Eating Disorder Support Thread: Recovery in Numbers (2nd Edition)

[SuperHippo]

@ifguy12 i think its best to never weigh yourself, and throw out your scale!

[ifguy12]

@ifguy12 i think its best to never weigh yourself, and throw out your scale!

This link says that once should weight themselves at least once a week: http://www.techtimes.com/articles/22...recommends.htm



But I think for a first step I will stop weighing myself every day. Changes in water weight can drive scale up or down.

[AFC96]

@ifguy: You do know this is an ED thread.

it would be better if they do not "weigh" themselves and should not be dictated by what the scale says.

[ShyGuyXS]

@ifguy - I disagree. I'd say that's more of a guideline for people pursuing positive, healthier weight goals, not for those of us who have struggled with an eating disorder or were/are obsessive about food/weight. If you're weighing in weekly as part of a plan set up by a support team (therapist, dietitian, family, etc.), that can be used as feedback, but if you have any scales and are in this situation, I'd advise getting rid of them. That's a good first step.

I haven't weighed myself (or known my actual weight) for about 8 months now. It's something I no longer have to obsess over or carry in my head all day.

[ErikTheElectric]

@ AFC

Please remove the quote, use the @ _____ (persons name) when speaking to people ITT.

[AFC96]

@ETE

done.

[turtv189]

@ifguy12 i think its best to never weigh yourself, and throw out your scale!

I agree. I noticed that i'm happy when i don't have the thinking of weight myself every morning. It's like to be a scale's slave.

[AB6472]

@determined4000

You are absolutely right - still adhering to arbitrary rules. I guess since at one point in my life I was very heavy I am afraid of letting go of the control. Did you just decide one day that you were gonna eat whatever the hell you wanted? Did this lead to some binges in the beginning because you were restricting certain foods for so long?

[determined4000]

@ab7472
quite the opposite
I never had the urge to binge because I wasnt depriving myself any longer at other times. When you starve your body or deprive it of something it wants, when you finally do eat (or eat it) you want to eat as much as possible because your body doesnt ever think it will get it again. Once you condition it to know the opposite is true, you wont want to binge.

[Holmbrah]

i think i might have a binge eating disorder. but jesus, my story is so long. goes back to 2011, i don't even know where to begin

[ceastman44]

I am 6 foot and 125 pounds. I used to a little over 200 in february of this last year and decided I would lose weight. It started out good and then I took it too far. I realize now that what I was doing was not okay and I am trying to eat more, but I need to know a few things first:
1)Which matters more: that I eat more than I burn or that I eat clean?
2)How important is nutrition at this point because I know I am underweight and I want to bulk. Should I still avoid junk like cookies and such or should I down them without hesitation and be sure to get plenty of protein too (example:Christmas Cookies and such)
3)How many calories/What should I be eating/Should I worry about macros and if so what ratio?
Thanks, I want to fix what I did because I used to be fairly strong and now I can't get used to being this small skinny fat kid. All help is appreciated, this forum has already helped a ton in the few days I have been on it.

[ErikTheElectric]

^ wrong thread


Doesn't sound like you suffer from disordered eating, you are extremely underweight. I'd suggest speaking with your doctor if you want advice on weight gain.

[ceastman44]

^ wrong thread


Doesn't sound like you suffer from disordered eating, you are extremely underweight. I'd suggest speaking with your doctor if you want advice on weight gain.

I got extremely underweight from the anorexia I developed. If I don't know the food that is safe to eat, I refuse to eat it and therefore often go days with only eating a thousand calories while tracking them obsessively. So I am trying to gain weight but I need help knowing what to eat so I will eat it. I have a doctor's appointment soon, but it is after Christmas and I want to be able to enjoy the holiday without hating myself for the food I am eating.

[determined4000]

@ceastman
THan stop creating artificial rules and restrictions on food. If you want to eat pie for dessert, take a slice. If you want a 2nd helping of mashed potatoes, go for it. You wont die. You wont become fat. You will just be happier AND HEALTHIER physically and mentally.

[Holmbrah]

I'm honestly so glad that i found this thread. I have been struggling with binge eating on/off since 2011 since going from 280 pounds to 185, and later this year to the leanest i've ever been at 170. That was in november, and somewhere along the line i ended up messing up several months of hard work (second time this year) and I'm now at almost 190 from several days of binge eating.

I'm just trying to make this short here, but before I found this thread i was doing IF, and I never really thought of how harmful it was to me. Literally all I could think about during the day was having my next meal. I used to have all my calories at 6am, and sometimes I would even skip school and social events cause I just wanted to sit home and wait for the next day to come so that I could have all my calories. I've only had binge eating problems twice this year, and before that it was several times a week. Which was due to excessive dieting and exercising, back when i didn't know alot about nutrition or training. Every time I had a binge it was a vicious cycle of binging, throwing it up, binge again, feel bad about myself, promise myself that i'll improve the next day, over-exercise to compensate for what i ate, and then the cycle would often repeat.

