[SRS] Depression Discussion and Support Thread Part II

[zknarc]

Making friends in the right environments (e.g. school growing up, a chill part time job, college dorm) is easy as fuk, but once you no longer have access to that chit, wtf are you even supposed to do? I used to have the busiest social life and now I literally have no friends.

Chit shouldn't be this difficult. Doesn't seem like a lot of people have to deal with this problem because they have their core group of friends that they met when young and just have replaceable acquaintances to hang out with as they go through life... But what if you don't have that core group of friends?! You can't force that sort of thing... Most people meet their true friends by accident. You can put effort in and make acquaintances easily and I've done this, but I've never made a truly good friend through such efforts.

Man, I would climb a wall of bee bee cees using my face for like... two or three regular friends. That's all I need in life.

Know this feel Once away from school, college and grad programmes making friends becomes super hard. It is possible to meet people and develop acquaintances through common activities but close friends? So so hard FML

[JoeFarrellC]

People that seem well off can definitely be depressed. Everything is relative and so individualized.

[ZyraThornrise]

So I deleted tinder since I realized I shouldn't even be dating right now. My life is too much of a mess right now. I went into a severely bad mood earlier today which was really scary. Not sure when I'll be able to date seriously but now definitely isn't the time. I have to be realistic that I have nothing to offer anyone right now. Even have had thoughts of quitting my job due to how awful I been feeling lately. The mood crashes become too much at times.

Just so you know, this isn't a bad thing.
I'm in the same boat. I want to be happy by myself before I get in a relationship again.

I haven't asked this but have you made steps to talk with a doctor or therapist?

[CrazySerbian]

Just so you know, this isn't a bad thing.
I'm in the same boat. I want to be happy by myself before I get in a relationship again.

I haven't asked this but have you made steps to talk with a doctor or therapist?

I'm in the same boat too. I have a date on Wednesday and I kind of regret it now. I don't think someone can love me when I don't love myself. She wouldn't be able to understand what I'm going through right now.

[BigTimePlayer]

Just so you know, this isn't a bad thing.
I'm in the same boat. I want to be happy by myself before I get in a relationship again.

I haven't asked this but have you made steps to talk with a doctor or therapist?

I admittedly went back on it again last night which I probably shouldn't have. I'm probably going to delete it again though since I just feel I shouldn't be trying to date anyone. Just feel it wouldn't be fair to her if I'm not even well enough. It's just constantly on my mind though wishing I could be with someone.

I see a therapist but they can't do anything for me I feel. I probably need to start on meds again though. I have severe OCD/depression problems that highly likely won't resolve with just talking to someone.

[harmsxwhey]

First time posting, and first time in my life feeling as though I may genuinely be depressed. Lately, I've only had spurts of motivation that quickly diminish. I still go to the gym, but rarely leave satisfied anymore, whether I train for an hour or 4. My mood has also been very erratic. One day my wife and I will be loving towards each other, sexing a lot, the next I'll just be standoffish and in a bad mood and want isolation from everyone. I feel as though a lot of it has to do with my job and lack of movement from it. I'm virtually stuck in this position for the next 9 months, minimum, and I have much larger aspirations than being a military cop. It's not financial, as we're making more money than we ever have. And I thought some of it may also have stemmed from the imminent birth of my son, but I'm really not stressed about that in the least. In fact, I'm excited. I just think the sheer fact that all of the friends I've made in the military are all gone, and I have a very hard time making friends with the guys here adds to the isolation. This also reflects on to my wife, as she isn't really in a job that promotes social interaction (she works as a nanny), so we haven't really made any friends, outside of one couple who turned out to be a chit bunch. I'm starting Muay Thai this week, and hope that it may give me a bit more of a feeling of worth and high spirits, so we'll see. Just not sure how to react to this feeling, as I've never been the type of person to be depressed.

[ZyraThornrise]

I admittedly went back on it again last night which I probably shouldn't have. I'm probably going to delete it again though since I just feel I shouldn't be trying to date anyone. Just feel it wouldn't be fair to her if I'm not even well enough. It's just constantly on my mind though wishing I could be with someone.

I see a therapist but they can't do anything for me I feel. I probably need to start on meds again though. I have severe OCD/depression problems that highly likely won't resolve with just talking to someone.

I mean there's nothing wrong with trying to correct your chemistry.
I'm currently on a cocktail, but I feel it's necessary for my well being.

At least you recognize the problem and want to work to fix it

[AppsBrah]

I mean there's nothing wrong with trying to correct your chemistry.
I'm currently on a cocktail, but I feel it's necessary for my well being.

