You'd be happier not being in a relationship/having a family.

[CuriousReader]

I depend on myself, bet on myself and win most of the time. I happen to meet a young lady in college that I fell in love with. Why wouldn't I want to spend the rest of my life with her and raise a family? I can't have kids all by myself lol.

If my marriage ended I'd have kids and myself to take care of. Like we said we have cocks and balls with jizz for a reason. Women have tits, ass, and vaginas for a reason... If we all stopped procreating lol the world would end would it not?

And I did post before I think it's a good thing many people want to have a family as well a growing number of people who dont want. To balance things out.

Yeah all you care about is to take care of yourself and your fam. I get it. Self-centered existence like I said.
That's your meaning and purpose in life.

[soberchuck]

I get your point. However, and don't ask me to look it up cuz cba, but studies show that married people (including men) are happier, have lower depression and suicide rates, live longer, report greater life satisfaction. Also look at middle aged to old people. The single ones almost invariably seem more depressed and unstable

This makes sense.

Basic advice still holds true. Get 10-30 bodies to make sure you don't have a midlife crisis because you "missed out" and then find a decent trad chick. Plenty more of them around than Misc would have you believe

[AltarOfPlagues]

bout to leave my family after reading itt dead srs.

[freshnevafrozen]

If you consider yourself an alpha male and refuse to have kids then you are not actually alpha in any way. Too many soyboys/manlets/betas have kids and they need to be countered with alpha males having kids.

[CuriousReader]

/end thread. OP is discontent and negative. His original post is a miserable one. He doesn't think true love or romance exist... Maybe in his own experience, but not mine.

Dude, you've been married for 8 years..just 8 years..your love life is not a Success marriage story yet.

Still long road ahead....

[Silencespeaks]

A bit like Silencespeaks

Idk I really don’t think I’m cut out to be a mom. I’ve never felt a maternal instinct. I don’t like taking care of people or being responsible for people. I don’t like stress and errands and chores and responsibilities. Plus I’m TERRIFIED of having a child with special needs or health problems or any other issues.

When I’m with other people’s kids I think they are cute but also very needy and annoying. I don’t feel any instinct to hold them or take care of them. They are mostly just annoying to me with how needy they are.

I do understand that when it’s your own kids it’s different because you naturally love them. And you have a natural biological bond to them. But idk I just never felt any desire for that.

The only doubt/regret I have about kids is if maybe kids could have saved my marriage. Kids give you a reason to stay through adultery, abuse, addictions. So maybe it would’ve been worth it if that would have worked. Idk though. A lot of people also say kids are hard on a marriage. So idk.

[GTraven]

Having a relationship is only hard because you're emotionally and spiritually retarded and can only attract and be with a like-minded person.

Wtf how do you only have 25 posts now and also 0 rep power

[wannabetoughguy]

I just come here once in a while. If you notice I joined since 2011 but low post count.

https://www.goodhousekeeping.com/lif...ppiness-study/

Science Proves It: Parenthood Is the Absolute Worst
Having a kid hurts your happiness more than divorce or unemployment.

You've heard all the clichés: Parenthood is a gift, it'll go by in an instant, it'll give you a sense of purpose in life. But cold hard science paints a different picture. A new study found that parents, as a whole, are pretty miserable.

Researchers at the University of Western Ontario and the Max Planck Institute for Demographic Research wanted to figure out why some families decide to stop at having only one child. So they analyzed data from a German survey that covered more than 20,000 people across the country, and tracked their reported well-being from three years before having kids to at least two years after their first child was born.

And they found that people are usually pretty happy before having kids. That happiness goes up when anticipating the birth of their first child, and stays high during the year their first child is born. After that, everything goes downhill.

According to the Washington Post, 30% of parents stayed at the same level of happiness. But on a 1 to 10 scale, 37% of parents had a one-unit drop in "happiness units," while 19% had a two-unit drop and 17% had a three-unit drop. To compare that to actual sad life events: Unemployment and the death of a partner usually lead to a one-unit drop in happiness, and divorce only causes a 0.6-unit drop. On average, parenthood leads to a whopping 1.4-unit fall in happiness.

Why the long faces? The study, published in the journal Demography, found that unhappiness stemmed from three main causes: health issues before and after birth, complications during the birth, and the generally exhausting and physically taxing task of raising a child.

The researchers also found that parents' experiences and emotional states when they have their first child strongly impact whether or not they'll go on to have more kids. If you stay happy more than a year after your first child is born, you're more likely to have baby #2. (Which makes sense: Why keep doing something that makes you unhappy?) Older parents, and those with higher levels of education, were more likely to stop at one child if they had a bad experience.

