Ahh, where to begin.. It's been a long, eventful, and uncertain journey.. It seems I've been on one extreme and then have been at the other extreme in terms of body composition and weight. However, I've never let that get me down.. I've never let my physical appearance discourage me to the point of giving up and letting up on my goals.
I'm not one to harp too much on my past, and let it get the best of me. I've always, always believed of letting my past "do the talking" and have believed in learning from my past and my past mistakes. I understand that doubting myself and doubting my abilities has been frequent in my past, and in my previous battles.. but that's no longer the case. In my newfound sense of myself, and who I truly am.. I realize that we only have this moment, we only have today… and it's all about making the best of each moment and truly enjoying the lives that we are all blessed with having, day in and day out. Like I mentioned before.. I've had quite the battle, I've been classified as clinically obese by my doctor, and I've been classified as deathly anorexic by another doctor, on my deathbed. I don't feel like diving too much into my past..
Long story short, I went through a drastic/rapid period of weight loss. Going from over 230 pounds, into the lowest of the lows at 120 lbs.. and then periods of weight gain/weight loss over the past 2 years. So, I'm used to it by now. I developed a full scale Eating Disorder.. it started at the age of 15, and I've been battling it ever since.. along with an addiction to stimulants, coffee, ADHD medication, pre-workout supplements… etc. But based on the way things have been, the way things are currently, my main battle lies in my Eating Disorder.. and the pain and torment it brings me (and countless others on a day to day basis). I can't articulate or put into words how much it effects me, how much it's hurt my family, the toll it's taken on my body, anything like that.. So..
I'll just let the pictures do the talking..
Summer 2009 - Age 15 - 230 lbs - 25/28% BF
Midway through 2010 - After the majority of my weight loss took place, was sitting at around 150lbs here. Before my disorder started, this was also before I had my "gynecomastia" surgery.
Was feeling alpha, in the gym.. lifting 4-5x a week.. before the Stimulant abuse started, and the excessive cardio started..(Gyno was still here, just hid it)
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04-28-2013, 03:13 PM #1
- Join Date: Jan 2010
- Location: San Diego, California, United States
- Posts: 70,340
- Rep Power: 138163
Erik's Weight Training Log - Lifting, Food, Fun
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04-28-2013, 03:16 PM #2
- Join Date: Jan 2010
- Location: San Diego, California, United States
- Posts: 70,340
- Rep Power: 138163
And then.. I had my "Gynecomastia" surgery.. and was put on Vicodin for the pain after my surgery, in my "post recovery phase". I'll never forget the "heart sinking" feeling that I got, when my doctor/surgeon told me I "couldn't work out or lift weights" for the 3-4 months following my surgery.. I'll never forget, the depression, the torment, and the self deprivation that I experienced for the next 6 months of my life. Because essentially, my mindset/my eating disorder took ahold of my rational thinking, my "restrict" mode kicked into full effect.. since I wasn't going to be "working out" or "burning calories".. I had to restrict my calories and my food intake, I had to take in less than everyone else.
It started off as minor restriction, only eating a few handfuls of cereal in the mornings before school.. in order to "trick" my parents into thinking that I WAS eating food. I would then "fast" the rest of the day, only to come home to binge on "chicken broth" and "shelled peanuts" all between the hours of 8 p.m - 11 p.m at night, I was telling myself that it was "calorically enough", when in the end.. it may have been 1,000-1,200 kcal's AT BEST. And I slipped deeper and deeper into depression, fear, and anguish.. as my weight continued to plummet.. My "150's" weight.. became my "140's" weight.. and I continued to"Waterload" to fool my therapists that I was seeing at the time, "as long as they see my weight continue to be in the 150's, that's fine.. that's ALL that matters".. and as I continued to "Waterload".. my "140's" became my "130's".. until I could no longer sustain my way of living and it had become APPARENT that I was losing weight, I was cold all of the time, I looked gaunt.. my face looked "emaciated" and I had been trying too fool everyone for far too long, and I could no longer sustain that type of life.. "water loading" up to 25lbs at one time, in order to fool my nutritionist, lying to my therapist, and my parents.. I finally received the "ultimatum" that I needed.. the last few months of my senior year in high school.. Get help, go to treatment.. or you will NOT be going away to college, to live in the dorms on your own.
And so I did just that, I enlistsed in the "University of San Diego's - Eating Disorder Adolescent Program" and was hopeless during the entire summer that I spent there. Essentially, I had went from being a "somewhat healthy".. 150 lb high school guy, playing in a band, enjoying time with friends.. only "somewhat aware" of my eating disorder here..
