Eating disorder and obesity

[Sanoua34]

I haven't visited this forum for few years.
7 years ago I discovered bodybuilding and I loved it.I am a petite woman and being over 60 kgs doesn't look good on me.After a bad breakup and some stressfull times I just began to put on weight without even noticing then I reached 90 kgs.
in 2017 I started working in a new company and colleagues started commenting on my weight ( Weight and diets are a daily topic in this company ). I was still muscular and managed to reach a good 70kgs In which I looked good ( when I see my pictures then ).
Anyways...I never managed to be under 70 and Hell's door broke open for me , started to lose 5kgs then gain 8 kgs then lose 4 and gain 8 then lose 10kgs and gain 4...you got the idea.
I feel judged and unhappy and I lost muscle ( due to dieting ).
I am now a floppy giggly fat -god knows how much- kgs depressed and anxious woman ������ Working from home is the cherry on the top.
I Gave my notice because I feel like the environnement fueled my existent eating disorder and I am counting the days to be free.
I am sick of dieting and I think I even lost my love for food and cooking ( living alone doesn t help).
I eat huge quantities and I pile on weight while feeling lost and lonely.
I am not a lazy person, I am successfull at my job and I enjoyed bodybuilding.
Here is my idea of gaining back my life
1- get rid of stupid job
2-started doing bodyweight exercices 3 days a week to regain some of mt strength.
3-join a gym in 1 week to hit the weights and gain my muscles back.
4-never diet again and leave my body to decide when it is enough.

I am not here to complain but I hope someone can tell me I feel you.I am totally lonely here.

Thanks everyone.

PS:Sorry if my english is not so good.It is a foreign language for me.

[superman704]

I haven't visited this forum for few years.
7 years ago I discovered bodybuilding and I loved it.I am a petite woman and being over 60 kgs doesn't look good on me.After a bad breakup and some stressfull times I just began to put on weight without even noticing then I reached 90 kgs.
in 2017 I started working in a new company and colleagues started commenting on my weight ( Weight and diets are a daily topic in this company ). I was still muscular and managed to reach a good 70kgs In which I looked good ( when I see my pictures then ).
Anyways...I never managed to be under 70 and Hell's door broke open for me , started to lose 5kgs then gain 8 kgs then lose 4 and gain 8 then lose 10kgs and gain 4...you got the idea.
I feel judged and unhappy and I lost muscle ( due to dieting ).
I am now a floppy giggly fat -god knows how much- kgs depressed and anxious woman ������ Working from home is the cherry on the top.
I Gave my notice because I feel like the environnement fueled my existent eating disorder and I am counting the days to be free.
I am sick of dieting and I think I even lost my love for food and cooking ( living alone doesn t help).
I eat huge quantities and I pile on weight while feeling lost and lonely.
I am not a lazy person, I am successfull at my job and I enjoyed bodybuilding.
Here is my idea of gaining back my life
1- get rid of stupid job
2-started doing bodyweight exercices 3 days a week to regain some of mt strength.
3-join a gym in 1 week to hit the weights and gain my muscles back.
4-never diet again and leave my body to decide when it is enough.

I am not here to complain but I hope someone can tell me I feel you.I am totally lonely here.

Thanks everyone.

PS:Sorry if my english is not so good.It is a foreign language for me.

I'm not reading a book

[bLinkMoore]

Check out the stickies for a solid novice program, there are some really good ones in there that could help you get back on track with your training. Sadly they won't help with your job, but it's a place to start!

Also in the stickies will be good nutrition information for more sustainable eating, focusing on consistent patterns rather than those binges and stuff like that.

Are gyms in your area open right now?

[Sanoua34]

Thank you.
I will check the stickies. Yes gyms are open now and I am planning on getting a membership with the beginning of Marsh.
I already handled my job and I am planning on working as a freelancer for some months and focusing on my self care and developpement.
Bodybuilding used to make me feel invincible.Hopefully I will get back this amazing feeling👌🏼👌🏼

[bLinkMoore]

Definitely do, there's good information in there. Plus, once you've read them, you can always post clarifying questions in the forums and it'll be a little easier for people to answer you once it's more specific.

Good luck!

[kharneth]

Bodybuilding used to make me feel invincible.Hopefully I will get back this amazing feeling������������������������

You're definitely not alone! Weightlifting, particularly really heavy weights (deadlifting!) makes me feel awesome, too

I'm sorry to hear about your struggles There is an eating disorder sticky that seems to be active and full of people who discuss their habits. Body weight exercises are great and it's definitely a good place to start while waiting on a gym membership!

You may be interested in checking out SuperBetter (https://publicism.info/self_help/superbetter/15.html). There's a particular list of 21 simple and easy activities that you can follow (1 per day for 3 weeks) that may help you work towards and achieve your goals. It was designed by psychologist Jane McGonigal, and this particular one is designed around body transformation without dieting. It's all about becoming stronger and feeling more powerful

[snailsrus]

I think the first thing to do, is see a therapist about your eating disorder. Just working out and quitting your job isn’t going to get rid of the underlying problem and what it sounds lack of self confidence/esteem. ED’s are more than just how you look and food

For exercising, make sure what you do and how you do it, you enjoy. If you like to swim, swim. If you like to lift weights do that. Do it for the enjoyment not how it can change your body

Have you read intuitive eating the book?

[Sanoua34]

I think the first thing to do, is see a therapist about your eating disorder. Just working out and quitting your job isn’t going to get rid of the underlying problem and what it sounds lack of self confidence/esteem. ED’s are more than just how you look and food

For exercising, make sure what you do and how you do it, you enjoy. If you like to swim, swim. If you like to lift weights do that. Do it for the enjoyment not how it can change your body

Have you read intuitive eating the book?

