I’m gonna use this previous post I made in a now closed thread about pain med discussion to help describe
The thread I linked in this thread earlier, which I was replying to the gentleman that quoted it,was the reference to the Brain.
Awakened= Arrived DOA and woke up anyway
Brain tied behind back- is referencing my ambition to overcome disability obstacles
Long term chronic pain is a personal issue for me as well.
I have dealt with this from a severe injury, my legs hurt so bad I seriously considered cutting them off with a reciprocating saw at one point.
Did the whole routine, physical therapy , steroid (not the cell tech kind brahs lol) shots , tons of assorted drugs, considered several surgical ideas.
I tried every concoction of everything imaginable.
After a ton of BS and a few misdiagnoses, it was decided my condition could not be helped with surgery.
Basically blood and other stuff leaked down into the inside of my spine(where it isn’t supposed to be) causing scaring tissue.
This tissue bundled a bunch of nerves up and pressed them to cause the pain. There is no surgery to fix it without causing complete paralysis.
So there I was around 37 years old with Incurable chronic pain that felt like about six abscessed teeth at once for the rest of my life. Never goes away never will...
I had pain from other issues in different parts of my body involved as well, and was able to for the most part physical rehab or remedy it to a tolerable point. FYI having your spine drained at the base multiple times because brain fluid keeps leaking out your ears and eyes sucks a$$.
All the docs made the attempt to convince me to go on disability, for this - some paralysis- questions about whether I would be able to walk and function right again - hearing and speech loss- etc, and accept that I will have to go through long-term medication to sustain any kind of sense of normalcy for the remainder of my life, as well as I just can’t do the stuff I physically used to.
Many phuck you docs we are gonna fix this chit were said....
I was absolutely determined I was going to fix this chit, and any obstacle in my way would simply be destroyed.
I had a family to care for.
I was trying every approach to aggressive rehab I could.
They claimed I was in denial about my reality, I needed to quit being stubborn trying to fix it, some tried getting my wife and family involved to help me come to the reality.
I wasn’t going to do the drug thing period. I put that down in a stubborn attempt to find a real fix, nagging every doc in the world to do so.
Many wall holes were punched trying to cope with the pain... it was hell, and I was excessively stubborn about not doing the drug thing.
My choices were forever drug treatment, drug pump, or this:
The doctors decided to try to Implant a neurostimulator in me( sutured to spine( -http://www.medtronic.com/patients/chronic-pain/device/neurostimulators/what-is-it/index.htm
At first I was skeptical about it working. After the surgery with inflamation it took a while to settle in.
It has 16 points that sends electric signals strait to the nerves that counteract the pain signals coming up from my spine.
The aptitude, wavelength, modulation, etc have to be adjusted for each point to reach primary relief.
It has an accelerometer in it to adjust the stimulator based on what position my body is , 12 different adjustments.
I have a remote control to make these adjustment, and the medical reps have to do some as well.
Many people claim this as a failed and futile treatment after a few programming tries, and say it doesn’t really resolve anything for them and request drugs back.
I think the doctors insistence on disability being the most viable option is part of a causation with that....
I constantly insisting the reps reprogram it, I went back about 16 times determined to make it work.
I now take no drugs and basically have no pain(from the spine), at least not enough to cause a dysfunctional life, unless I forget to recharge it(in that case it hurts to the point I can barely function or walk).
I constantly run into spats where I have to think through my pain, it takes mental determination.
In my quest for life, throughout hospitals and rehab centers, I met many others with many different pain conditions and saw various directions taken or varies approaches made.
MJ was a first go for many, they were good people that didn’t want painkillers either- it was laughably futile in most cases. And yes many various forms of it.
I fully understand the need for some to be on lifelong pain killers- either that or suicide.
I have a certain amount of sympathy and empathy for their pain and condition.
But for many others I saw the lack of ambition, determination, and drive to break through their obstacles and overcome their condition prevalent.
Mj is not helpfully in driving ambition...
I feel a good kick in the a$$ and tough-love is needed way more than what we do.
Our shelf them and store them for life disability system is one of the most of the inhumane things we can do to people, regardless of the good intentions in doing so(see sig)
I’m masking my pain. It works for me. It creeps back. I have good days and bad days.
I’m fully functional for the most part, done multiple tough mudders, work my a$$ off, and father my children.
Sometimes chit just hurts, such is life....
Previous post I have made of my condition...
Bookmarks