Hey hope everyone is doing alright. I just decided to drop by since Nainoa has helped me in the past.
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Results 1,021 to 1,050 of 1078
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05-12-2009, 08:35 AM #1021uberschwert
- Join Date: May 2005
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A hit was sent, from the President, to raid your residence /
Because you had secret evidence, and documents /
On how they raped the continents, and it's the prominent /
Dominant Islamic, Asiatic Black Hebrew
- GZA "4th Chamber"
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05-12-2009, 08:46 AM #1022Phoenix
- Join Date: Feb 2004
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I went through a period of my life where I was kind of where you're at...Originally Posted by blinky99
Sometimes, even in the current era of my life, I experience that whole "Outside the conversation" thing.
Back then... It was self-esteem/social awkwardness/drug addiction recovery that placed me on the outside of things... For a while there I couldn't "Let my Hair Down." Because I was afraid of having a relapse. (And at hat point my self esteem was hurting because my hair was falling out.... Which also made it harder to let my hair down!)
So my friends would be ripping it up, and I'd be sitting there, sipping a 3.2 beer, and keeping to myself, afraid that if I did anything more I'd "Let the Demon Out."
For me... The solution was to seek out personal growth opportunities.
Like Philosophy Round table discussions... Chess clubs... Book Clubs... Artistic seminars...
Eventually I "Got my legs under me" emotionally... Shaved my head, because I didn't give a damn anymore... And just started straight up Livin'!
*****
Flash forward 13+ years... To last weekend... And I'm sitting there at Fish Camp around the bonfire... Everyone else is talking about what Celebutard did this... What Celebutard did that... What they saw on You-Tube, and this hot chick on some Spacey-Tweet-Page thing...
And I'm completely out of the loop, because I haven't heard of half of them, because I'm too damn busy being straight out "Facinated and engaged in my own life."
Ask them a question about who they are, what they think, what they're vision of the world is... And all I get back is some bull**** they saw on Fox Noise or some piece they picked up on MSNBC... Or whatever crap was being pitched on Access Hollywood...
Heaven help me... I was the outsider!
Rather than "Feel like the wierdo" I started talking about the stuff of substance that I had going on... The Interesting stories of my own life, and the lessons I learned by "Interacting" with my life, instead of "Reacting" to the circumstance of my life... And before you know it... Everyone is sharing their stories about stuff... (Even if some of it is a dig or a gripe about work.)
Within an hour I went from "The outsider who has no clue who that celebutard is" to "That cool guy over there with 10 people sharing stories."
*****
Sometimes to Richen the soil of what's going on in your social life... You have to add in the spicy mulch of your own experiences... And to do that... Means putting yourself out there a little... And keeping a thick skin if you happen to draw a toxic critic.6'4"
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"There are only two mistakes one can make along the road to truth: not going all the way, and not starting." The Buddha
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05-12-2009, 08:59 AM #1023Naaaaah...If you're going to earn money with it it's best to pay for some of the extra features. I've only used mine for cutting the occasional tree that's fallen or to "make" firewood. I always used a friend's until someone offered me the chance to fill the bed of my pickup several times if I would help him clear out his "backyard." I went out and bought it that weekend.Originally Posted by Nainoa
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05-12-2009, 09:05 AM #1024Phoenix
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Yeah i heat my fish house with a wood stove... And Seasoned Oak is best for sleeping through the night without having to get up fifty times...Originally Posted by 1stindoor
At the same time... IF I build a house instead of buy a house... I'm looking at getting an outdoor wood boiler for heating... So usually they let me keep the wood... And I fill the box of my truck till I'm afraid the front tires are going to come off the ground.
******
On top of that last summer we had a lot of wind storms... Took down a lot of trees... So I ened up cutting and splitting 10 cords of wood through the course of the summer...
I tell you what... I didn't regret a single cardio session that might have been skipped last summer!
6'4"
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"There are only two mistakes one can make along the road to truth: not going all the way, and not starting." The Buddha
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05-21-2009, 06:52 AM #1025
Just wanted to bump this back up to the front so that anyone that might need an E-hug can get one.
I thought of it in light of the 17 year old pregnant thread.
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05-21-2009, 06:56 AM #1026Phoenix
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I hope everyone is still doing good... I could use a distraction over the sheer rage inflicted by my job of late. (Trying to slip through the cracks on this stupid trade show I'm supposed to be attending.)Originally Posted by 1stindoor
Writing is going very well... Currently have the "Meat" of 9 chapters written.
