motivate me!Serious-Mod protected thread!Forge3

**Metalbender00** · 08-23-2009, 05:55 PM

Ok here's a challenge for you... motivate me!

i am 29 year old alcoholic of 5 years, i have hypothyroidism, been on antidepressants for 5-6 years... anxiety medication for 3 years. i bought a house a year ago, and moved my girlfriend in with me, she has a 2 year old son that i love, but on the other hand he's constantly making noise or making his mother scream at him.. either way its driving me crazy. My girlfriend has put on so much weight i cants stand to **** her unless i am drunk, and if i kick her out i cant afford to pay my bills by myself.

The only time i feel good about myself is when i get a good workout in. but i have injured my right elbow.. and cant work my upper body at all. ive been binge drinking on a nightly basis for a few weeks now, i was once at 200 and now amd back to 213.. my cardio is so ****ing pathetic i cant hardly run without resting.

Every friend i have ever had that i truely trusted has ****ed me.. there fore i am socially withdrawn and really have no friends. right now there are only the following people in my life..

1: my father, i work with.. don't agree with the way he runs his business.. it looks like a junkyard and is completely inefficient, but i have 0 control.

2: my GF: who on the positive side, dose all the housework and laundry, but on the downside is fat and lazy, completely weak, will not offer any assistance in me getting sober, and dose not discipline her son because she is afraid to make him mad at her..

3 Gavin, he is 2, almost 3... adorable but ****ing annoying, its not his fault but so hard to handle, he dose not have a biological father..

4 john i work with.. he is slow, almost retarded.. a racist bigot that i could manipulate to do almost anything i want.

5 some random friends i can count on one hand... all of which come around when i rent the ufc ppv's and cook for them all.. all of which seem to be full of empty promises when it comes to helping me get sober..

end the end all i feel i have are my dog, and my weights, i cannot count on anyone but myself and i seem to let myself down a lot.

**Rick1824** · 08-23-2009, 06:27 PM

Originally Posted by Metalbender00

Ok here's a challenge for you... motivate me!

i am 29 year old alcoholic of 5 years, i have hypothyroidism, been on antidepressants for 5-6 years... anxiety medication for 3 years. i bought a house a year ago, and moved my girlfriend in with me, she has a 2 year old son that i love, but on the other hand he's constantly making noise or making his mother scream at him.. either way its driving me crazy. My girlfriend has put on so much weight i cants stand to **** her unless i am drunk, and if i kick her out i cant afford to pay my bills by myself.

The only time i feel good about myself is when i get a good workout in. but i have injured my right elbow.. and cant work my upper body at all. ive been binge drinking on a nightly basis for a few weeks now, i was once at 200 and now amd back to 213.. my cardio is so ****ing pathetic i cant hardly run without resting.

Every friend i have ever had that i truely trusted has ****ed me.. there fore i am socially withdrawn and really have no friends. right now there are only the following people in my life..

1: my father, i work with.. don't agree with the way he runs his business.. it looks like a junkyard and is completely inefficient, but i have 0 control.

2: my GF: who on the positive side, dose all the housework and laundry, but on the downside is fat and lazy, completely weak, will not offer any assistance in me getting sober, and dose not discipline her son because she is afraid to make him mad at her..

3 Gavin, he is 2, almost 3... adorable but ****ing annoying, its not his fault but so hard to handle, he dose not have a biological father..

4 john i work with.. he is slow, almost retarded.. a racist bigot that i could manipulate to do almost anything i want.

5 some random friends i can count on one hand... all of which come around when i rent the ufc ppv's and cook for them all.. all of which seem to be full of empty promises when it comes to helping me get sober..

end the end all i feel i have are my dog, and my weights, i cannot count on anyone but myself and i seem to let myself down a lot.

If you can survive all that crap I'd say you're the one who should be giving the motivational speeches...not us.

If you want to get sober though...you need to suck it up and do it, stop crying about how no one will help you get sober...just do it.

