[SRS] Depression Discussion and Support Thread Part III

[HoustonMiscer]

Been thinking about this a lot lately. Never been in a relationship in my life. Would really like to be in one but what woman would want to be in a relationship with me? I am an expert in pushing people away. I am not a very open person. I was very close to having my first gf last year but I fuked it up because of my stupid misplaced mistrust in people. Why am I like this? I am a very damaged person lol would any woman even want to be with me? The sad part is I am a very jolly and fun loving person irl in person but inside I am very sad and dead.

[DizzySmalls]

Been thinking about this a lot lately. Never been in a relationship in my life. Would really like to be in one but what woman would want to be in a relationship with me? I am an expert in pushing people away. I am not a very open person. I was very close to having my first gf last year but I fuked it up because of my stupid misplaced mistrust in people. Why am I like this? I am a very damaged person lol would any woman even want to be with me? The sad part is I am a very jolly and fun loving person irl in person but inside I am very sad and dead.

Gotta get over this chit quickly to have any hope man. We are running out of time.

I think I'm actually going to try out the therapy. I'm pretty skeptical based on brief experiences with services in college but you never know

[PrepaidExpress]

feel so lonely and sad.

Go on intagram/******** everyone has mates and ****. Why don't i have friends?

i'm very scared guys i'm not kidding

true story my grandfather (dad's dad) had borderline autisim. Extremely intelligent man, had his own busisness but very very quiet kept to himself hardly spoke.

My dad is very similar . my dad literally has no friends. but it doesn't seem to bother him.

i think my future will probably be the same. but it bothers me

[DizzySmalls]

feel so lonely and sad.

Go on intagram/******** everyone has mates and ****. Why don't i have friends?

i'm very scared guys i'm not kidding

true story my grandfather (dad's dad) had borderline autisim. Extremely intelligent man, had his own busisness but very very quiet kept to himself hardly spoke.

My dad is very similar . my dad literally has no friends. but it doesn't seem to bother him.

i think my future will probably be the same. but it bothers me

Autism runs in my family as well. I doubt it is a coincidence.

I am still exploring the extent to which social inhibition can actually be altered without drugs. I have improved so drastically since my early 20's in certain contexts (professional interaction mostly) that I still hold out some hope, but I'm not sure if avoidant features can be fully overcome.

[PrepaidExpress]

How do i stop feeling sorry and sad fo myself?


- sad that i work a job tht's **** and i could of been working somewhere so much better if not for past msitakes
- sad that i have no friends
- sad that the only girl thta ever liekd me who was decent i ****ed up with
- sad because no girls to talk to
- sad because hair receding
- sad because short and not that attractive despite looksmaxxing
- sad because life is purposles
- sad because no one to talk to
- sad because addicted to internet, phone, gambling and hookers
- sad because wasted all my money gambling
- sad because can't reverse time
- sad because can't even study or concentrate anymore mind is nuked
- sad because just sit in my room al day and cry

try not to cry challlenge.

[SuperChieftain]

How do i stop feeling sorry and sad fo myself?


- sad that i work a job tht's **** and i could of been working somewhere so much better if not for past msitakes
- sad that i have no friends
- sad that the only girl thta ever liekd me who was decent i ****ed up with
- sad because no girls to talk to
- sad because hair receding
- sad because short and not that attractive despite looksmaxxing
- sad because life is purposles
- sad because no one to talk to
- sad because addicted to internet, phone, gambling and hookers
- sad because wasted all my money gambling
- sad because can't reverse time
- sad because can't even study or concentrate anymore mind is nuked
- sad because just sit in my room al day and cry

try not to cry challlenge.

You need help. That’s the bottom line. Stop complaining here, and talk to a professional for fuk sake. Are you an adult? Jesus.

[DizzySmalls]

How do i stop feeling sorry and sad fo myself?


- sad that i work a job tht's **** and i could of been working somewhere so much better if not for past msitakes
- sad that i have no friends
- sad that the only girl thta ever liekd me who was decent i ****ed up with
- sad because no girls to talk to
- sad because hair receding
- sad because short and not that attractive despite looksmaxxing
- sad because life is purposles
- sad because no one to talk to
- sad because addicted to internet, phone, gambling and hookers
- sad because wasted all my money gambling
- sad because can't reverse time
- sad because can't even study or concentrate anymore mind is nuked
- sad because just sit in my room al day and cry

try not to cry challlenge.

