abusive gf or am I overreacting and I made the mistake here?

[martieboy]

Thats borderline crazy bra

[MrBungle11]

so currently it is pretty bad situation for the last time she has been super submissive so on so that doesnt make it easier to end it...

Super submissive until you don't so what she wants...

[BetaAsPhuck]

She says that's what happened. I don't buy it.

OP's girlfriend's actions sound nothing like someone with a temporary hormonal issue. The fact that Ms.229 can identify her own 'hormonal experiences' with OP's gf's staggeringly obvious case of emotional immaturity sounds like she just likes the idea of not being responsible for some of her less-than-exemplary actions

Shame I can't rep you again.

[goodcupcakes]

so currently it is pretty bad situation for the last time she has been super submissive so on so that doesnt make it easier to end it...

And that's why she gets away with hitting you because she knows she can manipulate your feels when you've had enough and are ready to walk out she can turn on the waterworks to make you feel bad for her and to stay out of pity. One day if you actually get out of this relationship you will look back and see so clearly how you were a puppet on strings being made to dance to her tune.


She is crazy and any attention you feed crazy whether good or bad is no good for you. Leave her, don't be cruel just be succinct and unbending and preferably someone else there with you in case she tries to shank you with a kitchen knife.

[misterMaster]

Sry brahs I have been pretty busy so that I wasnt able to post a whole lot in this thread but I did read everything so far...will post bigger update tomorrow....

[TheAdz95]

What nationality is she?

[corpsedub]

she wants you in her pocket all the time. in her pocket she can keep a watchful eye on her prize. you are everything to her. so much so, that she becomes violent at the thought of you not being there with her 100% of her waking hours. possessive, greedy and very insecure.

op, do you think she will ever change these ways? do you think that she will see that her actions are hurting the very person she dearly care's so much about? you know that better than we do. if you do stay, it has to stop. it has to stop right now. for your own sanity and health, it needs to stop and she needs to be aware of that.

no walking on eggshells when you talk about it. 100% authority coming out of your mouth with purpose and intent. are you willing to do that? if not, its time to go.

[happywithit]

OP not only is she physically abusive, she is emotionally abusive and using emotional blackmail to make YOU feel bad about her bad behaviour

well I wasn't quite clear it isnt really a schedule its just an agreement where I said that saturday is a day for us...

Anyways when I left yesterday she suddenly started crying and when I asked whats wrong she asked me why I havent tried to have sex with her that day. Told her I was tired...then on my way home I texted her that it was because she had hit me...she replied that she cant talk about that rght now 'cause she had to figure out whether she could live with me not trying to have sex with her...

She will use sex as a weapon, play with your emotions, twist everything back on to you.

Just leave now. You know something is up to have split before but also to question the latest happenings.
What a cont.

Run.

[cookiefiend]

Threads like these, with the exception of a few posts, make me realise why guys say women should stay out of the relationship help section :/

[beowulf10]

On Jodi Arias:

Wendler said it is not uncommon in cases such as this for the perpetrator to have characteristics of borderline personality disorder.

"This would include unstable interpersonal relationships and intense fear of abandonment or rejection by their partner," Wendler said. "They may react in extreme ways to avoid abandonment, including becoming suicidal, self-mutilate or react with intense anger, which they may have difficulty to control. These women can become cruelly punitive toward whom they perceive as rejecting them."

In addition to borderline personality disorder, women like Arias often meet the criteria for both sociopathy or psychopathy, according to Wendler.

"The characteristics of psychopathy include disregard and violation of other people's feelings, wishes and rights," Wendler told HuffPost. "These individuals use deceitfulness and manipulation to obtain what they want (pleasure, profit, etc.). They are often called pathological liars. They are self-centered and show reckless disregard for the safety of others; they lack empathy towards their victims and have little or no remorse about their criminal actions."

[MrBungle11]

lol the similarities are scary....be careful OP. No more showers ok?

[MeFromG]

She says that's what happened. I don't buy it.

OP's girlfriend's actions sound nothing like someone with a temporary hormonal issue. The fact that Ms.229 can identify her own 'hormonal experiences' with OP's gf's staggeringly obvious case of emotional immaturity sounds like she just likes the idea of not being responsible for some of her less-than-exemplary actions

It sounded to me too, that the recent events didn't just occur, she had a controlling personality in the past too - but not as bad as at the moment. But Op will need to confirm this, to be sure, that it's not the other case / rose's theory, where a sudden change in the body came up and is causing her recent outbursts.

