Matches have pretty much died ³

[HockeyBacon18]

Went out with a girl yesterday and had a pretty fun time. She was giving me good signs at the start (touching me, playing with her hair, etc.), but things kind of cooled off as the night progressed, which doesn't sound good. She was still keeping good eye contact though.

Anyways, I dropped her off and went for the kiss, but got the cheek. She said she had a good time and proposed what we could do next time. Didn't send me any text later though.

She's not the shy girl type, so don't think that was the issue. Also noticed some red flags, so don't see any long term potential.

Not sure if I should pursue any further.

I wouldn't, id next. If you got the cheek, she's probably just not that into you sorry brah.

[brightbrah]

I wouldn't, id next. If you got the cheek, she's probably just not that into you sorry brah.

Agree

[Inputlite90]

Went out with a girl yesterday and had a pretty fun time. She was giving me good signs at the start (touching me, playing with her hair, etc.), but things kind of cooled off as the night progressed, which doesn't sound good. She was still keeping good eye contact though.

Anyways, I dropped her off and went for the kiss, but got the cheek. She said she had a good time and proposed what we could do next time. Didn't send me any text later though.

She's not the shy girl type, so don't think that was the issue. Also noticed some red flags, so don't see any long term potential.

Not sure if I should pursue any further.

A good key opens many locks, but a bad lock gets opened by many keys

[sword_]

Just going to say a few random things here.

Orbiting seems like the new ghosting. When I say orbiting I mean someone who has slow faded, fizzled out, but still follows and lurk your socials. Had this happen to me recently after a few encounters and one date with one woman I thought we clicked. She also said things that she wanted to escalate things. She later apologized for her being distant and not sure if she was ready for a relationship. I will note that she already mentioned she had a wall up.

Anyways I tried to schedule another date with her and she got inconsistent, sparse texts. I told her to contact me when you figure out your schedule. The odd thing is she still lurks my IG, likes stuff, etc. I just find it odd and I would think either she is telling the truth about not being ready (been there with being in a failed LTR) or keeping her options open.




Second thing is when doing online dating understand that some things aren't your fault! You're meeting complete strangers with their own issues, strategies, backgrounds, etc. I met a girl a week and a half ago and we hit it off after doing a hike. Met her from Bumble. Talked a lot about compatibility. I was elated that she looked better in person also. We did a light kiss. Second date she came over. She helped me make food, played Scrabble (this has gotten me laid more than once LOL), and we had sex...and by sex we did it three times in a row. The chemistry was amazing.

The next day she told me that she had a great time and she's super attracted to me, but she also feels that she isn't comfortable and confident around me. Said she feels like she's too rough around the edges for me. She admitted it was her own insecurities. I have a very curated taste. I like dressing up, I like nice things. No need for me to dim my light for someone else.



Just was thinking about this and maybe it will help others.

[iloveus]

The chemistry was amazing.

Covalent or Ionic Bonds?

she also feels that she isn't comfortable and confident around me.

Tell her that you're not comfortable or confident around yourself either (This is self deprecating humor)

Said she feels like she's too rough around the edges for me.

I'd tell her, "I'm bad too. Very bad. We can be rough together. "

[sword_]

Covalent or Ionic Bonds?

Tell her that you're not comfortable or confident around yourself either (This is self deprecating humor)

I'd tell her, "I'm bad too. Very bad. We can be rough together. "

Not even worth it lmao. I can't help anyone with low self esteem!

She's a nerdy introvert. I was very attracted to her and I did like her intellect. Oh well.

[bradlehman]

Just going to say a few random things here.

Orbiting seems like the new ghosting. When I say orbiting I mean someone who has slow faded, fizzled out, but still follows and lurk your socials. Had this happen to me recently after a few encounters and one date with one woman I thought we clicked. She also said things that she wanted to escalate things. She later apologized for her being distant and not sure if she was ready for a relationship. I will note that she already mentioned she had a wall up.

Anyways I tried to schedule another date with her and she got inconsistent, sparse texts. I told her to contact me when you figure out your schedule. The odd thing is she still lurks my IG, likes stuff, etc. I just find it odd and I would think either she is telling the truth about not being ready (been there with being in a failed LTR) or keeping her options open.




