NoFap thread srs - Finally breaking this

[artdecade]

so the incessant searching/dopamine thing is not a requirement for the porn addiction?

No it's definitely not a requirement. The 4Cs are what is used to assess addiction.

Whilst they normally do, addicts don't necessarily spend more time directly engaging in the substance/behaviour than non-addicts - but they almost always spend more time thinking about or seeking out the substance/behaviour

Just to clarify, this is my understanding of the typical sequence of use for pron addicts. Note that I say the typical sequence, so obviously mileage may vary:
- When user first begins using pron, the arousing content (video/pic etc) is the pull and the search is the necessary journey to get to the reward
- Longer the user uses the more he associates the search with pleasure as he conditions himself to relate the search with the anticipation of reward (of watching, of orgasm etc)
- If the user continues this cycle the search becomes more pleasurable than the reward because of this conditioning. The ultimate reward of the video becomes less satisfying over time due to tolerence (diminishing returns), whereas the search is always compelling because of sensitisation (brain is hyper sensitive to anything related to the addiction)
- By the end of the cycle, this manifests into the user spending most of a session searching. Without knowing it, he has largely removed the actual 'reward' aspect of his addiction from his use of it because the search is a more reliable provider of pleasurable neurochemicals (dopamine + others)

This aligns in what is seen in pretty much all addictions. There's a reason it's called 'chasing' the dragon

[Cleveland33]

No it's definitely not a requirement. The 4Cs are what is used to assess addiction.

ok then so we can cross the searching off your reasons why you think you are addicted and focus on the 4Cs

how do the 4Cs connect with your Youtube usage?

[artdecade]

ok then so we can cross the searching off your reasons why you think you are addicted and focus on the 4Cs

how do the 4Cs connect with your Youtube usage?

Read my post about it earlier. Not sure I am necessarily addicted to YouTube, certainly not in the same way as pron, but definitely got a problematic relationship with it.

But yeah went into this earlier so read that if you're interested

[Cleveland33]

Read my post about it earlier. Not sure I am necessarily addicted to YouTube, certainly not in the same way as pron, but definitely got a problematic relationship with it.

But yeah went into this earlier so read that if you're interested

Can you get a domapine response by flipping through youtube?

[artdecade]

Can you get a domapine response by flipping through youtube?

Yeah definitely, I'm not too clued up on the details of YouTube addiction though so probably worth looking into yourself. Not sure I help in the same way as I can with pron

[Cleveland33]

Yeah definitely, I'm not too clued up on the details of YouTube addiction though so probably worth looking into yourself. Not sure I help in the same way as I can with pron

So what negative aspects are you getting from youtube?

[artdecade]

So what negative aspects are you getting from youtube?

Covered this bro

[Cleveland33]

Covered this bro

so what are they? Sorry I can't immediately recall a small section of one of your four page long dear diary entries

[artdecade]

so what are they? Sorry I can't immediately recall a small section of one of your four page long dear diary entries

Lol if you're interested go read them, if not then don't worry about it

[Cleveland33]

Lol if you're interested go read them, if not then don't worry about it

point me to the correct one I can't not worry about it - we're gonna solve this chit for you bro

[artdecade]

point me to the correct one I can't not worry about it - we're gonna solve this chit for you bro

Hahah you're a funny guy.

Gonna have to ignore now tho bro, been fun but it's a bit tedious now so gotta stick to what I said in today's diary post (be sure to check it out) and question why I'm engaging in an activity.

Hope you keep following my journey tho, maybe I'll engage again if you touch on something interesting

[Cleveland33]

Hahah you're a funny guy.

Gonna have to ignore now tho bro, been fun but it's a bit tedious now so gotta stick to what I said in today's diary post (be sure to check it out) and question why I'm engaging in an activity.

Hope you keep following my journey tho, maybe I'll engage again if you touch on something interesting

so the fact that I can help you out of your so called porn addiction isn't interesting?