Quit bashing rose's replies - I have seen much, much worse replies here and nobody said anything to them at all. In those cases I often ask myself if those guys even read at least some lines of the original post.

In this case here it's not even clear if all her controlling is recent or not. Op will have to confirm - but hasn't got time, it seems. So it's futile to write / discuss any longer, if he doesn't answer simple questions.

[rose229]

Just for clarity's sake, this rose slore is recommending OP stay in a physically abusive relationship and MefromG completely agrees. And, you may ask, why is that? Because to women like this, no woman can ever be in the wrong ever. If she wants to haul off and abuse her boyfriend, it's HIS job to stick around and try to fix her. Nauseating.

Ya know , it's so funny how people pick and choose certain words or sentences from a post and go right on with that. For all who must know yes I did stay and try to get the guy who hit me help but he was showing crazy signs from the start I just was very young and didn't understand. He hit cuz he was an ******* found out he did that too a few other girls. It was during the help he hit me again and we were done. And no they aren't married I assume though staying with someone for two years there is intent to get married or what's the point? And no, abuse is totally wrong even name calling. I said IF THIS IS NEW BEHAVIOR FOR HER there may be something wrong. Pregnancy was a hormonal nightmare for me and my boyfriend. Thank God he stuck it out got me help. Yeah sometimes **** isn't pretty and I don't give a **** what you or anyone else says until you have had a man hit you maybe you wouldn't know the difference. I mean maybe if you are a body building woman you may pack quite a punch but for a 98lb 5ft woman I don't stand a chance with a guy hitting me and my hardest punch would be laughable. It's the principle of it. You should never hit or say abusive things or try to control someone's every move. If this is new and he loves her it sounds totally like a hormone imbalance even if he leaves her he should try and get her to go for help. You don't excuse hitting if it's hormonal she could get help and be the person he fell in love with from the start. Don't you people care at all? If the person you were with started to go crazy would you bail rite away? I'm not saying he should waste 7 years of his life it takes a few weeks with treatment to see the difference! He loves her a month longer will kill him?

[vordulmega]

And that's why she gets away with hitting you because she knows she can manipulate your feels when you've had enough and are ready to walk out she can turn on the waterworks to make you feel bad for her and to stay out of pity. One day if you actually get out of this relationship you will look back and see so clearly how you were a puppet on strings being made to dance to her tune.


She is crazy and any attention you feed crazy whether good or bad is no good for you. Leave her, don't be cruel just be succinct and unbending and preferably someone else there with you in case she tries to shank you with a kitchen knife.

This is true man, that's what happened to me. And I even got threatened with knives before or she would hold knives to her wrist.

[TheJizzler]

It sounded to me too, that the recent events didn't just occur, she had a controlling personality in the past too - but not as bad as at the moment. But Op will need to confirm this, to be sure, that it's not the other case / rose's theory, where a sudden change in the body came up and is causing her recent outbursts.

Quit bashing rose's replies - I have seen much, much worse replies here and nobody said anything to them at all. In those cases I often ask myself if those guys even read at least some lines of the original post.

In this case here it's not even clear if all her controlling is recent or not. Op will have to confirm - but hasn't got time, it seems. So it's futile to write / discuss any longer, if he doesn't answer simple questions.

There isn't a single thread on here where I couldn't say 'but bro, it might be a temporary hormonal thing. Get her checked' (or the same with the genders reversed).

I'm not bashing your friend's advice because she's a woman. I'm bashing it because it's phucking stupid.

[misterMaster]

yo brahs here is the promised update with me answering you some questions...

nationality? well dunno why that would matter but lets just say europe

how long has this behaiviour going on?

