[SRS] Depression Discussion and Support Thread Part II

[Flexish]

my father passed away on the 13th, my grandmother back in may. this **** sucks. he was my best friend and she was like a mother to me.

my sincere condolences. I am so sorry.

I think i need to vanish for a while. I'm on edge, my patience is low, it's hard to breathe. Like really hard to breathe. I can't continue this charade of normalcy. I see the way the world is and it disgusts me. It's like being a sore thumb in a world of selfish, ungrateful individuals. unkind, evil. Users.I really have no place here. it's devouring me.

[Kabamaro]

One of the only things that makes me feel less depressed is seeing progress in my physique

I feel like I can't face the world with my current physique because I'm not happy with the way I look

[Beauuu]

One of the only things that makes me feel less depressed is seeing progress in my physique

I feel like I can't face the world with my current physique because I'm not happy with the way I look

this is a severe case body dysmorphia. talk to a therapist and get off these forums srs

[axiom15]

One of the only things that makes me feel less depressed is seeing progress in my physique

I feel like I can't face the world with my current physique because I'm not happy with the way I look

Although I can fully agree with the first part, do not let yourself succumb to such thoughts in your second sentence. Completely unnecessary, and will ultimately lead to a dead end. You will never be perfect, open your eyes. Just put in work and have fun, you'll get what you deserve from that.

[Thai_Clinch]

got put on escitalopram (lexapro), anyone else ever use this? or SSRIs in general?

just got put on zoloft friday. the sides have me ****ing miserable. every day so far has been a struggle.

my issues are anxiety and panic disorder though. unsure if that means anything but zoloft is also an SSRI

[Deathstroke]

I am on lexapro.

[ItFitz]

I was told a while back that its important to find things to look forward to when you're suicidal. A couple months ago I told myself that I was going to wait until after the World Series was over (I'm a big baseball fan) before I thought about killing myself. Well, that came and went. Then I thought, "well, may as well stick around a little longer and see who wins the election". Now that's over. And I'm sitting here wondering, "now what?". Am I just going to keep finding meaningless things to stick around for to prolong my painful existence?

[fit5128]

I was told a while back that its important to find things to look forward to when you're suicidal. A couple months ago I told myself that I was going to wait until after the World Series was over (I'm a big baseball fan) before I thought about killing myself. Well, that came and went. Then I thought, "well, may as well stick around a little longer and see who wins the election". Now that's over. And I'm sitting here wondering, "now what?". Am I just going to keep finding meaningless things to stick around for to prolong my painful existence?

What happens, Why is your existence painful?

The thing about dying is that you don't have to worry about it: it is the only thing that is gonna happen no matter what. It will take care of itself on its own, so why the hurry? You only have certain time left in this physical vehicle. Once you die, all possibility of doing anything inmediately ceases. The chance of helping, creating, destroying, touching, feeling, changing.. it's game over, at least for now

Maybe saying "the rest of your life" is too much of what you can handle now but you can focus on this week: if you were given only one more week on this planet, what are the things you would like to do? What would you change in your life If given the opportunity?

[Amp30]

I am on lexapro.

And? How is it working for you.

[Deathstroke]

And? How is it working for you.

I would recommend it to anyone who has depression or an extreme form of anxiety. That and therapy is helping me challenge the things related to both depression and anxiety.

[axiom15]

Finally not sick, going camping this weekend for my birthday. Last year we did acid, helped tons with depression. Unsure if it'll happen again this year but just getting away will help. At least for the weekend.

Gonna be back to reality though when I get back, I'll probably be even more depressed actually..i wish I was okay

[smitty2250]

got put on escitalopram (lexapro), anyone else ever use this? or SSRIs in general?

hey I was on that for a while but a small dose and I didn't really feel like it helped much tbh. years ago now though been on desvenlafaxine for a while.


Anyone get intense bouts of rage? I dunno feel like im going crazy. So aggressive and hateful. Actually carved the word pig into my leg the other day. Shyt is getting so out of hand. More and more isolated.

[MrDevereaux]

What happens, Why is your existence painful?