It happened twice this year for an extended period of times: both were after two rather long cuts (after my bulks) and both time i got to a healthy weight and healthy bodyfat that i was happy with (14-15% i believe) but i ended up messing up. I believe my triggers are loneliness, boredem, and lack of social interaction with my friends. These were the emotions i was having when I had my binging streaks this year, and also the years prior to this. I never really thought about what could be causing this, I always just thought it was due to a lack of self-discipline, and not that I had a problem. I'm usually way too obsessive with calorie counting and weighing all my food on a food scale too.

I haven't binged for almost 3 days now. I'm not happy with the weight that I put on this month after my binge eating, cause honestly, I loved the body I had achieved before this happened. But reading through this thread I realize that trying to lose all the weight I put on through the binge eating this december probably won't do me any good, until I learn to establish a healthy relationship with food again. It's really been a mental struggle for me.

So what I did to improve today: I threw IF out the window. No more IF. Had a healthy breakfast with some coffee. And i plan on having several other meals today, instead of eating them all at once like i used to do. I actually tried this several times already this month, but ultimately failed. Cause the smaller meals weren't satisfying to me, compared to the big 2200 meal I had every morning. I saw some people in the thread who had the same problems, and I don't quite remember what the problem was (Messed up hunger cues?) Not sure. This time around I'm feeling more positive that I'll stick to it though. Today I didn't obsess over weighing my food and noo calorie counting either. Basicly ever since going from 280-190 in 2011, my life has been a constant struggle with dieting down to around 176 pounds, and then going back up to 190, sometimes even 200 pounds. And then dropping the weight again until the cycle repeats itself. I have an unhealthy relationship with food, and I know it. But looking through this thread has made me more positive than ever.

Merry christmas everyone !

[determined4000]

@holbmrah
I dont know how many people I have seen do the same thing as you. They try to IF and end up with terrible binge problems. Glad to see you confront your problem head on and make the changes needed yo address the problem.

Merry Christmas to you as well!

[ShyGuyXS]

Hope everyone's having a great holiday season so far. Merry Christmas to everyone celebrating tomorrow! I'll be spending the day with family, visiting nearby relatives, and hopefully having too much fun and distraction to not be bothered by the ED - last year was downright miserable for me. I actually can't bear looking at the pictures...

----

I recently become aware of a pretty interesting (and slightly scary) effect that my ED had on me.

I was browsing in the shoe store for a new pair of shoes. Since the pair I'm wearing now is a size 10, I thought that's what I would be looking for, but my foot actually measured roughly a size 9 - 9 1/2.

I'm not 100% sure, but I think my feet (or at least the bones) slightly shrunk as a result of osteopenia. That, or I have a very bad memory about my shoe size. (Quite frankly, there wasn't too much of a difference since my older shoes are worn out.)

[IridiumPaladin]

@ceastman44
First, let's dissect what a cookie in reality is, a cookie, is in fact just solidified thermal heat units for our bodies to use, and it is in a form which is absorbed exceptionally fast (simple saccharides), now from my point of view i don't get why people beat themselves over eating this, sure there aren't lots of micronutrients inside, but once you have all your macro's covered what is the big deal by restricting the intake of this particular food? If you want to gain weight, then that won't be hard at all, but it's quite different if it's muscle you want to gain, which i assume it is, now while eating "clean" is great, it will not make any difference at the rate in which you aquire muscle mass, however what it will contribute to is keeping the fat gain to a minimum, i don't think eating clean is synonymous with only eating broccoli and chicken breast, but eating clean is to be aware of your macro's and covering them with precision, please look into "If It Fits Your Macro's" (IIFYM). Get a surplus of food intake (im not saying that you should go out and eat 5 gallons of vanilla ice cream but more like 100g of a protein/carb blend) Workout consistently with proper rest and you will develop muscle tissue. If you ever feel like relapsing into your ED then do not hesitate to consult your doctor, stop counting calories instead count macros, stop weighing yourself all the time, Stay strong, remember we are all gonna make it Brah.

[ErikTheElectric]

^ Really great points.




But really though, I just feel like it should be noted that getting THAT specific about food in and of itself can do more harm than good. I experimented with SO many different treatment methods during the course of my disease a few years ago, therapy really helped me broaden my CBT and DBT skills and I was able to realize that instead of being so specific and meticulous about the food I was putting in my body, that thinking GENERALLY and more broad about it was the game changer for me.
Granted, it DOES work for certain people, I just personally believe that being anal/specific about everything can cause things to get even worse. At the end of the day...