I'm sitting here in a state of bliss like I had been on fire and somebody just splashed me with water.

Have you considered having some actual sympathy for yourself? Do you have any good qualities whatsoever? Are you sincere, honest, intelligent, a good listener, put your best foot forward, have compassion for the suffering of others?

Is there nothing about yourself that is intrinsically good that doesn't require friends or a great job or a hot girl or interpersonal status and validation? All of these desires make you so thirsty, and all of the obstacles in the way and analyzing them constantly is like drinking wine in the middle of the desert. You don't have full control of your circumstances in that way, you can only really orient yourself to do the right things that you should be doing and hope for the best. Maybe you make yourself a person who is deserving of love and you still don't get it. I think that may be OK ultimately. You don't need anything bro, just give in and accept whatever outcomes are in store for you. You are unwittingly torturing yourself by engaging in your thought patterns. Give yourself a rest. Being human is difficult and you will lose everything eventually no matter what you do, as will everybody else including the guy who is ****ing your whore ex.

[imbored21]

i just stalked my oneitis's wow character and broke down crying. Last online 1 year. I sent her in game mail and she never saw it. Pretty sure it expired by now. And I don't ever see her log in again meaning I will never be in contact with her. I can't accept never seeing her again but it is reality.

[frankfrank3630]

All women have to do is find a wealthy rich dude and hop into bed with them a few times and then they're set for life. Lmao @ women thinking they have it so hard. Fuking kunts.

In some ways they do, and in some ways we do. A woman will usually have a different life experience than a dude, so their hardships are also different.

I've seen a psychologist man but it doesn't really help tbh.

And with psychologists, shrinks, etc., there can be a LOT of variation. As mentioned below your post somewhere, there are a number of different psychology schools-of-thought. Every counselor brings their own life histories and experiences with them, and it affects how they use the psychological tools they've learned or found. My roommate has seen a few over the years, and all are remarkably different from each other.

[MichelleLnne]

Since I am in isolation mode and afraid to reach out to people irl.. misc although probably a ****ty place to be right now, at least maybe I can post ITT and get real help and advice until I can get myself into therapy. I'm sure everyone is reading the main misc page and sees what is going on with me.. theres a lot of skepticism and accusations being tossed around that are completely false.. instead I really did find my boyfriend dead, I really am trying to process it the best way I know how.. and at times the pain is overwhelming.. Im not suicidal but Im scared for what everyday is going to feel like now... I'm so sad

[imbored21]

1. miss my oneitis a lot and part of me thinks she didn't really care about me as much as i would have liked. it shouldnt even matter. she gave me the experience that i wanted. she gave me lifelong memories and taught me how to love. i should be thankful i got to experience those things with her. but for some reason i just can't move on.

2. want to be happy for my sister but it's just not fair how easy she has it because she is a girl. she had my life. 28 year old no life loser. then she downloads tinder and some guy saves her in a week with 0 effort on her part. now she lives my dream life. i really want to be happy for her and would hate to see her sad but i can't get over the jealousy. it's just not fair.

3. have to go on vacation with my parents next week and not looking forward to it. i have been completely closed off to them ever since my oneitis broke my heart and soul. i know all they want is to see me happy but i don't think i can give them that. i just can't fake it. i don't think i'll say a single word the whole trip. i feel terrible about it but im beyond hurt at this point from years of social isolation. theyre getting old and it would kill me if they die before getting to see me happy.


hate this.

[frankfrank3630]

^ [Post #6024] Please cherish your experiences with her, and recognize that you learned some things of unfathomable importance from her. Learning how to love is a biggie. Learning how to love is also, by definition, a kind of double-edged sword with a marvelous side, and often also a side that can throw some pretty bad curve balls at you.

What you're feeling in general is all very human, it's how we're put together.

[imbored21]

my sister keeps bragging about how pretty she is because she is dating a doctor. She's literally average. WTF how am I not supposed to hate women??? soo frustrating.

[imissk0bee]

Wish I was dead srs.

Theres no other way to escape this hell inside my head.

Chester Bennington made a song about being stuck in the hell in his head, and he sadly took his own life. I feel this is the same path I am heading

[PrepaidExpress]

Wish I was dead srs.

