The No Contact Thread v3.0: I'll Hug You Bro No Homo.

[TallSaint]

Thanks, gents


It helped me a lot, too...so much support from everyone who was a part of it...fast forward 3 years later, and still the same amount of great support, just from different people


I've got a question for you...do you believe exes can be friends in a truly platonic sense? Because I have tried a few times before, but it has NEVER worked out. There is always some lingering tension, or stubborn remnants from the past still at play. Based on my experiences, I'm solidly in the camp of believing exes cannot be friends in the truest sense...however, they can remain friendly in certain cases.

To be completely honest with you, this will be the first time in my that I'm life trying to be friends with someone who hurt me really bad in a dating sense. I usually believe in cutting my losses and moving on but the situation is different here. She was probably the only girl I would say I fell in love with since my ex (the one that caused me to come to the first NC thread).

The thing is, I can't really avoid this girl. We play in a mutual year round sports league and I'm friends with most of the people there and quitting is not something I'm willing to do. So I am willing to look past her cheating on me 2 months ago to keep things friendly and enjoyable for both of us when we se each there. The first two weeks we saw each other at the league after I initiated NC was super awkward and uncomfortable.

But I draw the line at getting romantically involved with her again, as I mentioned, her lifestyle is self-destructive and she plays so many mind games, and me getting involved in it would just be traumatic.

I would like to believe we can go back to being friends like we were before all this happened. The boundaries I have places around her by not getting romantically involved definitely feels weird and obviously we don't flirt and compliment each other like we used to, but they are there for a reason and I won't back down from them regardless of what she wants in the future. For now it seems to be working though.

[daisygirl713]

The thing is, I can't really avoid this girl. We play in a mutual year round sports league and I'm friends with most of the people there and quitting is not something I'm willing to do.
So I am willing to look past her cheating on me 2 months ago to keep things friendly and enjoyable for both of us when we se each there.

I understand...you want to keep things cordial, for the sake of everyone involved in your communal activity, as opposed to having everything go to sh!t because of you two...

However-

I would like to believe we can go back to being friends like we were before all this happened. The boundaries I have places around her by not getting romantically involved definitely feels weird and obviously we don't flirt and compliment each other like we used to, but they are there for a reason and I won't back down from them regardless of what she wants in the future. For now it seems to be working though.

This is EXACTLY what I mean by only a step away from falling back into what you were. Do not forget, how thin the cloak of civility is, amongst us all. It takes but a step, for us to revert back to our most primordial states. Push a little beyond your set-in-stone boundaries, and you two will reverse back to old rituals.
Don't kid yourself into thinking you are so far removed, that you're safe...no one is safe with an ex [unless their ex has transformed completely into Jabba the Hutt]. I only say this so harshly because I care about you, and I don't want to see you walk into the lion's den blindly, only to be devoured later...

[AlSwearengens]

I just realized today is 4 weeks of NC. It was difficult the first 2-2.5 weeks, been easier the last week or so to stay strong. Keeping busy, focusing on my purpose. Stay Strong my fellow NC'ers

[ReflexReform]

I've got a question for you...do you believe exes can be friends in a truly platonic sense? Because I have tried a few times before, but it has NEVER worked out. There is always some lingering tension, or stubborn remnants from the past still at play. Based on my experiences, I'm solidly in the camp of believing exes cannot be friends in the truest sense...however, they can remain friendly in certain cases.

In very few cases it is possible. I would say a fling is more likely to result in friendship than a LTR. Simply because that bond has not been created yet and you are still in the getting to know eachother phase.

The other possibility would be if you were good friends before dating and both parties decided it was best just to be friends as they were before dating, but it has to be a somewhat amicable breakup.

I see it more reasonable to remain friendly and perhaps down the road when both sides have lived their lives a bit and grown in different ways; then perhaps friendship or even restarting the relationship would be more probable.

[ReflexReform]

To be completely honest with you, this will be the first time in my that I'm life trying to be friends with someone who hurt me really bad in a dating sense. I usually believe in cutting my losses and moving on but the situation is different here. She was probably the only girl I would say I fell in love with since my ex (the one that caused me to come to the first NC thread).

The thing is, I can't really avoid this girl. We play in a mutual year round sports league and I'm friends with most of the people there and quitting is not something I'm willing to do. So I am willing to look past her cheating on me 2 months ago to keep things friendly and enjoyable for both of us when we se each there. The first two weeks we saw each other at the league after I initiated NC was super awkward and uncomfortable.

But I draw the line at getting romantically involved with her again, as I mentioned, her lifestyle is self-destructive and she plays so many mind games, and me getting involved in it would just be traumatic.

I would like to believe we can go back to being friends like we were before all this happened. The boundaries I have places around her by not getting romantically involved definitely feels weird and obviously we don't flirt and compliment each other like we used to, but they are there for a reason and I won't back down from them regardless of what she wants in the future. For now it seems to be working though.

I would suggest just being friendly with her. Not keeping in touch, not hanging out one on one, not going out of you way to talk to her. Just hi and bye, personally I would avoid any contact with her for a few months if possible until the emotions blow over or until you meet someone new or she is in a relationship. There will be remnants on both sides and you don't want to risk slipping back into that pool of acid that may look like a cool oasis in a time of need. Tread carefully brah.
Since you are in the same circle just be somewhere else (mentally) when you see her for a while (if you MUST see her) obviously she gave your heart a good beating, we don't want to see you back here in worse shape than you have been lately.