[artdecade]

Day 57 - Mood wise I’m actually feeling pretty good today. Being in the sun and with family I felt healthy and happy. Yesterday I was pretty chit, was my birthday and it served as a harsh reminder just how much my life is lacking. Quite painful and I couldn’t really focus on anything else yesterday. But the day’s passed and I feel better. Being 27 doesn’t feel like such a big deal now that it’s happened haha, I was definitely getting worked up for nothing lol.

The streak is still feeling quite a slog at the moment. As I’ve said before, I’m in the gritty spot where not indulging in pron feels normal but the changes of recovery are still in the distance. Just gotta keep my head down and get through, probably the next two or three weeks are gonna be like this but I do think rays of further change will start to break through the clouds.

One benefit that is undeniable is that my erections are better than ever. My morning wood is getting crazy tbh. Last week or so it really has been a return to being 14 or something. I wake up rock hard and it stays the same until I actually get out of bed. This serves as firm proof that change is occurring. In the last couple of years I’d say my morning wood has got a lot more sporadic. I’d still get it most days but it wasn’t particularly hard. This is quite different.

Overall, not a load to say. Feeling fairly positive, proud to be approaching the two month mark and believe there is a path to becoming the man I want to be. Patience is required

[artdecade]

Day 58 - Nothing exceptional to note today in terms of my mood or any signs of progress. It is a tricky spell I’m in at the moment. I am making an investment in my future right now, but without the secure assurance that it will pay off it is hard to shrug off the current emptiness. Delayed gratification.. But what if the gratification never comes? It is hard to switch one’s brain off and have faith.

To be fully upfront, I did masturbate for a total of 30 seconds yesterday. Two or three times I had a little session, literally just stroked for about 10 seconds or so. I was considering keeping this a secret from everyone here, I guess I didn’t want anyone to think I was slacking, but recognise that being open is the best policy. I don’t think it’s a big deal but I must note it to stick to what I said on Day 38. Ensure that I nip this in the bud and do not let it become a ‘harmless’ habit, recognising that this has been the beginning of my relapse patterns on past streaks.

Why did it happen? I think because I was bored in the evening yesterday. Without YouTube to sedate me I had to sit there in my boredom. This breeds the yearning for pleasure and is why I slipped. Boredom is a trigger for me and I must therefore be aware of it. What may be a good idea is to have a plan for what to do when I’m bored. This will not only be useful for avoiding relapse but also to improve my mood and productivity in general.

I’m definitely dreaming a lot more about my ex-girlfriend recently. In the last three nights I have woken up after a vivid dream about her, usually featuring us getting back together. Not too hard to work out what this symbolises, I am feeling lonely and yearning for connection. It unfortunately does not mean that me and her are getting back together, more that she symbolises connection and love to me. It’s good that I am feeling this way, it’s a painful yet necessary step to push myself.

Also went through all my journal entries today, even managed to find and compile 13 entries before Day 31 (when I started posting here) and now have all the journal entries in one document. It’s interesting to have an overview of the last two months of my life. One thing hit me over and over though, this is still the early days of the reboot. 58 days feels like a hell of a long-time but when reading back, one gets the clear understanding that this is not that much- especially neurobiologically-speaking.

One thing I want to note, on Day 17 I wrote this:
“I want to try to maintain a journal like this during my journey to track my fluency and ability to articulate. I do feel that my writing ability and speech too have deteriorated. My brain is dulled and I think pmo use is the cause.”

I wanted to say that I do think my ability to articulate has improved drastically since I wrote that. It may be because I’ve actually had an ‘audience’ to write for (two trolls probably) but I do think I’ve done a pretty good job explaining myself here. I really enjoy writing, and it has always been what I’m best at, but I did find it was more difficult for me over the last year or two to get into a flow. That definitely has improved on this reboot.

Improvement in my speech has been less clear cut but I’ve had spells of progress. To risk sounding like a cocky prick, I have got a nice deep voice and possess the ability to sound charismatic when talking. But too often what comes out of my mouth is weak, bordering on high pitch, and commands no respect. This has got better I’d say but is less obvious than my writing.

