Analyzing/evaluating myself

[bodyhard]

This is pretty long so I don't expect most to read it, but I guess it is therapeutic for me.

Late last nigh Cass and I were texting each other and I was telling her how I feel kind of numb and missing the fighting, not the violence of it, but the physical aspect of it and the releasing of the aggressions and as always she gave me some good vibes and conversation.

After we said good night, I laid in my bed and I was thinking a lot and I truly believe I was wired to be a fighter, either a boxer, UFC fighter, martial artist any physical sport that would allow me to have a physical altercation with another person every so often. I think I would have done pretty good, but aside from the fact of how well I would have done, more importantly I think it would have balanced my life out.

As most of you know, I lived a life of fighting mostly at every opportunity I found, I used to believe that negativity used to follow me, but I wonder now if I just put myself in those situations subconsciously, becuase the thrill of fighting fed my adrenaline. After coming here to bb.com and having a lot of you PM me, call me, some ridiculed me, called me a liar or thought most of my stories were fabricated I thought most were just jealous or that they were cowards never being in a fight themselves. I slowly learned through the years that my way of living was not the norm and living in the Bronx was just the means to entertain that thought process.

Again as a lot of you on here know I sought help, I went to see a psychiatrist and a phycologist and according to them they found a chemical imbalance in my brain, in which they worked with me till they found the right medication to fix me. I was on that medication for almost 2 years and yet while I was calm I felt like a walking zombie and I since weened off of it and haven't been on any medication since. However they did showed me how to redirect my anger by utilizing CBT and it has worked wonders.

Fast forward till today, I have everything a man can want, I have a loving family, my health, a great job excellent friends and yet I feel numb and i believe it is becuase I am suppressing my anger/adrenaline which was part of who I was and I believe it is part of who I am, what I been wired to do. Now don't get me wrong a part of me wants the quiet life, getting out of NY living in peace, but I think if I was a fighter those two would have balanced each other out, however that ship has long sailed.

After I finished my 6th tat I took some pics to see how it is coming out and how I am appearing, Patty said to me, You look like a badass. Now I never in my life tried to pass myself as a badass or look like one, I just knew in my mind I am not one to fck with with. But now I am wondering, since I have been so calm, maybe subconsciously, this is the reason I want to look different. I've had this image of me with a long beard, built and tatted up not sure why I just know I am tired of looking the same way and I wanted change.

I don't know maybe I am over analyzing myself, but I think since I am no longer fighting and I haven't had a fight in so long that subconsciously I am transitioning the physical to the imagery, if that makes any sense. Anyway I have a lot of soul searching to do and to think I am doing this at 57 ughhh.... Below is the pic I took

[Oceanside]

I think if I took more time to analyze myself and take an inventory of sorts I'd be a better person and make better choices...

Like no other I know, you've got and had a lot of sh*t going on in your life and I think you hold it together pretty well..

Tattoo looks sharp btw

[bodyhard]

I think if I took more time to analyze myself and take an inventory of sorts I'd be a better person and make better choices...

Like no other I know, you've got and had a lot of sh*t going on in your life and I think you hold it together pretty well..

Tattoo looks sharp btw

OS not trying to make this a kumbaya session, but I have met you on more than one occasion, we have spoken on the phone several times and you have to be one of the coolest person I've met. Great mannerisms and respect. I think your persona online is way different than who you are as a person. My wife, her family and my family all said you were such a nice person. So I think you are being a little hard on yourself honestly.

Thanks on the props for the Tat, can't wait till its completed.

[Oceanside]

OS not trying to make this a kumbaya session, but I have met you on more than one occasion, we have spoken on the phone several times and you have to be one of the coolest person I've met. Great mannerisms and respect. I think your persona online is way different than who you are as a person. My wife, her family and my family all said you were such a nice person. So I think you are being a little hard on yourself honestly.

Thanks on the props for the Tat, can't wait till its completed.

I'm just glad I made it out to meet all the key players in the Bronx

Great collection of people.

[Mark1T]

Johnny, have you ever considered getting a stand-up punching bag? I am considering it myself to develop some skill and for the cardio. Might help getting that aggression release.

[bodyhard]

I'm just glad I made it out to meet all the key players in the Bronx

Great collection of people.

props!

Johnny, have you ever considered getting a stand-up punching bag? I am considering it myself to develop some skill and for the cardio. Might help getting that aggression release.

i know this is going to sound crazy, but it's not the same becuase there is no fear associated with getting hit back. When you are fighting there is that constant fear and moving not to get hit and when you do, its like Fck that hurt and you come at him harder! I've hit the bag and while it is a good exercise and helps relieve tension it doesn't replace that feeling of a fight. I even tried sparring and it isn't the same.