At least you recognize the problem and want to work to fix it

Your issues are different than his issues. Yours have proven to be treatable with meds, his haven't. Except maybe OCD, but I doubt it's that bad that it needs meds. Everyone has OCD to a certain limit, unless you're wasting hours everyday it does not need to be treated with meds

[BigTimePlayer]

Your issues are different than his issues. Yours have proven to be treatable with meds, his haven't. Except maybe OCD, but I doubt it's that bad that it needs meds. Everyone has OCD to a certain limit, unless you're wasting hours everyday it does not need to be treated with meds

Pure O OCD is considered a chronic condition. I have all sorts of fukked up intrusive thoughts that you wouldn't believe. It's way worse than it sounds. And not everyone has OCD. People who say they have OCD when they do one little thing a certain way piss me the fuk off since that's not considered having a condition.

[BigTimePlayer]

I mean there's nothing wrong with trying to correct your chemistry.
I'm currently on a cocktail, but I feel it's necessary for my well being.

At least you recognize the problem and want to work to fix it

I do want to fix it but I don't know how I'm going to be able to. There's times where I feel like I'm too far gone to ever get better if I haven't at this point.

[AppsBrah]

Pure O OCD is considered a chronic condition. I have all sorts of fukked up intrusive thoughts that you wouldn't believe. It's way worse than it sounds. And not everyone has OCD. People who say they have OCD when they do one little thing a certain way piss me the fuk off since that's not considered having a condition.

Recent research shows no difference between meds + CBT or CBT alone. Follow the therapy, it's far from untreatable.

[BigTimePlayer]

Recent research shows no difference between meds + CBT or CBT alone. Follow the therapy, it's far from untreatable.

True, I just don't know at this point. Anyways again today at work some really attractive woman came in to my job again. Of course she was really nice too which just made it worse for me. I swear I also thought it was Holly Holm for like 20 seconds. Had a resemblance to her a bit. I'm just thinking like it's not fair I have to be in this f'd up position when there's women like her out there. Of course I'm 100% certain she was married/boyfriend like usual since as she was leaving she was looking in the men's clothing area for a minute or so. I must have amazing taste in women where 95% of the ones I find attractive are already off the market. It's like the women I'd want every guy already has. It leaves me feeling bitter at times.

[Ricky_k]

So I deleted tinder since I realized I shouldn't even be dating right now. My life is too much of a mess right now. I went into a severely bad mood earlier today which was really scary. Not sure when I'll be able to date seriously but now definitely isn't the time. I have to be realistic that I have nothing to offer anyone right now. Even have had thoughts of quitting my job due to how awful I been feeling lately. The mood crashes become too much at times.

Good play man. It's not cliche when they say, love yourself first.

[BigTimePlayer]

Good play man. It's not cliche when they say, love yourself first.

Well, as I said I went back on it the other night. Might just delete it again soon though. At this point I'm pretty much just on there out of curiosity of who I get matches with. Doubt I'll meet with anyone on there since I shouldn't even be dating I feel.

[AleaJactaEst]

Truely depressed for the first time in over a year. I've been seriously depressed three times in my life. When I was 18 I dropped out of school, my parents kicked me out and I had nothing. December 2014 for 3 months, my oneitis left the country to live with her boyfriend overseas. Disneystory turn around she breaks up with him and calls me after landing at airport. We live together for over a year. I live abroad and know I can't stay here and she can not leave because she has to take care of her father/mother. I break up with her 1 month ago on good terms telling her we can't be like this knowing I will leave one day. We keep seeing each other.

I don't know how to phrase it properly but the few friends that I had here, all besides 1 have left within the last month. 4/5 total I guess. 2 of them unexpected. And the 1 guy who is left is most likely leaving within the next month. Now this made me feel somewhat bad but **** it I can push through that. But yesterday my ex's (that pretty much still is my girlfriend) father got diagnosed with lung cancer. She quit her job today and left today moving to her hometown.

I don't even know what I feel right now. I miss her so fukkin much and I know how terrible cancer is. I know it will absolutely destroy her. And I know I can't be there for her. Her hometown is in a smallvillage about 8 hours away from here.. It's ****ing hard. I know I will be leaving this country within the next 6 months and it will ruin her. And it ruins me.

I can't do anything about it. I can help her with money. I can meet her once or twice a month. But we will both know that I will be gone and I have no choice.

It's just sad. It makes me so sad to know that if we never met she would be happier today. She probably had a boyfriend that could live with her, that could stay with her longterm, she wouldn't be left behind. I would probably be happier too. Ofcourse I don't care for that.. It's just sad. You would always want a relationship to be progressively happier and happier with some ups and downs. But there really is no ups coming. I'm in for a long down a long long down and I wish it was me having cancer or someone closer to me than to her because I know I could take it. But she's really just a little girl and it's too much for her.. It just hurts man.