Second thing is when doing online dating understand that some things aren't your fault! You're meeting complete strangers with their own issues, strategies, backgrounds, etc. I met a girl a week and a half ago and we hit it off after doing a hike. Met her from Bumble. Talked a lot about compatibility. I was elated that she looked better in person also. We did a light kiss. Second date she came over. She helped me make food, played Scrabble (this has gotten me laid more than once LOL), and we had sex...and by sex we did it three times in a row. The chemistry was amazing.

The next day she told me that she had a great time and she's super attracted to me, but she also feels that she isn't comfortable and confident around me. Said she feels like she's too rough around the edges for me. She admitted it was her own insecurities. I have a very curated taste. I like dressing up, I like nice things. No need for me to dim my light for someone else.



Just was thinking about this and maybe it will help others.

Reminded me of an excerpt from a poem.

Your playing small
Does not serve the world.
There's nothing enlightened about shrinking
So that other people won't feel insecure around you.

[xbluexhawkx]

Just going to say a few random things here.

Orbiting seems like the new ghosting. When I say orbiting I mean someone who has slow faded, fizzled out, but still follows and lurk your socials. Had this happen to me recently after a few encounters and one date with one woman I thought we clicked. She also said things that she wanted to escalate things. She later apologized for her being distant and not sure if she was ready for a relationship. I will note that she already mentioned she had a wall up.

Anyways I tried to schedule another date with her and she got inconsistent, sparse texts. I told her to contact me when you figure out your schedule. The odd thing is she still lurks my IG, likes stuff, etc. I just find it odd and I would think either she is telling the truth about not being ready (been there with being in a failed LTR) or keeping her options open.




Second thing is when doing online dating understand that some things aren't your fault! You're meeting complete strangers with their own issues, strategies, backgrounds, etc. I met a girl a week and a half ago and we hit it off after doing a hike. Met her from Bumble. Talked a lot about compatibility. I was elated that she looked better in person also. We did a light kiss. Second date she came over. She helped me make food, played Scrabble (this has gotten me laid more than once LOL), and we had sex...and by sex we did it three times in a row. The chemistry was amazing.

The next day she told me that she had a great time and she's super attracted to me, but she also feels that she isn't comfortable and confident around me. Said she feels like she's too rough around the edges for me. She admitted it was her own insecurities. I have a very curated taste. I like dressing up, I like nice things. No need for me to dim my light for someone else.



Just was thinking about this and maybe it will help others.

every woman these days has "insecurities" or "isn't ready for a relationship" or "needs to work on themselves" srs

completely srs

[4North1Side2]

Just going to say a few random things here.

Orbiting seems like the new ghosting. When I say orbiting I mean someone who has slow faded, fizzled out, but still follows and lurk your socials. Had this happen to me recently after a few encounters and one date with one woman I thought we clicked. She also said things that she wanted to escalate things. She later apologized for her being distant and not sure if she was ready for a relationship. I will note that she already mentioned she had a wall up.

Anyways I tried to schedule another date with her and she got inconsistent, sparse texts. I told her to contact me when you figure out your schedule. The odd thing is she still lurks my IG, likes stuff, etc. I just find it odd and I would think either she is telling the truth about not being ready (been there with being in a failed LTR) or keeping her options open.




Second thing is when doing online dating understand that some things aren't your fault! You're meeting complete strangers with their own issues, strategies, backgrounds, etc. I met a girl a week and a half ago and we hit it off after doing a hike. Met her from Bumble. Talked a lot about compatibility. I was elated that she looked better in person also. We did a light kiss. Second date she came over. She helped me make food, played Scrabble (this has gotten me laid more than once LOL), and we had sex...and by sex we did it three times in a row. The chemistry was amazing.

The next day she told me that she had a great time and she's super attracted to me, but she also feels that she isn't comfortable and confident around me. Said she feels like she's too rough around the edges for me. She admitted it was her own insecurities. I have a very curated taste. I like dressing up, I like nice things. No need for me to dim my light for someone else.



Just was thinking about this and maybe it will help others.

Damn Bruh, tossed your hat back in the dating gauntlet eh


I been out in these streets!