The last incident I had in the gym in my head I kept thinking damn I should have hit that guy, maybe he would have hit me hard enough and I would get that feeling again, it's like a fight in my own mind, hard to explain I guess.

[x-trainer ben]

My uncle is in his 70's in Philly and used to be a stutterer. He constantly reminds me that his anger from teasing and bad treatment from others over time left him with an amazing tool called..... anger. He uses/d this anger tool his entire life and it has served him well for a variety of situations, as he repeatedly tells me. I say this because with a chemical imbalance and a pattern or habit of fighting for over 50 years, it would be difficult for you to kill this behavioral pattern. We humans like regularity and your brain likes the "feeling" so maybe you crave it like a smoker does nicotine. Tats are in and i have no issue with "tough guy or badass" appearances, so you do you!

Food for thought.

[Karl_Hungus]

props!



i know this is going to sound crazy, but it's not the same becuase there is no fear associated with getting hit back. When you are fighting there is that constant fear and moving not to get hit and when you do, its like Fck that hurt and you come at him harder! I've hit the bag and while it is a good exercise and helps relieve tension it doesn't replace that feeling of a fight. I even tried sparring and it isn't the same.

The last incident I had in the gym in my head I kept thinking damn I should have hit that guy, maybe he would have hit me hard enough and I would get that feeling again, it's like a fight in my own mind, hard to explain I guess.

Have you ever thought about joining a boxing gym or something similar where you can spar with other people?

[Mark1T]

Have you ever thought about joining a boxing gym or something similar where you can spar with other people?

Great suggestion.

[mtpockets]

I fought a lot, I enjoyed it, It started in low school and continued into adulthood. I got involved with Martial Arts more specifically Karate, Taekwondo and Hand to Hand combat. I even competed. I tuned a couple of fellows up outside a club one night and thought no more of it. The next time I was in that bar the Manager called me into the office. I thought for sure I was going to be banned, instead he offered me a bouncer position. I loved it, got paid to throw motherfukers around and got more tail than I could handle. It was a great gig, but it wasn't fighting, luckily, I grew out of that, the last fight I got into they carted one guy away in an ambulance and I fuked the other guy up pretty good too and they carted my ass away to jail. Luckily, people came forward in my defence and the charges were dropped. I could have lost my career over that one. That's a brief description of my background but enough about me now onto you.

The last incident I had in the gym in my head I kept thinking damn I should have hit that guy, maybe he would have hit me hard enough and I would get that feeling again, it's like a fight in my own mind, hard to explain I guess.

I have seen many stories you posted in here and a lot of them was you hitting someone first, a couple i recall are the Mexican elevator thing, a contractor at your house and now you say you wanted to hit that guy in the gym. In all these instances it was you striking first, not going toe to toe and fighting it out. So, is it really the fighting you miss or is it hurting someone that you enjoy so much? If you feel satisfied or get that feeling that you describe from striking someone first with no retaliation it's probably not the fight you miss and you really need to take a long hard look at this. If it's the fight you miss get into a combat sport.

[Plateauplower]

Have you ever thought about joining a boxing gym or something similar where you can spar with other people?

This ^

I’ve done both a lot in my younger years. Combat sports (wrestling for 20 years) and plenty of fights. Haven’t been in a fight for probably 20 years. Last fight would have landed me in big trouble if there weren’t witnesses to confirm it was self defense, the guy needed some surgeries for his face bones - shattered orbital socket, broken jaw. That opened my eyes a bit as I had to spend time on that as well as subpoena people who saw this guy start it and try to hit me. I carry a gun on the regular now, that actually makes me less aggressive/ reactive. I was doing Ju Jitsu before covid and got similar thrill on open mat Sunday’s just grappling with others. No adrenaline like a fight obviously, but still enjoyable to go one on one with people, without the negative potential legal financial consequences.

[bodyhard]

My uncle is in his 70's in Philly and used to be a stutterer. He constantly reminds me that his anger from teasing and bad treatment from others over time left him with an amazing tool called..... anger. He uses/d this anger tool his entire life and it has served him well for a variety of situations, as he repeatedly tells me. I say this because with a chemical imbalance and a pattern or habit of fighting for over 50 years, it would be difficult for you to kill this behavioral pattern. We humans like regularity and your brain likes the "feeling" so maybe you crave it like a smoker does nicotine. Tats are in and i have no issue with "tough guy or badass" appearances, so you do you!