So if countries want to boost the falling birth rate, there's an easy solution: Make things easier on parents. They're suffering enough as it is.

I'm a parent and telling you that you are wrong. I actually have experience in what you speak of your negative opinions and mindset don't matter.

I believe the key to happiness is doing what you want in life. If you want to be forever alone that's fine do you, but don't speak negatively on marriage and try to justify your misery on a male dominant forum. You've never been married. You have no experience just a negative mindset.

[Silencespeaks]

Dude, you've been married for 8 years..just 8 years..your love life is not a Success marriage story yet.

Still long road ahead....

Yeah 8 years is still basically newly wed lmao. I got divorced long after that.

You really can’t judge a marriage until it’s been decades AND you’re both still in love AND you have both been completely loyal AND you are still having regular sex with each other.

Which is prob less than 10% of long term marriages.

[GTraven]

Yeah 8 years is still basically newly wed lmao. I got divorced long after that.

You really can’t judge a marriage until it’s been decades AND you’re both still in love AND you have both been completely loyal AND you are still having regular sex with each other.

Which is prob less than 10% of long term marriages.

Posts: 41,436

[wannabetoughguy]

Dude, you've been married for 8 years..just 8 years..your love life is not a Success marriage story yet.

Still long road ahead....

Lol at long road ahead. You know nothing about my personal life.

[AltarOfPlagues]

the biggest thing that pisses me off about my kids is they purposefully play the shiitiest video games imaginable. what the FUK is fun about this?



and they dont watch tv shows they watch other people playing fukking roblox.

we have resident evil village they wont even touch it.

[Silencespeaks]

Posts: 41,436

Which part do you disagree with.

[wannabetoughguy]

Yeah 8 years is still basically newly wed lmao. I got divorced long after that.

You really can’t judge a marriage until it’s been decades AND you’re both still in love AND you have both been completely loyal AND you are still having regular sex with each other.

Which is prob less than 10% of long term marriages.

8 years is basically a newlywed? That makes no sense. You're judging my marriage at this point in time are you not? Apparently you we're married more than 8 years and still never had kids lol.

Such an ignorant response.

[Silencespeaks]

8 years is basically a newlywed? That makes no sense. You're judging my marriage at this point in time are you not? Apparently you we're married more than 8 years and still never had kids lol.

Such an ignorant response.

Yeah I got divorced much later. At 8 years I was still very happily married. You can’t claim long term succes at 8 years yet because it’s too short.

[wannabetoughguy]

Idk I really don’t think I’m cut out to be a mom. I’ve never felt a maternal instinct. I don’t like taking care of people or being responsible for people. I don’t like stress and errands and chores and responsibilities. Plus I’m TERRIFIED of having a child with special needs or health problems or any other issues.

When I’m with other people’s kids I think they are cute but also very needy and annoying. I don’t feel any instinct to hold them or take care of them. They are mostly just annoying to me with how needy they are.

I do understand that when it’s your own kids it’s different because you naturally love them. And you have a natural biological bond to them. But idk I just never felt any desire for that.

The only doubt/regret I have about kids is if maybe kids could have saved my marriage. Kids give you a reason to stay through adultery, abuse, addictions. So maybe it would’ve been worth it if that would have worked. Idk though. A lot of people also say kids are hard on a marriage. So idk.

I'm glad you didn't have kids it's not what you do to save a marriage. Seems like you're not over the divorce. How long have you been divorced?

[GTraven]

Which part do you disagree with.

Posts: 41,440

[wannabetoughguy]

Yeah I got divorced much later. At 8 years I was still very happily married. You can’t claim long term succes at 8 years yet because it’s too short.

I'm not claiming long term success here.

I feel the op has a negative mindset about marriage, families, and relationships. I think the mindset is toxic and of inexperience.

[Silencespeaks]

Don't know a lot about you but based off this one post it is similar to me. In previous relationships I didn't want kids with them nor did I ever see myself being a dad. Looking back it's because the people I was with somehow or someway knew deep down they were not right to start a family with. Children never save a marriage, they could cause you to stay in a bad "relationship" where you "stay together" but it's not healthy.

I am curious if you were with a man who you didn't have doubts with that truly made you happy and not worried about children/life if you'd have a different mindset. A person who could be your player 2 and has your back to fight life's challenges with. Sure you might have the resolve to go through it solo, but we are social creatures be it friends, acquaintances, etc. People who say they do anything in life on their own is not being truthful. Successful career/business? You didn't do that on your own. You formed relationships with coworkers/investors/clients. You interacted with people who had influence on you, read books, went to speeches, performed speeches, received feedback and criticism to get where you are at. You didn't internalize the entire process and did it alone.