Theres no other way to escape this hell inside my head.

Chester Bennington made a song about being stuck in the hell in his head, and he sadly took his own life. I feel this is the same path I am heading

I know that feeling brother


i'm legit mentally destroyed.


I've never been like this in my life but i'm putting up the white flag. I'm just destroyed. NOTHING makes me happy anymore. I can't even think or concentrate or memorise things. I feel embarressed talking to people because my mind is so slow and laggy. I still feel sand and miss my ex gf eve nthough we broke up 8 months ago. I guess i miss her because when i was with her i as happy.

I suck at my **** job. i feel sad everyday. i just blow my money because i'm sad. haven't saved in months. blew $2,000 last weekend.

literally don'tsee a way out. spoken to a psychologist hasn't helped.

been playing team sport it's helped a bit but not as much as i would of thought.

I'm just mentally ruined.

[maori-rap]

Okay, I'm gonna go ahead and vent a little.

I've been suffering a little from depression and anxiety this year. It all seemed to start (or restart) with the neighbour playing loud bass music through the wall, which tended to put me on edge as it could come ANYTIME. They have not really played it much recently and usually they don't play it (I have been here for 7.5 years).

I developed a dislike of being in the house as I felt unsettled, and relished 3 days at my parents over Christmas. I live here alone and always have BTW. My dislike for being at home grew stronger. Then negative intrusive thoughts started (restarted) as well as OCD type behaviour. Recently I have been feeling almost constantly nervous and anxious, ESPECIALLY at this property. I use that term as this building has never really been a home, just a building I live in.

Now I cannot just sit here alone. I tend to go out on Saturdays and Sundays for hours, even if there's no real purpose, and almost dread coming back. I am planning on moving, but it won't be anytime soon. Also very anxious about an upcoming stage play.

Oh, and there is a dog outside which yaps CONSTANTLY day and night and keeps waking me up. My sleep is not good right now as I just lie there almost waiting for something bad to happen.

Happy to answer ANY questions about my situ.

[alltrapbrah]

Okay, I'm gonna go ahead and vent a little.

I've been suffering a little from depression and anxiety this year. It all seemed to start (or restart) with the neighbour playing loud bass music through the wall, which tended to put me on edge as it could come ANYTIME. They have not really played it much recently and usually they don't play it (I have been here for 7.5 years).

I developed a dislike of being in the house as I felt unsettled, and relished 3 days at my parents over Christmas. I live here alone and always have BTW. My dislike for being at home grew stronger. Then negative intrusive thoughts started (restarted) as well as OCD type behaviour. Recently I have been feeling almost constantly nervous and anxious, ESPECIALLY at this property. I use that term as this building has never really been a home, just a building I live in.

Now I cannot just sit here alone. I tend to go out on Saturdays and Sundays for hours, even if there's no real purpose, and almost dread coming back. I am planning on moving, but it won't be anytime soon. Also very anxious about an upcoming stage play.

Oh, and there is a dog outside which yaps CONSTANTLY day and night and keeps waking me up. My sleep is not good right now as I just lie there almost waiting for something bad to happen.

Happy to answer ANY questions about my situ.

Could you elaborate / be specific concerning the bolded, please.

[manletstrength]

I start therapy next thursday. Hope i can get the help i need. The anger and most of all the depression is just draining me. Im never happy and my mind is racing 1000 miles a minute. Everyday is an uphill battle for me and im losing. Im just so tired of always feeling this way. Its like a nightmare i wish i could wake up from. My depression medication is no longer working. Ive been on it for 15 years and now its doing nothing for me. Its like taking a sugar pill at this point.

Saw my new psychiatrist earlier this week. She wants to completely get me off the zoloft and switch my risperdal to lithium which is scary. Lithium is dangerous as its toxicity can fuk your kidneys up. Im going to talk to her about putting me on a safer anti psychotic instead of lithium.

Overall i hope things turn out for the better for me.

[DizzySmalls]

I start therapy next thursday. Hope i can get the help i need. The anger and most of all the depression is just draining me. Im never happy and my mind is racing 1000 miles a minute. Everyday is an uphill battle for me and im losing. Im just so tired of always feeling this way. Its like a nightmare i wish i could wake up from. My depression medication is no longer working. Ive been on it for 15 years and now its doing nothing for me. Its like taking a sugar pill at this point.