[crazymofo01]

So we met up for a coffee, then a drive and a short walk to check out a restaurant. We had a pretty good talk about things, faults we both contributed to the relationship and decided to give it another go. We laid out some guidelines for one another, all reasonable and pretty normal, trust, complete transparency, a few other things but decided to see how it goes.

I honestly wasn't sure what to expect when walking into this and not entirely sure she did either but after talking and just being totally honest about everything we both decided we'd give it a try. No pressure was applied by either one of us to the other. After I dropped her off we talked on the phone for almost two hours. Will see how things go, that's about all I can do.

I'll still stick around this thread as it's invaluable and thanks to all the brahs that supported me and gave me good advice. Side note again but she did say the email I sent is what really did get to her and why she contacted me.

[kirkster501]

So we met up for a coffee, then a drive and a short walk to check out a restaurant. We had a pretty good talk about things, faults we both contributed to the relationship and decided to give it another go. We laid out some guidelines for one another, all reasonable and pretty normal, trust, complete transparency, a few other things but decided to see how it goes.

I honestly wasn't sure what to expect when walking into this and not entirely sure she did either but after talking and just being totally honest about everything we both decided we'd give it a try. No pressure was applied by either one of us to the other. After I dropped her off we talked on the phone for almost two hours. Will see how things go, that's about all I can do.

I'll still stick around this thread as it's invaluable and thanks to all the brahs that supported me and gave me good advice. Side note again but she did say the email I sent is what really did get to her and why she contacted me.

Man, I salute you. Takes balls to go back and I think you are doing the right thing in your case. Pleased for you brah, made my day!
Whatever you do try to learn something from when you were split and the reasons that made it happen. You DID do something right for 14 years brah. Look towards those good things and do them more moving forward. Don't be needy or clingy and respect her space. I made that mistake once after a reconciliation. Because of the fear of a split happening again I "overcompensated" and was too nice. Don't let that happen dude - you're a proud man, a catch, always be mindful of that man.

Keep us in the loop how you move forward dude. Best of luck!!!!!!!

[kirkster501]

Right, I agree on many points...albeit one point- even if you were good friends prior to dating- been there, done that. Once you cross over into intimate dating, all bets are off, and the whole landscape has changed. If it was Jurassic Park before, it's Animal Planet now...the same premise, but completely different players & dynamics. Simply cannot translate

Men and women think differently on this one. Women are in control of their emotions more as a general rule (despite what Hollywood would have us believe) and can make a distinction between sex and a friend of the opposite sex. Men find this difficult, especially when involving an ex who you were very intimate with and shared great times.

if you want this man again, or harbour a desire to be with him again at some future point - be honest to yourself in your heart - I counsel you that you should NOT be his friend (so will all relationship experts). He can have ALL OF YOU OR NONE OF YOU. "Friends" is not on the table. Even if you can say in your heart that you DO NOT want to be with him again, is being his "friend" such a good idea? Can you honestly say that when in the future he tells you about his new girlfriend you will be totally at ease with that?

My EX who I am on NC from asked me to be her friend and I told her no way, in no uncertain terms. The dumped party concedes all power, influence and control to the dumper by hanging around as a lame-duck friend. It is a pathetic surrender of your core values and principles to agree to being a friend after being dumped. No way man in my case. I still have feelings for her; I could never be just a friend - I would want to feel her, touch her, love her and have sex with her. I wanted to work at things and she would not agree to that when we split up. So I told her if she does not want me as a lover then she cannot have me at all and she has to suffer the consequences of her decision to end wth me with the subsequent risk I will be moving on. Period. THAT WAS HER CHOICE. Man, she will respect me more for that and if there's any future chance of reconciliation this strategy will lend itself to that objective more readily than hanging around like a desperate, loser friend - leaving her a Plan B.

Think and make the right decision!

[TallSaint]

I understand...you want to keep things cordial, for the sake of everyone involved in your communal activity, as opposed to having everything go to sh!t because of you two...

However-

This is EXACTLY what I mean by only a step away from falling back into what you were. Do not forget, how thin the cloak of civility is, amongst us all. It takes but a step, for us to revert back to our most primordial states. Push a little beyond your set-in-stone boundaries, and you two will reverse back to old rituals.
Don't kid yourself into thinking you are so far removed, that you're safe...no one is safe with an ex [unless their ex has transformed completely into Jabba the Hutt]. I only say this so harshly because I care about you, and I don't want to see you walk into the lion's den blindly, only to be devoured later...

You are absolutely right about this.

I would be lying if I said there isn't a part of me that hopes that if I keep her in my life that something may happen in the future and we can be together. It's impossible to deny. Then there's the feeling of being really betrayed and knowing that I shouldn't ever get involved with her again. I can't say what would happen if I was put into a vulnerable situation with her...but I'm just trying to avoid it at the moment.