Both of these are worth noting as I haven’t really made reference to them, so add this to the benefits column for anyone who’s counting.

This week is the final one at my current job, the one that has been so miserable. I’ve then got two weeks left in my house before I leave that too, leaving the area where I’ve been isolated for the last 18 months. Certainly an era coming to an end. Re-reading my journey over the last 58 days, I’m proud of the decisions I’ve made and how I have untangled myself from a situation that was making me extremely unhappy. Making the tough decision to quit my job and return back to my hometown, to really start from scratch, could easily have been one I avoided. I have made a lot of progress but I’m most proud of how I’ve kept going through the difficult times, something I must now do once again.

[brosapiens]

Be strong, OP! I'm almost one year in. Takes a while to shake off years of abusing yourself - and let's not kid ourselves here. It is abuse.
Less talked about aspects are creativity, spirituality, emotion etc. All of these explode after some time especially if you are able to understand the most important thing here:
The point is not to fight yourself! The point is to accept that you have some needs but convert that energy and frustration into something positive!!! Sounds obvious and easy but it's not.

[artdecade]

Be strong, OP! I'm almost one year in. Takes a while to shake off years of abusing yourself - and let's not kid ourselves here. It is abuse.
Less talked about aspects are creativity, spirituality, emotion etc. All of these explode after some time especially if you are able to understand the most important thing here:
The point is not to fight yourself! The point is to accept that you have some needs but convert that energy and frustration into something positive!!! Sounds obvious and easy but it's not.

Thank you bro means a lot to hear encouragement from someone on the other side.

I hope I get the changes you speak of, and absolutely hear your point on transmuting the energy - not been brilliant at that so far.

When did you start noticing significant improvements?

[4Bertuzzi4]

Good job, brother. Something similar happened to me last night. After 10 days of being too busy and tired for $ex with the wife, masturbation or any other jizz spewing activity, I noticed things. The cawk was hard as a fkn rock for well over half the night, and I'd wake up in a self-pitched tent every day before heading to work.

Last night, the wife grabbed my erect member firmly, lubed up her hand and my now fully engorged, throbbing meat missile, and slowly stroked from the tip all the way down my veiny shaft, and then all the way back up to the sensitive head. She didn't say a word and focused intently on the job at hand.

I felt that familiar sensation of pressure building in my very full balls, and she could obviously tell I was getting close to the edge, as the cawk was basically 1/3 larger than my normal erection. She squeezed it tighter and quickened the pace while I tried as hard as possible to hold back the impending explosion, but a man can only handle so much.

When I got past the point of no return, my orgasm was one of the most intense experiences in years. She pointed it at my face just as the first eruption of hot man seed shot out at such a velocity, that it flew clear over my head and hit the pillow leaning against the headboard, and the next shot landed on my beard, which made her giggle. The rest splattered all over my chest, belly and in my bellybutton, and seemed to never stop coming.

Anyways, good job, brother. Hopefully you reach whatever goal you're trying to achieve, without causing permanent ED issues.

[wigwogzigzog]

Day 1. Feeling solid

[SirFapsAIot]

[PatchouliMusk]

welp, i failed last night

tbf, i don't plan on going fully nofap for now but rather cut down on the abuse

was pretty shocking how rock diamond hard I was throughout my 3 hour session

fml

been fapping everyday since this day

FML!!!

[SirFapsAIot]

fml

been fapping everyday since this day

FML!!!

sounds like a high test win to me

[artdecade]

Day 1. Feeling solid

Nice one bro keep us posted on your progress

fml

been fapping everyday since this day

FML!!!

It happens mane, don't be too harsh on yourself. Why don't you try focusing on just quitting pron and allowing masturbation at the moment? I really think that would be a good strategy for you

Good job, brother. Something similar happened to me last night. After 10 days of being too busy and tired for $ex with the wife, masturbation or any other jizz spewing activity, I noticed things. The cawk was hard as a fkn rock for well over half the night, and I'd wake up in a self-pitched tent every day before heading to work.

