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11-04-2011, 08:25 AM #4471
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11-04-2011, 12:24 PM #4472
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11-04-2011, 04:05 PM #4473
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11-04-2011, 09:05 PM #4474
- Join Date: Nov 2010
- Location: San Bernardino, California, United States
- Age: 59
- Posts: 32,348
- Rep Power: 188764
I'm reminded that I am not responsible for others feelings,
But I am responsible for my action.
Sometimes doing the right thing is not always the popular thing.Nothing can stop the man with the right mental attitude from achieving his goal; nothing on earth can help the man with the wrong mental attitude. – Thomas Jefferson
Be yourself; Everyone else is already taken. - Oscar Wilde
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11-05-2011, 05:58 AM #4475
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11-06-2011, 04:05 AM #4476
- Join Date: Jun 2011
- Location: Illinois, United States
- Age: 52
- Posts: 42
- Rep Power: 0
My wife and I were invited out to a bar this weekend by my cousin.I declined the invite,but really didn't want to cause I haven't seen her in years.I also don't want to get to the point where my wife feels like we can't go places because there is alcohol.It's not that I want to drink,it's more just the awkward feeling of being the only non-drinker.Should I just get that out of my head and go have a good time with a soda in my hand or is it best to stay away till that feeling has passed? What are your thoughts and how have some of you handled these situations?
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11-06-2011, 04:50 AM #4477
- Join Date: Dec 2009
- Location: Islamorada, Florida, United States
- Posts: 3,151
- Rep Power: 10291
Rockminer, this is just MY experience. Personally, the only time I've had to go to a bar is for the annual Christmas party for my S.O. business holiday party. Other than that, I don't hang out in bars at all, not even for the people I love and want to see. They love me, they can make an effort to see me in another environment.
I remember vividly my first time being around drinkers. It was not at a bar, but it was a weekend-long function at a hotel. I was about 1 year sober myself, but had always stayed REAL close to the program and sober people. It was awkward as hell for me. No temptation to drink, I just couldn't loosen up, but got through it...so glad it was over.
In retrospect, I am glad I faced it. There have been many more times when I've been faced with social drinkers and now I don't give a lick. As long as people don't start acting like drunk fools, I am generally okay with it.
I still won't go to a bar though.
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11-06-2011, 05:33 AM #4478
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11-06-2011, 06:27 AM #4479
- Join Date: Nov 2010
- Location: San Bernardino, California, United States
- Age: 59
- Posts: 32,348
- Rep Power: 188764
Why does it have to be a bar?
I was told early in my recovery "If you hang out at a barber shop long enough, you're gonna get a haircut"
All of my friends know I dont drink anymore. They know what that first drink will lead to.And my head still tells me that i can have 1 drink and get away with it.
But its not the first one Im worried about. Its the aftermath. And I know that if I dont pick up, I cant get loaded.
Besides, I came up with a saying. Yes, its mine.
"The first person to get me high, Will be the first person I rob"
hope this helps
steveNothing can stop the man with the right mental attitude from achieving his goal; nothing on earth can help the man with the wrong mental attitude. – Thomas Jefferson
Be yourself; Everyone else is already taken. - Oscar Wilde
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11-06-2011, 06:01 PM #4480
There are very few right times and reasons for me to be at a bar. I certainly was not able to be at peace and ease being at a bar for many, many years. My question is "What's my purpose?"
At 20 + years the only times you will see me at a bar are retirements, reunions, etc. I am also a part-time 1st Sgt in the Nat'l Guard, so I may stop in to get some face time with the troops on a deployment, but that is the purpose.
I have what I was looking for in the bottle. (Peace) Once we have peace, I am sure when can go anywhere, anytime if there is a legitimate reason.
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11-07-2011, 05:14 AM #4481
Unless there's a reason for me to be in a bar I don't need to go. There is no temptation for me, that was removed a long time ago. " We are niether cocky nor afraid, the problem just does not exist for us." I go to Ireland every couple of years or so, EVERYTHING is done around the Pub. I just hang out with my good friends and drink free diet cokes and listen to hot girls with hot accents ! lol.
I really don't care if I'm not drinking and everyone asks me why I am not. I just tell them I'm hitting the gym early or going on a long run in the morning which is usually the truth. They then look at me and ask what they can do to lose weight, I usually say ," quit drinking so much damn beer!" Haha
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11-07-2011, 06:50 AM #4482
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11-07-2011, 07:08 AM #4483
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11-07-2011, 07:29 AM #4484
- Join Date: Jun 2009
- Location: Georgia, United States
- Age: 52
- Posts: 3,816
- Rep Power: 29976
Last summer I posted in this thread. I questioned whether or not I had a problem due to the fact that I didn't have to drink the 7 days each month that I was working night shifts. I made it 21 days last summer and then failed miserably. This year I haven't worked any night shifts and I'd been killing the stuff pretty much every night. I'm now on day 15 without out a drop. One day at time...you hear that a lot, but nothing is more true when dealing with this problem.