Food = Food

Food is normal.
Food is something we need EVERY DAY (whether we like it or not)
There is NOTHING wrong with enjoying food.



Happy holidays everyone

[Holmbrah]

ended up binging pretty bad on christmas eve. had a great day up until that point. i was eating balanced meals throughout the day, i didn't do IF. and i honestly felt much better this way. I have no idea how i managed to stick to IF for so long. didn't track calories, didn't weigh my food. i ate when i felt that my body was hungry. christmas dinner i ate till i was full, and didn't overindulge. When the cookies came out i didn't mean to overindulge at all, i just thought i'd have one or two cookies with my family and then go on about the rest of the night. boy was i wrong. i guess i should have avoided them completely, since this year, the start of my binging, started with these exact same cookies. i wasn't even hungry, i just couldn't stop stuffing my mouth with them. i'm ashamed to say that at some times during the night, i felt that it was more about the food, than it was being together with my family having a good time. which in NO WAY is the thought process that i wanted to have, but for some reason i couldn't help it. i've removed all the foods that i find help trigger my binges from the house as well, so that might help too. i'm feeling pretty down right now,

anyways, just thought i'd share my night. i'm feeling pretty down right now, but i know beating myself up about won't make anything better. so i try not to stress what happened, and instead i try to focus on how i'm able to improve now, today. it didn't go as i had planned, and i feel like i took a step back. but regardless of that, i still had a good night with my family. hope everyone else had a good time as well.

[SilkySwift]

Hi Guys,

Longtime lurker - first time poster looking for some advice. Long BG and thoughts ahead...apologies in advance for the huge wall of text
25yr, 5'6" probably around 135~lbs right now down from 185-190lbs~

Trying to develop a healthy balance between my diet and exercise since I'm trying to overcome my exercise bulimia (exercise more to eat more mentality). I've been counting calories through MFP to lose about 60 lbs~ over the past 12-18 months by counting calories with no idea of macros (pure calories out>calories in). Started learning more about lifting, fitness, nutrition, and managed to maintain around 125~for about 6 months until November until my bad habits started developing. I practiced IF for most of my weight loss process and continued it through my maintenance and follow it loosely lately when I'm mentally on track.

After starting to maintain, I started being more flexible in my dieting with no food being off limits and enjoying cookies/chocolate/ice cream in moderation. Started developing the mindset of if I run for 20-30 more minutes, I can have one more piece of candy or chocolate without gaining any weight or oh I'll go to the gym later and run it off if I was outside my calorie goals. Became even more flexible and looser with myself, and told myself, I can eat a little more today and less tomorrow to make up for it. Became more and more lenient with myself and started developing binge habits of "I ****ed up my calories today so might as well indulge and eat my heart out." and had multile 4-6k calorie days the past 7-8 weeks and eating things that taste good even though I'm not hungry out of shame, stress, comfort...

Basically in a downward spiral of mental weakness and struggling to relearn moderation...cleaned my pantry and kitchen of any personal "trigger" foods. Moved back in with family recently since my new workplace is close to parents' home, so hopefully I can get some help with accountability.

I'd like to re-establish a healthy relationship with food, but struggling since with IF, I'm not sure when I'm hungry or not and I regularly go 24-30 hours fasted if I don't have time to eat/don't feel too hungry. Once I start eating, I want to keep eating, almost like a BED...

I feel like food and exercise is slowing taking control of my life and I'm exercising/running to eat rather than trying to stay healthy, be fit. Exercise and diet should be a PART of a healthy lifestyle not the sole purpose of it... When I do run, I do enjoy the burn and the endorphins, but working out with an HRM, I see my calorie burn while running and want to burn a few more calories if I have the time (slight obsession with burning multiples of 350 since 350cal = .1lbs).

Feels a bit ****ty that all the hard work I did to lose the weight is getting undone in such a short amount of time. I keep hearing I didn't get fat overnight, but it feels like I am with these eating episodes, using the holidays as an excuse...

I think I have to stop weighing myself everyday and get away from the scale as many have suggested already in this thread...I'd like to get back down to my comfortable weight of around 125ish. Trying to re-estabilsh a new sustainable plan that I can maintain long term.

Since my maintenance is about 1750-1800~, I'm thinking of a 1500~ calorie plan give or take 100 with daily cardio of 200-300 burned calories through jogging or biking, aiming for a .5-1lb weight loss/week for 6-8 weeks.