*****
I've become aware that it's turning into my "Manifesto" the Nainoanomicon
And I think I've stumbled upon the Mantra/Mission statement: "Practicality over Vanity, substance over style and meaning over materialism.... For the purpose of living a good life."6'4"
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"There are only two mistakes one can make along the road to truth: not going all the way, and not starting." The Buddha
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05-21-2009, 07:07 AM #1027Sounds good. I haven't forgotten that I still owe you some stuff that you are free to use or discard. Just haven't had enough time to sit down and have the "alone" time that I need.Originally Posted by Nainoa
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05-21-2009, 07:26 AM #1028Phoenix
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And I'm not there yet either...Originally Posted by 1stindoor
Right now I'm in what I call the "Exploration of Values" section of writing...
Through out the course of my daily life I pray for inspiration, and be mindful for it... Then something eventually comes up, and in some way or another it leads me to a commentary about "Taking a new look at XYZ root value" Which I write into the context of a scene in teh story...
So far it's a lot of dydacitic dialog...
The first 2/3rds of the book is this Exploration of Values, of Nainoa (The Mentor) illuminating a different way of thinking for Leo (The everyman) as Leo trys to find his way to the meaning he believes he is meant for in his life.
At some point though, as in all mentor relationships... The Student must exceed the mentor in some way, as an act of maturity.
The first 2/3rds of the book are "Flash Backs" to these times the two spent together...
The "Coming back to the present moment" is the preamble to the "Death wisdom scene."
This is the sort of peeling back of the veil... Where the story reveals that Nainoa's wisdom isn't something that's just Zapped into him... But something he suffered and fought for. While at the same time Leo is taking the courage to take his first steps on "The Path of Personal Power."
And then I have to figure out if Nainoa Dies at the end of the book, or what... Since "All Mentor relationships end."
******
After I get done with this roofing and siding job I picked up for this weekend I'm going to spend Monday writing... Then my wife is visiting relatives on a 4 day weekend the following week... So I'm thinking about locking myself in the house for 4 days with a case of red bull and writing.6'4"
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"There are only two mistakes one can make along the road to truth: not going all the way, and not starting." The Buddha
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06-01-2009, 04:04 PM #1029Registered User
- Join Date: Feb 2006
- Location: Michigan, United States
- Age: 40
- Posts: 8,957
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So i havent updated in a while been busy learning about myself pretty much and in therapy. Came to a few realizations or just an awareness about myself, patterns ive had why i've done them. Working on changing those, i still am doing the positive self talk, and changing the way i internalize things and interpret peoples actions towards me.
Hardly think about my ex any more and even looked at some pictures didnt really trigger anything, I have a thought every now and then but they are very fleeting. Only two songs that i seldom hear on the radio trigger anything and i just change the channel anyway.
basically i chase women when they pull away as thats what happened with my mom and im trying to fix that in the present which isnt really possible. My focus also shifts from one women to another im not yet able to focus on multiple women until i exhaust things with my current interest. even though i talk to many online/gym etc i still only focus on one at a time
feeling decent about where i am right now, but its still really just beginning. I almost feel bad for people who dont go on this type fo self struggle/discovery. But then again not everyone needs it .
Way way back when i first started posting i never dreampt of being where i am now mentaly, so for all those who doubt they can do it , you can.haven't really posted much as i havent felt the need.Sig line can't be a novel
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06-02-2009, 07:12 AM #1030
I'm happy to hear that you're getting a lot out of your experiences with counseling. I hope the "lurkers" see that there's nothing to be ashamed about when it comes to realizing you need help. Keep us updated, and thanks for bumping this thread back up to the top.
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06-02-2009, 07:29 AM #1031Phoenix
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Yeah really...Originally Posted by 1stindoor
As a Mod I can see the deleted posts from people who say posted and then got embrassed and deleted them a minute later...
And if you're lurking here, and for whatever reason you don't feel comfortable talking about it on the forums... I really, really hope and pray that you seek help in your private life, whether it's through family, CLOSE friends, or seeking therapy.
Blinky here is a prime example of the positive effects that therapy can have on your life.6'4"
258
"There are only two mistakes one can make along the road to truth: not going all the way, and not starting." The Buddha
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06-02-2009, 07:32 AM #1032Registered User
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- Location: North Carolina, United States
- Age: 49
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Wow.. what a great thread..
