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02-16-2020, 12:44 PM #2701
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02-16-2020, 01:31 PM #2702
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02-16-2020, 01:36 PM #2703
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02-20-2020, 09:38 AM #2704
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02-25-2020, 03:33 AM #2705
Guys I have a story to tell you about myself that no one really knows . I'm not sure if anyone will read this. But no one in the world really knows about this.
No one really knows about this but this is true. Growing up I was a normal kid with a bit of social anxiety. I loved playing soccer and never cared about gym or what i ate. I was always a skinny kid but never really thought about my weight. I just ate what i wanted and played soccer all the time.
When I was 18, i had a bad knee incident and stopped playing soccer. I also became aware of Zyzz and was inspired so got into weight lifting. I always thought of myself as ugly so was really inspired to become aesthetic.
I lifted weights for about 6 months but didn't notice much difference. Then i found out about Kinobody and fasting. (Even though i was never overweight to begin with) So i started fasting.
I became super shredded and noticed that women seemed really attracted (for the first time in my life) so i became obsessed with maintaining my "physique" and maintaining how I look. Unfortunately this consumed me. Everyday, for years, i fasted and hardly ate. . I went though University 4 years of my life pretty much only studying because i had no energy to do anything else. THe funniest part - i didn't even get girls. My T levels were probably so incredibly low i didn't even have the energy or motivation to peruse girls despite getting SIGNIFICANT attention . Literally there would be times where every second girl would walk passed me and eye me off and play with their hair. I remember going to class and noticing 3-4 girls constantly staring at me, playing with their hair around me. I became so obsessed i thought finally i'm attractive but the funny part is i had absolutely 0 T levels so i didn't even get girls! I also didnt' work, didn't travel or do anything except study.
I got through my studies but due to my trashed hormone levels I never excelled and ended up working at a terrible place after University. At the time, i continued my effort to "fast" and not eat and ended up doing terribly at my job and becoming extremely depressed , this lead to more problems as i started gambling and visiting brothels to make myself feel better.
I eventually got fired after a year. A few months later i got a job at a very good place. During this time i started dating and finally managed to have sex with a girl. But the same problems existed, i hardly ate and as a result lost my job after 6 months. I also met a girl online and this girl was all over me and really into me, she became my first girlfriend. When i was with her i was unemployed and continued to hardly eat. I thought - if i eat normally she will leave me. So i continued fasting and hardly eating. And continued having super low T levels and feeling ****ed all the time. I acted incredibly weak around her as my hormones were messed up. I couldn't act like a man or anything. Our relationship lasted for 7 months before she cheated on me. It was after this that i realised how much i had destroyed my life and nearly committed suicide. I had pretty much fasted and destroyed my T levels because i thought i needed to so i could be physically attracted for females which i eventually did only to have a women i love cheat on me.
Since then, i've been eating more and been making good progress in gym and life. I'm probably the strongest and fittest i've ever been in my life.
But at the same time I still get depressed about the past..
As you can see i pretty much destroyed my life. The problem is when you severely under eat it destroys your hormones/serotonin etc so you end up becoming more depressed/anxious/obsessive.
I could of worked for a great place, I could of dated girls i actually wanted to date, I could of done so much with my life but i pretty much wasted the last 4-5 years of doing nothing because i hardly ate.
I would pretty much eat less than 1k cals a day.
I never travelled, never dated differetn girls, worked etc. I had to play catch up.
Anyway, that's my story.
It's pathetic, it's sad, it's messed up. it is what it is. thanks for listening though.
I guess for me right now it's trying to accept how I look being higher body fat and being able to feel attractive.
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02-25-2020, 07:46 AM #2706
Well folks I have been putting off posting this for about 4 weeks now since I found out the news. Let me first start off by giving a little background on my situation. I originally posted in this thread back in late October / early November about my suffering health problems. To sum it all up, I lost around 100 pounds over three years, lost all of my libido and my energy levels were low, went to the doctor at the beginning of August 2019 and found out I was anemic (low wbc). I was referred to a hematologist and had my first appointment around November of 2019. My WBC was at 2.3, RBC was 4.08 and my testosterone came back at 169. He wanted me to return in two months for a follow up.
Flash forward to 1/8/2020 and my WBC was 3.4 and RBC was 3.97 and I weighed in at 138 – up from 128 in August. The doctor wasn’t too concerned with the lowering of the RBC since we had improvement on the WBC. His options were do a bone marrow test to rule out leukemia, get referred to an endocrinologist to dig deeper into possible hormone issues or wait another three months and return for a follow up while attempting to gain weight/heal naturally. I opted for the former option.