Life in general is hard as fuk. You just gotta choose your hard. Relationships, marriage, kids, going solo, billions of people have done these and have varying results. There's pros/cons/risks/rewards for each path.

Yeah I do wonder if I had married someone else maybe I would have changed my mind on kids.

Idk but I never wanted kids before marriage either. Never was part of my life plan and just didn’t want that mom life for my future at all.

Whereas my sisters and friends all wanted kids from the start, they never doubted that is what they wanted and they just naturally had a desire for kids. They had natural maternal instincts and desires from when they were young and long before they got married.

So if I had kids against my natural desire idk what would have happened. Maybe I would’ve had perfect problem free kids and would’ve fallen in love with my kids and been happy as a mom. Or maybe I would have secretly regretted it, especially if they were special needs or any other issues or problems.

[CuriousReader]

I'm a parent and telling you that you are wrong. I actually have experience in what you speak of your negative opinions and mindset don't matter.

I believe the key to happiness is doing what you want in life. If you want to be forever alone that's fine do you, but don't speak negatively on marriage and try to justify your misery on a male dominant forum. You've never been married. You have no experience just a negative mindset.

I just understand marriage is not the path to happiness at the end.
I dont believe in fairytales.

You keep thinking I'm miserable lol I think I find the key to happiness and peace in life.

One thing is quite predictable, since you depend your happiness on something so fragile like marriage, you have a higher chance of ending up unhappy. So better find more meaning and happiness in life.



https://www.huffpost.com/entry/marri...nce-_b_1568936

How Many Marriages Actually End In Happily Ever After?
Though there are no statistics specifically addressing how many long-term married couples consider themselves happy or actively in love -- it would be difficult to assess -- there are other facts and statistics to support the claim many remain together obligatorily ever after.

It is often said that marriage has a 50 percent chance of success. This percentage comes, naturally, from the divorce rate. In February 2012 PolitiFact.com stated that the "overall probability of marriages now ending in divorce falls between 40% and 50%." We tend to assume that the 50% (or 60%) who stay together do so happily. There is substantial evidence to suggest the opposite -- that many of the remaining couples are together but aren't happy about it.

There are a variety of ways to define a successful marriage. For purposes here, I'll define it this way: Two people who've been married for 25 years or more and still take an active interest in each other. They spend time together, genuinely enjoy each other's company, and don't keep super-sized secrets from one another (occasional white lies are okay). They are together purposefully rather than practically.

[Silencespeaks]

I'm glad you didn't have kids it's not what you do to save a marriage. Seems like you're not over the divorce. How long have you been divorced?

Yes I’m not over my divorce AT ALL.

Separated in 2012 (everything changed) and finalized in 2015.

[wannabetoughguy]

Yeah all you care about is to take care of yourself and your fam. I get it. Self-centered existence like I said.

You're supposed to take care of yourself and your family (if you have one) dum dum.

I'm not self centered, but I'm focused on the most important things in life.

[CuriousReader]

You're supposed to take care of yourself and your family (if you have one) dum dum.

I'm not self centered, but I'm focused on the most important things in life.

Do you and your family have important contributions to the world?

What are the most important things in life?

[wannabetoughguy]

Do you and your family have important contributions to the world?

What are the most important things in life?

We are good people and don't commit crimes or harm others. People of faith. She contributes to St. Jude.

Like I said the most important things in life are my family of four and my own well being.

[wannabetoughguy]

Yes I’m not over my divorce AT ALL.

Separated in 2012 (everything changed) and finalized in 2015.

I'm sorry to hear that.

[wannabetoughguy]

I just understand marriage is not the path to happiness at the end.
I dont believe in fairytales.

You keep thinking I'm miserable lol I think I find the key to happiness and peace in life.

One thing is quite predictable, since you depend your happiness on something so fragile like marriage, you have a higher chance of ending up unhappy. So better find more meaning and happiness in life.



https://www.huffpost.com/entry/marri...nce-_b_1568936

How Many Marriages Actually End In Happily Ever After?
Though there are no statistics specifically addressing how many long-term married couples consider themselves happy or actively in love -- it would be difficult to assess -- there are other facts and statistics to support the claim many remain together obligatorily ever after.