I'd sort of like to hear more about this kid who has no biological father...are we talking immaculate conception or what?

**Metalbender00** · 08-23-2009, 06:51 PM

Originally Posted by Rick1824

If you can survive all that crap I'd say you're the one who should be giving the motivational speeches...not us.

If you want to get sober though...you need to suck it up and do it, stop crying about how no one will help you get sober...just do it.

I'd sort of like to hear more about this kid who has no biological father...are we talking immaculate conception or what?

no the child's father is a drug abusing scum bag that will get in bed with anyone that is willing....

**honda954racer03** · 08-23-2009, 11:29 PM

I havent been in the exact same situation as you but the same type of thing where everything is just ****ed. If you keep ignoring your life it will only get 10 times worse trust me mine got so bad with heroin addiction and an extremely religous and emotionally abusive family I dont know how I didnt wind up in a straight jacket. Even if you dont feel motivated to workout find what you like other than hanging out with suckers and drinking for emotional support or whatever. If you are unhappy with your girl being fat and lazy then make a deal with her and if she wont compromise then go somewhere else. It should be a joint effort to keep everyone happy. Its well worth it to be your own man, pay your own way and do whatever you want. Its depressing to just accept your circumstances and just try to cope. A year ago I figured I would die from an overdose or end up in jail trying to get a fix. Now I lift 6 days a week and enlisted for army special forces.

**selffirst** · 08-24-2009, 01:33 AM

Dude...about 10 months ago I was over 45 pounds overweight.....My relationship was in the toliet.....I was depressed and lost......For me, I had to get selfish.....In the past, I thought it was my responsiblity to take care of my girl,friends, and co-workers needs, while neglecting my own.....I had to get angry at myself and had to decide to take care of my own needs first.....There's nothing wrong in taking care of yourself first....REMEMBER THAT. I looked at your progress photos,you have made awesome progress.....You need to look at those pixs and use them as motivation,when your depressed, review your progress.You said you feel that your not being acknowledged at work for your hard work...I would meet with your dad and let him know how your feeling and use that time to express your ideas in making the business more successful...Sometimes we assume that our boss doesnt want to dicuss problems but in reality...this might bring you closer together....The drinking.......You know alcohol is loaded in calories.....If you could cut your drinkin in half....some of that gained weight would disappear.......Your relationship......communication is the key.....try involving your girl in your excerise program...this might encourage her and help you share more quality time together.....Her son......I think its awesome that your steppin up to raise her son.....Boys need a positive role model in their lives.....Maybe when you look into his eyes,he can motivate you to improve your lifestyle....He needs ya man......he cant rely on his real father.....I just wanted to know there's a end to that long tunnel....keep walkin forward,stay focused.....the past is behind you.........Hope like helps ya dude......Self

**Metalbender00** · 08-24-2009, 04:23 PM

so after reading this post, which i made drunk.. i decided i need to do somthing, went to the doctor this morning... and laid everything out. changing up meds, from my previous antidepressant that obviously want working. it was effexor xt an ssri (seratonin stimulant), going to wellbutrin, which is a dopamine stimulant... my doctor is a very intelligent man, explained other than depression medications there are 3 thinks that stimulate dopamine production.. *******, nicotine, and alcohol... ive done all of them, no coke in 8 years, no nicotine in 2 years, and obviously i still drink..

so were going to do the wellbutrin for 2 weeks, he asked me to try to taper down the alcohol while it takes effect.. then at the 2 week mark im going to quit drinking and take some sort of taper pack to deal with the alcohol withdrawal.

as far as the elbow pain, he pulled out fluids, and injected steroids.. (im sure not aas) anyway its already feeling better.. looking forward to what this may bring, i hope it helps!

and sorry for the rambling wheather you care or not it just helps to vent somewhere!