I’ve been going really hard in the gym and have been seeing great gains across the board during this time. My bench was up to 155x5, squat 205x5, deadlift 245x5 at 5’8 138lbs. Been eating around 2700-3000 calories a day which is an absolute STRUGGLE. This has been due to extreme bloating, stomach pains and constipation.
Forward to 1/25/2020 and I was experiencing some groin pain that I was figuring was a hernia. I typically never go to the doctor for things like this but I was flying out to Cancun in three days and played it safe. They did an ultrasound and ruled out a hernia but noticed some fluid roaming around that they called concerning. I was scheduled for an abdominal cat scan the next day. The following morning the results were posted on my health app at 7am. The results noted I had a large mass (10.5x6 cm – about the size of your fist) attached to the tail end of my pancreas and they called it suspectable pancreatic lymphoma. Talk about drop to your knees reading this news at 7am! We had to wait until 9am to call the Doctors office to ask WTF is going on. They told me to come in immediately with my significant other and that they were severely sorry I had to read the results on the app and that they didn’t relay the information in person. They broke the news that they were certain it was cancer and they were fairly certain it was lymphoma (which is the more treatable cancer) but could not rule out carcinoma. My whole entire life was turned upside down. Since I was already dealing with a hematologist/oncologist he called me immediately when he saw the results roll across the desk. I had to cancel our Cancun plans and I was referred to a gastroenterologist to figure out what is going on with this mass.
I was then scheduled for a upper endoscopic biopsy where they would attempt to get a sample of the mass. The surgery was unsuccessful and the surgeon said she was not able to see the mass. She blamed it on shadowing and/or calcium build up surrounding the mass. The surgeon also noticed my stomach and throat were extremely inflamed and took samples of both for testing. They tested the samples for Celiacs disease which came back negative. I was consuming large amounts of dairy leading up to this in preparation of possible chemotherapy. I was attempting to put on as much weight as possible in as little time as possible. I was then referred to a new surgeon that specializes in minimally invasive surgery and was scheduled for a laparoscopy which was yesterday (2/24). They were to install a chemo port at the same time to prepare for upcoming treatments.
In the meantime, it had been almost a month that I had been under the assumption I had cancer. The surgery yesterday was successful in the sense that they were able to open me up and have a look inside. The results were shocking – they said they have NEVER seen this happen before during this kind of surgery. They were not able to find this fist sized mass anywhere. It was nonexistent. It just wasn’t there. What the surgeon did find was balled up intestines and bile ducts that had fallen down. These appeared as a large mass on the cat scan. The surgeon was able to push them back up. I am now on six weeks of recovery and can not lift anything over 10 pounds due to the risk of a hernia.
I am now diagnosed with severe anorexia. There is literally no fat or tissue holding my organs together. It was literally just clear membrane, which again the surgeon noted she had never seen before. When I originally started attempting to gain weight to heal myself back in August, I began a regular gym routine. Pushing myself hard 5-6 days a week in the gym while eating 3000+ calories a day. Yes, I gained a good amount of muscle, all of my lifts improved and I put on a little weight. What didn’t happen was my bodies ability to heal from all the damage that was previously done. Instead I believe my body devoted all of its energy to recovery from the gym and not my organs (this is my theory – take it with a grain of salt).
Well now you’re probably wondering where I go from here. I will still be seeing my hematologist soon for a bone marrow test to still rule out leukemia. I will also be referred to an endocrinologist for a brain MRI to rule out any other hormonal issues that have prevented substantial weight gain. I will be deleting MFP and destroying my food scale. I have also previously read Tabitha Farrar’s book “Rehabilitate, Rewire, Recover!” and will be following her advice. You will find me living a sedentary life on my sofa, eating large amounts of happy foods and allowing my body to heal. I will not be attending the gym or doing any vigorous exercise until my blood work is in good standing and I have gained a good amount of weight/fat. I know I am forgetting a lot of little details but you get the main idea behind this post. We really are damaging our bodies with restrictive eating and if you keep at it long enough, you’ll end up in the hospital.
TLDR: Eat food or you’ll end up in the hospital. Happy Fat Tuesday Y’all!