No more relationships for me, just a straight up man whore.

Be safe out there!

[FastBack6]

Just going to say a few random things here.

Orbiting seems like the new ghosting. When I say orbiting I mean someone who has slow faded, fizzled out, but still follows and lurk your socials. Had this happen to me recently after a few encounters and one date with one woman I thought we clicked. She also said things that she wanted to escalate things. She later apologized for her being distant and not sure if she was ready for a relationship. I will note that she already mentioned she had a wall up.

Anyways I tried to schedule another date with her and she got inconsistent, sparse texts. I told her to contact me when you figure out your schedule. The odd thing is she still lurks my IG, likes stuff, etc. I just find it odd and I would think either she is telling the truth about not being ready (been there with being in a failed LTR) or keeping her options open.




Second thing is when doing online dating understand that some things aren't your fault! You're meeting complete strangers with their own issues, strategies, backgrounds, etc. I met a girl a week and a half ago and we hit it off after doing a hike. Met her from Bumble. Talked a lot about compatibility. I was elated that she looked better in person also. We did a light kiss. Second date she came over. She helped me make food, played Scrabble (this has gotten me laid more than once LOL), and we had sex...and by sex we did it three times in a row. The chemistry was amazing.

The next day she told me that she had a great time and she's super attracted to me, but she also feels that she isn't comfortable and confident around me. Said she feels like she's too rough around the edges for me. She admitted it was her own insecurities. I have a very curated taste. I like dressing up, I like nice things. No need for me to dim my light for someone else.



Just was thinking about this and maybe it will help others.

That’s all just a BS explanation to make her feel better about herself.

Women aren’t that deep. They’re not looking at the personal and sociological implications of dating someone who has a different personality profile than themselves. They’re simply looking for the biggest, best deal that they can get and you weren’t it. All the excuses they come up with are just that. Excuses or outright lies. Do you think if she met some Prince Charming stud who is exactly her type and also has some high paid career that she’d be going “damn, this guy is perfect but he’s too good for me..”

No. She wouldn’t. It all boils down to insufficient attraction. I know it’s a blow to the ego but that’s reality. She thought she could do better.

[FastBack6]

every woman these days has "insecurities" or "isn't ready for a relationship" or "needs to work on themselves" srs

completely srs

Until they find chad, then they’re cured all of a sudden

[iloveus]

Until they find chad, then they’re cured all of a sudden

[skinnyfat88]

Orbiting seems like the new ghosting. When I say orbiting I mean someone who has slow faded, fizzled out, but still follows and lurk your socials. Had this happen to me recently after a few encounters and one date with one woman I thought we clicked. She also said things that she wanted to escalate things. She later apologized for her being distant and not sure if she was ready for a relationship. I will note that she already mentioned she had a wall up.

Anyways I tried to schedule another date with her and she got inconsistent, sparse texts. I told her to contact me when you figure out your schedule. The odd thing is she still lurks my IG, likes stuff, etc. I just find it odd and I would think either she is telling the truth about not being ready (been there with being in a failed LTR) or keeping her options open.

Second thing is when doing online dating understand that some things aren't your fault! You're meeting complete strangers with their own issues, strategies, backgrounds, etc. I met a girl a week and a half ago and we hit it off after doing a hike. Met her from Bumble. Talked a lot about compatibility. I was elated that she looked better in person also. We did a light kiss. Second date she came over. She helped me make food, played Scrabble (this has gotten me laid more than once LOL), and we had sex...and by sex we did it three times in a row. The chemistry was amazing.

The next day she told me that she had a great time and she's super attracted to me, but she also feels that she isn't comfortable and confident around me. Said she feels like she's too rough around the edges for me. She admitted it was her own insecurities. I have a very curated taste. I like dressing up, I like nice things. No need for me to dim my light for someone else.

Orbiters are 100% not worth getting ones hopes up for. For what could be a number of different reasons, they're not willing to prioritize you.
They lurk for attention, to keep someone as an option, to feel good about "staying on good terms" with people they rejected, or just because it's 2023 and lots of people watch IG stories of those on their friends list.

