Anxiety is ruining my Body Building dreams. I need help. Badly.

[SkinnyFatKidlol]

Well I know this is not a site where I can just unload everything and talk about my feelings but I am having some serious issues.

A little bit about me, I am 23 years old, work 40 hours a week, and have suffered from GAD symptoms all my life. Constant worry, problems with focus, problems making decisions etc. I have never talked I anyone about it, I've been prescribed pills in the past such as SSRI's and Benzo's but I really do not want to have to be reliant on them. Here is how this affects my weightlifting lifestyle.

I create problems for no reason. I try to bulk. I hit my macros. I lift heavy. I WORRY about minor details and the BIGGEST thing is I worry about my sleep. I have more than enough time for 8 hours a night. The fact I am aware of my sleep I just worry about it. Cant fall asleep because my head is going 2000 miles a minute, I wake up in the middle of the night for no reason, can't fall back asleep. The only time i get a good night sleep is if I take a *****.

Sleep is only one of my issues. I am constantly worried if I'm lifting properly. Worried I'm going to get too fat while bulking, worried about ****ing everything all the time. I can't take it anymore. I am so indecisive. One day I decide I want to cut, next day I want to bulk. I can't even figure out what I want for gods sake.

This anxiety overlaps into my real life also. I am scared of talking to people 1 on 1 a lot of the time. I meet women, I date them, I can neve make up my mind if I want to stay with them. Constantly breaking things off then trying to get back with them. I set goals in my life to start school in January, I debate whether or not I should be doing it. I tell people I am then I tell people I'm not. I bet people think I am crazy. I am crazy.

I love this lifestyle so much. I never want to quit and I want to achieve an amazing physique. It's my biggest goal in life. Lifting is my calling. This anxiety is putting me to ruin. Can anyone help me or offer me some advice? Thank you so much in advance. I am so desperate.

[UpInSmoke]

I dealt with major episode of anxiety, panic attacks, and depression about two years ago. To the point where I could not leave my house, be alone, couldn't go in public, without having panic attacks. I had GAD mildly growing up, but not to this extent. I'm really not sure what was the big cause of all of it to come on so strongly. It was pretty surreal now that I think back on it. A lot of it I figured out had to do with repressed emotions, thoughts, and self image. I was dealing with some major life changes at the time also. Moving to a new state, had just kicked an opiate addiction, legal issues, had just broke my back.. It wasn't a good time. But, I can say now that I no longer deal with that form of debilitating anxiety, and am probably in a better and stable place mentally than I have ever been.

I've learned you can't keep emotions and feelings bottled up, because it will consume you and tear you up. It sounds cliche but it's true. Therapy helped me a lot, just going and talking with someone about everything. Reading helped me also. A lot of self help books about the mind, like about anxiety, depression, and what not. Probably the biggest thing that helped me was meditation, and controlling my thoughts and breathing. Now when I feel really keyed up or anxious, I just breathe it away, so to speak. Also, eating right and getting proper nutrition helped.

I was on benzos and different kinds of anti depressants for about a year also. I personally do not recommend this route. I found them to do more harm than good. Especially coming off of them. They really didn't do much of anything. Except the benzos, that helped with the occasional panic attack. They also screwed up my bodybuilding. They made me tired, lethargic, and weak. Mentally and physically.

I know it sucks, but you'll get better. Keep working at it like you do you body. The body and mind are integrated, and getting both in tune is going to help a lot in your everyday life, as well as bodybuilding. Don't sweat the small stuff, let it flow through you like water. Breathe it out.

[usertrack]

^Well said and I agree that the mind benefits from you simply striving to be stronger and healthier all-round. I think one thing that is essential from the start is some faith and commitment to yourself to stick to your goals and then achieve them - you get some real satisfaction from that when you end up following through. I know how big the smallest of obstacles can seem when anxiety problems hold you back so just take it slowly, break one barrier at a time and from that, gradually build up what you can do from day to day.

[SkinnyFatKidlol]

I literally have NOTHING to worry about. I don't even know why my mind is so insane. It is eating me alive. I just don't know where to start to get over this.

I'm looking into going to a stress/anxiety clinic this week. Anyone have experience with this?

[Musc1eBound]

Maybe the underlying factor is that you haven't really set any goals. So you don't know what it feels like to succeed in something you tried really hard at. Believe me once you achieve one goal, you will continue to set more and more goals, eventually you will get addicted to this feeling. And I think the people that do get addicted to this feeling achieve whatever they set out to do in life.

[affine]

Sounds like we have a lot in common

One thing I've learned in that medications that interact with neurotransmitters will ALWAYS either making things worse or simply hiding the problem and putting on your life's back burner. People like us have trouble relaxing. I can't just sit there and relax in silence - I MUST have the news on or a twitch.tv stream. It's quite frustrating. Stress only makes it worse from both a psychological and neurochemical standpoint.

The problem is clearly internal. I'd argue to an extent that it isn't even a problem in itself. We're detail-oriented people. We're the people who always restart from out last checkpoint in our games because we made some minor mistake, and we're willing to waste 30 seconds if it means a perfect playthrough. We're convinced that when you get all of miniscule details correct, our success is far greater. And as a result, when we fail, we know why, and take it that much harder. We over-analyze our situations, and stress about the very words we said that nobody else can recall. We carefully examine all of the data, and attempt to decide whether or not activity X produces a worthwhile yield, and we're frequently unable to make the call.

...and I hardly doubt you'd change yourself if you had the choice. I know I sure wouldn't. I catch things nobody else would even if they tried!

Read more self-help books. I highly recommend the Dave Ramsey ones that discuss financial responsibility with regard to running businesses and investing. He writes about how you have to reserve an appropriate amount of time for making decisions. Buying a home shouldn't be as easy as buying a pack of gum, and vice versa. If you haven't read a self-help book as good as Entreleadership before, you'd be surprised how much simply reading something can help.

Finally, I'd recommend taking up something like painting. But not before watching at least one full season of Bob Ross. I'm serious. Painting is easily the hardest thing for me to possibly do. You have to be constantly making tiny split-second decisions on where the paint goes - and the weight of the decisions vary greatly. Plus, Ross's voice is therapeutic to say the least.

youtube.com/watch?v=scgsDiE_8uA