**johnderriLLL** · 08-24-2009, 05:50 PM

Originally Posted by Rick1824

If you can survive all that crap I'd say you're the one who should be giving the motivational speeches...not us.

that.

the dog has your back as far as walks are concerned. my dog never turns me down for a walk. try to walk 12000 steps a day.

i quit drinking and lost 102 pounds. i never drank beer. i was going nowhere fast and now im going back to school soon.

selffirst has a point. u should take ur girl and the dog to the park and walk.

i look at exercise as a multi prong attack. im not eating. im not doing other bad things. im burning calories. getting me time. i could think up more if i wanted.

keep up the good work and dont give up.

do u got any advice for me?

**Metalbender00** · 08-30-2009, 05:31 PM

well last night i think i hit rock bottom.. i woke up this morning cuts allover mt arms and legs.. hand swollen twice its size, i was scared to get out of the bed... I come out to disaster, holes in the walls that i just finished redoing, a door tore to shreds, kitchen cabinets are ruined.. blood everywhere, all mine thankfully.. when i talked to my GF it just got worse, she said i busted her lip trying to get my bottle of klonopins from her.. said i managed to take 4-5 before she got them from me.. she had to hide my car keys and every knife in the house.. apparently i wanted to end my life last night.

I will not touch alcohol again, ever.. no beer, no wine, i cannot.

**ruds55** · 08-30-2009, 07:11 PM

A little redecorating never hurts!!! As for giving your gf a bloody lip that ****s gotta end right now. Remember your replacing drugs or/and alcohol with more or different drugs, all be it prescribed, they are still drugs. Any chance of doing it without the prescriptions, maybe getting into self help/ meditation/ tools to life.com kind of stuff???

Maybe as you start to change and improve it will encourage your gf to do the same??? As for the kid, get used to it!!! That?s all you can do!!! My nephew was and still is the same, no father, adhd and out of control 75% of the time.

Good luck on your journey and stay focused!!!

**On Fire** · 08-30-2009, 07:37 PM

Originally Posted by ruds55

A little redecorating never hurts!!! As for giving your gf a bloody lip that ****s gotta end right now. Remember your replacing drugs or/and alcohol with more or different drugs, all be it prescribed, they are still drugs. Any chance of doing it without the prescriptions, maybe getting into self help/ meditation/ tools to life.com kind of stuff???

Maybe as you start to change and improve it will encourage your gf to do the same??? As for the kid, get used to it!!! That?s all you can do!!! My nephew was and still is the same, no father, adhd and out of control 75% of the time.

Good luck on your journey and stay focused!!!

This guy's right buddy. You've just gotta man up and take it. Remember this as well. Kids aren't as dumb as they seem when they're young. If he hears/sees you tearing up the house, what effect do you think it has on him? Maybe rehab is in order for you.

Even when it seems like all the odds are stacked up against you man, remember that you're human, we all make mistakes and we've all got the chance to rebuild from the ground up. Fix the holes you put in your house, and work on fixing your addictions, because if you don't fix them soon, they are going to **** you over.

**Metalbender00** · 08-31-2009, 03:35 AM

the bloody lip she said i dint intentionally hit her, it was me jerking the pill bottle out of her hand, but the sad thing was ***** the child apparently did wake and hear most of it.. he is young but was afraid and clingy to his mom for most of the day... Finlay he seemed to get back to normal.

The first post, i was drunk.. while all of it true, i love the child to death.. and my gf, drinks wine when i would drink, and eats bad when i made the choice to.. i am as much to blame as anyone..

and yea, i wanted to redo those cabinet anyway!!

first day waking up with no alcohol in me in over a month.. feels good.

**Metalbender00** · 08-31-2009, 03:39 AM

Originally Posted by johnderriLLL

that.

the dog has your back as far as walks are concerned. my dog never turns me down for a walk. try to walk 12000 steps a day.

i quit drinking and lost 102 pounds. i never drank beer. i was going nowhere fast and now im going back to school soon.

selffirst has a point. u should take ur girl and the dog to the park and walk.

i look at exercise as a multi prong attack. im not eating. im not doing other bad things. im burning calories. getting me time. i could think up more if i wanted.

keep up the good work and dont give up.

do u got any advice for me?

man i dont think you need any if your down 102 lbs, you've got to be 2/3's there or better.. i dont know what your goals are but thats impresive.. ive held on to the same 15lbs or so that i wanted to ditch all summer.... hopefully that's coming off with ease now!

