Things that make you go "hmmmm" . . . or "Wut???"

[taf1968]

We come across ironies, strange/interesting facts, acts of supreme idiocy, etc on an everyday basis. Post some that you have come across recently.

Here's mine for today:

I find it inifinitely ironic that the guy who is in the news for bilking millions from investors is named Bernard Madoff (yes, literally pronounced "Made-off").

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,469924,00.html

[jtroster]

Why do you park on a driveway and drive on a parkway?

[LyingSac]

anything posted by baldiewonkanobie!

[Lardog]

Why do you recite a play, but play at a recital?

[Old-Time-Lifter]

We come across ironies, strange/interesting facts, acts of supreme idiocy, etc on an everyday basis. Post some that you have come across recently.

Here's mine for today:

I find it inifinitely ironic that the guy who is in the news for bilking millions from investors is named Bernard Madoff (yes, literally pronounced "Made-off").

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,469924,00.html

I think it's actually billions.......... not millions.

He did it for decades!! Amazing!

[SR800]

I thinks it is logical to **** bricks if you are build like a brick **** house.

[Tyrbolift]

I thinks it is logical to **** bricks if you are build like a brick **** house.

What if I'm built like a styrofoam ****house? Should I **** foam peanuts?

[Nikonguy]

I've smelled shiit and I've smelled Shinola.......how could anyone possibly not know the difference?

[Keltron]

Traffic jam..... when you're already late
a no smoking sign on your cigarette break...
isn't it Ironic? Dont'cha think?

[ArchAngel'73]

Traffic jam..... when you're already late
a no smoking sign on your cigarette break...
isn't it Ironic? Dont'cha think?

If you don't cite the original source, its called theft brah.

[911medic]

Why do they call them "apartments" when they're all so close together?

Why do they call them "buildings" when they're already built?

[taf1968]

Why is it "A Penny for Your Thoughts" . . . but you have to throw your "Two Cents" in????

[BuckSpin]

If you are in your car traveling at the speed of light & put your brights on.....what happens?

Do you think fish get tired of eating seafood?

[mark_uk08]

if i had 1 eye, would i be blinking or winking?

Were does all the white in the snow go, when the snow dissapears?

[gbg]

If a tree fell and nobody was there to hear it would it make a sound?

[Tyrbolift]

If a tree fell and nobody was there to hear it would it make a sound?

Ask the bear ****ting in the woods.

[gbg]

Ask the bear ****ting in the woods.

[BuckSpin]

If a tree fell and nobody was there to hear it would it make a sound?

If a mime was beaten senseless and no one was there to hear it, would anyone care regardless?

[gbg]

If a mime was beaten senseless and no one was there to hear it, would anyone care regardless?

Ask the bear ****ting in the woods

[Tyrbolift]

If a mime was beaten senseless and no one was there to hear it, would anyone care regardless?

Marcel Marceau would care.

[SR800]

Marcel Marceau would care.

Speak up please

[Do_Somethin]

If a tree fell and nobody was there to hear it would it make a sound?

Ask the bear ****ting in the woods.

Ask the bear ****ting in the woods

Does Marius really **** in the woods?

[dartol]

If a tree fell and nobody was there to hear it would it make a sound?

If a man speaks in a forest and there is no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong?

Darren

[gbg]

If a man speaks in a forest and there is no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong?

Darren

He's doesn't have to be in the forest to be wrong, that's a given

[Skidmarx]

If a glass is half full .... wait, who the hell has been sipping on my drink m*thaf*$kers?

[LyingSac]

Marcel Marceau would care.

If a lawyer and your mother in law were drowning in your pool.Would you take in a show,or go hit golf balls?

[wide lats]

Usually its women what make me think "Hmmmm, this gal aint all there ...." Last time was today just before i got on the internet, it went like this
"I am reporting a broken wall shower" to the local council repairs office,
she said, unbelievably "Huh?"
so politely i said again more loudly in case she has a hearing impairment "I would like to report a broken shower, its electric"
so she says, unbelievably "What about it?"

Well i gave up there and then and just looked at her, the sign on her desk had a big sign on saying REPAIRS ...... WTF!!! WT freakin F??????

I could go on and on with these unbelievable yet very true things. Men never pretend to be deaf just women.

[Tyrbolift]

The Washington Post has published the winning submissions to its yearly neologism contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternative meanings for common words.


The winners are:


1. Coffee (n.), the person upon whom one coughs.


2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.


3 . Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.


4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.


5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.


6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown.


7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.


8. Gargoyle (n), olive-flavored mouthwash.


9. Flatulence (n.) emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.


10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.


11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.


12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.


13. Pokemon (n), a Rastafarian proctologist.


14. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.


15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), (back by popular demand): The belief that, when you die, your soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.



16. Circumvent (n.), an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.


The Washington Post's Style Invitational also asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.


Here are this year's winners:


1. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.


2. Foreploy (v): Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.


3. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.


4. Giraffiti (n): Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.


5. Sarchasm (n): The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.


6. Inoculatte (v): To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.


7. Hipatitis (n): Terminal coolness.


8. Osteopornosis (n): A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)


9. Karmageddon (n): its like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.


10. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.


11. Glibido (v): All talk and no action.


12. Dopeler effect (n): The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.


13. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.


14. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.


15. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a grub in the fruit you're eating.


And the pick of the literature:


16. Ignoranus (n): A person who's both stupid and an asshole.

[notgumbel]

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

[dartol]

Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive up ATM?