I was diagnosed long ago with anxiety (social anxiey disorder), depression, and minor OCD tendencies.. After going through therapy, and experimenting with different prescriptions, I finally got everything stabilized a few years ago, using Lexapro 20mg one time per day, as well as Lorezepam (when needed)., I still talk to a therapist once every 8 weeks just so he can stay updating.
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06-02-2009, 07:40 AM #1033Phoenix
- Join Date: Feb 2004
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Originally Posted by blinky99
Way to go Blink!
I can tell you've come a long way.
Now that you're starting to come out of the "Angst Zone" and onto the "Awareness Step" have you thought about perhaps picking up a creative endeavor.
******
As I talk about in my book...
When we're children we're Wildly Creative... As we understand more about the world that we can articulate and express... And Creativity is an Outlet for Emotional Exploration. Then somewhere along the line we let judgements of what's good and bad... Judgements of what's expected of us to seep in... And we start to "Act" a certain way that we feel is expected of us and of someone who "Becoming a Grown-Up."
Now right now in our culture, "Reason and Intellect" are the favored tools of exploration towards emotional awareness... And they are valueable tools that should not be put down. However creativity is also a great "Supplemental Tool." Because ultimately there's always emotion tied into creativity.
Even if it's just a matter of while in the process of doing something, you quiet the Angsty-Monkeys of the mind and new thoughts from the Primal deep of your being float up.
Painting, drawing, wood working, culinary arts... Hell I even consider "Gardening" to be a form of creativity. (My Garden is a friggin testament to an interactive attention to detail).
Even if it's just picking up a book of water color paper, some cheap water colors and a simple brush set for like $20 total... And just "Messing around with painting abstract stuff"
Creativity can be a great additional tool for emotional awareness.6'4"
258
"There are only two mistakes one can make along the road to truth: not going all the way, and not starting." The Buddha
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06-02-2009, 08:09 AM #1034Registered User
- Join Date: Feb 2006
- Location: Michigan, United States
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well ive actually tried singing in my car, being in pitch with the singer and what not. Other than that not really sure what im interested in doing. save maybe contact kickboxing, mma maybe, but kinda need money for those heh
Sig line can't be a novel
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06-02-2009, 08:25 AM #1035Phoenix
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I've tried my hand at "Music" It's a very good creative venue. (I do my best writing to music playing in the background.) It's just executing an instrument has escaped my manual dexterity. (Used to play Bass in a rock Back in HS.) And my Voice, just keeps dropping lower and lower as I age... I'm about a year away from having the same vocal range as Darth Vader.Originally Posted by blinky99
Which pretty much ends any chance of me ever singing...
But Boy can I threaten Rebel Scum and talk about the power of the Dark Side!
*****
Have you ever tried, say... Writing Lyrics to a song you wanted to sing?6'4"
258
"There are only two mistakes one can make along the road to truth: not going all the way, and not starting." The Buddha
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06-02-2009, 11:16 AM #1036Registered User
- Join Date: Feb 2006
- Location: Michigan, United States
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use to write a song or two back in higschool, was sorta fun, guess never got into it., might try it see how it goes though , good idea
to bad when ya reped me way back when you didnt have mod reps hahaSig line can't be a novel
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06-02-2009, 12:01 PM #1037fixedOriginally Posted by blinky99
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06-02-2009, 12:13 PM #1038Phoenix
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With great Rep Power, comes great Repsponsibility...Originally Posted by 1stindoor
6'4"
258
"There are only two mistakes one can make along the road to truth: not going all the way, and not starting." The Buddha
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06-02-2009, 01:22 PM #1039Registered User
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- Location: Michigan, United States
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true that
Sig line can't be a novel
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07-02-2009, 07:31 PM #1040future CEO
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- Age: 32
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Hey guys/girls I haven't really ever told anyone about these problems I have but they are getting worse to the point where bad thoughts start to creep into my head. This scares me because I just feel like I have nobody to talk to about this. I have friends, but none I would consider "best friends" and I don't know why this is. My problem is depression. It has been on and off for a while now. Sometimes I feel great and that my life is awesome and then other times, like right now, I just feel like nothing it ever going to make me happy. I have a good family too, but I just don't feel as close as I would like to which is why I feel that I can't talk about this with them.