To this.. at the end of my senior year, just before the "Eating Disorder Program" was to take a hold my everyday lift.. the week AFTER I graduated high school.. I was around 120lb's here.. I'll never forget how I felt when that number popped up on my scale..
I completed the program, I was "cured" according to the beliefs of my father and mother.. and I was "ready" to live on my own and to live on my own in college. But in reality, I wasn't ready at all.. my "time" in the program that I had just completed was an absolute joke. I wore a "Body Media Fit" device to the program every single day, counted calories, took pictures of every single piece of food that I ate.. it got so bad, my eating disorder became so apparent, that I was waking up at 5 a.m, each and everyday only to "walk" for hours upon hours before the program even started that day (out of fear of the calories that I was to be taking in that day, and I could only walk..because of the severity of my shin splints.. because I was used to running 20-25 miles a day).. I remember taking this "Screen shot" of the worst of my disorder, back in the program.. took over 44,000 steps in a day.. thankfully, I'll never go back to that.
Now, onto bigger and better things. I could go on and on about my past, what I did or didn't do. But the fact of the matter is, I'm ready.. I'm motivated, I'm doing the things that my disorder never let me do before.. and for the first time.. I'm embracing the life that I was and am destined for. I'm not claiming to be "fully there" yet, I've got a long while to go.. but this is going to be a "life long" battle.. fought for many years, I fully expect the "voices" to fully be there for a while, and then eventually.. in time.. they'll become "whispers".
I'm a foodie (you'll notice that with this log), I love food, which is kind of ironic and strange given the fact that I battle an eating disorder, I love being active, there's truly not a better feeling to me than completing a hard weight lifting session, or doing a nice long bike ride (I am a cyclist as well).
I just finished inpatient treatment for my disease, about 4 months ago.. and have been back at home ever since, battling my past demons. It's been hard, going from 24/7 care, to absolutely nothing. But here I stand, weight has been gained, I've proven the people that have doubted me.. wrong and I'm alive and kicking and still ready to keep on going. I never thought I'd say this, but it feels good to be alive. It also feels good to know what "life is like" outside of this eating disorder, because I can say that I did and have experienced it.. especially while in inpatient care, it's all about making that "experience"..and bringing it too my life now.. that I live. Back at home, with my family, my friends and those who care most about me. This was at my worst..
I plan on "bulking up", I have an active job.. so it's going to require a pretty hefty caloric intake while not in the gym.. I'm still experimenting. But it's still most likely going to be high. I'm currently taking in a little over 3,000 calories on work days, and on solely workout days..it's usually the same since I'm not a big "cardio junkie" like I used to be.. (Around 3-4 hours at a time).
Just doing a "push/pull" routine for now, I get enough "leg work" with my job and pushing carts up hill for now. So, I'm keeping squats out of my training for now. I'm not cycling anymore (for now), so the only cardio I'm really doing as of now, is at my job… and some post lifting cardio on the stair master. Other than that, I've let cardio "take over" in the past and I let it impact my gains and my life became more about burning calories, than it did when I wanted to build more muscle. So, I have to make sure that I keep doing what I'm doing.. which is eating in a surplus.. and building muscle and feeling good.
I train predominately with dumbbells, since I've gotten injured in the past with usage of barbells. (I'll still deadlift, and clean with barbells).
I tend to train in the evenings, but sometimes.. I'll drop into the gym before work.
I don't train legs right now, I get a lot of "leg training" at my job.. and I need my legs to be functioning fully. It's mainly temporary.
I'm not liking where my lifts currently are, I have an extremely week bench press. (long arms FTL), and overall I just don't feel like I have too much muscle mass. But I'm not letting that distract/deter me from my goal.
Progress Pictures as of now:
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04-28-2013, 03:17 PM #3
- Join Date: Jan 2010
- Location: San Diego, California, United States
- Posts: 70,340
- Rep Power: 138163
The dredded "skinny fat" look that I've had for a long time.. I hold alot of fat in my abdominal region.
Biiiceps
Supplements/Medication
I'm currently just taking "Levothyroxine" 25mcg for my thyroid (artificial thyroid and plan to be fully off of it soon) and am taking seraquil for sleep nightly.
Dymatize "Cookies and Cream" Casein Protein
Cellucor "Peanut Butter Marshmallow" Whey Protein
Orange Triad Multivitamin
30mg of Melatonin Nightly
Current Lifts 5RM:
- Dumbbell Bench: 42.5 x 5
- Barbell Deadlifts: 185 x 5
- Dumbbell Military Press: 37.5's x 5
- Barbell Clean and Press: 75 x 5
- Barbell Rows: 115 x 5
My goals with this log?
