Matches have pretty much died ³

[InsanePain11]

Give her one more chance. If she bails out on this one then she can go kick rocks.

Yea, sucks because we get along real well in person, but I think she’s used to being chased. I gave her a somewhat short reply but tried not to sound bitter. Just said “no worries, this week is tough but I can meet tues or Wednesday if you’re free.” She hasn’t replied yet.

Because she said “unless you can wait to see me” at the end of her last text suggesting a weekday date.. I get the feeling she wanted me to say yes let’s meet sometime this week. But I’m pushing it til next week because I don’t want to be too available especially when she cancelled again. If she makes an issue and tries to guilt me I think it says a lot in this situation.

[randomuser12345]

3 reschedules in a row? Comon dude lol

[InsanePain11]

3 reschedules in a row? Comon dude lol

I hear you no doubt.

It’s weird. We connected on both dates (laughing, things in common etc) and kissed on the last one. She texts me more than I text her, wants to know what I’m doing often, keeps saying she really wants to see me. But I guess maybe she’s another game player.

Im going to think about telling her that my actions have shown effort and interest, and I’m not seeing the same from her. And just back away from her and stop showing interest.

[Legz422]

I hear you no doubt.

It’s weird. We connected on both dates (laughing, things in common etc) and kissed on the last one. She texts me more than I text her, wants to know what I’m doing often, keeps saying she really wants to see me. But I guess maybe she’s another game player.

Im going to think about telling her that my actions have shown effort and interest, and I’m not seeing the same from her. And just back away from her and stop showing interest.

I wouldn't say that at this point since you've only been on 2 dates. Does seem weird she's only now telling you about the graduation Sat. It's not like graduations are last min. But it's up to you how you react. I think what you said about early next week is fine. If she tries to cancel/reschedule one more time I'd take a hyuge step back.

[InsanePain11]

I wouldn't say that at this point since you've only been on 2 dates. Does seem weird she's only now telling you about the graduation Sat. It's not like graduations are last min. But it's up to you how you react. I think what you said about early next week is fine. If she tries to cancel/reschedule one more time I'd take a hyuge step back.

Appreciate your reply Legz thanks. Yeah I think I can stick to that and see what she comes back with regarding early next week.

I also thought it was weird after the last time she said she was so sorry to cancel twice and isn’t like that etc etc. Then she says she forgot about the graduation, similar to how she forgot about one other family thing. But this time she didn’t even apologize and I had been waiting to hear from her. She does write out thoughtful explanations but maybe she’s used to doing this. Rude if you ask me.. tells me she’s not respecting my time the way I’d appreciate.

I think I should just not overreact. But can show her the same effort she’s showing me. And if we go on another date I can mention it but not in an overly serious way (I tend to get too serious too quick, trying to work on it) If she backs out again I’ll stop showing interest.

[Luc1fer]

3/3 is just straight up annoying. So she was super apologetic the last time, but just does the same thing again.

Actions speak louder than words. The flag here isn’t so much that she rescheduled a guy she’s only met twice, it’s that her words are incongruent with her actions.

[DustinTheHuss]

Appreciate your reply Legz thanks. Yeah I think I can stick to that and see what she comes back with regarding early next week.

I also thought it was weird after the last time she said she was so sorry to cancel twice and isn’t like that etc etc. Then she says she forgot about the graduation, similar to how she forgot about one other family thing. But this time she didn’t even apologize and I had been waiting to hear from her. She does write out thoughtful explanations but maybe she’s used to doing this. Rude if you ask me.. tells me she’s not respecting my time the way I’d appreciate.

I think I should just not overreact. But can show her the same effort she’s showing me. And if we go on another date I can mention it but not in an overly serious way (I tend to get too serious too quick, trying to work on it) If she backs out again I’ll stop showing interest.

It doesn’t sound like her life is very well organized. She needs a calendar on her phone . Still it’s a yellow flag to be involved with someone who is flaky.

[Luc1fer]

It doesn’t sound like her life is very well organized. She needs a calendar on her phone . Still it’s a yellow flag to be involved with someone who is flaky.

Her being forgetful, plus assuming she had already committed to the graduation, is the very highest benefit of the doubt.

And it’s still bad behavior, flaking again with no good explanation or apology, after previously stressing how sorry she was for it.

[InsanePain11]

Her being forgetful, plus assuming she had already committed to the graduation, is the very highest benefit of the doubt.

And it’s still bad behavior, flaking again with no good explanation or apology, after previously stressing how sorry she was for it.