**blockmonkey** · 08-31-2009, 04:47 AM

Seriously I read that post and thought I'd wrote it. First of I'd get to your next aa meeting asap. I spent 3 years waking up every day with sheer dread of what I had done the night before, what I'd smashed up or who I'd rang and screamed abuse at. Every day I'd swear I'd never touch alcohol again, and every evening I would be back with a bottle of vodka.

With aa I managed 9 months sober with the help and support of some good friends I made there and who were going through the same struggle as I was.

I can guarantee 95% of all your stress/anxiety/depression is caused by alcohol, I have been through every anti depressant going, and nothing worked better than quitting alcohol.

good luck Aaron

**spookiekabuki** · 08-31-2009, 04:55 AM

Originally Posted by Metalbender00

end the end all i feel i have are my dog, and my weights, i cannot count on anyone but myself and i seem to let myself down a lot.

That.
And don't try to rely on this site for help. Get REAL help.

**ruds55** · 08-31-2009, 08:17 AM

hey just remember to make today one day closer to your goal, not further away and put the bottle down!!!

The iron will always be there for ya!! Use it, abuse it, hit it, curse it off, or make it bleed!!! Take it all out on the iron, it will never complain to you, put you down, or give you a dirty look!!!

Maybe try fixing the holes in the house with your gf's son... Put his energy to good use and try to explain why not to punch holes in the wall etc!!! Kids love helping out, or at least attempting too!!!

Good luck brotha!!!

**blockmonkey** · 08-31-2009, 12:52 PM

How you getting along op?

**Metalbender00** · 08-31-2009, 03:25 PM

Well to be honest, today is fuc king horrible... nerves are shot, so stressed out.. child is staying at babysitters tonight, just gonna have to suffer for a few days i guess.. but im not drinking again.

**On Fire** · 08-31-2009, 05:20 PM

Originally Posted by Metalbender00

Well to be honest, today is fuc king horrible... nerves are shot, so stressed out.. child is staying at babysitters tonight, just gonna have to suffer for a few days i guess.. but im not drinking again.

Good man! Have cold water ready to go if you're thirsty. If you feel like you're gonna flip, go for a jog! You said you've got 15 pounds you'd like to lose, burn a few cals! Above posters gave some great advice... one thing I always do when I feel like I'm going to lose control is literally take a step back and a deep breath, and if I have to I'll head out the door for a walk or a run. It's never worth losing it, really it never is.

Be strong brother! Take out out on the gym/pavement!

**spookiekabuki** · 08-31-2009, 05:23 PM

Originally Posted by joemauro

Good man! Have cold water ready to go if you're thirsty. If you feel like you're gonna flip, go for a jog! You said you've got 15 pounds you'd like to lose, burn a few cals! Above posters gave some great advice... one thing I always do when I feel like I'm going to lose control is literally take a step back and a deep breath, and if I have to I'll head out the door for a walk or a run. It's never worth losing it, really it never is.

Be strong brother! Take out out on the gym/pavement!

I tried negative reinforcement. Any time I had an urge or compulsion to do something that went against my plan, I would do 20 push ups. After a day or two, upped it to 30, 40 until i got to 50. At 50, I was too tired to do them after certain work outs so I just ignored the impulses.

**Metalbender00** · 08-31-2009, 08:00 PM

hehe i usaly run, or take it out on the heavy bag, unfortunatly my bout with the door and wall, has put the bag out of commision for a while.. i'm planing a 6am run though, and have made it through night number 2!

**war_n_peace** · 08-31-2009, 08:05 PM

Remember to let your inside show a good outside...