It is often said that marriage has a 50 percent chance of success. This percentage comes, naturally, from the divorce rate. In February 2012 PolitiFact.com stated that the "overall probability of marriages now ending in divorce falls between 40% and 50%." We tend to assume that the 50% (or 60%) who stay together do so happily. There is substantial evidence to suggest the opposite -- that many of the remaining couples are together but aren't happy about it.

There are a variety of ways to define a successful marriage. For purposes here, I'll define it this way: Two people who've been married for 25 years or more and still take an active interest in each other. They spend time together, genuinely enjoy each other's company, and don't keep super-sized secrets from one another (occasional white lies are okay). They are together purposefully rather than practically.

I have happiness and peace in life. I take the world as it is. Happiness depends on your own well being.

[guest89]

I'm a skeptic about marriage and relationships in general but I do see the positive sides to taking that path in life. Looking at the way Asian culture is I do think it is a superior way to live. Take my GF's family for example:


-Parents are in their late 60s and married.
-8 kids all in their late 20s-40s.
-Most of their kids have kids and are married/in a LTR.

For holidays their kids come around. They have a big house/area to host people so its not uncommon to have 50-150 people over for dinner. And when I say for dinner I mean its typically a 4-8 hour affair. Friends/family/etc. all drop by. Everyone brings food so its a massive feast. Typically capable of feeding at least 2-3x the amount of people there. They typically have 4-5 generations there. Oldest people, mid age people, teens/kids and babies. Etc.


If someone needs money they pool their money together. Even if its like 20-30K. If someone gets married the family/friends donate money and a new couple typically gets about 50K in donations. So they go into their life together completely debt free and/or with a big down payment for a house. If someone has a baby same thing. They throw a massive party and everyone donates money. 10-20K for a new baby. Etc.



They are extremely supportive of each other and have each others back 100%. Easy to see how their marriages last long term when the whole family is supportive.

[wannabetoughguy]

I'm a skeptic about marriage and relationships in general but I do see the positive sides to taking that path in life. Looking at the way Asian culture is I do think it is a superior way to live. Take my GF's family for example:


-Parents are in their late 60s and married.
-8 kids all in their late 20s-40s.
-Most of their kids have kids and are married/in a LTR.

For holidays their kids come around. They have a big house/area to host people so its not uncommon to have 50-150 people over for dinner. And when I say for dinner I mean its typically a 4-8 hour affair. Friends/family/etc. all drop by. Everyone brings food so its a massive feast. Typically capable of feeding at least 2-3x the amount of people there. They typically have 4-5 generations there. Oldest people, mid age people, teens/kids and babies. Etc.


If someone needs money they pool their money together. Even if its like 20-30K. If someone gets married the family/friends donate money and a new couple typically gets about 50K in donations. So they go into their life together completely debt free and/or with a big down payment for a house. If someone has a baby same thing. They throw a massive party and everyone donates money. 10-20K for a new baby. Etc.



They are extremely supportive of each other and have each others back 100%. Easy to see how their marriages last long term when the whole family is supportive.

That's awesome

[FarmersSon]

Idk I really don’t think I’m cut out to be a mom. I’ve never felt a maternal instinct. I don’t like taking care of people or being responsible for people. I don’t like stress and errands and chores and responsibilities. Plus I’m TERRIFIED of having a child with special needs or health problems or any other issues.

When I’m with other people’s kids I think they are cute but also very needy and annoying. I don’t feel any instinct to hold them or take care of them. They are mostly just annoying to me with how needy they are.

I do understand that when it’s your own kids it’s different because you naturally love them. And you have a natural biological bond to them. But idk I just never felt any desire for that.

The only doubt/regret I have about kids is if maybe kids could have saved my marriage. Kids give you a reason to stay through adultery, abuse, addictions. So maybe it would’ve been worth it if that would have worked. Idk though. A lot of people also say kids are hard on a marriage. So idk.

Kids certainly change some people for the better. From what I've seen it's usually genuinely good people who are just a bit immature, but want to be better that improve the most. Based on your descriptions of your ex-husband, having kids to save your marriage would have been a mistake, imo. I bet you could have been a good mother. With kids you just have to take the bad with the good. My younger children are the neediest, but they are also the ones that come running and give me hugs everyday when I get home from work.


I identify with a lot of the attitudes you've listed with respect to other peoples children. Having said that, I guess I'm not a complete curmudgeon. I have had past experiences working with youth groups as a leader in Boy Scouts and other activity oriented organizations and have gotten a lot of fulfillment out of teaching skills and seeing these kids grow and mature. Years ago, I took a week off from work and led a group of teenagers (none of my own kids were old enough) on a 50 mile backpacking trip. Those now grown men still reach out to me with wedding invites, etc. even though its been years since we've been in contact.