Food for thought.

I got you.

Have you ever thought about joining a boxing gym or something similar where you can spar with other people?

I mentioned in the post above that I tried the sparring thing but didn't really liked it

I fought a lot, I enjoyed it, It started in low school and continued into adulthood. I got involved with Martial Arts more specifically Karate, Taekwondo and Hand to Hand combat. I even competed. I tuned a couple of fellows up outside a club one night and thought no more of it. The next time I was in that bar the Manager called me into the office. I thought for sure I was going to be banned, instead he offered me a bouncer position. I loved it, got paid to throw motherfukers around and got more tail than I could handle. It was a great gig, but it wasn't fighting, luckily, I grew out of that, the last fight I got into they carted one guy away in an ambulance and I fuked the other guy up pretty good too and they carted my ass away to jail. Luckily, people came forward in my defence and the charges were dropped. I could have lost my career over that one. That's a brief description of my background but enough about me now onto you.





I have seen many stories you posted in here and a lot of them was you hitting someone first, a couple i recall are the Mexican elevator thing, a contractor at your house and now you say you wanted to hit that guy in the gym. In all these instances it was you striking first, not going toe to toe and fighting it out. So, is it really the fighting you miss or is it hurting someone that you enjoy so much? If you feel satisfied or get that feeling that you describe from striking someone first with no retaliation it's probably not the fight you miss and you really need to take a long hard look at this. If it's the fight you miss get into a combat sport.

Out of everything I have read that you posted, seeing you as a fighter is definitely not one of them, but I guess it is becuase toy post more meme than anything else.

If you have read my post as you stated then you would know that while being in a gang I was the warlord and one of the things I had to do (whether you believe me or not I really don't care) was to fight other warlords, sometimes the fights would last 20 minutes, other times 5 minutes, but all those fights were in the park surrounded by both gangs and as I said I never lost not one fight and we are talking about 50 to 80 fights within that time span. The more I fought the better I got. So yeah your nonsense about me hitting people first is becuase I know once you are within my space in a threatening manner I am hitting you. And what Mexican in the elevator? I was jumped by two black dudes in the elevator where I was stabbed.

[bodyhard]

This ^

I’ve done both a lot in my younger years. Combat sports (wrestling for 20 years) and plenty of fights. Haven’t been in a fight for probably 20 years. Last fight would have landed me in big trouble if there weren’t witnesses to confirm it was self defense, the guy needed some surgeries for his face bones - shattered orbital socket, broken jaw. That opened my eyes a bit as I had to spend time on that as well as subpoena people who saw this guy start it and try to hit me. I carry a gun on the regular now, that actually makes me less aggressive/ reactive. I was doing Ju Jitsu before covid and got similar thrill on open mat Sunday’s just grappling with others. No adrenaline like a fight obviously, but still enjoyable to go one on one with people, without the negative potential legal financial consequences.

I like Ju jitsu better than Tae Kwon do as I took them both and as I mentioned before TKD did nothing for me in close quarters and I was almost killed.

I am probably not making sense when I say I don't want to fight anymore, I am just looking for an outlet that might give me the same satisfaction/gratification I was getting from fighting. I believe suppressing that energy if you will, is counterproductive for a person like myself, maybe I am wrong, maybe I am just crazy who the fck knows.

[bodyhard]

One thing Cass mentioned in our text last night that kind of stood in my head, she said "You don't seem angry" I will let her explain how she came to terms with that, but she was right on that. I am not angry anymore and maybe that's my problem?

[Cantplankwell]

I think martial arts are what you should stay away from, it would be like waving red flag at a pissed off bull, not sure you might know when to stop. You need to direct your energy differently.


You need to replace the thrill of fighting, aggression, confrontation with some other type of activity that gives you the same feeling /reward. Since you need to have the element of me or him..., the risk unpleasant or even hazardous consequences of failure...such as grievous bodily harm involved. Or extreme embarrassment from failure (maybe not to the same extent now as when you were young. But you still relish a good punch up) it has to be some other high-risk activity...maybe one that is more socially acceptable, that poses no injury to anyone else but yourself. How about rock or mountain climbing, exploring tunnels, racing motorcycles (even bicycles), swimming long distances in the open ocean, stage-acting? IDK. In these examples there is little risk of harming someone else or getting thrown into jail. They are all elevated risk-reward plays...throw-downs, where the consequences of failure are very real.