Last night, the wife grabbed my erect member firmly, lubed up her hand and my now fully engorged, throbbing meat missile, and slowly stroked from the tip all the way down my veiny shaft, and then all the way back up to the sensitive head. She didn't say a word and focused intently on the job at hand.

I felt that familiar sensation of pressure building in my very full balls, and she could obviously tell I was getting close to the edge, as the cawk was basically 1/3 larger than my normal erection. She squeezed it tighter and quickened the pace while I tried as hard as possible to hold back the impending explosion, but a man can only handle so much.

When I got past the point of no return, my orgasm was one of the most intense experiences in years. She pointed it at my face just as the first eruption of hot man seed shot out at such a velocity, that it flew clear over my head and hit the pillow leaning against the headboard, and the next shot landed on my beard, which made her giggle. The rest splattered all over my chest, belly and in my bellybutton, and seemed to never stop coming.

Anyways, good job, brother. Hopefully you reach whatever goal you're trying to achieve, without causing permanent ED issues.

Sounds like quite an experience haha. Thanks for the support bro

[artdecade]

Day 59 - Approaching the change that my life so desperately needs and I’m feeling grateful to my past self for setting the wheels in motion. I’m starting to appreciate that there are more possibilities for me, that life is more open and I am freer than I thought. For example, I was looking into replacing my car with a motorbike last night. I suddenly thought I could get my licence and do something I’ve often vaguely liked the sound of - and instead of passing it off as something “I couldn’t do”, I actively looked into it. You’re probably thinking; “Slow down you’re 27 not 47, there’s no need for a midlife crisis-inspired motorbike yet” but there are practical reasons for this decision too - though I can’t deny the romantic angle does appeal to me.

Whether I actually do it or not, it is an example of thinking outside the box and not being ruled by unconscious constraints. Usually I feel so limited and tied down in life, truly believing that I am condemned to the current path and too jaded and scared to consider jumping into the unknown. The mentality I had last night destroyed that paper cage and provided clarity about the endless options at my fingertips. I am hoping that this emerging attitude continues to develop.

It will need nurturing though if it is to properly take root. I know I need to get into more of a proactive, problem-solver mindset rather than the current reflective and philosophical mentality I’m in. Don’t get me wrong, both have their part to play in being a well-rounded person but I’m dominated too much by the latter at the moment.

Looking back at some of my notes from July, August and September last year triggered this reflection. It was probably the best my attitude has ever been. I was incredibly proactive. Every single piece of my writing from that period is problem-solving, there's not even a hint of moaning (unlike now haha).

I was really pushing myself, I had just started this current job (the one I hate), I was going to social clubs to try and make friends, I was eating really healthy, I was going to therapy and I was really tackling life like a bull. There was this hunger and focus that I’d never had before, I surprised myself with the drive I was displaying.

Coincidentally, or not, throughout July and August I was completely pron-free. I decided I would focus my attention on removing pron and allow myself to masturbate as much as I wanted initially before scaling it down. This strategy actually worked during July but it withered away in August. I think I first started using dating apps as a pron substitute, before moving onto escort sites and then finally back to pron. In September I returned to full-on bingeing.

My positive mindset lasted until the end of that month. Slowly my determination and willingness to take these risks eroded. I do think it was unsustainable to some extent, probably tried running before I could walk. I started getting in my head again and wanted to hide away from the world.

Was my newfound drive for life a result of abstaining from pron (even whilst continuing to masturbate)? Was the loss of that same drive for life a result of relapsing back into bingeing?I think to some extent the answer is yes to both but I don't see it as the biggest contributor. I was doing so much and I really think it was a case of momentum. I had gotten into the swing of things by continually challenging myself. I had actually got comfortable being uncomfortable, something I'd read about but didn't really think was possible.