1. well the physical stuff just happened once but was not nearly as much just us having a discussion in bed when she tried to kick me out of her bed...nothing bad just one little push (I understand that that is not perfect behaviour but tbh every relationship has its ups and downs. Doesnt bother me much since we were both drunk. )

2. the verbal abuse started when I first didnt bother to act to her will hence the mental games( 3rd point) did not work anymore

3. the mental stuff like she telling me that if I loved her I would spend every second with her together has been there ever since. In the beginning (first 3 months) we lived far apart so when I got there I was usually there to be with her and had no other stuff to do

I guess that disproves roses theory of mixed up hormons...you tell me...

thx

[rose229]

I want to make clear that I'm not trying to make someone stay with someone who beats them. From what he said it sounded like a new problem he has been with her for two years that doesn't sound strange to any one? That she can just get like that all the sudden? Yes I can identity. Sorry if that makes me awful crazy person. I can not handle the slightest hormone imbalance. This is a real true medical problem. It is torture for her too if it is this. They're is no excuse for abuse. But there may be a reason. I just said he loves her he's gonna stay at least another month I'm sure! Why not try it with her on some medication! Holy good God how awful! Come on. I went through it after pregnancy I am a fun happy loving caring person. I laugh and joke all day long. That's me normal after pregnancy crying everyday verbally abusive time clocked my boyfriend jealous like mad crazy! Not me at all. He seems to care for her. I was throwing out an option that maybe no one thought of. It's awful to lose someone you love, to lose them over something that may be fixed easily would be fkn tragic.I don't think anyone should hit anyone. I've been hit I have also hit a man. It's discussing. I slapped a guy for cheating. I was slapped for spilling a drink on a carpet. Knocked my jaw out of place. I left a red mark on his cheek.slight difference but still left me feeling undignified.

[MrBungle11]

1. well the physical stuff just happened once but was not nearly as much just us having a discussion in bed when she tried to kick me out of her bed...nothing bad just one little push (I understand that that is not perfect behaviour but tbh every relationship has its ups and downs. Doesnt bother me much since we were both drunk. )
thx

You said in your first post that she was hitting you as you tried to leave?

Either way, I'd be out.

[misterMaster]

You said in your first post that she was hitting you as you tried to leave?

Either way, I'd be out.

yeah that was the second time physical stuff happened

[Schnitzl]

ITT another OP who asks for advice, then disregards it completely and does what he set out to do before writing the thread. Where there's smoke, there's fire. If 20 people out of 21 say it's not a normal behavior, one might try to be suspicious.

[rose229]

yo brahs here is the promised update with me answering you some questions...

nationality? well dunno why that would matter but lets just say europe

how long has this behaiviour going on?

1. well the physical stuff just happened once but was not nearly as much just us having a discussion in bed when she tried to kick me out of her bed...nothing bad just one little push (I understand that that is not perfect behaviour but tbh every relationship has its ups and downs. Doesnt bother me much since we were both drunk. )

2. the verbal abuse started when I first didnt bother to act to her will hence the mental games( 3rd point) did not work anymore

3. the mental stuff like she telling me that if I loved her I would spend every second with her together has been there ever since. In the beginning (first 3 months) we lived far apart so when I got there I was usually there to be with her and had no other stuff to do

I guess that disproves roses theory of mixed up hormons...you tell me...

thx

Just read that yeah that's not hormonal! She seems a little spoiled and immature. I've been going on just your first post. The drunk push in bed I wouldnt count as abuse. But the hitting during the fight is. Ok she has been controlling from the start. She may have just gotten used to you always being there and now is having separation anxiety! Whatever! She should not hit you she is verbally abusive normally and is spoiled. That's what it sounds like. A spoiled child. It probably won't get better. She graduated from verbal to physical and it's not hormones in this one!

[misterMaster]

Just read that yeah that's not hormonal! She seems a little spoiled and immature. I've been going on just your first post. The drunk push in bed I wouldnt count as abuse. But the hitting during the fight is. Ok she has been controlling from the start. She may have just gotten used to you always being there and now is having separation anxiety! Whatever! She should not hit you she is verbally abusive normally and is spoiled. That's what it sounds like. A spoiled child. It probably won't get better. She graduated from verbal to physical and it's not hormones in this one!

so female and male miscers are united again?

[BetaAsPhuck]

so female and male miscers are united again?

Roll bread?

If not see sig, ie. no. 3.

[rose229]

Shame I can't rep you again.