[Plateauplower]

I like Ju jitsu better than Tae Kwon do as I took them both and as I mentioned before TKD did nothing for me in close quarters and I was almost killed.

I am probably not making sense when I say I don't want to fight anymore, I am just looking for an outlet that might give me the same satisfaction/gratification I was getting from fighting. I believe suppressing that energy if you will, is counterproductive for a person like myself, maybe I am wrong, maybe I am just crazy who the fck knows.

Try out jujitsu, if nothing else you will meet cool people some of which will be the real deal and probably doing for the same reason, an outlet for the need for “combat” even though it is not the same as an actual fight. I wouldn’t recommend attempting an MMA career at your age, but there are plenty of competitive events. Hell I got beat in an “old timers” wrestling meet in my late 20s by a guy that was in his upper 50s lol. I think you’d like it. It’s a good outlet for that and positive. Then when people piss you off IRL you can just tell them they are fukin idiots and not escalate it unless they choose to. I’ve never been a “turn the other cheek” type person, still not, but I don’t find myself in many situations where a physical altercation is going to happen. Been close a few times, last time was a couple years ago in the gym where some a$$hole got ignorant with me. I calmly told him if he wanted want to walk outside I’d beat him to a pulp, but he declined. Most stupid people are all talk, most people who are out to harm someone these days use weapons, they just need shot if they come at my family or I with a weapon.

[mtpockets]

I got you.



I mentioned in the post above that I tried the sparring thing but didn't really liked it



Out of everything I have read that you posted, seeing you as a fighter is definitely not one of them, but I guess it is becuase toy post more meme than anything else.

If you have read my post as you stated then you would know that while being in a gang I was the warlord and one of the things I had to do (whether you believe me or not I really don't care) was to fight other warlords, sometimes the fights would last 20 minutes, other times 5 minutes, but all those fights were in the park surrounded by both gangs and as I said I never lost not one fight and we are talking about 50 to 80 fights within that time span. The more I fought the better I got. So yeah your nonsense about me hitting people first is becuase I know once you are within my space in a threatening manner I am hitting you. And what Mexican in the elevator? I was jumped by two black dudes in the elevator where I was stabbed.

You don't know me, not all of us put our lives out there online, I am a fairly private person there is a lot you don't know about me.

It's not my nonsense, it's what you posted. I am simply restating what you wrote, so I guess I am reposting your nonsense... Sounds like it struck a nerve.. You never answered the question about you getting satisfaction by hitting someone first so I guess you do.


The elevator thing was when you and your wife in elevator, couple other guys in there, something came about over pressing an elevator button, one said go back to Mexico or something to that effect and you hit him...

[Cass40]

One thing Cass mentioned in our text last night that kind of stood in my head, she said "You don't seem angry" I will let her explain how she came to terms with that, but she was right on that. I am not angry anymore and maybe that's my problem?

Yeah I don't see you getting angry anymore. I never thought there was anything wrong with that emotion but obviously you don't want the bad consequences that follow.

Maybe I'll try to get you mad? Too bad you can't punch me though haha.

[Cass40]

You don't know me, not all of us put our lives out there online, I am a fairly private person there is a lot you don't know about me.

It's not my nonsense, it's what you posted. I am simply restating what you wrote, so I guess I am reposting your nonsense... Sounds like it struck a nerve.. You never answered the question about you getting satisfaction by hitting someone first so I guess you do.


The elevator thing was when you and your wife in elevator, couple other guys in there, something came about over pressing an elevator button, one said go back to Mexico or something to that effect and you hit him...

If someone says "go back to Mexico" or something like that, they are obviously looking for a fight. It's not like punching some random people who are minding their own business.

[bodyhard]

I think martial arts are what you should stay away from, it would be like waving red flag at a pissed off bull, not sure you might know when to stop. You need to direct your energy differently.


You need to replace the thrill of fighting, aggression, confrontation with some other type of activity that gives you the same feeling /reward. Since you need to have the element of me or him..., the risk unpleasant or even hazardous consequences of failure...such as grievous bodily harm involved. Or extreme embarrassment from failure (maybe not to the same extent now as when you were young. But you still relish a good punch up) it has to be some other high-risk activity...maybe one that is more socially acceptable, that poses no injury to anyone else but yourself. How about rock or mountain climbing, exploring tunnels, racing motorcycles (even bicycles), swimming long distances in the open ocean, stage-acting? IDK. In these examples there is little risk of harming someone else or getting thrown into jail. They are all elevated risk-reward plays...throw-downs, where the consequences of failure are very real.