The thing about dying is that you don't have to worry about it: it is the only thing that is gonna happen no matter what. It will take care of itself on its own, so why the hurry? You only have certain time left in this physical vehicle. Once you die, all possibility of doing anything inmediately ceases. The chance of helping, creating, destroying, touching, feeling, changing.. it's game over, at least for now

Maybe saying "the rest of your life" is too much of what you can handle now but you can focus on this week: if you were given only one more week on this planet, what are the things you would like to do? What would you change in your life If given the opportunity?

That's the thing people seem to miss though. When you're deeply depressed, you don't feel like doing anything so going out and living life like it's your last week on earth is meaningless. Even if someone gave you a billion dollars and told you the world will end in a week you'd probably still just sit in your room feeling terrible.

[AcetylCoA]

Depressed about my oneitis but I'm gong to try and talk to her tomorrow... I know I'll get a look of disgust from her but at this point I need to do something cause it's eating me inside

[lowberry]

Im 26 and for years I have been getting worse and worse throughout the years and its getting out of hand. I have watched my peers graduate college, become doctors/lawyers/engineers/pilots etc, get married, become rich, build families while I sit in a room in my parents house rotting. I also suffer from social anxiety and ptsd as well. Im 26 and still am at home I tried moving out at 20 when I was doing much better and had some money and my parents made me stay and I despise them for it, was also badly physically and verbally abused like crazy as a child which they don't do with my younger siblings as I must have just been their experiment. I have been getting really bad lately. throughout the years I cut off contact with any friends/family I had. It is sooo bad I have sooo much fatigue and dizziness as well as lack of motivation and anhedonia it makes it impossible to do daily tasks, I can barely get out of bed most days. Not to mention my sex drive is DEAD I can go MONTHS without fapping, I can barely even maintain an erection, have no interest in getting laid, I use to be the opposite at 16-20.
Antidepressants have failed me. I am 'treatment resistant'. being in extreme poverty just makes it multitudes worse.

[Angerfister]

got put on escitalopram (lexapro), anyone else ever use this? or SSRIs in general?

They didn't do much for me, but work for a friend of mine. (Citalopram, the old version of it)
Give them some time, like 3-4 weeks, and you'll know if they work. Don't expect miracles, though. I just kept LDAR style on them, so please take my advice with a grain of salt-

Mirtazapin is now working well for me, making me tired in the evening, and stimulate Appetite (two Problems of mine were sleep regularly, and lack of appetite to gain mass).
Only been dizzy in the morning the first 1-2 weeks. But it's tough to not eat too much suger / gain fat, if you don't have lots of discipline. Have gained 5kg over 3 months now, but nearly half of that is muscle-mass, I think. Might add that I started a better/more regular gym-routine again, after 2 weeks of taking Mirtas (muscle-memory dere), when they didn't make me feel dizzy anymore. I just take 15-30mg 2 hours before bed (15-45mg are normal dosages per day), and finally managed to only drink alcohol on Fridays. (cheers! No safer use, but no biggy, I think. Sometimes skip Mirta on Friday evenings/nights when I had too many drinks, with no issues).

If you've ever been into doing drugs, or tend to drink too much/regularly, I heard that Tianeptin is a great choice, if your doc is wanted to subscribe that (kinda new in Germany, bit longer on the market in France). Means that it helps to avoid doing drugs and drink, not go well together with it, ofc!
Nearly no side-effects. Nothing bad regarding Libido/potency, and neither an upper nor a downer, in general. Also a Nootropic, as my research taught me (Citalopram is at least meant to be an upper..., Mirtazapin clearly makes you tired/sleepy, in my experience)
I want to try Tianeptin, replacing the Mirtazapin, now that I got a new Job and got my sleep-schedule/gym-schedule in a good rhythm. Tianeptin is also much easier to quit as any other ADs I did research for, which is a big plus in my book.