Awww that was a little rude. And actually I think I was handling it with more maturity then most of these posts. To me it sounded recent. I apologize and after two years that would be cause for alarm a sudden change in personality. And I am so very sorry that a hormonal issue would suggest a lack of maturity or reflect poorly on my personally, when in fact it is a medical issue that many many woman face and have to go on medication after pregnancy or during menopause. I believe people who do not realize that have quite the lack of life experience and should probably not comment on issues that they so clearly know nothing about. I have actually never responded in a post before this. I should have asked for more info before I commented. The way she is acting if it was all very recent all of the sudden would most defiantly be hormonal. And if that makes me immature to want to let someone know that there is help for that. Then I am quite the big baby. My immaturity I guess makes me use my brain in order to reason and find solutions to problems instead of the mature way of f that bit#h run! Comments. Those are really very mature.

[BetaAsPhuck]

Awww that was a little rude. And actually I think I was handling it with more maturity then most of these posts. To me it sounded recent. I apologize and after two years that would be cause for alarm a sudden change in personality.

Fair enough. Props for apologizing.

I assumed that this was an ongoing problem, because I would expect that most people would think there is something medically wrong if their partner abruptly went from consistently benign for 2 yrs, to rapidly alternating between being benign and abusive. Also IME most guys are aware that pregnancy plays with with women's hormones.

Also, your post seemed littered with passive-aggression. If that is the case then I don't see how you can take the high ground regarding maturity.

[rose229]

so female and male miscers are united again?

I believe so.

[MeFromG]

Awww that was a little rude. And actually I think I was handling it with more maturity then most of these posts. To me it sounded recent. I apologize and after two years that would be cause for alarm a sudden change in personality. And I am so very sorry that a hormonal issue would suggest a lack of maturity or reflect poorly on my personally, when in fact it is a medical issue that many many woman face and have to go on medication after pregnancy or during menopause. I believe people who do not realize that have quite the lack of life experience and should probably not comment on issues that they so clearly know nothing about. I have actually never responded in a post before this. I should have asked for more info before I commented. The way she is acting if it was all very recent all of the sudden would most defiantly be hormonal. And if that makes me immature to want to let someone know that there is help for that. Then I am quite the big baby. My immaturity I guess makes me use my brain in order to reason and find solutions to problems instead of the mature way of f that bit#h run! Comments. Those are really very mature.

You were very clear in your posts - already in the first one. It was very clear you provided a possibility that occurs quite often in reality, IF her behaviour has changed drastically and recently. Don't worry you were quite clear. But plenty of people understand only what they want instead of reading posts carefully.
So you don't have to apologize - you are not at all the one who should apologize in this thread.

[GregariousWolf]

It was very clear you provided a possibility that occurs quite often in reality, IF her behaviour has changed drastically and recently. Don't worry you were quite clear. But plenty of people understand only what they want instead of reading posts carefully.

She was always like this. The only thing that has changed recently is that she has stopped pretending to be nice, and she is now showing her true self. In other words, the mask came off.

[sococo1]

You don't need to help her op, you need to tell her to get help by herself and leave her while she does so. If she sorts herself out then I'd maybe reconsider, but I'm not even 100% sure i would. If you make the effort to help her without her doing so by herself she will continue to Rely on you. IMO the hitting isn't even the most destructive thing here, even though it's not acceptable , op could probably restrain her. But making a schedule, wtf? I stay with my boyfriend on random nights of the week and guess what happens when he wants to go to the gym....I go with him or do my own thing. I don't have a break down. She is controlling you because she probably has no hobbies, no real friends, no goals or interest in looking after herself. Sure their might be a hormonal imbalance, which I've felt the effect of after getting the jag, but you bite your lip and understand it's the hormones making you crazy you don't lash out at someone you love. Tell her to take some evening primrose oil if you suspect hormones, but really I don't think that's the case, I think she needs to learn to be happy by herself and I think that involves you getting some space from her.

[rose229]

Thank you everyone. I enjoyed this very much and you are rite BetaasPhuck about passive aggressiveness I tend to be like that on issues that are important to me not so much immaturity it's more like debating. Very Italian family all is a debate! Never meant to be taken in any sort of bad way.Your view my view it's like politics all the time! I think your all pretty cool. I really have never been interested in forums. But I like it! You are all pretty funny and cared to give this man your advice. Which I think is really nice to take time out and do that. And I promise of you were to hear the words come out of my mouth they don't sound aggressive at all I say then in an English accent! Gotta know me I guess. And mefromG thank you. You pay attention