Saw my new psychiatrist earlier this week. She wants to completely get me off the zoloft and switch my risperdal to lithium which is scary. Lithium is dangerous as its toxicity can fuk your kidneys up. Im going to talk to her about putting me on a safer anti psychotic instead of lithium.

Overall i hope things turn out for the better for me.

Best of luck. If this one doesn't work out after a bit, try another one.

[imbored21]

I don't fit in and never did. Same story different day.

No friends in highschool. College was new beggining. People reached out to me at first but I was too awkward and started avoiding people. Went friendless the rest of college.

1st job out of college. Same thing. People invited me out. I was weird and awkward the whole time only giving one word answers when they tried so hard to include me. I start avoiding them and then they stop inviting me out. Lonely for the next 2 years.

2nd job out of college (now). Same story. Coworkers invite me out and try to include me. I go out and am awkward and only give one word answers and only speak when spoken to. I start avoiding eyecontact in the hallways. Today I heard my coworkers talking and laughing. They all planned on going out and I wasn't invited. Feel like **** but I know it's my fault. I'm a social failure. Don't even know what to ****ing do anymore. I always ruin everything.

The thing is I don't even know what to say. Everyone just talks about their social experiences and all the places they go to with their friends. How am I supposed to contribute when I've never had a social life? On top of that I'm shy as **** (but even if I wasn't I would have nothing to say).

Social anxiety ruined my life and continues to ruin it. I could have probably had my oneitis but I couldn't even ask her out for 2 years. I'm such a ****ing failure.

I know I have a lot to offer but I don't have thing that matters the most, social skills/social confidence. Seriously think death might be the only answer for me. I just need to be put out of my misery. I don't have what it takes to make it. You can't be happy wihtout socializing but I just can't do it. I'm useless. Not deserving of life.

[DizzySmalls]

I don't fit in and never did. Same story different day.

No friends in highschool. College was new beggining. People reached out to me at first but I was too awkward and started avoiding people. Went friendless the rest of college.

1st job out of college. Same thing. People invited me out. I was weird and awkward the whole time only giving one word answers when they tried so hard to include me. I start avoiding them and then they stop inviting me out. Lonely for the next 2 years.

2nd job out of college (now). Same story. Coworkers invite me out and try to include me. I go out and am awkward and only give one word answers and only speak when spoken to. I start avoiding eyecontact in the hallways. Today I heard my coworkers talking and laughing. They all planned on going out and I wasn't invited. Feel like **** but I know it's my fault. I'm a social failure. Don't even know what to ****ing do anymore. I always ruin everything.

The thing is I don't even know what to say. Everyone just talks about their social experiences and all the places they go to with their friends. How am I supposed to contribute when I've never had a social life? On top of that I'm shy as **** (but even if I wasn't I would have nothing to say).

Social anxiety ruined my life and continues to ruin it. I could have probably had my oneitis but I couldn't even ask her out for 2 years. I'm such a ****ing failure.

I know I have a lot to offer but I don't have thing that matters the most, social skills/social confidence. Seriously think death might be the only answer for me. I just need to be put out of my misery. I don't have what it takes to make it. You can't be happy wihtout socializing but I just can't do it. I'm useless. Not deserving of life.

Have you ever had that inhibition go away with anyone before, or is it just with new people? Does it persist even if you drink?

[imbored21]

Have you ever had that inhibition go away with anyone before, or is it just with new people? Does it persist even if you drink?

I didn't have it with my parents until I started avoiding them this past year. It has gone away with people but it's only after constant interaction with them and will come back if I don't see them for a while. I can probably count the number of people on one hand that I can say I was truly uninhibited with. Currently have 0 people like that though. Drinking doesn't do **** and I hate alcohol anyways.

[maori-rap]

Could you elaborate / be specific concerning the bolded, please.

Inappropriate and troubling sexual and violent thoughts. Say thoughts about harming a loved one I would NEVER harm. Also fixating and obsessing on traumatic things I have seen or witnessed, like my mind couldn't let me rest. I am aware that intrusive thoughts really feed of anxiety, and if you try and get rid of them and block them, you in fact fuel them. So it can be difficult.