Interesting from her to pull the plug so quickly after sex when you know your performance was solid.
Sounds like she is quite experienced and has a type she thinks she fits, or just regrets getting physical so soon and is ending it to avoid herself getting hurt.

[skinnyfat88]

Went on 3 dates with a girl from hinge. Not my usual "type" physically but I thought there was still some attraction there and checked a lot of other boxes. She said she was looking for something serious/monogamous, but understood the process and there are no guarantees and wasn't in a rush.

Slept together on the 4th date and she slept over. It was around my bday so she paid for it and brought me cupcakes. I feel like my interest just took a nosedive and I kinda feel like garbage for it. The attraction during sex wasn't there. My time is more valuable than ever and I don't like missing workouts/being tired because I stayed up late/shared a bed with a date.

The apps were very good to me 5 years ago but not great this last go around the last few months. I actually think my pics are better than they used to be but I'm older now and am more picky (on more than just looks) which is likely limiting my options. Time to get off them and probably put less of a priority on dating (but being open to it should something spark up organically).

[sword_]

That’s all just a BS explanation to make her feel better about herself.

Women aren’t that deep. They’re not looking at the personal and sociological implications of dating someone who has a different personality profile than themselves. They’re simply looking for the biggest, best deal that they can get and you weren’t it. All the excuses they come up with are just that. Excuses or outright lies. Do you think if she met some Prince Charming stud who is exactly her type and also has some high paid career that she’d be going “damn, this guy is perfect but he’s too good for me..”

No. She wouldn’t. It all boils down to insufficient attraction. I know it’s a blow to the ego but that’s reality. She thought she could do better.

Well she did make several self deprecating jokes about if she lived in older times she'd be killed because she felt she was too old to have kids, etc LMAO. Having interacted with some women there are some women that will shoot themselves in the foot due to different reasons.

I'd argue that she was somewhat right to some degree. I'd argue that what she told me about her life that I would be more high maintenance and there would be a power imbalance. There are some women that will date a man they feel isn't doing 'better' than them in some regards or they feel they can control. That's why for example you may see older women go for younger men after they have had a series of bad relationships.

Another example was a girl I briefly dated between Dec - Feb that was sort of a free spirit. She commented that she thought she wasn't fancy enough for me. We later parted ways because we were extremely misaligned on our life paths and saw things different.

Orbiters are 100% not worth getting ones hopes up for. For what could be a number of different reasons, they're not willing to prioritize you.
They lurk for attention, to keep someone as an option, to feel good about "staying on good terms" with people they rejected, or just because it's 2023 and lots of people watch IG stories of those on their friends list.

Interesting from her to pull the plug so quickly after sex when you know your performance was solid.
Sounds like she is quite experienced and has a type she thinks she fits, or just regrets getting physical so soon and is ending it to avoid herself getting hurt.

Yeah orbiters are just...strange. That's the one more perplexing to me. I ended up muting her stories, posts, etc. myself. Honestly I may just unfollow after a few months lol. We're in our 30s here c'mon.

The second girl yea. She was a nerdy, somewhat introverted girl and to give more context she told me that when she was younger she got into a lot of trouble, etc but later turned her life around, got her Master's etc. The rest of her family is working class.

Also I could see getting too physical too soon. It has happened to me before with a woman that I met at the gym maybe 8 - 9 years ago and she felt that she couldn't trust her emotions, etc after rushing into sex with me.

Back to more pipeline generation!

Went on 3 dates with a girl from hinge. Not my usual "type" physically but I thought there was still some attraction there and checked a lot of other boxes. She said she was looking for something serious/monogamous, but understood the process and there are no guarantees and wasn't in a rush.

Slept together on the 4th date and she slept over. It was around my bday so she paid for it and brought me cupcakes. I feel like my interest just took a nosedive and I kinda feel like garbage for it. The attraction during sex wasn't there. My time is more valuable than ever and I don't like missing workouts/being tired because I stayed up late/shared a bed with a date.

The apps were very good to me 5 years ago but not great this last go around the last few months. I actually think my pics are better than they used to be but I'm older now and am more picky (on more than just looks) which is likely limiting my options. Time to get off them and probably put less of a priority on dating (but being open to it should something spark up organically).