The absence of pron freed up space, it removed certain inhibiting chains to allow me to flourish. But the key is I was willing to put myself in difficult situations, recognising that this is how growth happens. There is a valuable lesson there for my current reboot, I need to put myself out there if I want to progress. Growth comes from setting a challenge outside of one’s comfort zone, gifting yourself the opportunity to rise to the occasion.

Another thing I have continued to notice on this reboot is that I am more tired in the evenings. I wonder if it’s more that I’m aware of the tiredness now rather than distracting myself with dopamine-bombaring activities. Is it possible that the standard tiredness used to be overshadowed by activities that my brain deemed worth staying up for?

Think of it this way: There’s a gorgeous girl in your bed willing to have sex with you, hell let’s stretch it and say you there’s ten, do you think you would be feeling tired, even if you had a chit night’s sleep before? The brain would suppress tiredness to take advantage of this unique opportunity.

Obviously, with pron addiction, this opportunity happens every night. The dopamine produced from pron, and to a lesser extent YouTube or the internet in general, is telling your brain “this is something worth staying up for”. I suppose this creates conditioning where the evening is associated with stimulation, making it natural to suppress sleep to stretch out the pleasure window. The explanation for feeling more tired is not quite as simple as that but I do think it plays a significant part.

I think it illustrates how deeply addiction unknowingly impacts every aspect of your life. Considering it has been present since I was 11, it’s near impossible to accurately assess how much it is affecting me. What behaviours or feelings that I take for granted as part of ‘me’ are actually being severely influenced by my addiction? The true scale of the damage it has caused will not be clear until I am further along the road to recovery

[Cleveland33]

nice contribution

Good job, brother. Something similar happened to me last night. After 10 days of being too busy and tired for $ex with the wife, masturbation or any other jizz spewing activity, I noticed things. The cawk was hard as a fkn rock for well over half the night, and I'd wake up in a self-pitched tent every day before heading to work.

Last night, the wife grabbed my erect member firmly, lubed up her hand and my now fully engorged, throbbing meat missile, and slowly stroked from the tip all the way down my veiny shaft, and then all the way back up to the sensitive head. She didn't say a word and focused intently on the job at hand.

I felt that familiar sensation of pressure building in my very full balls, and she could obviously tell I was getting close to the edge, as the cawk was basically 1/3 larger than my normal erection. She squeezed it tighter and quickened the pace while I tried as hard as possible to hold back the impending explosion, but a man can only handle so much.

When I got past the point of no return, my orgasm was one of the most intense experiences in years. She pointed it at my face just as the first eruption of hot man seed shot out at such a velocity, that it flew clear over my head and hit the pillow leaning against the headboard, and the next shot landed on my beard, which made her giggle. The rest splattered all over my chest, belly and in my bellybutton, and seemed to never stop coming.

Anyways, good job, brother. Hopefully you reach whatever goal you're trying to achieve, without causing permanent ED issues.

I found similar results but increasing porn and fapping but not ejaculating

sounds like a high test win to me

indeed - Saturday through last night has been some serious marathon sessions for me -

[4Bertuzzi4]

I found similar results but increasing porn and fapping but not ejaculating

Indeed, it felt similar to several of the edging sessions I used to immensely enjoy many moons ago. Haven't actually had much distance on my shots since my late 30's... Was a nice surprise.

[SirFapsAIot]

nice contribution

indeed - Saturday through last night has been some serious marathon sessions for me -

thanks brah, mirin' dedication srs

just LMAO at these retards causing future prostate issues for themselves

[Cleveland33]

thanks brah, mirin' dedication srs

just LMAO at these retards causing future prostate issues for themselves

never met an alleged porn addict that can't rattle off a few of his favorite scenes

[artdecade]

thanks brah, mirin' dedication srs

just LMAO at these retards causing future prostate issues for themselves

mirin' your dedication for trolling tbf, rare for a guy in his 40s to be so online

[Cleveland33]

mirin' your dedication for trolling tbf, rare for a guy in his 40s to be so online

says the guy pretending to be addicted to porn

[artdecade]

Day 60 - Wow, two months now. A pretty momentous milestone and I’m proud to have reached it. I’ve had to show tremendous grit to persist through the tough moments so I really feel I’ve earned my right to be here. Two-thirds of the way to the initial 90 Day Goal now. Important to repeat though that I’m still relatively early in the process. As I’ve said many times, I need to get beyond 90 days, likely nearer to 180, before I can start to expect serious healing to have taken place.