[altpink]

i've been bulimic since the age of 12, its been off and on the past few years. after a few months the bulimia led to depression and anxiety which is common with eating disorders. that eventually led to drugs, self harm and hooking up with random people, i think i was 15-16 at the time. i've always been shy and anti social. at the time i had very few friends. my closest friend that knew about what i was going through abandoned me. looking back i don't know if i regret it or not, i'm ashamed of what i did but if it wasn't for that i might not be here today. iv recently relapsed into bulimia after recovering for 7 months. things are looking bad again. i always feel negative and empty. i want nothing more than to get high or drunk. i don't know why i just basically told my life story lmao, i guess i just needed to vent. i don't tell anyone about this stuff, i don't want to lose anymore friends. i'm going to start weight training again to help change my mindset, i remember it helped last time

[lowberry]

They didn't do much for me, but work for a friend of mine. (Citalopram, the old version of it)
Give them some time, like 3-4 weeks, and you'll know if they work. Don't expect miracles, though. I just kept LDAR style on them, so please take my advice with a grain of salt-

Mirtazapin is now working well for me, making me tired in the evening, and stimulate Appetite (two Problems of mine were sleep regularly, and lack of appetite to gain mass).
Only been dizzy in the morning the first 1-2 weeks. But it's tough to not eat too much suger / gain fat, if you don't have lots of discipline. Have gained 5kg over 3 months now, but nearly half of that is muscle-mass, I think. Might add that I started a better/more regular gym-routine again, after 2 weeks of taking Mirtas (muscle-memory dere), when they didn't make me feel dizzy anymore. I just take 15-30mg 2 hours before bed (15-45mg are normal dosages per day), and finally managed to only drink alcohol on Fridays. (cheers! No safer use, but no biggy, I think. Sometimes skip Mirta on Friday evenings/nights when I had too many drinks, with no issues).

If you've ever been into doing drugs, or tend to drink too much/regularly, I heard that Tianeptin is a great choice, if your doc is wanted to subscribe that (kinda new in Germany, bit longer on the market in France). Means that it helps to avoid doing drugs and drink, not go well together with it, ofc!
Nearly no side-effects. Nothing bad regarding Libido/potency, and neither an upper nor a downer, in general. Also a Nootropic, as my research taught me (Citalopram is at least meant to be an upper..., Mirtazapin clearly makes you tired/sleepy, in my experience)
I want to try Tianeptin, replacing the Mirtazapin, now that I got a new Job and got my sleep-schedule/gym-schedule in a good rhythm. Tianeptin is also much easier to quit as any other ADs I did research for, which is a big plus in my book.

mirtazeptine is garbage. Im groggy as hell on it and gained like 50 lbs while i was on it. the munchies are unreal. it helps sleep like the first week or 2 then it wears off and i only got ****ty side effects. It only makes my problems worse. i'm really curious how does it actually help you?
I tried tianeptine before and I think it can be very helpful if you can get effects off the recommended dose, but eventually it lost its magic and since I have a history with opiates I needed a higher dose which then led to me taking insane amounts when then had pretty awful WDs. but again if you can stay at the 12.5mg recommended dose you shouldnt have problems

[benrhyno1989]

Just got diagnosed Thursday, broke my ankle in March which isnt fully healed, hurt my back trying to get back into lifting for so long and so I've spent weeks on ********. Got citalopram for the depression and waiting on blood results, but also had a huge bust up with my gf (over smothering beheaviour - us living in each others pockets basically) who I've been with 6 months and love more intensely than anyone I've been with before (broke up with my ex of 10 years in Feb but the time felt right to get with this girl as we'd always had an undeniable attraction to eachother). Thought I'd lost her for good yesterday, ended up taking a handful of painkillers to try and numb the physical pain of my back and knock me out so I didn't have to deal with the mental heartache, ended up with all of my family and my current gf coming through and taking me to my parent house to stay the night in a sort of intervention type scenario. I wasn't aiming for suicide and it was just impulsive behaviour from feeling truly helpless but at the time Iwas thinking I would at least be free of the pain if I didn't wake up. Everyone's worried about me and I'm worried what will happen if me and the current girlfriend don't resolve things and move forward.
I don't really enjoy my job, but I stuck with it because I work with the girl who became my girlfriend - I have a PhD in Chemistry and couldn't get a job apart from this one due to overqualification.
also starting to regain some of the 64lbs I lost 3 years ago when I really had my **** together mentally, physically and emotionally. And I drink a lot, regularly to deal with the depression. I'm at a loss.