I acknowledge that I'm slightly too driven by numbers and counting which may stem from working in finance and constantly working with numbers/data. I'm slightly afraid of putting the food scale, body scale, HRM, measuring tools away since I've developed a slight anxiety of not know how much I'm putting in my body as well as developing a slight fear of under-eating too much in case of feeling hungry at random times or not enough calories to maintain energy levels and LBM...

I've considered doing a 0 calorie liquid(water, tea, diet coke, coffee)/water fast for a few days to just empty my stomach and try to reset my relationship with food (deprive myself of it since I feel like I'm taking food for granted as just a form of taste and calories rather than nourishment and fuel for my body) as well as jumpstart a weightloss plan, but I either decide and accept the fact that there's no quick fix solution and I start eating or fasting for too long may cause me to relapse and have a binge eating episode...

It's going to be very tough to overcome the mental hurdle of "if I exercise for a bit longer, I can have one more piece of candy/chocolate while sticking to my calories, goals etc. Any advice/input will be greatly appreciated!

[ErikTheElectric]

^



Stop IF'ing ASAP.


It's been touched on SO many times in this thread. Literally, if you do a search in this thread on the topic you will find PAGES of information of WHY you should NOT do it. It prolongs your eating disorder, makes things WORSE for you in the end, and it's not something that should even be in your thought process right now.

I can 100% GUARANTEE that you will feel 100% BETTER once you stop the fasting and start nourishing your body on a consistent basis.

[SilkySwift]

^



Stop IF'ing ASAP.


It's been touched on SO many times in this thread. Literally, if you do a search in this thread on the topic you will find PAGES of information of WHY you should NOT do it. It prolongs your eating disorder, makes things WORSE for you in the end, and it's not something that should even be in your thought process right now.

I can 100% GUARANTEE that you will feel 100% BETTER once you stop the fasting and start nourishing your body on a consistent basis.

I've read and heard many opinions that I shoul drop IF - very weird feeling to try to make myself eat when I'm not hungry. Slight fear of wanting to keep eating once I do start eating as well, which is why I've stuck to 2 meals a day or 1 meal a day sometimes. Definitely the first of many mental hurdles to overcome...

I know I shouldn't restrict myself of any foods but I feel like I should cut down/rid myself of any super high sugar/GI foods to a bare minimum to 0 as well for a while cause moderation is so hard right now...

Such a swinging feeling - feels great when I'm on track and sticking to my plan and feeling desperate and sad when I'm not.

Constantly looking at the big picture though. I've lost the weight before and I'm determined to hit my goal whether it takes a few more days or weeks - gonna keep looking forward. I don't want to be "the fat kid" again.

[Holmbrah]

@SilkySwift

I used to do IF as well, i actually just stopped a couple days ago, since it made me go on horrible binges, and long binges that i thought i had gotten rid off almost a year ago. i would usually fast for 24 hours myself, which pretty much is out of the norm you know. most people recommend fasting for 16 hours, with an 8 hour eating window. when i did IF i would literally think about food ALL day. when i was done eating all my calories. All i could think about all day was having my meal the next day. i stopped IF this wednesday, and i went back to eating several times throughout the day, usually only when i'm hungry, and i honestly don't think about food as much as i did when on IF, i still do, but not as much, which is a step in the right direction i feel.

[SilkySwift]

@Holmbrah

I did this as well. I started with 16/8 and got more restrictive with myself so I could eat huge meals or a little bit of this and that to fill my calories and have it all at once.

I developed a similar mindset as well - food was on my mind and what I should eat for the day with all the calories I can eat and then think about my next days meals. It became a mindset of living to eat instead of eating to live... Currently feeling anxious of going to 2/3 meals a day since I'll want to keep eating once I start. I'm reading Sonny's post over and over again since I feel I relate to it a lot.

[deadliftbrah19]

Feeling guilty about the splurge of food that comes with the holidays. Plus I ended up with the flu so I couldn't work out for a week.

I still ate and told myself to enjoy it and not to restrict. The ED voice is so tough to fight, as it's always there and seeing the bloating and weight gain is tough. But I know it sure beats being full force back in the ED. I've been 11 months bulimia free.

[AddingPins]

@deadliftbrah 11 months! That's pretty incredible! You should be extremely proud of yourself!

This is AnnalisaLynn posting under a new account btw. Took a break from the forum due to some personal affairs but now life is settling and I'm back! Big love to you all and glad to see such progress!

[ErikTheElectric]

@ deadlift brah



Congratulations! That's one hell of a milestone! Keep up the good work.

[determined4000]

@deadlift

keep it up
thanks for the update

[XCRunner9]

@SilkySwift

I know it's hard, but the reason why you might feel like you want to keep eating is because you've been restricting for far too long. Once you give your body enough food over a long period of time, that desire of wanting to eat more and thinking about food will stop. Keep trudging through. It'll be worth it in the end.