One poster pointed out a few weeks back after she told me the truth about what she did that she obviously doesn't care about or respect me. Those words hit hard, but they are probably the truth. I'm just having a hard time coming to grip this truth, because at I really care about her.

I would suggest just being friendly with her. Not keeping in touch, not hanging out one on one, not going out of you way to talk to her. Just hi and bye, personally I would avoid any contact with her for a few months if possible until the emotions blow over or until you meet someone new or she is in a relationship. There will be remnants on both sides and you don't want to risk slipping back into that pool of acid that may look like a cool oasis in a time of need. Tread carefully brah.
Since you are in the same circle just be somewhere else (mentally) when you see her for a while (if you MUST see her) obviously she gave your heart a good beating, we don't want to see you back here in worse shape than you have been lately.

I see her weekly and I actually look forward to seeing her. She can't make it this week, but I didn't text her or anything asking why she can't be there. I decided to just leave it and play with my other friends.

I'll try to have as minimal contact with her as I can, I won't see her for another week at least so hopefully I can formulate some sort of plan for it.

[gamehendge]

Man, I salute you. Takes balls to go back and I think you are doing the right thing in your case. Pleased for you brah, made my day!
Whatever you do try to learn something from when you were split and the reasons that made it happen. You DID do something right for 14 years brah. Look towards those good things and do them more moving forward. Don't be needy or clingy and respect her space. I made that mistake once after a reconciliation. Because of the fear of a split happening again I "overcompensated" and was too nice. Don't let that happen dude - you're a proud man, a catch, always be mindful of that man.

Keep us in the loop how you move forward dude. Best of luck!!!!!!!

+1. Always leave your options open. Keep healing yourself through this time and make sure that if the worst is to happen that you have your options. Don't let your life revolve around her for your happiness. Make sure she is just a compliment to your life. Diving back in is easier to do than it sounds, it can just happen. Do try to take an objective approach. Peace & prosperity to you, bro! I really hope it works for you!

[ReflexReform]

So we met up for a coffee, then a drive and a short walk to check out a restaurant. We had a pretty good talk about things, faults we both contributed to the relationship and decided to give it another go. We laid out some guidelines for one another, all reasonable and pretty normal, trust, complete transparency, a few other things but decided to see how it goes.

I honestly wasn't sure what to expect when walking into this and not entirely sure she did either but after talking and just being totally honest about everything we both decided we'd give it a try. No pressure was applied by either one of us to the other. After I dropped her off we talked on the phone for almost two hours. Will see how things go, that's about all I can do.

I'll still stick around this thread as it's invaluable and thanks to all the brahs that supported me and gave me good advice. Side note again but she did say the email I sent is what really did get to her and why she contacted me.

Congrats bro. Glad something positive came out of it for ya. As long as you are happy man that's all that matters. After being together that long it only makes sense to try and work it out given no serious harm was done on either side. Wish you the best in this new chapter. Hope it all works out in your favor man.
Question: what was the basis of the email you sent (just wondering since it was such a tide turner).

[kirkster501]

+1. Always leave your options open. Keep healing yourself through this time and make sure that if the worst is to happen that you have your options. Don't let your life revolve around her for your happiness. Make sure she is just a compliment to your life. Diving back in is easier to do than it sounds, it can just happen. Do try to take an objective approach. Peace & prosperity to you, bro! I really hope it works for you!

Man, it is REALLY phucking important not to just go back to the way things were. Something was wrong and it busted you apart. Don't let that happen again.

I really suggest the book "Being a 3 percent man" by Corey Wayne. It's transformed the way I think about relationships and I so, so wished I'd read it three months ago before I got dumped. It is essential reading for men and women searching for and pursuing successful and loving relationships. I read it twice now within a week and I am following what he says about getting an EX back (essentially tell her to contact me again if she changes her mind and then walk away and never look back. If she misses me she will call).
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W_cnbV_OSi4

I am not wanting to get her back at all costs far from it. I just want to leave the door open to her if she should choose to take it. Meanwhile I will be looking elsewhere.

I suggest this book to all you brahs. It costs a few bucks for kindle version.

[kirkster501]

Congrats bro. Glad something positive came out of it for ya. As long as you are happy man that's all that matters. After being together that long it only makes sense to try and work it out given no serious harm was done on either side. Wish you the best in this new chapter. Hope it all works out in your favor man.
Question: what was the basis of the email you sent (just wondering since it was such a tide turner).

+1
Really pleased for you crazymofo01. Keep us in the loop how things pan out over the coming days and weeks.

[daisygirl713]

Men and women think differently on this one. Women are in control of their emotions more as a general rule (despite what Hollywood would have us believe) and can make a distinction between sex and a friend of the opposite sex. Men find this difficult, especially when involving an ex who you were very intimate with and shared great times.!

Thanks for the good advice, but I actually AGREE with you...I don't think you can be friends with an ex! You can be friendly, in some cases, but not actual friends. At least, that's been my experience. I was asking TallSaint about the whole 'friends with an ex' concept, because he mentioned he wanted to be friends with his ex [it wasn't regarding myself]

You are absolutely right about this.
I would be lying if I said there isn't a part of me that hopes that if I keep her in my life that something may happen in the future and we can be together. It's impossible to deny. Then there's the feeling of being really betrayed and knowing that I shouldn't ever get involved with her again. I can't say what would happen if I was put into a vulnerable situation with her...but I'm just trying to avoid it at the moment.