I actually like this, a lot thanks for the suggestions.

Try out jujitsu, if nothing else you will meet cool people some of which will be the real deal and probably doing for the same reason, an outlet for the need for “combat” even though it is not the same as an actual fight. I wouldn’t recommend attempting an MMA career at your age, but there are plenty of competitive events. Hell I got beat in an “old timers” wrestling meet in my late 20s by a guy that was in his upper 50s lol. I think you’d like it. It’s a good outlet for that and positive. Then when people piss you off IRL you can just tell them they are fukin idiots and not escalate it unless they choose to. I’ve never been a “turn the other cheek” type person, still not, but I don’t find myself in many situations where a physical altercation is going to happen. Been close a few times, last time was a couple years ago in the gym where some a$$hole got ignorant with me. I calmly told him if he wanted want to walk outside I’d beat him to a pulp, but he declined. Most stupid people are all talk, most people who are out to harm someone these days use weapons, they just need shot if they come at my family or I with a weapon.

I did do ju jitsu for sometime and I enjoyed it a lot and met good people. I also posted about a good friend of mine Dominic, who was/is into Ju Jitsu I might link up with him see where he is training at now.

You don't know me, not all of us put our lives out there online, I am a fairly private person there is a lot you don't know about me.

It's not my nonsense, it's what you posted. I am simply restating what you wrote, so I guess I am reposting your nonsense... Sounds like it struck a nerve.. You never answered the question about you getting satisfaction by hitting someone first so I guess you do.


The elevator thing was when you and your wife in elevator, couple other guys in there, something came about over pressing an elevator button, one said go back to Mexico or something to that effect and you hit him...

Thats what I meant you don't post much about yourself so I don't see you as a fighter, hell even now with you posting it I find it hard to believe, not that I think you are lying which I don't, just that it doesn't fit your online persona.

You hit a nerve becuase you insinuated that I sucker punch people and never been in a true fight, which is not the case at all.

Do I get satisfaction from hitting people? That's hard to say, I know I get a relief when I hit someone and knocked them out, or if I was in a fight and a final blow ended the fight, but at the same time, there were times I hit someone and then went home and felt bad about what I had done. So I can't answer your questions with 100% certainty.

Ohh I thought you said I hit a Mexican in the elevator my bad.

Yeah I don't see you getting angry anymore. I never thought there was anything wrong with that emotion but obviously you don't want the bad consequences that follow.

Maybe I'll try to get you mad? Too bad you can't punch me though haha.

Maybe you should

[LWW]

To add to Karl’s post I think you should compete in something lifting related probially not bodybuilding unless you will get that rush but strongman or powerlifting because seriously you will get that risk feeling lifting heavy sh!t all the time and you’ll get beat up from it too.

Or just fight in the octagon, there was a guy at our gym, he is retired now he was always coming in with puffed up face is was an MMA fighter, I’m sure you can someone to get you into that.

[champ07]

Gotta be some underground fighting in the Bronx . At your age shouldn’t be hard to get an opponent. If you do good you’ll make a name if not you got it out of your system. However it pans out you will always think about the what if starting when you were younger.

[Jtbny]

Do jitz, John. You'll love it. If you're feeling frothy you can find a jitz gym that does MMA also. I've grappled with a few pro fighters and it's a blast. Once you get settled in we can meet up and I can tie you up in a pretzel

I love the sport. It's as mentally challenging as it is physically challenging. I know you have friends who do it but if I can help at all you've got my number.

[bodyhard]

To add to Karl’s post I think you should compete in something lifting related probially not bodybuilding unless you will get that rush but strongman or powerlifting because seriously you will get that risk feeling lifting heavy sh!t all the time and you’ll get beat up from it too.

Or just fight in the octagon, there was a guy at our gym, he is retired now he was always coming in with puffed up face is was an MMA fighter, I’m sure you can someone to get you into that.

+

Gotta be some underground fighting in the Bronx . At your age shouldn’t be hard to get an opponent. If you do good you’ll make a name if not you got it out of your system. However it pans out you will always think about the what if starting when you were younger.

+

Do jitz, John. You'll love it. If you're feeling frothy you can find a jitz gym that does MMA also. I've grappled with a few pro fighters and it's a blast. Once you get settled in we can meet up and I can tie you up in a pretzel

I love the sport. It's as mentally challenging as it is physically challenging. I know you have friends who do it but if I can help at all you've got my number.

I don't want to fight, I don't think I am explaining myself correctly. I missed the adrenaline/aggression that came with fighting, but I don't want to do that anymore. I guess my point is I am trying to find something to replace it? Maybe make me feel "alive" again?