Yea somethings really off with her.

I was kind of short in my response, just said no worries this week is tough but I can meet Tuesday or Wednesday if she’s open.

No reply from her. Could be another guy or she’s super unorganized and flaky. Also might drink too much and is stressed/struggling with her job- in the end it doesn’t matter as far as her and I go.. We had a lot of things in common which was nice. We’ll see if she replies tonight. If she’s upset I didn’t try to schedule earlier or something that will be hilarious.

Btw totally agree actions>>>words

[MiscInformed]

Yea, sucks because we get along real well in person, but I think she’s used to being chased. I gave her a somewhat short reply but tried not to sound bitter. Just said “no worries, this week is tough but I can meet tues or Wednesday if you’re free.” She hasn’t replied yet.

Because she said “unless you can wait to see me” at the end of her last text suggesting a weekday date.. I get the feeling she wanted me to say yes let’s meet sometime this week. But I’m pushing it til next week because I don’t want to be too available especially when she cancelled again. If she makes an issue and tries to guilt me I think it says a lot in this situation.

You should have left out the "if you’re free" part. It's a little needy sounding. Like you're willing to accommodate her schedule. Otherwise it's ok.

[InsanePain11]

You should have left out the "if you’re free" part. It's a little needy sounding. Like you're willing to accommodate her schedule. Otherwise it's ok.

Given the context, I think being needy would have been to try and schedule earlier (this week) like I think she wanted. But to each their own.

[Luc1fer]

Yea somethings really off with her.

I was kind of short in my response, just said no worries this week is tough but I can meet Tuesday or Wednesday if she’s open.

No reply from her. Could be another guy or she’s super unorganized and flaky. Also might drink too much and is stressed/struggling with her job- in the end it doesn’t matter as far as her and I go.. We had a lot of things in common which was nice. We’ll see if she replies tonight. If she’s upset I didn’t try to schedule earlier or something that will be hilarious.

Btw totally agree actions>>>words

It's interesting that a few weeks back you flagged this, but the details actually made her position perfectly reasonable. I also mentioned that you may be overthinking.

Now it appears a slight pattern is emerging. I think your spidey senses picked something up earlier; it can be little things like tone and subtle language that fire our intuitions. Even when the data doesn't appear to support them.

Anyway, I'll be interested to see if the pattern continues. Intuition can misfire, but it's also very powerful.

[InsanePain11]

It's interesting that a few weeks back you flagged this, but the details actually made her position perfectly reasonable. I also mentioned that you may be overthinking.

Now it appears a slight pattern is emerging. I think your spidey senses picked something up earlier; it can be little things like tone and subtle language that fire our intuitions. Even when the data doesn't appear to support them.

Anyway, I'll be interested to see if the pattern continues. Intuition can misfire, but it's also very powerful.

So true, gave me a weird feeling when she first cancelled for being sick and was looking perfect a couple nights later. Had a sick feeling about it that day.

I think she either doesn’t care as much as I thought, or is super sensitive right now, or is just selfish. She isn’t replying to my text today and she just posted an ig story, haven’t looked at it yet. Have a feeling she’s upset I didn’t try to schedule earlier. I wonder though, if she could be that unaware of her own actions to not see why cancelling a 3rd time would bother me. I also didn’t tell her it bothered me. Maybe I need to communicate more too to let her know. That way at least I can find out if she cares and if there’s still any potential.

[Luc1fer]

So true, gave me a weird feeling when she first cancelled for being sick and was looking perfect a couple nights later. Had a sick feeling about it that day.

I think she either doesn’t care as much as I thought, or is super sensitive right now, or is just selfish. She isn’t replying to my text today and she just posted an ig story, haven’t looked at it yet. Have a feeling she’s upset I didn’t try to schedule earlier. I wonder though, if she could be that unaware of her own actions to not see why cancelling a 3rd time would bother me. I also didn’t tell her it bothered me. Maybe I need to communicate more too to let her know. That way at least I can find out if she cares and if there’s still any potential.

We can speculate for days, but I think you're starting to witness problematic behavior regardless of the root cause.

You can either demote her to something more casual and start to reschedule your own stuff over plans too, or be direct about your requirements.

If you go the former route, it'll probably end up with neither of you prioritizing dates and her becoming some sort of fuk buddy. IDK really because I never go that route, I'm not comfortable with lack of exclusivity while dating and flakiness isn't my style.