Yeah 8 years is still basically newly wed lmao. I got divorced long after that.

You really can’t judge a marriage until it’s been decades AND you’re both still in love AND you have both been completely loyal AND you are still having regular sex with each other.

Which is prob less than 10% of long term marriages.

Haha, I'm getting close. If I can keep it together for 2 more years I will meet your criteria.

8 years is a really good start though, and is enough time to build a strong foundation. I think if you can make it for 8, you can make it for 50. In cases where people don't I think it's usually because one or both parties changed, which really comes back to a lack of commitment. Both parties have to fully commit to doing whatever is necessary to keep the marriage strong. I frequently see the recommendation made to put kids before marriage. Growing up my mother always told us that she put my father first, before the children, because the single best thing they could do as a couple for their children was to maintain a good marriage. That said, both of my parents made sacrifices for the family.

Don't know a lot about you but based off this one post it is similar to me. In previous relationships I didn't want kids with them nor did I ever see myself being a dad. Looking back it's because the people I was with somehow or someway knew deep down they were not right to start a family with. Children never save a marriage, they could cause you to stay in a bad "relationship" where you "stay together" but it's not healthy.

I am curious if you were with a man who you didn't have doubts with that truly made you happy and not worried about children/life if you'd have a different mindset. A person who could be your player 2 and has your back to fight life's challenges with. Sure you might have the resolve to go through it solo, but we are social creatures be it friends, acquaintances, etc. People who say they do anything in life on their own is not being truthful. Successful career/business? You didn't do that on your own. You formed relationships with coworkers/investors/clients. You interacted with people who had influence on you, read books, went to speeches, performed speeches, received feedback and criticism to get where you are at. You didn't internalize the entire process and did it alone.

Life in general is hard as fuk. You just gotta choose your hard. Relationships, marriage, kids, going solo, billions of people have done these and have varying results. There's pros/cons/risks/rewards for each path.

Yeah, pretty much agree. I'm older and my background is more traditional that most people on here. Because of that, my personal belief is that most men would be happier by not delaying finding a quality woman and building a life with her in order to spend years chasing easy sex. But no matter what route a person chooses for themselves there will be challenges. My wife and I have gone through some brutally hard experiences together, even though I would say we have generally done pretty well making choices that should bring us happiness. No one is getting through life without some heartache. That's one reason I try to stay positive online. I enjoy an entertaining thread as much as anyone, but I try to never be negative or put another poster down because life's hard enough as it is, and you have no idea what the other person is going through.

[Silencespeaks]

I'm a skeptic about marriage and relationships in general but I do see the positive sides to taking that path in life. Looking at the way Asian culture is I do think it is a superior way to live. Take my GF's family for example:


-Parents are in their late 60s and married.
-8 kids all in their late 20s-40s.
-Most of their kids have kids and are married/in a LTR.

For holidays their kids come around. They have a big house/area to host people so its not uncommon to have 50-150 people over for dinner. And when I say for dinner I mean its typically a 4-8 hour affair. Friends/family/etc. all drop by. Everyone brings food so its a massive feast. Typically capable of feeding at least 2-3x the amount of people there. They typically have 4-5 generations there. Oldest people, mid age people, teens/kids and babies. Etc.


If someone needs money they pool their money together. Even if its like 20-30K. If someone gets married the family/friends donate money and a new couple typically gets about 50K in donations. So they go into their life together completely debt free and/or with a big down payment for a house. If someone has a baby same thing. They throw a massive party and everyone donates money. 10-20K for a new baby. Etc.



They are extremely supportive of each other and have each others back 100%. Easy to see how their marriages last long term when the whole family is supportive.

My best friend is from a similar huge family and culture (not Asian but similar values as you describe) and I tag along with their HUGE family gatherings sometimes.

I think they are happy because they like that culture but I always feel uncomfortable. Too many people and too many social expectations. Their life is a constant string of family obligations. Sunday visits, birthdays, weddings, baby showers, parties etc. Never ends because it’s such a huge group and everyone is always expected to attend. You can’t skip anything.

All their free time is basically taken up by family social obligations. And in addition there are very specific expectations on they have to live their lives because they all have to confirm to family expectations in every aspect. From education to career to finances to partner choice to where to live etc. Everything has to be a specific way to the family standard.

Again I know they are happy like that but to me it is suffocating. And I would not want to marry into that and become subject to all those social obligations and life choice expectations. You basically lose all your freedom. Both your free time and how you choose to live your life.