One poster pointed out a few weeks back after she told me the truth about what she did that she obviously doesn't care about or respect me. Those words hit hard, but they are probably the truth. I'm just having a hard time coming to grip this truth, because at I really care about her.

Right, I mean you're not really 'friends' if you are hoping that somewhere down the line, getting close again will lead to reconciliation. You're just investing time and emotional intimacy for a greater end goal...Anyway, what happened between you two? I'm unaware of your situation with her...what did she do that signified disrespect?

[crazymofo01]

Man, I salute you. Takes balls to go back and I think you are doing the right thing in your case. Pleased for you brah, made my day!
Whatever you do try to learn something from when you were split and the reasons that made it happen. You DID do something right for 14 years brah. Look towards those good things and do them more moving forward. Don't be needy or clingy and respect her space. I made that mistake once after a reconciliation. Because of the fear of a split happening again I "overcompensated" and was too nice. Don't let that happen dude - you're a proud man, a catch, always be mindful of that man.

Keep us in the loop how you move forward dude. Best of luck!!!!!!!

Definitely. We basically aren't writing off the 14 years but we aren't trying to replicate it either. The goal is to rebuild upon a solid foundation. Really time will tell but at least I know we are attempting to do it right now.

+1. Always leave your options open. Keep healing yourself through this time and make sure that if the worst is to happen that you have your options. Don't let your life revolve around her for your happiness. Make sure she is just a compliment to your life. Diving back in is easier to do than it sounds, it can just happen. Do try to take an objective approach. Peace & prosperity to you, bro! I really hope it works for you!

I am all in but yes for sure I will mentally keep myself in check.. just in case. Before she was my life but now I want to define myself on my own and like you said have her compliment it and me to hers also.

Congrats bro. Glad something positive came out of it for ya. As long as you are happy man that's all that matters. After being together that long it only makes sense to try and work it out given no serious harm was done on either side. Wish you the best in this new chapter. Hope it all works out in your favor man.
Question: what was the basis of the email you sent (just wondering since it was such a tide turner).

The years really do take their toll, it's worth a shot. I'd say we owe it to ourselves to at least try. Shoot me a PM and i'll give you a run down of the email but really I was just brutally honest but not in a needy way nor did I try to persuade her. She said the email really got to her, her friend who initially was supporting her to stay strong and not to contact me told her maybe she should after she read the email.

Man, it is REALLY phucking important not to just go back to the way things were. Something was wrong and it busted you apart. Don't let that happen again.

I really suggest the book "Being a 3 percent man" by Corey Wayne. It's transformed the way I think about relationships and I so, so wished I'd read it three months ago before I got dumped. It is essential reading for men and women searching for and pursuing successful and loving relationships. I read it twice now within a week and I am following what he says about getting an EX back (essentially tell her to contact me again if she changes her mind and then walk away and never look back. If she misses me she will call).
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W_cnbV_OSi4

I am not wanting to get her back at all costs far from it. I just want to leave the door open to her if she should choose to take it. Meanwhile I will be looking elsewhere.

I suggest this book to all you brahs. It costs a few bucks for kindle version.

+1
Really pleased for you crazymofo01. Keep us in the loop how things pan out over the coming days and weeks.

Thanks bro I will look into it.

During the coffee meet she noticed(and i) all the subtle differences between one another when we met up last night, she quickly commented I cut my hair, she noticed i'm wearing a gold chain again(stopped for a long time, tucked in not out!). I think projecting a positive image really did help, she did the same as well and I took notice. Key was also just keeping the conversation light at times, making jokes, getting her to laugh. Aside from that she called and texted me this morning. I'll keep everyone posted. Thanks again brahs, you guys gave me a ton of support and will pay it forward.

[ManKo91]

Our situations are so close I feel like I am the one typing your messages lol. Same situation here, heart says we will work things out in time, head tells me to move the phuck on. Her mom and friends justify her decision completely, they act like I am some sort of loser and will never amount to anything telling her I don't deserve a second of her time. She has continuously put me down after the break up every time I contact her. Her friends(have never even met me) but post derogatory things about me on her ********. I just tell myself that I will become something that will make these peoples jaws drop and I will prove every single one of them wrong not for their benefit in any way but for me. They may not regret it now or even soon because of their support group, but you better phucking believe that she will look you up throughout her life and if you make some serious life changes she will regret it.

Just like your situation, I have not been in a position to get a solid job. I don't have money to go take classes or join a club or anything either. If you are looking for things to do without money that will help pull you out of this chit- I do calisthenics at my house as a workout instead of hitting the gym. On top of working out regularly every time I think of her I do 50 pushups and 50 situps. Volunteer for charity work (helping other people makes you feel good about yourself). Go to church, get out of your comfort zone maybe even join the choir (women love guys that can sing who cares if you aren't phucking Usher or some chit, at least you put yourself out there). Reconnect with old friends. Make new friends. Go to the library and read. Learn something new. You just gotta get creative and remember you are doing this for YOU not for her. And you never know there may be someone at church that can hook you up with a job, just gotta get out there and start networking.