[InsanePain11]

We can speculate for days, but I think you're starting to witness problematic behavior regardless of the root cause.

You can either demote her to something more casual and start to reschedule your own stuff over plans too, or be direct about your requirements.

If you go the former route, it'll probably end up with neither of you prioritizing dates and her becoming some sort of fuk buddy. IDK really because I never go that route, I'm not comfortable with lack of exclusivity while dating and flakiness isn't my style.

I hear ya. I don’t do the casual thing either. I’m going to go the honest route. What I’ve found is that both routes usually end up poorly and unhappy but at least with the straight up honest route, I am true to myself and occasionally land a relationship which is what I want.

Btw fwiw her ig story was posted by her friend and shared by her. They were just drinking wine at home cheers-ing each other.

[InsanePain11]

Lol.

She texted me this AM saying “either of those days work! Anything to see you *kiss emoji.
Thought I hit send yesterday and that you didn’t respond *facepalm emoji*”

Oh lawd…

[DustinTheHuss]

I hear ya. I don’t do the casual thing either. I’m going to go the honest route. What I’ve found is that both routes usually end up poorly and unhappy but at least with the straight up honest route, I am true to myself and occasionally land a relationship which is what I want.

Btw fwiw her ig story was posted by her friend and shared by her. They were just drinking wine at home cheers-ing each other.

Lol.

She texted me this AM saying “either of those days work! Anything to see you *kiss emoji.
Thought I hit send yesterday and that you didn’t respond *facepalm emoji*”

Oh lawd…

Oh wow she sounds "interesting" lol. Now I'm wondering if drinking could be the root cause of her behavior.

It sure is something else when you meet new people out there.

[Luc1fer]

Lol.

She texted me this AM saying “either of those days work! Anything to see you *kiss emoji.
Thought I hit send yesterday and that you didn’t respond *facepalm emoji*”

Oh lawd…

She's all over the place. Sounds like a "fun" girl, but not much more based on my limited insight.

Imagine someone as disorganized as her looking after young children. What age is she again?

[InsanePain11]

She's all over the place. Sounds like a "fun" girl, but not much more based on my limited insight.

Imagine someone as disorganized as her looking after young children. What age is she again?

She’s 32. She wants kids and is very family oriented with her current life. Her friends have been getting married and you can tell she wants that life (by her words). She actually has many values and goals I like, but yea she’s acting really flighty, disorganized. We have certain big things in common I like, and others I’d have to adjust for (things like me wanting to adventure and be active, and she likes to lay around and look pretty..she does workout though which is great)..the qualities I do like are kind of rare (thinking for herself, not being too sensitive, not hooked on the news etc) . But it’s possible I could find out she’s crazy soon lmao.

Anyways I’m going to confirm the date for Tuesday and keep this going for better or worse lol.

[Luc1fer]

She’s 32. She wants kids and is very family oriented with her current life. Her friends have been getting married and you can tell she wants that life (by her words).

She isn't acting like it. She should be prioritizing getting to know you seriously above this graduation party, for example.

[InsanePain11]

She isn't acting like it. She should be prioritizing getting to know you seriously above this graduation party, for example.

I agree if she wants those things with me her actions are not lining up so far.

So her best friend is her younger sister and her sister’s bf is graduating from school and shes close with him as well. So I feel the excuse itself is OK. However 3x rescheduling in a row is just wtf. And like you say it’s hard to keep giving the benefit of the doubt for the flakiness. I’m planning to have a good time again on our date but I will mention the cancellations just to let her know I notice those things and it comes off a certain way.

[DustinTheHuss]

I agree if she wants those things with me her actions are not lining up so far.

So her best friend is her younger sister and her sister’s bf is graduating from school and shes close with him as well. So I feel the excuse itself is OK. However 3x rescheduling in a row is just wtf. And like you say it’s hard to keep giving the benefit of the doubt for the flakiness. I’m planning to have a good time again on our date but I will mention the cancellations just to let her know I notice those things and it comes off a certain way.

She sounds like she wants to settle down because her friends are, but she still has the party girl in her.

Lucy makes a great point about someone handling young children being so disorganized. How would she plan all of the field trips, getting the kids to school on time, birthday parties, play dates? As a Mom I figured out how to create a shared Calendar so we both could track our daughter’s activities and coordinate who would watch her and drive her places.

That’s why it drove me crazy when young guys would be flaky as I had to do so much scheduling to see them.

[InsanePain11]

She sounds like she wants to settle down because her friends are, but she still has the party girl in her.