[zilaniz]

I'm thinking about seeing a therapist but part of me thinks what is the point? Is someone talking to me really going to change how I think/feel, seems a little far fetched I dunno I guess I don't have a lot of faith in it. Where would I even start? Ask my doctor for a recommendation?

[hidingwithmusic]

Everyday I'm feeling better and a step closer to being the real me. I'm gonna make it.

[wassupjg]

Just wishing everyone in here the best, from a fellow struggler. Try not to even engage too much with the thoughts that often float around and tempt us to bite, even if your intentions are good - i.e. trying to figure things out, to solve our problems, they can really continue to create a tangle of stress in our minds. I've often gotten perspective/a revelation/a straightening of things by consciously not trying to figure things out, and things have often mentally dropped into place without any effort. Effort does not necessarily equal results in this life (unfortunately).

[BigTimePlayer]

That feel when I saw someone I went to high school with come in to where I work. He was with his gf/wife, felt ****in bad man. She was pretty good looking, but looked a bit older. Just sucks how his life is probably 100x better than mine & probably already has a great job & his gf/wife. What a complete piece of **** life I have it's just a joke what my life has become. I was driving to work today wondering why the fuk do I even bother with anything when I'm not even going to feel well since nothing ever changes. My mental health is complete **** & I'm just so tired of this ****.

[Christopoll]

Hey Misc, just need to get something off my chest:

So I had been depressed for some time. I started feeling down probably just over a year ago. Around late September/October 2015 was probably when it got pretty damn bad (at one point I had suicidal thoughts pretty much every day). From mid November to December it went away, then came back. After Christmas holidays, I ended up having a hypomanic or manic state which lasted maybe 2 weeks (Hyper all of the time, more energy, less appetite etc.) As you can guess, depression again came back. Around 2 months ago, I decided to give NoFap a try. Despite my longest streak at the time being 12 days, I did feel some positive effects and while I was still depressed, my mental state was definitely better. However, a bit over two weeks ago, I just lost it, beat the **** out of myself and probably felt the worst I have ever felt. That's where I realized that my mental state was really becoming a problem and I'd end up killing myself if it continued. What I also realized is that I basically have been living all my life on autopilot mode. What I mean by that is everything could be going on around me, I wouldn't care. Wouldn't get out of my comfort zone and was practically emotionless. Decided also to add cold showers in addition to NoFap (was taking like a 30min hot shower every day, after reading that those could be pretty detrimental to health and the benefits of cold showers, I decided to change that)

I've noticed the depression is mostly gone, but has been replaced by anxiety attacks. Since last Monday, I've had at least an anxiety attack every day except for Saturday. These do heavily interfere with my everyday life: I've had a few anxiety attacks in class, makes it very hard to concentrate on what's going on, same with going to the gym: I just have a million thoughts racing in my head at the same time, and I even missed an important oral Wednesday because of it.
I'll have to see a doctor soon, as even though I don't like having to rely on medication to control my mental state, this is getting waaay out of hand. It's currently 6:15AM where I live and I have class at 8. Barely slept like 2 hours, from 9 to 11PM

My question is, does anyone feel like they've been living life on "autopilot mode" so to say?

[ZyraThornrise]

Lots of new people and I have a horrible time responding to long messages on my phone.

Just want to let everyone in here asking for help to check out their local NAMI chapter. You can get in touch with an advocate there that can stear you in he right direction which includes group therapy, regular therapy, psychotherapy and CBT, all for costs that are good for you. They can also help with finding out how to get medical insurance so you won't have to pay a whole lot. They're a really great service and most of their websites have a lot of invaluable tools.

Hoping many of you will be able to find the help and support you need.

If any of you have questions about therapy processes, hospitalizations or what it's like to get on medication don't hesitate to PM me.

[miscerzhatehim]

Welp, had 2 panic attacks today.

[Ricky_k]

Just posting a track that's been helping me relax.

Good to drift off into sleep into.

[BigTimePlayer]

I hate to say it but at times I get this weird sense of relief knowing that this life is just temporary. There's no way I'd be able to live this ****ty life for eternity.

[harmsxwhey]

Went to the gym and worked the heavy bag for almost an hour straight tonight. Making it very apparent that combat sports may be what I need to be able to physically vent. The wife and I also had a bad day, but sat down face to face and talked about the root of my problems and what I need to do to start moving towards being happy. (She's about 3/4 done with her psychology degree. Go figure) I think I've realized that a lot of it stems from overshooting things, trying to do too much at once, and wanting more than what is achievable at the given time. It causes me to pick things up and put them down quickly, because as soon as I start to get the hang of something, I want to move to the next level and do something more challenging. On the surface, it may be a good attribute, but it causes me a lot of self anguish and makes me beat the chit out of myself when I'm not where I want to be. I don't think I'll have linear progression in becoming happier, as I think this is going to take real effort to beat. But I'm hoping what I'm trying works.