Anyways more to the problem. As I said before, I have friends, but none I would call best friends or eve great friends. I get along with everyone I meet and I'm "friends" with everyone at school, but just as summer starts (this happens almost every year) nobody really asks me to hang out or do anything. I never get invited to parties and most days I just end up working out and sitting on the computer talking to people I don't even know... I don't have a girlfriend which also adds a lot to the problem. There have been a few girls that I liked but nothing ever worked and I feel like ****. As soon as I feel some good vibes are flowing I try to set up a date and I get shot down. I don't have a very high self esteem (as you can probably tell) so that just makes things worse.
I do have a job which does keep my busy sometimes, but I hate it. I work at a carwash vacuuming/detailing cars (vacuum, dry them off,clean windows,etc.). I make $5.50 and hour plus tips, but the tips are practically nothing. It took me forever to get a job too which is why I feel I can't just quit and find a new one. I like to people I work with but I don't hang out with any of them and I don't like the work.
I just feel like my life is going no where and it would be better off to just ****ing quit everything. The only thing that I really have to keep me going is to join the marines and just get the hell out of where I am. Honestly right now I don't value my life at all and this scares me because I love my mom so much and I can't hurt her by just going away with the military and dieing. Honestly, other than her, I feel like nobody would even care. I was very close to my grandparents but they are all dead and they were probably the only people I could have talked to about this.
Can anyone help me? I just feel so low right now.
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07-02-2009, 07:43 PM #1041Phoenix
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Originally Posted by franksg99
I try to strike with cobra like speed when this thread bumps in my CP...
My step 1 Advice to new comers to this thread is... "Go back to page 5 and start reading... If you don't want to read all of it... If you read the posts of me, Random Guy and 1stindoor... You'll find some pretty sage advice from guys who know, live and fight for greater meaning in life.
There's some answers in there, worth the read.
In the more specific...
I'll tell you this bro... Adversity means something... It exists for a reason... Malaise... Exists for a reason... Meloncholly exists for a reason... Lonliness exists for a reason...
It's just like fear... negative emotions keep us safe from wandering down the wrong path... Or to motivate us to really push at the things that matter.
On the path of personal power, things like a stiff boring streak are natural and healthy... Healty if you choose to confront yourself and ask "Okay... What do I need to cowboy up on to work a little closer to being more than I am today."
Believe me when I was 17 years old... I was a big whiny pussy of life.
World kicked my ass, and I cried about it like a puss cake, and hated myself for it.
Now I'm some strange mix between Walt Kowalsky and Mohatma Gandhi.
(Have to watch "Gran Torino" to get that joke.)
Bottom line is... You're never going to get anywhere if you don't get started.
A Lot of people have heard the saying by Lao Tzu "The greatest Journey begins with a single step..." The second part of that quote that our twitchy impatient culture like to keep forgeting is "...And it continues on in many small steps from there."6'4"
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"There are only two mistakes one can make along the road to truth: not going all the way, and not starting." The Buddha
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08-02-2009, 12:41 PM #1042Registered User
- Join Date: Feb 2006
- Location: Michigan, United States
- Age: 40
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So i havent said anything in a while but here are two lines a counsler gave me, and one from ym Dr. therapist la. i say copy em print em read em every day make them a reality....
1] DON'T TAKE ANYTHING PERSONALLY [I HAVE THIS PROB A LOT!]
Nothing others do is because of you.What others say and do is a projection of their own reality,their own dream. When you are immune to teh opinions and actions of others [ie being rejected etc], you won;t be the victim of needless suffering.
Think about that, you let others make you feel like **** because they reject you, only you have the power to let others reject you [that was told to me by my therapist Dr. so take it to heart.
2] DON'T MAKE ASSUMPTIONS [I ALSO DO THIS]
Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness, and drama. With this one agreement you can completely transform your life.
Communication is key in relationships think about it, if you dont tell her what you want she will not know, if yhou do not speak up for yourself when you are being walked on people will continue to do it., if a girl flakes on you find a way to neg her ass on it and or forget her.Sig line can't be a novel
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08-03-2009, 03:42 PM #1043Phoenix
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- Location: MN
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Good work Blink!Originally Posted by blinky99
I've noticed as I get older... That I really don't give that much of a damn what other people think of me... I mean if someone disrespecting me is a different story.
But ultimately as a man comes into his own... finds his own swagger... Finds his own voice... It builds a confidence that while you might not yet be the master of your life... You're working on it. And you learn to respect your path, and your ability to find your way through it.6'4"
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"There are only two mistakes one can make along the road to truth: not going all the way, and not starting." The Buddha
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08-03-2009, 04:01 PM #1044Phoenix
- Join Date: Feb 2004
- Location: MN
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Speaking of dealing with life struggles....