Time is super valuable to me now since I have family priorities i.e. doing stuff for loved ones and I have to travel a lot for work. You do have to be more ruthless with your time when you have **** going on.

[Gosu14]

I see too many posts on here about having sex by the third or fourth date. F**k that, always push for sex on the first date or even make the first date a f**k date. No way I’m spending my time and money on somebody I don’t know. You don’t owe them anything and men overthink this too much.

[bradlehman]

I see too many posts on here about having sex by the third or fourth date. F**k that, always push for sex on the first date or even make the first date a f**k date. No way I’m spending my time and money on somebody I don’t know. You don’t owe them anything and men overthink this too much.

I suppose that makes sense if you are solely looking for sex, but I doubt scheduling "fuk dates" as first dates is going to result in finding someone worthy of a real relationship. Spending time on someone you don't know is essentially the definition of a first date.

[iloveus]

I suppose that makes sense if you are solely looking for sex, but I doubt scheduling "fuk dates" as first dates is going to result in finding someone worthy of a real relationship. Spending time on someone you don't know is essentially the definition of a first date.

Exactly.

It's about your personal dating goals.

Sex on the first date implies short term mating.

If I wanted long term mating, I'd have a different strategy.

[skinnyfat88]

I see too many posts on here about having sex by the third or fourth date. F**k that, always push for sex on the first date or even make the first date a f**k date. No way I’m spending my time and money on somebody I don’t know. You don’t owe them anything and men overthink this too much.

I would probably be turned off by someone who wants to sleep with me strictly based off my profile and a few messages.

Even if it's a short-term thing and we end up sleeping together on a first date I have to feel like they want it based off at least a bit of in-person chemistry.

[sword_]

I would probably be turned off by someone who wants to sleep with me strictly based off my profile and a few messages.

Even if it's a short-term thing and we end up sleeping together on a first date I have to feel like they want it based off at least a bit of in-person chemistry.

I met my ex out, set up a date a few days later and ended up sleeping with her on the first date. Interesting enough we were together for almost 4 years.

I'd generally agree though that I wouldn't push for sex soon but I am definitely guilty of sleeping with a woman on the first or second date.

[Gosu14]

I suppose that makes sense if you are solely looking for sex, but I doubt scheduling "fuk dates" as first dates is going to result in finding someone worthy of a real relationship. Spending time on someone you don't know is essentially the definition of a first date.

I mean unless you’re asexual I think everyone is looking for sex with the opposite sex. Getting sex out of the way early changes the power dynamic.

Now the female who before sex ghosted or was being hard to reach after dates is now trying to keep you and makes your job easier. She knows she’s given up her goods already to you and to make herself feel more valued she’s going to want to keep you.

Just because you have sex on the first date doesn’t imply short term dating. People have really hit it off after fukkking on first dates.

[skinnyfat88]

I met my ex out, set up a date a few days later and ended up sleeping with her on the first date. Interesting enough we were together for almost 4 years.

I'd generally agree though that I wouldn't push for sex soon but I am definitely guilty of sleeping with a woman on the first or second date.

Sleeping with someone one a first date is a lot different than agreeing to sleep with someone you met online before ever meeting in person.

I think for the most part waiting a few dates won't hurt whereas doing it on the first date might.

[sword_]

Sleeping with someone one a first date is a lot different than agreeing to sleep with someone you met online before ever meeting in person.

I think for the most part waiting a few dates won't hurt whereas doing it on the first date might.

I don't disagree with you.

[stevesteve12]

I met my ex out, set up a date a few days later and ended up sleeping with her on the first date. Interesting enough we were together for almost 4 years.

I'd generally agree though that I wouldn't push for sex soon but I am definitely guilty of sleeping with a woman on the first or second date.

genuine question. how do you date someone for 4 years and not get married?

I can understand if you two were in high school but in your 30's?

what made you mutually decide not to be in each other's lives anymore?

as time goes on people grow and progress, and as a couple I feel it's important to progress as well. that means changing the way you two date, the most common way this happens is having kids, building a family.

[Luc1fer]

genuine question. how do you date someone for 4 years and not get married?