Lucy makes a great point about someone handling young children being so disorganized. How would she plan all of the field trips, getting the kids to school on time, birthday parties, play dates? As a Mom I figured out how to create a shared Calendar so we both could track our daughter’s activities and coordinate who would watch her and drive her places.

That’s why it drove me crazy when young guys would be flaky as I had to do so much scheduling to see them.

The last girl I dated was a party girl who simply couldn’t leave that lifestyle. This girl is not like that. She does drink too much wine I think, but she’s not going out partying often at all or planning escapades to Cancun while saying she wants to settle like the last girl I was seeing. So far she hasn’t been the party type.

She isn’t off to a good start with her flakiness. I’m not sure why she’s unorganized. Partly the drinking possibly. She does hold down her job which is good..however she started hating it recently and I think she’s extra stressed because of it. I emphasize with her reasoning for her problems at work. But hopefully she keeps working through it. I think like Legz mentioned a simple calendar and a few adjustments could help her scheduling, but who knows if she’s really even forgetful or if other issues are just clouding her life. I’ll find out in time.

[ghostfacedup]

It's always tricky messaging a girl after she cancels and you want to give her another chance.

[Luc1fer]

I agree if she wants those things with me her actions are not lining up so far.

So her best friend is her younger sister and her sister’s bf is graduating from school and shes close with him as well. So I feel the excuse itself is OK. However 3x rescheduling in a row is just wtf. And like you say it’s hard to keep giving the benefit of the doubt for the flakiness. I’m planning to have a good time again on our date but I will mention the cancellations just to let her know I notice those things and it comes off a certain way.

Like I said, super disorganized at best. Graduation parties don't just pop out of nowhere.

At 22, it's excusable. At 32, it isn't.

But no need to write her off just yet, there's some slim outs here with some temporary work/life stress putting her out of character.

[DustinTheHuss]

Like I said, super disorganized at best. Graduation parties don't just pop out of nowhere.

At 22, it's excusable. At 32, it isn't.

But no need to write her off just yet, there's some slim outs here with some temporary work/life stress putting her out of character.

You’re also very logical and a planner. You want to make sure your future wife would be a good stay-at-home mom. It’s a really easy job. It sure is much easier than working, but a lot of women are more interested in drinking with the girls or get frazzled with it. It’s really strange. Then there are the super Moms who have play dates at their house with party favors and freshly baked cookies. They’re usually Asian, though.

[Luc1fer]

You’re also very logical and a planner. You want to make sure your future wife would be a good stay-at-home mom. It’s a really easy job. It sure is much easier than working, but a lot of women are more interested in drinking with the girls or get frazzled with it. It’s really strange. Then there are the super Moms who have play dates at their house with party favors and freshly baked cookies. They’re usually Asian, though.

I don't even believe SAHM is an easy job when done well, without help from nannies etc.

But looking after babies and young kids: breastfeeding, sleepless nights w/ naps on the babies schedule, Dr visits, grocery shopping, packing lunches, travelling to school and events, keeping the home nice, cooking, cleaning etc. etc.

That's a full time job, surely?

[DustinTheHuss]

I don't even believe SAHM is an easy job when done well, without help from nannies etc.

But looking after babies and young kids: breastfeeding, sleepless nights w/ naps on the babies schedule, Dr visits, grocery shopping, packing lunches, travelling to school and events, keeping the home nice, cooking, cleaning etc. etc.

That's a full time job, surely?

It’s a full time job, definitely, but not as tough as a tech job. I loved being a SAHM. It was really tough when both parents work. I felt like I fell short at work and at home.

[Luc1fer]

It’s a full time job, definitely, but not as tough as a tech job. I loved being a SAHM. It was really tough when both parents work. I felt like I fell short at work and at home.

When you don't hate your job, it seems easier.

I would find those duties to be much more stressful and tedious than my job.

But it's an innately fulfilling role for many women.

FT working Moms seem so flustered, unhappy, and stressed out. Not to mention bailing constantly for child duties.

[DustinTheHuss]

When you don't hate your job, it seems easier.

I would find those duties to be much more stressful and tedious than my job.

But it's an innately fulfilling role for many women.

FT working Moms seem so flustered, unhappy, and stressed out. Not to mention bailing constantly for child duties.

I also only had one child. I know it’s tougher with multiple kids. Taking her places was easy. Having deadlines and being around some people who are irritating 8 hours a day is much more difficult IMO.