- Gain Muscle mass: I've ALWAYS wanted to be "bigger", even with my anorexia and compulsive exercise tendencies. But could never make the changes needed to be made in order to do so. NOW that I have the tools, the knowledge, the information needed.. I can say that I can and will be able to do this.
- See how other "teens" train and eat: I think one of the big reasons why my eating and exercise habits have become so abnormal and different over the past 4 years is because I've been doing everything alone and isolative. I haven't seen first hand what "normal" and "balanced" living and training is like.
- Learn for myself: Recognize how good I felt on "day x" vs day y" and the reasoning behind it, usually just using it for self motivation..whenever I am lacking in the desire to eat, or my eating disorder has taken full control of me.
- To finally make progress and get the body that I want: Nothing really to say here, just want to finally grow.. and gain mass.
- At the end of it all, to finally FEEL good: I know "having a log" isn't something that's automatically going to do this, actually in the past it's been extremely counter productive to my life and overall recovery. But only because I let it become more of a "diary" than a weight lifting log, and that's what I have to keep seeing it as,a place to track my food/numbers, a place to view my progress. And to let that progress, become my motivation.
Nothing really else much to say or add, other than..
"Lets lift some god damn weights!"
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04-28-2013, 03:20 PM #4
- Join Date: Jan 2010
- Location: San Diego, California, United States
- Posts: 70,340
- Rep Power: 138163
Workout - 4/19/2013
Dumbbell Military Press
25 x 12
32.5 x 8
37.5 x 5 x 2
40 x 3
42.5 x fail
Barbell Clean and Press
Bar x 15
55 x 10
65 x 8
75 x 5
Smith Shrugs
65 x 15
115 x 15
145 x 12
165 x 12
Plate Raises (traps)
25 x 12
DB Raises
15 x 25
Calories: 3,000
Cardio: None
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04-28-2013, 03:23 PM #5
- Join Date: Jan 2010
- Location: San Diego, California, United States
- Posts: 70,340
- Rep Power: 138163
April 20th, 2013
Barbell Rows
Bar x 12
65 x 12
85 x 10
95 x 8
115 x 5
One Armed Barbell Rows
Bar x 15
55 x 12
60 x 8
Iso Lateral Pulldowns
70 x 15
90 x 15
110 x 12
130 x 12
Barbell Curls
35 x 15 x 2
45 x 12
50 x 8 -PR
Dumbbell Curls
17.5 x 25
20 x 25 x 2
25 x 15
Iso Lat Rows
65 x 12
85 x 12
95 x 8
Calories - 3,200
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04-28-2013, 03:26 PM #6
- Join Date: Jan 2010
- Location: San Diego, California, United States
- Posts: 70,340
- Rep Power: 138163
Dumbbell Flat Bench
30 x 8
35 x 8
40 x 5
42.5 x 5
50 x 2 - PR
42.5 x 5
Cable Pushdowns (Chest)
20 x 12
25 x 12
30 x 10 x 2
35 x 8
Barbell Skullcrushers
30 x 15 x 2
40 x 12 x 2
50 x 8
Smith Bench
50 x 15 x 2
75 x 8 x 2
85 x 5 x 2
Weighted Dips
50 x 12
70 x 12
90 x 10
DB tricep extensions
25 x 12
30 x 12
Pec Fly Machine
25 x 12
30 x 12
45 x 10
Calories - 2,800
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04-28-2013, 03:30 PM #7
Wow, that's insane. That picture of your legs (at your worst) is scary.
In for bulk progress!
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04-28-2013, 03:34 PM #8
- Join Date: Jan 2010
- Location: San Diego, California, United States
- Posts: 70,340
- Rep Power: 138163
April 28th, 2013
Dumbbell Military Press
27.5 x 12
30 x 12
35 x 8
40 x 5
42.5 x 3 - Big PR Here
45's x fail
Barbell Clean and Press
Bar x 15
55 x 12
65 x 8
75 x 4
Cable Crossover Pulls
20 x 15 x 2
25 x 15 x 2
30 x 12 x 2
Cable shrugs
90 x 15
110 x 15
130 x 15
Weighted Abs
50 x 100 x 2
60 x 50 x 2
70 x 25 x 4
80 x 25 x 2
90 x 15
Some recent eats:
Feta/spinach wrap from starbucks.. not bad.
HomeMade Lasagna
Cooked up some wings
Subway (I have this about 4-5x a week.. since it's right next door to my work)
Pizza
Sushi!