The gym is my way of coping with anxiety and anger, but that has always been my outlet even during my fighting days that hasn't change.

I apologize for confusing folks I guess I just can't articulate myself clearly.

[Plateauplower]

I don't want to fight, I don't think I am explaining myself correctly. I missed the adrenaline/aggression that came with fighting, but I don't want to do that anymore. I guess my point is I am trying to find something to replace it? Maybe make me feel "alive" again?

The gym is my way of coping with anxiety and anger, but that has always been my outlet even during my fighting days that hasn't change.

I apologize for confusing folks I guess I just can't articulate myself clearly.

Oh, well if your saying you are looking back and wishing you missed fighting like you used to, it’s probably just part of the aging process. There are lots of things you can do now instead. Buy prunes to stay regular, an exciting game of tiddly winks or checkers, watch reruns of “murder she wrote” etc.

Hope this was helpful.

In all seriousness probably growing out of the mindset to some degree. I know I’ve changed over the last 20 years…

[LWW]

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I don't want to fight, I don't think I am explaining myself correctly. I missed the adrenaline/aggression that came with fighting, but I don't want to do that anymore. I guess my point is I am trying to find something to replace it? Maybe make me feel "alive" again?

The gym is my way of coping with anxiety and anger, but that has always been my outlet even during my fighting days that hasn't change.

I apologize for confusing folks I guess I just can't articulate myself clearly.

You should do strongman or powerlifting or both. Strongman is better because you dont need a fuking coach you can enter a open lightweight division and compete against the open young guys plenty older guys have done that. You dont have to get fat just enter the 175s srs you'll get out a ton of aggression hell you'll get hooked on it.

[bodyhard]

Oh, well if your saying you are looking back and wishing you missed fighting like you used to, it’s probably just part of the aging process. There are lots of things you can do now instead. Buy prunes to stay regular, an exciting game of tiddly winks or checkers, watch reruns of “murder she wrote” etc.

Hope this was helpful.

In all seriousness probably growing out of the mindset to some degree. I know I’ve changed over the last 20 years…

No I am saying I THINK that is what it is. Like I said on paper I should be the happiest man alive I have a beautiful loving family 5 kids 10 grandchildren who love me unconditionally, I have a wonderful wife that would do anything for me and supports me to no end. I have a job earning close to 300K annually, I have friends of over 50 years that are still close to me and will die for me at the drop of a hat, I am very close to my sisters and brothers, I am in great health. What else can a man ask for? I am truly blessed. I was telling Cass that I feel numb, like something is missing and she said "You don't seem angry anymore" and it got me thinking and I was self analyzing myself trying to figure out what it is.

You should do strongman or powerlifting or both. Strongman is better because you dont need a fuking coach you can enter a open lightweight division and compete against the open young guys plenty older guys have done that. You dont have to get fat just enter the 175s srs you'll get out a ton of aggression hell you'll get hooked on it.

I am too weak to do strongman or powerlifting, you ever see what those fckers are doing these days? The sh!t is insane.

[Oceanside]

I work with aguy who joined a BJJ gym , he's late 50's and he swears by it...

the cardio and stretching he says (physically) changed his life..

if you wanna be physically competitive (and simulate battle) that might be an option.

[LWW]

I am too weak to do strongman or powerlifting, you ever see what those fckers are doing these days? The sh!t is insane.

Are you talking TV pro stuff or local amateur?

The amateur level is something you could do, however it’s not about taking top 3 your first time. I came in dead last in my 1st comp and worked up a place or two every contest.

It’s all about achieving something and having fun doing it but it’s still competitive, but you have to want it also.....

[ChazWood]

Awesome to see the fellow lifter lifer support crew in action.

BH Dude, I don't know chit aboot chit, so I sure as chit don't have any answers. How can anyone know what's best for u but u.

I'm gonna drop a video here. Forewarning it's kinda long and heavy. Like the log I pinched this morning in the crapper but that's another story.

butt cereally, lemmie ask a question. Is it possible yu're OK and yet feel the need to cycle negative thoughts cuz, well, it's familiar? Like thinking for the sake of thinking.

So here's the video. It's a lecture given by a british dude named Alan Watts in the 60's I believe.




Some bits u really gotta think on while other stuff is directly familiar and intuitive. Why is this stuff so obscure? Maybe cuz the path less travelled or whatever. Like I said. I don't know chit.

but FWIW, I think yur OK. A-OK in fact.