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02-25-2020, 10:31 AM #2707
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02-25-2020, 06:58 PM #2708
You're telling me man! I'm still in complete disbelief. Imagine waking up tomorrow morning and reading this: https://i.imgur.com/D6CybTu.png
To then going and meeting with the doctor and being shown your mass: https://i.imgur.com/03MzN3R.jpg
To waking up from surgery yesterday morning and being shown your pancreas without a tumor/mass attached to the tail: https://i.imgur.com/nLnHWRx.jpg
According to the surgeon, the pancreas should have a nice fatty layer on it and you should not be able to see the veins. I'm just looking forward to finally moving on and letting my body heal.
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02-25-2020, 07:07 PM #2709
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03-02-2020, 10:25 PM #2710
That is actually crazy man. I am 17 years old and have been fighting an eating disorder for close to 3 years now. I was a big kid and lost 12kg in about 6 months when i was 15 and weighted 48kg.
I have recently got a blood test and found out I have low Testorstrone levels.
However, recently i have gained 10kg in 5 months. I now weight 61kg and feel good. However, I still track calories which I know I need to stop badly, and I still continue to have binges at least 2 times a week.
I have seen 3 different professionals but it just didn't help. I don't know what to do. I still obsess over food and then restrict binge cycle.
I just want to be so called 'normal' again. But I don't know how to approach it. Any tips?
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03-03-2020, 10:09 AM #2711
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03-12-2020, 11:46 AM #2712
so guys after 1 month and some days off from lifting weights, i decided to come back. its been around one month and i increase almost 10-11 pounds (from 144 something to 155 today)! im freaking out. i decided to just not go to bed hungry and eat eat eat, but wow! i think i might actually watch what i eat? i started around one month with some mental meds so maybe that bloats me. i do feel much better, but i feel like my lower abs pop out and that freaks me out.
im 6’
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03-12-2020, 12:14 PM #2713
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03-13-2020, 05:57 AM #2714
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03-13-2020, 06:01 AM #2715
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03-13-2020, 05:51 PM #2716
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03-24-2020, 02:31 PM #2717
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03-24-2020, 02:31 PM #2718
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06-12-2020, 01:45 AM #2719
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06-16-2020, 11:06 PM #2720
New to the forum
Hi guys I’ve previously posted on the female section of this forum and the bodyfit section but thought it would be good to explore these sort of threads too.
I explained my situation further on my last few posts but I basically lost a whole bunch of weight unintentionally last year from doing a lot of sport and being naiive by eating the same, and have gained more than 10 kilos so far to become healthier again. However, my strength and muscle is still devastatingly low compared to where i was a few years ago and i’ve turned to this site for a bit of guidance on how to Restore my health.
I’ve been given the all-clear to exercise after having my blood results come back good and a few tests done so would love some advice on a programme to follow for someone really weak right now. For instance I am using 10lb dumbbells in each hand for tricep extensions and doing 15 reps with 15lbs in each hand for bench presses for 5 sets. I did a lot of bodyweight work a while ago but it seems not to be challenging my muscles any more.
A few questions if possible -
Should i aim for 0.5 kilo weight gain a week or less? I’m currently at about 49 kilos at 5’4 and am aiming for atleast 52 but would ideally be about 55.
Would resistance bands be good to use or inferior to dumbbells?
Would too much cardio interfere with my goals- i do a bit of running but am prepared to cut down if I have to.
I’m not able to count calories that well because i mostly eat homecooked food but i’m guessing i’m at atleast a 300 calorie surplus. Should I force myself to eat when i’m not hungry at all - that is what I have been doing so far....
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06-17-2020, 05:57 PM #2721
- Join Date: Mar 2006
- Location: Seattle, Washington, United States
- Posts: 26,949
- Rep Power: 137131
Hey there.
Whether or not you should 'force' food depends on your mental state, etc. You're currently borderline underweight, so you don't need to worry about gaining weight from a health perspective.
If your weight loss wasn't due to an unhealthy relationship with food/eating disorder, then at your height gaining about .25 kilo per week would be fine, but if you gain .5 then there's nothing wrong with that either -- again, just considering you're already quite thin. Eventually, .5 will likely lead to more fat gain than you might want, so I'd say aim for closer to .25 for now. Again, it doesn't have to be exact.
Bands will not be as 'good' as dumbbells in general but ultimately it depends on how much resistance you have with the dumbbells.
In terms of 'forcing' eating, it just depends how quickly you're gaining. I don't think you should make yourself feel sick of course, but making sure you're consistently eating to grow a little is a good idea. Hopefully you're not having problems simply getting in an extra few hundred calories.
All this being said... you’re posting in an eating disorder thread so... I’m confused about that.Last edited by AdamWW; 06-17-2020 at 06:17 PM.