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04-28-2013, 03:37 PM #9
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04-28-2013, 03:37 PM #10
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04-29-2013, 12:17 AM #11
Agreed with cjowns. The pictures of your legs at your worst are f*cking insane. Crazy looking
You have my full support and the food you post makes looks delicious. Good luck my friend. You are a good guy and you will go farLast edited by Scott527; 04-29-2013 at 12:23 AM.
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04-29-2013, 12:37 AM #12
Wow... As the post above day about your legs, it scares me. Best of luck to you and congratulation on beating the eating disorder, pretty inspirational if you ask me.
Lift - Current/goal
Bench press - 100/120 (220)
Military press - 75/80 (165)
Squat - 130/140 (285)
Deadlift - 165/180 (365)
★ DEADLIFT CREW ★
koLOMOsQUAD
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04-29-2013, 07:27 AM #13
- Join Date: Jan 2010
- Location: San Diego, California, United States
- Posts: 70,340
- Rep Power: 138163
Thanks you two. I appreciate the support and encouraging words. I haven't beat my ED by any means. But am learning new things each day and learning to be kinder to myself and am learning to manage it as each day passes.
But regardless I know what I want and that is to be physically stronger.
Thanks for stopping by you two! ^^
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04-29-2013, 11:28 AM #14
Seen you post quite a bit before and never knew your story. Having a log will do wonders for your lifting as well, tracking progress is sometimes the best motivation.
I'll make sure I follow this log, good luck man!
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04-29-2013, 12:19 PM #15
First workout log I've read and I've got to say, your story is just incredible! I wanted to say thank you for inspiring me with your story. And keep it up man, I wish you the best!!!
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04-29-2013, 12:57 PM #16
- Join Date: Jan 2010
- Location: San Diego, California, United States
- Posts: 70,340
- Rep Power: 138163
Thanks guys ^^ reps on recharge.
I appreciate the support and encouragement. While this is just my workout log, I still find a good source of motivation in lifting and journaling.
If you all want to read/see more, feel free to visit my blog in my sig.
Thanks again you guys.
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04-29-2013, 01:05 PM #17
In on this! I was also pretty anorexic last summer, weighed 56kg @ 6''1 back then, now I'm around 66kg and same height bulking and going strong!
Good luck man! We're gonna do it!
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04-29-2013, 01:08 PM #18
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04-29-2013, 05:45 PM #19
- Join Date: Jan 2010
- Location: San Diego, California, United States
- Posts: 70,340
- Rep Power: 138163
April 29th, 2013
Work Day/Workout:None
Song of the Day: Pierce the Veil
Damn, what a day. Clocked in around 7 ish this morning and just got off. Contemplating going to lift, but I've lifted for the past three days in a row and carts
kicked my arse for 7 hours today. (Did my push workout on friday, pull on saturday, and push (shoulders) on sunday..Suggestions?
We'll see what happens..
Some recent eats
New Favorite Cereal:
Dyno Bites (childhood favorite)
Late night bowl of spaghetti (home made)
Edemamme salad (Best salad I've had in a long time, only 2$)
Went out last night with the girl, for some thai.. ended up getting some chicken curry (one of my favorite foods)
Calories: 3,200
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04-29-2013, 06:18 PM #20
Try Kellogg's Krave Double Chocolate cereal if you get the chance my friend. It is good as hell
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04-29-2013, 06:19 PM #21
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04-29-2013, 06:22 PM #22
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04-29-2013, 06:30 PM #23
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04-29-2013, 06:35 PM #24
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04-29-2013, 09:46 PM #25
- Join Date: Jan 2010
- Location: San Diego, California, United States
- Posts: 70,340
- Rep Power: 138163
Word. When you get one (if you do) be sure to throw me a link so I can sub.
Workout - Push - April 29th, 2013 - 8:15 p.m
Man, talk about THE worst time to hit the gym for some weights. Got in right at 8 P.M, I swear.. the entire parking lot was pretty much filled.. *sigh*. Had to wait for even a few sets of my DB pressing. Such a mediocre Workout IMO. But I'm just glad I got in tonight and lifted.
First time ever doing DECLINE pressing. Felt super strange, almost dropped the weights on the floor during nearly every set.. since I wasn't used to the bench decline. Heh. But PR'ed on my skullcrushers, but everything else was pretty mediocre tonight like I said. Lifted for about 45 mins to an hour. No cardio. Just wanted to get a somewhat "decent" chest/tri workout on.