Hi! Thanks
Yes I am aware that eating disorders are never entirely about food.I saw a therapist seeking help about this loophole but the conversation never went there actually. To not be boring 😅😅 thank you for mentioning intuitive eating because that is my intention actually.I want to leave my body decide about what it needs, bodybuilding does give me a sense of power and I enjoy it.I already feel better by only doing a simple circuit at home and I can't wait to go back to the gym.
Nice to feel heard, people around me never take my ed seriously 😅😅
Thanks again😊

[Nephilim1969]

I haven't visited this forum for few years.
7 years ago I discovered bodybuilding and I loved it.I am a petite woman and being over 60 kgs doesn't look good on me.After a bad breakup and some stressfull times I just began to put on weight without even noticing then I reached 90 kgs.
in 2017 I started working in a new company and colleagues started commenting on my weight ( Weight and diets are a daily topic in this company ). I was still muscular and managed to reach a good 70kgs In which I looked good ( when I see my pictures then ).
Anyways...I never managed to be under 70 and Hell's door broke open for me , started to lose 5kgs then gain 8 kgs then lose 4 and gain 8 then lose 10kgs and gain 4...you got the idea.
I feel judged and unhappy and I lost muscle ( due to dieting ).
I am now a floppy giggly fat -god knows how much- kgs depressed and anxious woman ������ Working from home is the cherry on the top.
I Gave my notice because I feel like the environnement fueled my existent eating disorder and I am counting the days to be free.
I am sick of dieting and I think I even lost my love for food and cooking ( living alone doesn t help).
I eat huge quantities and I pile on weight while feeling lost and lonely.
I am not a lazy person, I am successfull at my job and I enjoyed bodybuilding.
Here is my idea of gaining back my life
1- get rid of stupid job
2-started doing bodyweight exercices 3 days a week to regain some of mt strength.
3-join a gym in 1 week to hit the weights and gain my muscles back.
4-never diet again and leave my body to decide when it is enough.

I am not here to complain but I hope someone can tell me I feel you.I am totally lonely here.

Thanks everyone.

PS:Sorry if my english is not so good.It is a foreign language for me.

You and I have similiar struggels. I am recovering from an Eating Disorder as well and it is some complex and nasty sh*t.

I found myself here to learn about real nutrition, Many (not all) of the people on here know there stuff when it come stuff when it comes to nutrition and how it affects the body. People like you an me have spent so long in our ED that we have extremely distorted ideas about food...we are people of extremes...from way to much to over restricting. Nutrition is a huge component to recovering...we have to give our body what is actually needs to function.


I totally feel you though...totally. I just came off a holiday binge that saw me pack on 20 lbs in a very short period of time and left me in an incredibly negative and unhealthy place, the shame and guilt is paralyzing. Then I tried One Meal A Day which ended in another binge after a few weeks. This Sh*t is insane. I have read a number of books that really helped me get my mindset back. When we get into that super negative place its like a nosedive and its hard to get out. For me I really have to focus on my mindset.

When I got here read allot of stickies and focused on the BMR calculations, I was actually shocked at the amount it told me I should be eating. Then I focused on eating single ingredient whole foods, lots of healthy stuff. For now it seems to be helping.

Send me a PM if you want to talk some more.

[Sanoua34]

You and I have similiar struggels. I am recovering from an Eating Disorder as well and it is some complex and nasty sh*t.

I found myself here to learn about real nutrition, Many (not all) of the people on here know there stuff when it come stuff when it comes to nutrition and how it affects the body. People like you an me have spent so long in our ED that we have extremely distorted ideas about food...we are people of extremes...from way to much to over restricting. Nutrition is a huge component to recovering...we have to give our body what is actually needs to function.


I totally feel you though...totally. I just came off a holiday binge that saw me pack on 20 lbs in a very short period of time and left me in an incredibly negative and unhealthy place, the shame and guilt is paralyzing. Then I tried One Meal A Day which ended in another binge after a few weeks. This Sh*t is insane. I have read a number of books that really helped me get my mindset back. When we get into that super negative place its like a nosedive and its hard to get out. For me I really have to focus on my mindset.

When I got here read allot of stickies and focused on the BMR calculations, I was actually shocked at the amount it told me I should be eating. Then I focused on eating single ingredient whole foods, lots of healthy stuff. For now it seems to be helping.

Send me a PM if you want to talk some more.

Hello!
I felt you when you talked about the distorted ideas about food and you piling 20 lbs in a short amount of time.But I felt that you have things under control now, I salute you and you give me hope actually.
I swore that I will never diet again in my life even if it means that I will be overweight forever but I would like to fuel my body with what it needs and be kinder to it because binging should be taxing for the digestive system.When I eat lots of bread it kills my intestines🤢
Hope you had a good time on your holidays and I wish you get the right mindset for yourself.
Thanks for the kind message. I will pm once i figure out how 😅 still new to this forum.

[LittleIronGirl]

I noticed you said you saw a therapist, are you still seeing them? If not, it's okay if they are not the right fit but keep searching. Even when your eating disorder behaviours become under control, working on the underlying issues are so important for true recovery/remission. Also, I recommend an eating disorder dietitian or at least a professional who is willing to discuss how your ED recovery goals are going. You can have all the nutrition knowledge in the world but eating disorders don't care about health, they are irrational by nature and having some accountability helps a lot.

I don't know if you've heard of the App called Recovery Record. It's not for everyone but you can check it out and see if you like it. It monitors your food and thoughts around each meal. You can also change the settings so you monitor hunger levels, mindfulness of meals, any ED urges, etc.

Good luck! I wish you the best of luck