Dealing with some sexual frustration at the moment, probably not too surprising after 60 days of abstaining. Last night I was quite tempted to masturbate but I held strong. I want to phuck so badly but it's still not translating into a massive increase of effort in making that happen. Part of me is still scared of the risks that come with it, such as rejection and awkward feelings. I am confident this aspect will improve. The opportunities are there, it’s all about my mindset.

The dating apps are definitely a trigger. I am better at using them properly atm, hopefully have a date on Sunday, but it’s been interesting to see how quickly my expectations and 'possession' grows with a girl on these ****ing apps. It's amazing how the feeling immediately shifts from it being a nice boost to becoming fearful of losing what I've just gained. My approach to messaging them goes from carefree during the initial messages, usually allowing me to be pretty charming, to very intense where every message has the potential to **** up my chances.

For example, this girl (quite cute) popped up out of nowhere yesterday on one of the apps. Have to admit I gave a great line and she asked me to go for a drink. We agreed on Sunday. This experience was a pleasant surprise, nice validation and leaves reason to be gently optimistic. Yet my feeling has now turned to defence mode, feeling slightly vulnerable to squandering the date and already feeling this sense that if it doesn't happen it will be some sort of loss to me. All this despite me not even knowing she existed this time yesterday!

It’s natural to some extent. An animal will become instantly protective of newly gained territory, and I suppose it’s the same deep-rooted mechanism playing itself out. But it’s a deleterious way of living, fostering a constant fluctuation of loss and gain, and a precarious state of mind, which is not particularly helpful. Living an unending territorial struggle wears even the strongest mind down eventually.

I am somewhat untangling myself from the idea that I can only meet someone through these apps. It’s been my only source of dates since I graduated from university and I have grown to subconsciously believe it would be impossible to meet someone elsewhere. That certainly nurtures a dependency and creates a sense of panic when they're not reliably producing opportunities. I remember back in December I thought I had been shadow banned from Tinder and Hinge. I was genuinely terrified because I couldn't see how I was ever going to have sex again.

Now I am starting to realise that this is not my only option. True, it is my most convenient option. It's the Deliveroo version of pussy. It takes out much of the guesswork away. You know already that these girls are single and open to meeting. And it does shield the pain of rejection by having it sit inside a screen, generating the same experience as playing a video game (or, of course, watching pron). It is easy to see how dependency can develop, especially for someone who feels isolated and anxious.

However it is absolutely ridiculous for me to actually believe that it’s my only way of meeting girls - but believe it I quite clearly did.

What seems to have been the biggest limiter for me is the jobs I've worked. That tends to (rightly or wrongly) be the main way people meet potential partners. In the five full-time jobs I've had since university none of them, for various reasons, have been good places for meeting women. I've been unlucky. I'm not sure I'm going to jump straight back into an office job, thinking of taking some short term roles until I develop a clear plan. But, either way, it's reasonable to expect better conditions in the future that could breed romantic opportunities. Social clubs are another route which I need to re-explore. By whatever capacity I can muster, I need to be out and about so I’m in with a shout.

Honestly, a lengthy break away from these apps would probably be a good idea but I am hesitant to do so. Doing that would feel like admitting that sex is definitely not on the cards in the immediate future. Yet it would probably let me re-assess my use of these apps and give myself an opportunity to see what life would be like without them. I am in two minds about this.

Anyway, I’ll think more about it over the next few days. Today, I’m just going to pat myself on the back for reaching two months on my streak. I’ll get my head down and keep going