Become someone that the next time she sees you she will regret leaving you. Yeah she might not ever be the same and neither will you, but that isn't always a bad thing. Both me and you made these girls the center of our lives and we realize that was a mistake, so we need to make ourselves the center of our lives and focus on our own future. You are right, the only way to face tough moments in life is by yourself; because it is your life and no one else's. So come out of this with a fresh mindset and become the best version of yourself possible. Forget all the b.s she is throwing at you, kicking you while you are down. That is some low chit and you know it doesn't reflect who you are, it reflects who SHE is.

I am telling you man, if you pull out of this and become a WHOLE person (not needing anyone to fill that void in your life) who loves yourself as much as you loved this girl she will regret leaving you at some point. Not gonna lie, going through this breakup breaking down all the time at random times and rough spot in my life at the same time. I literally cried the first time I tried to look in the mirror and tell myself "i love you". Sounds corny as **** but that should be something you do every single morning, because no one will love you more than you love yourself.

Just remember, failure itself does not define you as a person. It is how you react to it that defines you. So you gotta get the phuck up, get the phuck out there and make life your bish.

Same here, I’ve been in a long distance relation for 4-5 years. She was my best friend, my partner, and we shared all our hobbies. She loved weightlifting just like me, camping, cooking, travelling… But distance made all fall apart. I guess it was never going to work...but I have so many good memories that it is hard to move on. Together we travelled to so many places, went camping, explored the UK, Italy, and Spain...

She broke up with me at the end of December 2015, and we didn’t talk with each other since that. We had so many plans for the future, so many trips in mind, a business that we wanted to create, and a power lifting competition where we were going to lift together.

Its true that we argued more during the last year than before, and that distance was too much and made things very hard. She had some problems and I did as well, and distance made hard to support each other. When we met we were young, still studying at university, and didn’t have responsibilities, and we had more free time. We were from different countries in Europe, and we used to play lot of games together on steam, while on Skype, and see each other every 3 months during 2 weeks. We used to travel to a place and explore it together, then back to the routine. But when we started to work, it became harder to find the time to do our trips…

My main regret is that I feel we can’t be together due to the distance and only that; we were truly compatible and a very good team. I think she realized that it was impossible, and that after those years, she wanted something else in her life, maybe settle down, move on, and I couldn’t offer her that yet. She was a very smart girl, and probably this is the best for both of us in the long term, but I’m going to miss her.

[miscking21]

been 2 weeks NC now, im pretty much over it but there's that night here and there where i think about it and get nostalgic. i think give it about 2-3 more weeks and i'll be pretty much over it. also started tinder a few days ago and been talking to a few girls but it's just not the same lol. i had a feeling she would contact me but its been 2 weeks and no sign of it, which is for the best so i dont do anything stupid and be tempted to contact her back

[kirkster501]

been 2 weeks NC now, im pretty much over it but there's that night here and there where i think about it and get nostalgic. i think give it about 2-3 more weeks and i'll be pretty much over it. also started tinder a few days ago and been talking to a few girls but it's just not the same lol. i had a feeling she would contact me but its been 2 weeks and no sign of it, which is for the best so i dont do anything stupid and be tempted to contact her back

Two weeks is no time at all, don't be so impatient. I'd be worried if she DID contact you again that quickly. She needs time to miss you and revaluate her feelings for you - only time can do that dude. She'll only do that if there's attraction still left. If she is a biatch then best be rid of her and move on. If she isn't then hold out and don't contact her - don' phuck up like I did last week and reach out to a breadcrumb text she might send.

https://www.reddit.com/r/ExNoContact...o_breadcrumbs/

[Flexish]

Side note again but she did say the email I sent is what really did get to her and why she contacted me.

And to think it was accidental. I'm really, really happy for you! I hope it works out for you both and your bond is stronger than before.

Well. Tomorrow begins a fresh new month and still no reply from him... I haven't felt the same as I initially felt (down, depressed, tears) and it's just over a week so things are still fresh... I still hope he reaches out but if he wont, I made peace with that. He should be the one jumping through hoops since his dishonesty ended all this so I won't play the role of the "begger."

Hang in there, guys!

[miscking21]

Two weeks is no time at all, don't be so impatient. I'd be worried if she DID contact you again that quickly. She needs time to miss you and revaluate her feelings for you - only time can do that dude. She'll only do that if there's attraction still left. If she is a biatch then best be rid of her and move on. If she isn't then hold out and don't contact her - don' phuck up like I did last week and reach out to a breadcrumb text she might send.

https://www.reddit.com/r/ExNoContact...o_breadcrumbs/

thanks brah, your words helped me.

[kirkster501]

And to think it was accidental. I'm really, really happy for you! I hope it works out for you both and your bond is stronger than before.

Well. Tomorrow begins a fresh new month and still no reply from him...

Hang in there, guys!

You're doing great! Hold on in there! The hare and the tortoise remember...... He will reach out if there is still attraction. They always do, guys and gals......

[crazymofo01]

And to think it was accidental. I'm really, really happy for you! I hope it works out for you both and your bond is stronger than before.

