My life as a man, a father, a husband, a Mormon and a homosexual.

[shesprints]

OP, when you say that you are attracted to men sexually but are able to fall in love with women (your wife), I think you could say you are either bisexual or homosexual but heteroromantic.

Companionate marriages aren't as unusual as people think, btw. Neither are open marriages. Actually, a lot of gay men have open marriages even if they're married to other men, I suppose because of their high sex drives. But yeah, I mean... Oscar Wilde was married. Gay icon right there. Virginia Woolf was married but carried on affairs with other women. I (as a bisexual/could probably round up to lesbian who mostly falls in love with women) would be lying if I said that I hadn't considered marrying a man and having a "normal" life with the nice Jewish family my dad wants me to have, kids, etc. And I come from a liberal 21st-century background. It's just easier.

I'm curious about how OP's kids feel about this or was that discussed already? Or do you not tell them anything.

[mntbikedude]

OP, when you say that you are attracted to men sexually but are able to fall in love with women (your wife), I think you could say you are either bisexual or homosexual but heteroromantic.

So let me clarify this. For the most part I relate to straight guys in just day to day interests. So as far as just how I relate to people. My best friends are all straight, I have gay friends but I don't really relate to them as far as having things in common. And I mean IRL ... on line I've met gay guys who have the same interests as me. Meaning I really don't like talking about clothes or many of the topics that the typical gay guys I know talk about. I'm a lot more at home talking about trucks, cars, engines, dirt bikes etc. As far as attraction goes if you are going to say who turns your head it always going to be men. But I grew-up in HS having girl friends and making out with them. It was ok and I could get aroused but I never did any more than kiss and dry hump lol. I was also trying to be a good Mormon kid too. So it was my first therapist that pointed out that I was more bi than gay because otherwise I couldn't have stood to do all the making out. As far as actual falling in love this is a bit interesting because I could fall in love with either men or women. But this is an important part. I think when the first part of falling in love is that intense crush kinda love it's hard to reach that deeper lasting love or I should say it's harder to know if that is there or the intense crush attraction is just making you think you love the person. It's hard for me to imagine having found a man who I was long term in love with.

Companionate marriages aren't as unusual as people think, btw. Neither are open marriages. Actually, a lot of gay men have open marriages even if they're married to other men, I suppose because of their high sex drives. But yeah, I mean... Oscar Wilde was married. Gay icon right there. Virginia Woolf was married but carried on affairs with other women. I (as a bisexual/could probably round up to lesbian who mostly falls in love with women) would be lying if I said that I hadn't considered marrying a man and having a "normal" life with the nice Jewish family my dad wants me to have, kids, etc. And I come from a liberal 21st-century background. It's just easier.

I think that a lot of people think imagine my marriage as being more this companionship type of marriage. But going back just a bit, from the time I met my wife I felt something. (And no it wasn't like the first time I saw Lance in gym class hahaha) but there was this connection. We immeadiatly started to hang out together actually it was her and my best friend us three were always hanging out (and yes I think that could made a relationship as I was really attracted to him at first). But later is just became me and my future wife. This went on for 7 years. In the year before we got married we were always together. I wasn't out living this gay life and she was my *** hag it was as my best friend. We camped, fished, traveled, road dirt bikes, everything plus she worked for me.... I thought this is insane here is the perfect women for me and yet 0 attraction. Yes I considered getting married and we just wouldn't have sex but I knew that wasn't going to work either. We tried to hold hands and it was awkward as all get out.

Finally we came to the conclusion that if this wasn't going to work we needed to end it. And so one night while she was at my house I said look we have tried to ease into this let's just dive in and go full make-out. I knew my wife was scared, I was too but we just dove in and started seriously kissing and bam the friend zone wall came down and I knew within minutes, we both knew with in minutes that we were going to be getting married. We got married a few months later. And sex was amazing, wow when you have love, commitment and some chemistry it all comes together in an awesome way. People seem to think that the only pathway to attraction is visual and I can say that for me there is other ways such as touch and smell. Now let me tell you I still crave my wife in physical ways.....and we are now getting older but the great thing is because the attraction for me isn't so visual than it still works. But that friend who I had a crush on? He's 60 and old and ah hell no. So please don't relegate my marriage to just a friendship. And also please don't say things such as your poor wife shouldn't she be allowed to have sex? People say that and it's first off we have been married nearly 35 years and in the first 25 the big issue for me was that sex had started tapering off because of my wife not because I wanted it to taper off. My wife pretty much controlled how much, how often and what we did. [/QUOTE]

I'm curious about how OP's kids feel about this or was that discussed already? Or do you not tell them anything.

The kids have been amazing from day one. My oldest son responds to questions on page 22 and 23 under the user name the Wind. We have four distinctively different kids all straight and 3 of the 4 are married. Some are still following their Mormon religion and some aren't but they have never skipped a beat in their love and support. I think this is because we had a very strong bond before I came out and we still do.

[mntbikedude]

Mormon: "How much carrot raisin salad do I have to eat to offset these two cups of Lay's-topped funeral potatoes?"

My relatives: "Potato surprise is my vegetable. Could someone pass the bleu cheese dressing with extra transfats?"

Hey Brother MBD we were sorry to hear you are pre-diabetic so we brought you this plate of sugar cookies.... And some AanW root beer..... and you aren't going to want to miss next weeks ward party .... everyone is supposed to bring their favorite desert and after there will be an interesting speaker talking about the evils of drinking coffee..... ok thanks

[mntbikedude]

thanks for the honesty. First time reader and this is proper weird. You aren't actually gay then you are bisexual if you are still married and have sex with your wife and wanted it most nights. So you weren't born attracted to homos but you became attracted later in life?

Reason I say you must be bisexual and not straight up gay is because you still had sex with your wife. I wouldn't be able to have sex with another guy because I would be disgusted and not turned on you can't just fake it for 20+ years

Yes I agree that I must be bi even though it's really more like 90% gay and 10% straight. I don't really check out women and go oh wow she's hot. That never really happens.

[mntbikedude]

OP, when you say that you are attracted to men sexually but are able to fall in love with women (your wife), I think you could say you are either bisexual or homosexual but heteroromantic.

Companionate marriages aren't as unusual as people think, btw. Neither are open marriages. Actually, a lot of gay men have open marriages even if they're married to other men, I suppose because of their high sex drives. But yeah, I mean... Oscar Wilde was married. Gay icon right there. Virginia Woolf was married but carried on affairs with other women. I (as a bisexual/could probably round up to lesbian who mostly falls in love with women) would be lying if I said that I hadn't considered marrying a man and having a "normal" life with the nice Jewish family my dad wants me to have, kids, etc. And I come from a liberal 21st-century background. It's just easier.

I'm curious about how OP's kids feel about this or was that discussed already? Or do you not tell them anything.

The kids were and are very supportive although split on how they support me. My youngest son really wants me to just stifle the gay side whereas my oldest was super supportive of be coming out and just being gay. The two middle daughters are just kinda quiet about it but not realy against me being me.