I can understand if you two were in high school but in your 30's?

what made you mutually decide not to be in each other's lives anymore?

as time goes on people grow and progress, and as a couple I feel it's important to progress as well. that means changing the way you two date, the most common way this happens is having kids, building a family.

I'll hazard a wild guess that was the reason they broke up; she was pushing for marriage and he wasn't sure.

[sword_]

genuine question. how do you date someone for 4 years and not get married?

I can understand if you two were in high school but in your 30's?

what made you mutually decide not to be in each other's lives anymore?

as time goes on people grow and progress, and as a couple I feel it's important to progress as well. that means changing the way you two date, the most common way this happens is having kids, building a family.

I missed this.

I had strong reservations. Not that she would be a bad partner, but there would be incompatibilities that I couldn't live with.

I'll hazard a wild guess that was the reason they broke up; she was pushing for marriage and he wasn't sure.

Correct. There were some things she did that would suggest she really didn't want kids, even if she said she wanted them. Also I'm a driven person and she was okay with an average life and that caused a bit of a disconnect there.

Also chemistry was a big concern for me. Not trying to throw off on her but I'm trying to answer as best as possible. I decided to not propose or marry her for good reasons.

[bradlehman]

I missed this.

I had strong reservations. Not that she would be a bad partner, but there would be incompatibilities that I couldn't live with.



Correct. There were some things she did that would suggest she really didn't want kids, even if she said she wanted them. Also I'm a driven person and she was okay with an average life and that caused a bit of a disconnect there.

Also chemistry was a big concern for me. Not trying to throw off on her but I'm trying to answer as best as possible. I decided to not propose or marry her for good reasons.

Better course of action than the alternative. My ex and I were together for a long time, and there were red flags I should have recognized (major understatement), but I went ahead and proposed anyway because I didn't want to break up and felt like it was the normal next step. Predictably, it didn't work out after being married a few years. Would have been so much easier for both of us if the issues had been addressed years earlier.

[sword_]

Better course of action than the alternative. My ex and I were together for a long time, and there were red flags I should have recognized (major understatement), but I went ahead and proposed anyway because I didn't want to break up and felt like it was the normal next step. Predictably, it didn't work out after being married a few years. Would have been so much easier for both of us if the issues had been addressed years earlier.

You have to rip the bandage off eventually.

[SwimLiftRunGrl]

I missed this.

I had strong reservations. Not that she would be a bad partner, but there would be incompatibilities that I couldn't live with.



Correct. There were some things she did that would suggest she really didn't want kids, even if she said she wanted them. Also I'm a driven person and she was okay with an average life and that caused a bit of a disconnect there.

Also chemistry was a big concern for me. Not trying to throw off on her but I'm trying to answer as best as possible. I decided to not propose or marry her for good reasons.

I remember you posting about your reservations a while back (a year or more). I'm just curious. Why did it take you that long to break off with her? Time is something that you cannot get back and it goes by really fast. If she did not push for marriage, would you have kept the relationship with her?

If you don't feel comfortable answering, I totally understand. Thanks!

[sword_]

I remember you posting about your reservations a while back (a year or more). I'm just curious. Why did it take you that long to break off with her? Time is something that you cannot get back and it goes by really fast. If she did not push for marriage, would you have kept the relationship with her?

If you don't feel comfortable answering, I totally understand. Thanks!

There had to be a catalyst to end it. We had one when an argument escalated to the point of her throwing glass, etc. I was insensitive up to it. I'm pretty up front with raising my issues and concerns and I did move in with her but kept my place because my lease was just recently renewed. I actually tried to end things around that time several months before this fight. Even if marriage wasn't a thing it would have ended. I will also say she is very conflict avoidant so sometimes our discussions ended up brushing it under the rug.

At a certain point we were going through the motions of things and at the heart of it we saw some very good qualities in each other. I thought that I could have fixed things and I take extreme ownership in many aspects of my life even to my own detriment. The idea of the relationship ending made me feel like a failure so perhaps before this all went down I wanted to make sure I did everything I thought I could make things work out in the end.

Now if my values with a person are misaligned or the chemistry/compatibility isn't there I'm going to be quicker to cut it off.