[AyMayne]

I just think the sheer fact that all of the friends I've made in the military are all gone, and I have a very hard time making friends with the guys here adds to the isolation. This also reflects on to my wife, as she isn't really in a job that promotes social interaction (she works as a nanny), so we haven't really made any friends, outside of one couple who turned out to be a chit bunch. I'm starting Muay Thai this week, and hope that it may give me a bit more of a feeling of worth and high spirits, so we'll see. Just not sure how to react to this feeling, as I've never been the type of person to be depressed.

I feel like this is somewhat of a common problem, especially for guys. That's why in the event of a divorce, they're sort of fuked because they don't really have much of an emotional support system the way girls usually do.

Lack of belonging and lack of genuine connections is probably one of the bigger causes for depression these days. That feeling can get you even when everything else is going well because acquaintances alone aren't really enough to provide that sense of fulfillment, but a lot of people have that issue of not feeling like they connect with others, or genuinely "click" with others. So a person could be surrounded by people and still feel lonely, like a lot of celebs who turn to drugs.

When people get older, they're more focused on their career and then the rest of their free time is devoted to their family and errands and chit like that, so it's easy to see why it might be harder to make friends.

[stickinmyeye]

Posting in here for the first time.

A little background, 20 year old student, rugby player, in a frat, girlfriend, solid friend group, middle class, general happy disposition 99% of the time. However, I do have a condition called tuberous sclerosis complex. basically I have focal, and sometimes generalized seizures. controlled by meds, doesn't bother me much.

My problem is that even though some supplements don't say they interact with my meds, if I take a new supplement for too long and it reacts with my anti-convulsant meds, I get these suicidal-esque ideations. by no means am I ever actually suicidal, and I realize this even when having these feelings. the feelings go away immediately (1-2 days at most) after weening off of said supplements, whether it is creatine or vitamin d12 or even XCT oil from bulletproof coffee. I just think it is crazy how this can mess with my head so much. it gives me a broader perspective on life honestly, and I understand mental illness so much better now. I know for a fact these ideations mean nothing to me, and they will never end up becoming actions - just needed a place to get it out, people are not very understanding of this stuff.

Anyone get similar issues?

damn sorry to hear that , sounds very hard

[DahStoryTella]

My mindset is beginning to be that I'm not suicidal, but still want to die. Unfortunately, I don't think I have the balls to commit suicide. I'm obviously not jumping in front of cars or anything of the sort, but if I was randomly shot in the head and instantly died, I'd be cool with that. Hopefully, I'm dead by the time I'm 30 so I no longer have to live this life. What's interesting is that my issues seem trivial in comparison to what some others go through; they would probably brush my issues off with ease and continue to live their lives. If wanting to die makes me a coward, or someone who looks for the easy way in life, that's fine with me. I've accepted that I'm a coward about a lot of things.

[zknarc]

My mindset is beginning to be that I'm not suicidal, but still want to die. Unfortunately, I don't think I have the balls to commit suicide. I'm obviously not jumping in front of cars or anything of the sort, but if I was randomly shot in the head and instantly died, I'd be cool with that. Hopefully, I'm dead by the time I'm 30 so I no longer have to live this life. What's interesting is that my issues seem trivial in comparison to what some others go through; they would probably brush my issues off with ease and continue to live their lives. If wanting to die makes me a coward, or someone who looks for the easy way in life, that's fine with me. I've accepted that I'm a coward about a lot of things.

Pretty much how I've felt about things since about 14 (srs). I have lost any appetite for life at all: I get no real enjoyment from anything and everything feels like a constant struggle to keep my head above water: job, finances, dating and come up short on all. I often wish there was a way of donating my life/body to someone dying of cancer or disabled so they can make a better go of it as able bodied.

A landmark case took place here is euroland where a women with depression was given euthanasia at the clinic in Switzerland - I cannot imagine what it did to the family though as many go nuts when people elect for this was horrible terminal illnesses. There was another story about a guy that bought a one way ticket to Mexico to buy barbiturates (great drug to off yourself with) to kill himself. Instead, ended up on a binge of hookers and blow, got a nice text or email from his sister and decided to come back and his zest for life had returned.

Depression doesn't really discriminate. Despite the stigma, you shouldn't need to justify it comparing circumstances and it isn't personal weakness so don't let that pull you down further.

[sperez21]

damn sorry to hear that , sounds very hard

thanks man, i think it's just something i have to work around and deal with. i'm basically forced to be 100% natural no supplements so i guess there is a silver lining there lol