Well. Tomorrow begins a fresh new month and still no reply from him... I haven't felt the same as I initially felt (down, depressed, tears) and it's just over a week so things are still fresh... I still hope he reaches out but if he wont, I made peace with that. He should be the one jumping through hoops since his dishonesty ended all this so I won't play the role of the "begger."

Hang in there, guys!

Yes I was really debating sending the email for quite some time but mostly not. I just kept editing it and tweeking it, deleting it and re-doing it. I was glad as soon as I sent it because I felt a weight was lifted and I had don't all I could do. I didn't even expect a reply but glad it worked out but it will require constant work from now onwards from both of us. I will do my part and try and be a better me, all I can really do and I'd expect the same from her also.

The feelings will come and go in waves just keep your head up. It is still pretty early he may still contact you but you don't want to keep thinking he will either. Just do you and then do you some more and he may just surprise you. Let more time pass and your perspective on things may also change.

Inbox is always open for you or anyone. This thread literally kept me sane when I was going off the rails at times.

[kirkster501]

Yes I was really debating sending the email for quite some time but mostly not. I just kept editing it and tweeking it, deleting it and re-doing it. I was glad as soon as I sent it because I felt a weight was lifted and I had don't all I could do. I didn't even expect a reply but glad it worked out but it will require constant work from now onwards from both of us. I will do my part and try and be a better me, all I can really do and I'd expect the same from her also.

The feelings will come and go in waves just keep your head up. It is still pretty early he may still contact you but you don't want to keep thinking he will either. Just do you and then do you some more and he may just surprise you. Let more time pass and your perspective on things may also change.

Inbox is always open for you or anyone. This thread literally kept me sane when I was going off the rails at times.

Brah, look, think of it this way. Your body takes WORK right? Training requires WORK and EFFORT. Your career requires WORK right? So WTF should it be any different for the most important person in your life? Your WOMAN!!!!!!! She needs WORK as well. Never take her for granted. Same for the girls, never take your guy for granted. Relationships are so precious brahs, lets cherish them and let's not phuck up any more!!!!!!

[ReflexReform]

Why would you want a person like that by your side, anyway? Think about it. What quality of life would you lead if you had a partner who was against you in the battles of your life, instead of with you? There is a famous Harvard study on what makes a good life...and the conclusion was good relationships. How do you measure a good relationship? According to the study, it was based on knowing that you had someone who helps shoulder the burdens of life, weather the storms with you, and when the going gets tough, stands by you. They don't berate you or tear you down, they lift you up, and you know you can count on them, always!

Real talk- your ex sounds like the opposite of that. Do you think when the chips are down, you'd really want someone like that by your side? Someone you can't lean on, someone who makes you feel like sh!t about yourself, instead of showing you all of the good in you, even when you've forgotten it yourself?

You are better off without her. I'm sure your head already knows that, but it's about time your heart starts accepting that truth, too.

Just stumbled upon this reply. Bout to give you the rundown, a short story if you will.

The weird thing is, she was exactly that person and then just flipped. She was the one trying to lift me up and I suppose she just didn't see that the work she was putting in was paying off. Admittedly I was in a chit position for the better part of a year. But what really gets to me is that she did this whole 180 as soon as things were beginning to pan out and I was pulling myself out of the cycle of depression I was stuck in (because of my situation).
Now she did tell me straight up that she felt like she was putting in all this effort and it seemed like it wasn't helping me at all so she felt it was a waste of time. But there was never any convo about that "during" the relationship. She just flipped one day and started ignoring me.

All in all my priorities were all messed up and Instead of looking for any job I could find I for some reason (in this self destructive mindset I was in) found it more constructive to stay in a miserable unemployed situation to help motivate me to fast track my way into the military any way possible to get out of the situation and area I was stuck in.

So after the breakup I went and got the first job I could find. Got a new cell (because my old plan was ridiculous like 160/Mo.) Made changes and she seemed even more pissed exclaiming "why couldn't you do this 6months ago??". So I thought getting into the military should have been top priority and just did side jobs when I guess she wanted me to be working at a legit place of employment. Either way I didn't think our relationship was riding on me working at McDonalds or landscaping self employed. I figured I was "trying" to make moves for my future that would benefit both of us more in the long run. Just went about it in an immature way. So yeah I could see how that wasn't so appealing in her eyes. But she knew who I was and what my goals were.

I was going to move in with her and join the reserves.... But she tried to break up with me over the smallest misunderstanding (pertaining to new guy friends she was picking up while in training in another state) so that made me a bit uneasy about moving cross country to be with her where I know nobody and would have been depending on her for a place to stay. Where as I was sure I would not leave her, I figured it better for her to be the one chasing me and moving to be with me since she began to seem a bit shifty.

Regardless this is where I'm at now. 2 solid months NC and not a peep from her since the breakup besides a few cold hearted replies, so I suppose in a sense you are right. She just gave up so easily out of nowhere over the course of the last month for seemingly no good reason at all. Actually though things were getting better the last week or two of the relationship.