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11-07-2011, 09:30 AM #4485
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11-07-2011, 10:13 AM #4486
- Join Date: Jun 2011
- Location: Illinois, United States
- Age: 52
- Posts: 42
- Rep Power: 0
Good to hear you made 15 days man.There is a lot of support and good advise here.I would stick around this time and ask some questions if you really want to quit.You know if there is any doubt as to whether or not you have a problem I'd get your hands on a big book and read it.That really helped me to make the final decision to quit for good.
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11-07-2011, 02:43 PM #4487
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11-07-2011, 04:11 PM #4488
RE: Going to bars
I didn't go to bars often in my last years of drinking--I drank alone. I never really feel the need to go to a bar nowadays, but it has nothing to do with being uncomfortable around alcohol. I'm not uncomfortable around alcohol. I just don't drink. So, for me, there's no reason to go to a bar, as what would I do there? Just seems pointless.
I have to attend parties quite often where there is a free bar and trays of champagne and lots of tipsy people. I can't say it really bothers me, though. For me, the problem has just been removed. I honestly don't even entertain the idea anymore. I go to these parties with my husband because his job requires us to attend and host several functions a year. He has always been extremely considerate and careful regarding my recovery. He will ask me if I mind him having a drink or two--he wants to know if it will bother me. I tell him, "Go on! Have fun! I'll drive." He's not an alcoholic, so why shouldn't he be able to enjoy a few drinks? He doesn't have a problem. However, we have an agreement that we don't keep alcohol in the house. So, we compromise a little too.
I think if you talk about it with your HP, sponsor, and if your motives are in the right place, than you can go anywhere, whether booze is there or not. I didn't get sober to hide from alcohol; that would be impossible--it's everywhere.
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11-07-2011, 06:33 PM #4489
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11-07-2011, 06:45 PM #4490
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11-08-2011, 03:12 AM #4491
You are welcome.
Just to clarify ...
I was definitely uptight and anxious the first few times I had to be around alcohol. And when I decided to get sober, for real, I went through a period of time where I avoided being around alcohol and people who were drinking. I believe there is a window in which this is necessary and normal for many people new to recovery as they adjust to their new life and circumstances.
Also, I'm not condoning that newly sober people hang out with their drinking buddies or continue to stop at their favorite watering hole after work--I think we are all sensible enough to know that's just heading for trouble. However, there are certain times and occasions in which we have to be around the stuff unless we completely shelter ourselves, in which case you'd also better stop watching television, looking at billboards, shopping in stores where the alcohol is sold, eating in restaurants where alcohol is served, reading magazines, etc.
Something I have come to realize in recovery is that seeing alcohol or being around it is not the real trigger. Nothing on the outside can make me drink. It's what's inside, my psychological and emotional state, that is the real issue. If you go to meetings, this is what the 12 steps are all about--getting things right on the inside so that people, places, and things are no longer your masters.
Best wishes to you.
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11-08-2011, 06:53 AM #4492
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11-08-2011, 08:59 AM #4493
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11-09-2011, 06:13 AM #4494
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11-09-2011, 06:34 AM #4495
- Join Date: Jul 2010
- Location: Houston, Texas, United States
- Age: 70
- Posts: 286
- Rep Power: 458
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11-09-2011, 07:15 AM #4496
Morning. 3 hours sleep last night. The jack hammers and back hoes in front of my house got me up early. I work late.
In other news I am seeking an addiction counselor. I tried the place I went to about 18 months ago. Now they won't help unless I am not employed. It is for people on welfare and such getting rehabilitated for work not those who are working wtf? Moving right along I was speaking with a co-worker on the way to work yesterday about my desire for sobriety and searching for supports. On the way to work I saw a guy I know named Al. And right behind him was a man I knew from years ago. We talked and I found out his name is also Al (I forgot). He gave me his card as he is a street minister and does counseling work. Fateful I think. Blessing are being sent my wayLast edited by BusterBob77; 11-09-2011 at 07:32 AM.
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11-09-2011, 07:40 AM #4497
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11-09-2011, 07:50 AM #4498
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11-09-2011, 07:53 AM #4499
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11-09-2011, 08:07 AM #4500
Sly,
You made it through last night. That is all win my friend. I remember nights putting an AA tape in the player (yep, we're in the O35 section) so I didn't have to listen to my head race and race and race with thoughts.
Emotional roller coaster is a very accurate description of what it was like for me. Time in meetings and out at coffee, with my sponsor in the book and taking the steps were the most stabilizing actions for me. I fooled around for the first several months and did not do the things I just described and was starting to have thoughts of ending it all before I was willing to turn myself in and do what the founders did...work with others. It works when other things fail.
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