Other than that, nothing really interesting to note. I know my lifts are extremely low and weak. but we all have to start somewhere.. I guess.
DB decline press
27.5 x 12
32.5 x 12
37.5 x 8
42.5 x 5 x 2
47.5 x 3
37.5 x 5
Barbell skullcrushers
35 x 12
45 x 12 x 2
55 x 8 - PR
Iso chest press
45 x 12
65 x 12
85 x10
95 x 8
Cable pushdowns (chest)
20 x 15 x 2
25 x 12
30 x 10
Dip machine
60 x 12
75 x 10 x 2
90 x 6
Tricep pushdowns
50 x 12 x 2
60 x 10
DB tri extension
27.5 x 15
32.5 x 12
Pec fly machine
60 x 15
75 x 12
90 x 10
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04-30-2013, 07:11 PM #26
- Join Date: Jan 2010
- Location: San Diego, California, United States
- Posts: 70,340
- Rep Power: 138163
April 30th, 2013
Workday/Workout: None
Music of the day: Avenged Sevenfold
Another 8 hour day of work in the books, ended up pulling my back picking up a giant stack of baskets. Really worried about this one. Tonight, I was planning on hitting up the gym for my "pull" workout.. and doing mainly "back/biceps" like I usually do.. may have to rethink that one.. :/
We'll see what happens.
Some of todays eats..
Cinnamon Coffee Cake something I VERY rarely would eat.
Family brought these home yesterday, hngg. Strawberry Short Cake Sugar Cookies
Sub at lunch time, first time getting chips with it.. Not bad.
Just started stocking these up at target, SO much win.
Slayed this bird for dinner last night, whole rotisserie chicken ftw.
First time trying nutella, /w mango..celery.. and strawberries. All the "hype" around nutella.. and I didn't even like it.. lulz.
Calories - 4,000
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04-30-2013, 09:32 PM #27
- Join Date: Jan 2010
- Location: San Diego, California, United States
- Posts: 70,340
- Rep Power: 138163
Thanks broski! Throwing some reps your way!
Workout - April 30th, 2013 - "Pull".. Mainly biceps - 8:00 p.m
STRONG wtf.
Not really sure why, but my gym is starting to get SWARMED with people at around 8. Used to be the complete opposite, and people would go in the AM.
Could barely even get a f*cking pair of MATCHING DB's, was really frustrated.. managed to lift what I could tonight.. tried to do abs, but after a few sets.. my lower back
was not at all agreeing with me.
Overall, did tons of volume.. felt good to give my bi's a "pump" because I haven't felt any DOMS or anything in them for weeks. But overall, it was a pretty bad workout. I tend to workout better, and think clearer..on non work days.
I'm still SUPER proud of myself though, not doing ANY cardio or anything after weights. F*cking 6 hours pushing carts is enough.
Barbell curls
30 x 25 x 2
40 x 15 x 2
45 x 10
50 x 8 x 2
Curl machine
30 x 15 x 2
40 x 12 x 2
50 x 10
Ab machine
50 x 100
60 x 50
70 x 25 x 2
80 x 25
90 x 15
Cable curls
20 x 15 x 2
25 x 15
30 x 10
One armed hammer curls
10 x 12 x 2
15 x 10 x 2
5 minutes of stretching for my back..
Cardio:none
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05-01-2013, 10:10 AM #28
- Join Date: Jan 2010
- Location: San Diego, California, United States
- Posts: 70,340
- Rep Power: 138163
Damn, back is still fried from work yesterday. Definitely gonna need to take a break from the lifting tonight.
Have to work all day, start in 45 minutes and then get off at 8 tonight.. looong ass day. *sigh*
Found these little "gems" laying on the counter last night.. My dad just got home from a buisness trip in japan, and brought these home...
SO GOOD. Basically little "graham cracker" cookies, with a (gooey) milk chocolate coating on the inside..So much win. I have NO idea what they're even called lol.
Just gotta make it through the day though. Hopefully my back will be/get better.
-E
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05-01-2013, 11:14 AM #29
HNNNG at the food in here, some tasty looking stuff.
Sucks about the long working hours though, sounds tiring.
Also, I wouldn't worry about the back, it'll be fine again in no time at all.
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05-01-2013, 04:11 PM #30
- Join Date: Jan 2010
- Location: San Diego, California, United States
- Posts: 70,340
- Rep Power: 138163
Thanks for the encouragement brother! I sure do hope so.. Not hitting the gym is gonna be hard for me tonight, but getting off at 8 and coming home makes it easier...working all day ftw..*sigh*
Only 4 more hours to go..
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