[ThatzItBoiiiIiZ]

Jesus fuking Christ guys. I had to see her yesterday. For the first couple of hours it was just breaking my heart being with her as we sorted out the bond situation. Then at the end she asks if I'm seeing anyone and tells me that she's seeing someone. ****s sake the ****. This is the guy she cheated on me with and fukked the day we broke up. Then she justifies it by saying that in the last few months of our relationship it was "barely a real relationship". Such a fuking hurtful thing to say, I loved her so much and tried so hard. I feel so incredibly broken right now. Everything in my life is in ****ing shards and honestly this **** with her is just the tip of the iceberg. I wish to god I didn't care about her. I ****ing hate everything right now.

[ReflexReform]

Same here, I’ve been in a long distance relation for 4-5 years. She was my best friend, my partner, and we shared all our hobbies. She loved weightlifting just like me, camping, cooking, travelling… But distance made all fall apart. I guess it was never going to work...but I have so many good memories that it is hard to move on. Together we travelled to so many places, went camping, explored the UK, Italy, and Spain...

She broke up with me at the end of December 2015, and we didn’t talk with each other since that. We had so many plans for the future, so many trips in mind, a business that we wanted to create, and a power lifting competition where we were going to lift together.

Its true that we argued more during the last year than before, and that distance was too much and made things very hard. She had some problems and I did as well, and distance made hard to support each other. When we met we were young, still studying at university, and didn’t have responsibilities, and we had more free time. We were from different countries in Europe, and we used to play lot of games together on steam, while on Skype, and see each other every 3 months during 2 weeks. We used to travel to a place and explore it together, then back to the routine. But when we started to work, it became harder to find the time to do our trips…

My main regret is that I feel we can’t be together due to the distance and only that; we were truly compatible and a very good team. I think she realized that it was impossible, and that after those years, she wanted something else in her life, maybe settle down, move on, and I couldn’t offer her that yet. She was a very smart girl, and probably this is the best for both of us in the long term, but I’m going to miss her.

Same here man. Everything from similar interests in workibg out to wanting to start a graphic design business together. Due to financial issues though we didn't really get to see each other hardly at all the last year and did not get to do a lot together even though we were completely compatible and had so many plans for when things did turn around I guess she just figured she wanted someone she could be with and physically be around. I didn't think I would ever meet someone so compatible with me, but she went out of my life as fast as she came into it. Given we met in training in the military so it was kind of a college atmosphere and everything was like being back in highschool. But I guess when reality began to sink in the waiting was too hard for her.

The chitty part in my situation was that literally the week we broke up I was trying to make plans to move to be with her. I had everything mapped out in my mind and was going to discuss the specifics with her in person during our next visit which I was trying to plan out. She agreed to the visit said it would be good for us to see each other. Then literally an hour later turns around and says visiting isn't a good idea and we should take a break. Chit hit me like a sack of bricks and needles. Couple that with the fact a few weeks prior she was saying maybe we should date other people. Bathing in a pool of paranahs would have probably felt refreshing at that moment.

Perhaps it was the more mature move to end it, but I figure you only find a connection like that so often. I suppose it was for the best, at least for the moment and perhaps our paths will cross again at some point. Life is long and social media makes it very easy to reconnect with old flames. There is always a chance but I'm not holding any candles because that wax constantly dripping on your hands burns like a MF.

[ReflexReform]

Jesus fuking Christ guys. I had to see her yesterday. For the first couple of hours it was just breaking my heart being with her as we sorted out the bond situation. Then at the end she asks if I'm seeing anyone and tells me that she's seeing someone. ****s sake the ****. This is the guy she cheated on me with and fukked the day we broke up. Then she justifies it by saying that in the last few months of our relationship it was "barely a real relationship". Such a fuking hurtful thing to say, I loved her so much and tried so hard. I feel so incredibly broken right now. Everything in my life is in ****ing shards and honestly this **** with her is just the tip of the iceberg. I wish to god I didn't care about her. I ****ing hate everything right now.

I know that fuking feel brah. That chit stings like 1000 bees attacking your heart. But you need to focus on one thing and one thing only. SHE CHEATED!! Fuk that chit man. You deserve better and you know it. You have other chit going on in your life and you need to focus on YOU not this ungreatful ****. I had an ex that cheated, I loved her to death, but I eventually cane to terms with the fact that she didn't love me the same. And that is no way to live brah.

Trust me, get yourself together and make the world your bish. Work on yourself and don't even worry about women. The right one will find you when you are ready for her. And believe me it will be a much better experience than with this girl that had no problem throwing you to the wolves.

You have to forget the good chit with this girl and focus on the bad. Because she obviously is heartless. So focus on her cold black heart until she does not hold a reservation in your mind in any way.

[ManKo91]

Same here man. Everything from similar interests in workibg out to wanting to start a graphic design business together. Due to financial issues though we didn't really get to see each other hardly at all the last year and did not get to do a lot together even though we were completely compatible and had so many plans for when things did turn around I guess she just figured she wanted someone she could be with and physically be around. I didn't think I would ever meet someone so compatible with me, but she went out of my life as fast as she came into it. Given we met in training in the military so it was kind of a college atmosphere and everything was like being back in highschool. But I guess when reality began to sink in the waiting was too hard for her.