~In addition to this, me and my gf broke up last weekend and I've been told by the Dr that I've got bone marrow leaking into my ankle and it's formed an oedema, and my white blood cell count is 1.0 and some sort of virus has shown up in the sticky film of my blood on analysis. Not sure how to join the dots but the depression is automatically assuming I have leukemia or lymphoma. Fingers crossed for me. :-(

[wangjiny]

chit's just going down deeper to see how far i can take before i snap tbh, everyday is already a torture so why the fuk not, happily depressed crew checking in

[smitty2250]

chit's just going down deeper to see how far i can take before i snap tbh, everyday is already a torture so why the fuk not, happily depressed crew checking in

tfw you wake up and don't know if today is the day you go nuts and fuk everything

[lurker2016]

Working toward a goal helps me combat depression

[Beauuu]

i sleep until 1pm, take a sleeping pill and then sleep until 5pm every day to avoid sun light

[AcetylCoA]

everyday sucks whats the point. i just want to get hit by a bus on the way to work or something

[1outof10beta]

I have trigger days now. Well just fridays really. I drive around and instead of feeling happy as usual I just think of ending it all.

Booked into docs this week, I really want counselling but last time they said that the queues for counselling were too long (?) and gave me lexasomething. I don't take drugs, they went in the bin. Hoping this time (different part of the country) I can see someone. CBT or something is what I need!

I am 2nd fattest I have ever been now, I was 27 stone once and got down to 23 stone, now I am just touching 24 stone. Dieting is not working because every ****ing friday I get really depressed and then eat 5000kcal in the space of 3-4 hours, during which I feel AMAZING then the comedown...I just feel suicidal.

I make mistakes like going online looking for sex or just a date or just someone to talk to on POF etc but ofcourse unless I use a fake pic none of these so called "I see the beauty inside not outside" women reply.. BS they just see looks and judge. Amazing how many women will msg me first if I have a fake pic saying how great the same profile sounds which I use with my pics and they ignore or block me HAHAHAHA **** them.

This friday I am going to fast all day then drive to the gym around 1am (social anxiety sucks) and see if I can use that when no one is there... 80 mile round trip to the only 24 hour gym with parking outside.

[axiom15]

Brb back from camping trip, starting to feel worse than before I left. I feel so lonely now. In a constant angry mood, at myself but mostly just at feeling this way. I feel like I'm about to have another really bad couple of days where I struggle to stay alive.

Though this is happening I've pretty much decided that I'm leaving everything behind and moving somewhere else with no job, "friends", etc. Gonna sell some stuff and make as much money as I can then leave. Feeling pretty nervous about that

[JitteryJoes]

When it happens I'll be relieved of the pull that is life.

[ItFitz]

Things just aren't getting better. I just can't see a light at then end of the tunnel. I'm still struggling with chronic pain/illness. I can't lift. I can't work. I can't find any motivation to study.I'm angry and pissed off at the world. I have no friends. I'm a kissless virgin, despite having many golden opportunities with cute girls. I'm attractive but social anxiety has held me back. I'm a total joke and a failure and everybody knows it. But they don't hate me as much as I hate myself. I'm going to get a hooker soon so that I can at least get the "virgin stigma" out of my head. One less thing to worry about.

I wasted so much potential and now I'm stuck with this chitty life. I swear I can't take much more of this.

[Angerfister]

i sleep until 1pm, take a sleeping pill and then sleep until 5pm every day to avoid sun light

You need sunlight/daylight to build natural Serotonin. I think taking a daily walk for 30-60 min during daylight time would help you more than SSRIs, and obv would have no bad side effects.

[JerryAtrix]

I'm allergic to 21 foods and 50 out of 57 enviromental items, every type of tree, grass, weed, half of molds, very bad allergic to dust mites, dogs, cats, cockroaches, etc. I've lost over 30 pounds in 3 months, I tried to ask my doctor yesterday for help and he walked out mid sentence and sent the nurse in to try to make me leave and I broke down and cried for over and hour and they just left me in the waiting room and told me they couldn't help, I called the mental health center and they told me they couldn't see me until March, and other places couldn't get me in for at least a month, I reached out for help and got nothing, I got humiliated and embarrassed.