Coming out of a phase right now...
My "Outter World" of finances, money, future expectations, job security...
All of those things... Lookin' really bad.
I mean this whole
"Future"
Where my wife and I buy a house nicer than my POS bachelor shack... And have that son I've always wanted.
If I look at the future...
No chance...
It's over... It's done... Nainoa's material success = Total Failure.
And I tell you, it was eatin' me... Pounding me like a two dollar hooker, grind into the Earth.
Feeding the Trolls of my fear and anxiety.
Tried the "Work Harder Approach" and while it made progress... It was burning me out for a net gain of like $1.85 an hour, doing horrendous tasks that, while they made small progress... They weren't the path to the future.
Then Job starts smelling like it's coming to an end... Then the boat breaks down on a fishing trip, Septic tank starts bubbling... The list goes on.
I mean other than my garden and my wood working projects, my outter world was friggin' garbage... Turn off the light at the end of the tunnel... Not gonna happen.
And then it occured to me... How once upon a time I'd been trapped by the past... And how despite my desire to live in the present... I was really "Living for the future."
And so I let the plans for the future go... They were friggin' dead anyway.
Maybe I'll have to build a house on this land with my barehands... Maybe I'll have to accept that I'll never have children.
I'm just letting that be "Unseen."
Right now I only allow myself to live "In the Present Tense."
Now that doens't mean I run around doing whatever whim comes to me... That's friggin' juvenile, and the actions of an unconntrolled mind.
What I mean is that I don't dawdle in dreams of future good things, and greener pastures. Instead I dedicate myself to making the absolute most out of every endeavor. That I try my best... I work my best, I put my best foot forward and challenge myself to the execution of quality.
Slowly but surely I find that adding all of these "Best Moments" together... that a new future... A new mindset reveals itself.
Because in the end, when you try your best, you don't have any regrets from things you could have/should have done... Doing your best is a calming thing...
I even draw little symbols on the back of my thumbs each day.
On the left is a Crossed out circle to remind me to not feed the trolls of negative emotions. On the Right hand is a little light with a dot (Looks like a candle) to remind me to always "Turn your light up."
My Bank statement and future mortgage broker might disagree... But for now my life is starting to show positive cycles.
The bottom line...
If you spend all your energy looking to the horzion, or staring deep down the trail you've already come down, you risk tripping over the rock that's right in front of you!6'4"
258
"There are only two mistakes one can make along the road to truth: not going all the way, and not starting." The Buddha
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08-06-2009, 11:41 AM #1045Registered User
- Join Date: Feb 2008
- Location: Massachusetts, United States
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HI all. i'm in.
-Sweat all you can in training so you don't Bleed in battle.-
Check out Blackredxtreme-Action Sports Clothing. Its the new wave of style in the industy (Skateboarding,Snowboarding, Motocross & more)
www.blackredxtreme.com
Reps For Life: Taylorgb34life, Galindo62, JACKtheLUMBER
RIP FrvrMuscle
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08-08-2009, 12:23 PM #1046Registered User
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- Location: Michigan, United States
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Ya im lovin my life, all i need now is a job, you can read some of my fun dating successes and failures in jankys "want to meet women thread" some fun times. Cant see my therapist as i lost my job and cant afford it, cant find a job, have some leads that should pan out in the coming month, as im running out of cash. something at vittamin shoppe looks promising. But i can date women adn if it doesnt work out say fk it and move on, never been able to do that before.
Sig line can't be a novel
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08-17-2009, 06:23 PM #1047Carb Monster
- Join Date: Mar 2007
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strong bump
i rep back - 1 million+
Bitches ain't say sh-t to me now they won't leave me alone
Used to walk the other way now they all come to my home
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08-17-2009, 06:25 PM #1048Another brick in the wall
- Join Date: Apr 2009
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- Age: 37
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you mad I have pubes
Goal 9% BF
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08-17-2009, 06:26 PM #1049Tigers love pepper
- Join Date: Jun 2007
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not at all..ur arms are like a t rex's
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08-17-2009, 06:29 PM #1050Registered User
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Bench was MUCH cleaner than expected. Good work OP.
And no not mad, i have 100 lbs on your bench. Though i do with i had that bench when i was 15.
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