble before Him. John 3:16 is good start.

2. Professionally, do what you love before you settle for a job. There will be plenty of time in your life to get a job that pays the bills, etc. Doing what you love to do is blessing that makes life infinitely enjoyable.

3. As soon as you can, max out your 401k contributions, get used to living like that, and leave it alone. The only thing in life you cannot borrow for is retirement. If you can get started on that early, you are ahead of the curve.

Ray

Ray said it pretty good right there.

Look for a mate that shares your core values AND interests (others have mentioned this BUT it is IMPORTANT!) my first wife was a liberal (I'm very conservative) and along with other differences, that just couldn't work long term.

Remember to put God first in your life and you'll do alright.

God Bless,
Roy

[jtroster]

Make sure you have balance between your job and the rest of your life.

I once was asked to do a task that my manager estimated would take a huge amount of overtime that would extend over 4 months. I refused to work overtime saying, "I can always get another job but I can't get another family". I was respected for that and I got the task done in regular hours on time.

[chodan9]

don't take life too seriously.
do the right thing you know to do, don't cheat people or yourself, but try to enjoy it and learn to laugh at it when you can

[ArchAngel'73]

Jtroster got mine, balance.
Look after yourself, mind, body, and soul. Its all inclusive, one affects the other.

I also believe in Karma, one way or another, you're going to have to pay for every action or inaction you're going to take. In this life or the next.
Keep this in mind and let it guide you through the decision making process.

[eomrat]

In no particular order.

1. You CAN afford to save 10% of your take home pay every pay period. Yes, You can!
2. Liars do not just stop lying, cheaters do not just stop cheating, and a thief does not just stop stealing, No matter how much you love them.
3. Insure everything and insure it well.
4. You have to go to sleep every night. Make sure that all your actions are such that you can do it with a clear conscience.

[GreenWave1]

A few things:

First:

Thank God everyday for what He has given you. This will give you focus on God and help you learn gratitude.

Relationships:

There are multiple keys to a successful relationship. Everyone has stuff about them that is really annoying to other people. If you can both tune out the annoying stuff in the other person, you have a chance. If you cannot deal with her annoying traits now, it will be infinitely worse in 10 years. Life goes by fast, don't waste it with someone you are not compatible with.

Money:

Save, save, save. Having little debt and money in the bank makes it easier to sleep at night. If you employer matches your 401k, then contribute enough to max out the match. Then invest the rest on your own (Roth IRA, IRA, normal brokerage account).

Spending time:

Do the things you want to do. For example, if you wanted to learn to play guitar, do it now. Don't waste your time watching TV or going online, do the stuff that really interests you. When (if) you have kids, you will have a lot less free time. Make the most of it while you have it.

Be smart:

Avoid drugs and alcohol. I wasted a good portion of my life with both.

Live:

Enjoy every day. No matter how bad a day is, there is something about it that is great.

[hurdle68612]

these posts are unbelievable.. I'm feeling really inspired right now. Some of you should write a book (if you havent already haha).

[djflex]

Everytime you catch yourself saying or thinking "There will be time for doing this/that when...."....stop yourself right then and there & do this/that. The only way the sand goes back up the hourglass is if you turn it upside down. Same with your life.

Also, if you have a passion/dream, see the first thing I said. Take the chance.

x2, when you are really young you feel like you have forever. Take time whenever you can there are no guarantees. also previous post mentioned start saving today even if it is only a small amount, you will not regret it

[maryinmesquite]

In no particular order.

1. You CAN afford to save 10% of your take home pay every pay period. Yes, You can!
2. Liars do not just stop lying, cheaters do not just stop cheating, and a thief does not just stop stealing, No matter how much you love them.
3. Insure everything and insure it well.
4. You have to go to sleep every night. Make sure that all your actions are such that you can do it with a clear conscience.

damn you are right

[mechenot]

To get the most out of life one has to experience everything that you are seeking insight for. You will never be absolutely sure how anything will turn out before hand. That is the wonder of life. It's what makes us want to achieve better. Without the risks, any rewards would be empty. Experience life and learn from the experiences.

[The_Warhammer]

Props for asking the question. Hopefully in 10-20 years from now, you can say that you made some right decisions in life based on the sage wisdom above.

I echo the relationship/marriage thing. I also got married young. We were both in love and thought all things would work out. 16 years of marriage over in Aug. Too late did we realize that some people can just grow apart. We thought we were doing a good job of communicating, but it wasn't the case. She has a degree in psych so thought she totally understood my psyche. Obviously not. Not pointing fingers, I'm past that. Just keep in mind people can grow in diff directions. It's how you deal with that that will determine how things end up.

Cherish your loved ones. When my daughter was just starting to speak in limited words and sentences, we were going to spend the day at the zoo. The kids were pumped! I got a page and said I had to go into the office. Out of the blue, my daughter says to me "But Daddy, you're ALWAYS in the office." Big beautiful eyes and almost about to cry. Chokes me up thinking about it. I was working 90hr weeks and for what? If I missed my kids growing up, what good did that do? I ended up not going into the office that day and had a GREAT day with the family!

Live life to its fullest. Anyone of us could be killed tomorrow. Do you want to sit there thinking "I wish I did more..." I see people in relationships that feel trapped by their spouse, mortgage, work, kids. etc... All the trappings of life are keeping them in unhappy lives. You can see it in their eyes. They die a little everyday. WHY?!?! If you can make a change and be happy why don't you? It's like that saying... Everyone dies, how many can say they truly lived?

Good luck.

[justinfrazer]

Live life for you don't live life for someone else. And don't pretend to be something you know deep down that your not.

[justinfrazer]

Props for asking the question. Hopefully in 10-20 years from now, you can say that you made some right decisions in life based on the sage wisdom above.

I echo the relationship/marriage thing. I also got married young. We were both in love and thought all things would work out. 16 years of marriage over in Aug. Too late did we realize that some people can just grow apart. We thought we were doing a good job of communicating, but it wasn't the case. She has a degree in psych so thought she totally understood my psyche. Obviously not. Not pointing fingers, I'm past that. Just keep in mind people can grow in diff directions. It's how you deal with that that will determine how things end up.

Cherish your loved ones. When my daughter was just starting to speak in limited words and sentences, we were going to spend the day at the zoo. The kids were pumped! I got a page and said I had to go into the office. Out of the blue, my daughter says to me "But Daddy, you're ALWAYS in the office." Big beautiful eyes and almost about to cry. Chokes me up thinking about it. I was working 90hr weeks and for what? If I missed my kids growing up, what good did that do? I ended up not going into the office that day and had a GREAT day with the family!

Live life to its fullest. Anyone of us could be killed tomorrow. Do you want to sit there thinking "I wish I did more..." I see people in relationships that feel trapped by their spouse, mortgage, work, kids. etc... All the trappings of life are keeping them in unhappy lives. You can see it in their eyes. They die a little everyday. WHY?!?! If you can make a change and be happy why don't you? It's like that saying... Everyone dies, how many can say they truly lived?

Good luck.

^^^THIS

[hurdle68612]

again, these thoughts are awesome..keep them coming!