The chitty part in my situation was that literally the week we broke up I was trying to make plans to move to be with her. I had everything mapped out in my mind and was going to discuss the specifics with her in person during our next visit which I was trying to plan out. She agreed to the visit said it would be good for us to see each other. Then literally an hour later turns around and says visiting isn't a good idea and we should take a break. Chit hit me like a sack of bricks and needles. Couple that with the fact a few weeks prior she was saying maybe we should date other people. Bathing in a pool of paranahs would have probably felt refreshing at that moment.

Perhaps it was the more mature move to end it, but I figure you only find a connection like that so often. I suppose it was for the best, at least for the moment and perhaps our paths will cross again at some point. Life is long and social media makes it very easy to reconnect with old flames. There is always a chance but I'm not holding any candles because that wax constantly dripping on your hands burns like a MF.

In my case I’m almost 100% sure that I won’t see her again. If we were living in the same city, I think we could fix it. But now, being miles away from each other, I guess eventually we will forget about each other. And that is the hardest part.

The idea that I must forget about a person that I shared so much with, that all those memories, stories, adventures, days together will be forgotten. That one day we will probably be strangers, and barely know each other.

I know I must move on, move forward. But part of me doesn’t want to accept that, part of me wants to stay in the past, remembering, because accepting that its completely over, and those wonderful days will never come back is very hard. I guess when a beautiful relation ends, part of you dies there too. At least I feel that way. I feel Ill never be as happy with anyone else as I was with her.

[ReflexReform]

In my case I’m almost 100% sure that I won’t see her again. If we were living in the same city, I think we could fix it. But now, being miles away from each other, I guess eventually we will forget about each other. And that is the hardest part.

The idea that I must forget about a person that I shared so much with, that all those memories, stories, adventures, days together will be forgotten. That one day we will probably be strangers, and barely know each other.

I know I must move on, move forward. But part of me doesn’t want to accept that, part of me wants to stay in the past, remembering, because accepting that its completely over, and those wonderful days will never come back is very hard. I guess when a beautiful relation ends, part of you dies there too. At least I feel that way. I feel Ill never be as happy with anyone else as I was with her.

That is the sad truth and unfortunately the reality of the situation, that part of you dies with the relationship. The worst part with LDR's is the fact you build such a strong emotional bond, something that most couples in close distance do not even experience at all. They become your best friend, your emotional outlet, someone to run ideas by and so much more. There is a weird sense of closeness that you develop hundreds of miles a part and it feel like there is a hole that cannot be filled when they leave you for seemingly no good reason. You become a bit more cynical or jaded and sometimes it can change your whole outlook on life. I wouldn't say that you will ever forget about her, I still remember my first girlfriend very in depth (she was horribly abusive and that might have something to do with remembering, kind of like a dog who has been beaten will cower when you raise your hand, I have that same reaction when I see her picture online). But it doesn't mean she will never think of you and want to try again when her life is more calm. Hell, my dad just had an ex girlfriend from high school buy him the laptop I am typing on a week ago (because she got a huge inheritance) He has exes hitting him up left and right talking about how they regret dumping him, now that they are old and lonely.

Forward is the only way to go from here for both of us man. There is a sliver of a chance things could change down the road, but there is no light shining through that sliver at the moment. It is extremely hard to accept when there was no wrong done on either side, the circumstances were just fked up. It is a tough reality to face but we will get there eventually. I Imagine (rather hope) that it feels the same way on their end, that things did not NEED to end and could have probably worked out. I can't imagine they stuck it out long distance for any amount of time over 6 months just to say they don't give a chit if it ends or not.

We are gonna make it man. Life has a weird way of doing us favors that we see as hazards. There is always good with the bad and bad with the good. But nothing very good or very bad lasts for very long, this too shall pass but it will not be forgotten on either end. Considering our exes ended chit, that will weigh on their conscience and I couldn't imagine after having a strong connection in a LDR that they wouldn't want to reach out at some point. They would have to be satan to not look back and feel inclined to have something to do with us after building that kind of bond, especially once they realize it is hard to find/ develop with most people close distance you don't really get the same satisfaction as picking someone up at the airport you have been dying to see for months.

[ThatzItBoiiiIiZ]

I know that fuking feel brah. That chit stings like 1000 bees attacking your heart. But you need to focus on one thing and one thing only. SHE CHEATED!! Fuk that chit man. You deserve better and you know it. You have other chit going on in your life and you need to focus on YOU not this ungreatful ****. I had an ex that cheated, I loved her to death, but I eventually cane to terms with the fact that she didn't love me the same. And that is no way to live brah.

Trust me, get yourself together and make the world your bish. Work on yourself and don't even worry about women. The right one will find you when you are ready for her. And believe me it will be a much better experience than with this girl that had no problem throwing you to the wolves.

You have to forget the good chit with this girl and focus on the bad. Because she obviously is heartless. So focus on her cold black heart until she does not hold a reservation in your mind in any way.

Thanks man. It's so fukking hard to move on knowing that she is safe and not lonely, and I've got this huge black hole in my heart, starting a year in a hospital in a small town so I'm going to be busy at work and seriously not sure how I'm going to meet new people. Before I met her and had a relationship like this, it wouldn't have worried me, but I fukking miss having someone to message about anything and anytime, knowing that they care and will listen and that I am not alone. This **** sucks