"When I die, I hope it's early in the morning so I don't have to go to work that day for no reason"
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06-18-2020, 12:14 AM #2722
Thanks so much for the advice Adam, i’ve looked through the previous posts and you seem like a genuine caring and knowledgeable guy.
Thanks I think i’ll aim for about 0.3 a week but since it’s very hard to count calories and work out my surplus i’ll just judge it based week by week how it’s going and change it up if I have to.
For my height what would you say would be a good weight? I asked around and got varying answers from 50 to even 70! But tbh i’m thinking maybe around 53-55 - i play a lot of sports including boxing and rugby and want a bit of strength and muscle to support me through them.
Since i’m so weak i’m currently using two 15lb dumbbells for a bench press for 15 reps of sets of 5 for instance. And can only do tricep extensions for 10lbs with the same figures. I think bodyweight exercises don’t seem to be doing much since I can do lots of push ups and sit ups but haven’t got good results.
I’m trying to work out my calorie needs. I do a decent amount of cardio for my sports so lots of skipping, jogs, sprints ect... and since i’m a teen i’m still growing so probably need more. Perhaps i’d need about 2500 calories to have a 300 surplus? I’ve been trying to mostly eat ‘clean’ so maybe that’s why I’m struggling to get the calories in - lots of chicken breasts, porridge, wholewheat bread ect...
So sorry perhaps this was the wrong thread to post on. In my country we don’t really have dieticians who specially help you gain weight so I had to go to a anorexia clinic for support. They didn’t give me any mental treatment because I didn’t really have anorexia since I wanted to put on the weight and was shocked the moment I initially stepped on the scale, but I was very critically underweight and used a meal plan and was having blood tests to make sure I got healthy again. So that’s probably why I figured I could use this thread for support
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06-18-2020, 06:58 AM #2723
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06-18-2020, 07:39 AM #2724
I’m 17.
So sorry if I have upset anyone or reminded anyone on here of any triggers. It was completely unintentional. Perhaps I should post on other threads instead as this one may not be applicable to my situation. I was treated as if I had an eating disorder by many people as they just looked at me and thought I must have deliberately got myself in that situation so I guess that is why I thought to post here. I shared similar circumstances to those with eating disorders as i went through refeeding and had many of the distressing symptoms such as anemia ect... but just didn’t share the mental aspect.
I’ll stop posting here and try a few other threads like maybe the female Section or if there is any bulking section...
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06-18-2020, 09:18 AM #2725
- Join Date: Mar 2006
- Location: Seattle, Washington, United States
- Posts: 26,949
- Rep Power: 137131
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06-18-2020, 09:41 AM #2726
Thanks for the advice. I think that is the best way to go about it. I agree people my age shouldn’t have to think about calories. But if I don’t how will I know if i’m getting enough? My hunger cues are all messed up from being underweight so I don’t really trust myself anymore haha and am not sure if I can rely on intuitive eating given I am quite active.
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06-18-2020, 09:45 AM #2727
- Join Date: Mar 2006
- Location: Seattle, Washington, United States
- Posts: 26,949
- Rep Power: 137131
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06-18-2020, 09:53 AM #2728
She needs to make an appointment with her (former) nutritionist again. And it probably wouldn't hurt for this nutritionist to refer her to a qualified counselor. When ALL goes well, she could then look into personal training sessions when her gym opens. Step by step.
To me, it sound like she could use a patient and knowledgeable PT...not online instructions.Fact: My first-generation uncle was a boxer who fought Sugar Ray Robinson! He also fought in the war, sacrificing the career he deeply loved, so people could have the right to freedom.
Let's show RESPECT for the POLICE and ALL FIRST RESPONDERS by helping to keep THEM SAFE AND SOUND, and thereby able to PROTECT US!
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06-18-2020, 10:04 AM #2729
Thanks for the replies guys. I honestly think I will make an appointment with the nutritionalist just to catch up and give my thoughts on how things are going on. If i am correct an eating disorder would mean an aversion to gaining weight and rigid rules and issues around food. I lost the weight because to be honest I became a bit obsessed with athletic performance and overtrained a lot but didn’t eat enough to compensate. I didn’t have access to scales at the time and didn’t notice my weight plummeting. I started to feel the effects in recovery actually - like fatigue and digestive problems so the effects took a while to become apparent.
When the lockdown is over, and after talking to my nutritionalist, i will definitely get the help of a qualified PT because in my situation I think I need help from someone who is experienced.
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08-09-2020, 05:50 PM #2730
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