**macrick** · 08-31-2009, 09:17 PM

Originally Posted by Metalbender00

Well to be honest, today is fuc king horrible... nerves are shot, so stressed out.. child is staying at babysitters tonight, just gonna have to suffer for a few days i guess.. but im not drinking again.

I believe yr drinking problem stems from a serious physicological problem. Have you seek any counselling yet? You must be at peace with yourself first to solve the drinking problem. Else, you will hit the bottle again soon.

Try meditation, U might wanna look up youtube for advice on this. Life is hard but Life goes on with OR without you. Be happy & lift heavy, cheers

**On Fire** · 08-31-2009, 10:37 PM

Heading to bed, just wanted to say keep your head up for tomorrow. You've got this ****, you're bigger than the bottle. ****'s been holding you back from what you're meant to be.

**sctyd** · 09-01-2009, 12:09 AM

I believe in you, that is all.

**blockmonkey** · 09-01-2009, 12:19 AM

Great work, it can take up to 72 hours for the physical withdrawl symptoms of alcohol to subside, then you should be a lot more relaxed and able to sleep better.

I used to take a cold shower when those evening cravings hit me, really helped me in those first few days.

**Metalbender00** · 09-01-2009, 05:20 AM

Quite refreshed this morning.. waking up with no alcohol in you system is great... the bag under my eyes are almost gone.. groggy from the benzo's but that's ok.. hopefully tonight will be easier, got a meeting with the doctor today also. Sleep in late so i can fill my free time in the evening with my workout, usually do it in the AM but that left me tired and craving yesterday.
Thanks to all!

**ruds55** · 09-01-2009, 05:58 AM

Hey if your having problems with sleep try melatonin... It's a supplement popular with recovering addicts...

Hey how about getting out with the gf and son to the park or go walking on a regular basis!!! A little fresh air can clear a whole lot of crap out of the mind. It can also work to get your gf to burn some calories and to tire out the kid!!!

**On Fire** · 09-01-2009, 04:38 PM

Just remember man, even though you're off the garbage, you're gonna have some really crappy days and some really negative thoughts. Anyone can put a bottle down, you know you've beaten it when you can go through a rough day calmly, and not turn to the booze to fix your problems.

Make sure you spout to a support group, a good friend or on here if you feel **** turning backwards on ya.

**spookiekabuki** · 09-01-2009, 05:00 PM

Originally Posted by joemauro

Just remember man, even though you're off the garbage, you're gonna have some really crappy days and some really negative thoughts. Anyone can put a bottle down, you know you've beaten it when you can go through a rough day calmly, and not turn to the booze to fix your problems.

Make sure you spout to a support group, a good friend or on here if you feel **** turning backwards on ya.

I think it would be best to find a support group of people who don't know you. An AA or NA group so that you he a place you can safely discuss those darker inner thoughts.

My best friend in high school ended up in rehab. When he came back, he used us as his support group but he was unwilling to share certain things with us, and on top of that, we unknowingly reminded him of substances. Needless to say, he relapsed hard and quick. It wasn't until he started seeking out other addicts that he was able to quit drinking and popping benzos.

**Metalbender00** · 09-01-2009, 07:39 PM

Last time i tried to quit, i didn't share with anyone.. except i did post on here. i was convinced at the time that i just needed to slow down and i could contain myself to drinking on the weekends.. and i actually did well for a month or so.

then my grandmother dies, my mom was a wreck, job went downhill and i had to file bankruptcy. i just turned to what i knew would make the hurt stop.

now i realize 2 things i was unaware of before..

1: i cant just drink on the weekend, i cant drink in moderation, i cant just drink wine..
2 Alcohol dose not fix problems, it dose not make pain stop.... it just hides it and makes it worse the next day.

I refuse to drink again i will not.. but if i do, my ass is going straight to a support group... even if i slip up once. right now i'll rely on me, my dog, my woman.... and of course my weights!

BTW day 3 down...

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