This video helped.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AR6k2h9PRzc&t=96s

[alltrapbrah]

Inappropriate and troubling sexual and violent thoughts. Say thoughts about harming a loved one I would NEVER harm. Also fixating and obsessing on traumatic things I have seen or witnessed, like my mind couldn't let me rest. I am aware that intrusive thoughts really feed of anxiety, and if you try and get rid of them and block them, you in fact fuel them. So it can be difficult.

This video helped.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AR6k2h9PRzc&t=96s

It’s a difficult one brah. I’m at something of a loss tbh.

The problem when it comes to helping a guy like yourself is that there are obviously some fundamental basic life problems (i.e. isolated life style, minimal/zero intimate relationships and/or friends, no sexual or romantic life, job that pays the bills but provides little else, etc - correct me if i’m wrong about any of this; it’s just what i’ve gathered from your posts), thus it’s really difficult to determine to what extent your issues are symptomatic of some facet of your life.

Generally speaking, symptoms like fears and anxiety often develop as a ways of adapting to an intolerable situation, and when the situation is resolved, the symptoms will disappear because they have lost their function.

[maori-rap]

Also very anxious about an upcoming stage play.

There has been a development here and I believe I will have to back out of the play, which isn't ideal, but neither is going forward. I should never have really gone for the role.

[alltrapbrah]

There has been a development here and I believe I will have to back out of the play, which isn't ideal, but neither is going forward. I should never have really gone for the role.

What kind of development?

[imbored21]

i have no one. 0 long term friends. everyone ****ing left me. never trust ****ing women. they will ghost you like you're nothing. i cry every ****ing night now. wtf am i supposed to do??

[maori-rap]

What kind of development?

I don't want to go into details. I won't feel good about backing out of the play, prolly feel awful for a while, but it's a decision and I'm going to make it.

Regarding this

"(i.e. isolated life style, minimal/zero intimate relationships and/or friends, no sexual or romantic life, job that pays the bills but provides little else, etc - correct me if i’m wrong about any of this; it’s just what i’ve gathered from your posts),"

It has been that way more or less my entire adult life, and I am not normally anxious or depressed. The celibacy is just an existence which I have always lived within, it is nothing new or shocking. It's the only life I have known and therefore unlikely to prompt this recent spur of low feeling.

[alltrapbrah]

I don't want to go into details. I won't feel good about backing out of the play, prolly feel awful for a while, but it's a decision and I'm going to make it.

Okay. If the development really does warrant you pulling out, then fair enough. But I can’t emphasise ‘really’ enough. If it’s one of those situations where you’re faced with an easy path and a hard path, it is almost always better to take the hard path. The easy path is usually a short term solution that trades pain now for pain later. The hard path is the opposite, obviously, and most likely better for you in the long term.

Regarding this

"(i.e. isolated life style, minimal/zero intimate relationships and/or friends, no sexual or romantic life, job that pays the bills but provides little else, etc - correct me if i’m wrong about any of this; it’s just what i’ve gathered from your posts),"

It has been that way more or less my entire adult life, and I am not normally anxious or depressed. The celibacy is just an existence which I have always lived within, it is nothing new or shocking. It's the only life I have known and therefore unlikely to prompt this recent spur of low feeling.

I have two thoughts concerning this:

1) I’m 100% sure you’ve seen Shawshank. Remember when Red gives the ‘institutionalised’ speech? Obviously all those prisoners fukin’ hated the situation they were in, at least initially, but given enough months, they get used to it, and given enough years, it kinda feels normal and all they’ve ever known. I guess what i’m trying to say is that just because you’ve adapted to prison doesn’t change the fact that it’s prison. As humans, we just adapt, period. The adaption is not discerning of good or bad.

2) You might be correct that your overall lifestyle is unrelated to your recent bout of low feelings, but you also might be wrong. Time can do funny things, and i’m sure you’ve heard countless stories of people growing listless or discontent after many years of living the same way. I think the ageing process often plays a part in this; the recognition that time is running out, coupled with a physical waning. Let me put it this way - I will be very surprised if your way living does not eventually result in some negative manifestations.

But like you said, your low feelings might be connected to something else. Do you have any ideas what it might be? Outside of the things i’ve already highlighted, the only thing I can think of is the play, but obviously you know a chit ton more about your life than I do.

[sandman2019]

i don;t understand why i feel so depressed
i go to the gym, i play soccer, i work, i study


why do i feel so sad?