This is the first time I posted in this section, and hopefully it will be the last b/c I feel like a lame-o even being in this position right now lol. But I just got out of a 5 year relationship a few months ago, and I am having major issues restarting my dating life. This was not a problem for me prior to this relationship, but apparently it is now for some reason, even though I was the one that did the breaking up.
I feel very reluctant to even go on OK Cupid or any of these sites since I am an old school guy and prefer to meet people face to face. However, this isn't working out too well so far because I have no drive to go up to girls at bars/clubs yet, so I might as well get on this too. Hopefully it will help me get back to my former self.
Again I feel absolutely retarded even having to make this post, but I know nothing about online dating sites and have no clue where to start. If I put the below picture up there, is this a good start?
Also, I am 26 and an attorney, so I have no idea how to even market myself on there? Should I just act like a real person and talk like I do in real life, or should I play the lawyer role up and try to sound very professional/mature when I talk to girls on there? IRL I basically just switch it on and off though, because who wants to act like a lawyer 24/7?
Here is what I was going to put on there to start. (I'm on the left)
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04-02-2012, 02:01 PM #1
I am NOT a misc creeper, but I need feedback on potential OK Cupid photo
Last edited by shoobey; 04-02-2012 at 02:10 PM.
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04-02-2012, 02:06 PM #2
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04-02-2012, 02:08 PM #3
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04-02-2012, 02:09 PM #4
First of all, the pic. No. Just no. Which one is you? Not the sweaty guy, I hope. If you are the guy actually looking at the camera, it would be a nice pic if you didn't have your buddies finger in your face. Find a different pic.
When first chatting to women, I would act like yourself. Not your lawyer self. Do you want to date your co-workers? Neither does she. Women will see on your profile that you are a lawyer and will chat you up for that reason alone. Sad but true. Just be yourself from the beginning. You don't want to have to put on an act the first time you meet.
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04-02-2012, 02:13 PM #5
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04-02-2012, 02:25 PM #6
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04-02-2012, 02:28 PM #7
This ^^^
OP, I found myself single in my late thirties. I work long hours and I wouldn't want to date any of the men at my job. I've tried online dating too. It is...um...interesting...
I've had friends try it too. Everyone approaches online dating in a different way. I preferred to have a phone convo with the potential date and then if that went well, I agreed to a meeting. Usually, they were short dates in case things didn't go well--Happy Hour, coffee, something like that. Just be yourself.
Personally, I've had better luck finding dates through friends or in pursuing some interest (like in my running club).
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04-02-2012, 02:31 PM #8
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04-02-2012, 02:41 PM #9
I think a pic of you with no shirt on is okay IF you have a casual one taken not for the purpose of the ad. Something like a pic of you and your buddies at the beach. Do not put up a pic of you standing in the bathroom flexing. Please!
You seem to have a good idea of what is creepy/trashy and what isn't. I think you will be fine. If you are used to hanging out with lawyer types then it will shine through a bit but so what. It's part of who you are. Plus any girl who can't keep up is a moron anyway and not worth the time.
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04-02-2012, 02:42 PM #10
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04-02-2012, 02:44 PM #11
I went straight from hanging out with crazy party people for 4 years in college, to boring professional type people for 4 years, so I am also having a bit of an identity crisis right now as well. I am kind of a mix between both, I can't be a crazy party guy 24/7 like the people back in college, but I also am very far from a boring yuppie type person so I don't seem to fit in with that group either!
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04-02-2012, 02:46 PM #12
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04-02-2012, 02:47 PM #13
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04-02-2012, 02:50 PM #14
Yeah. I get that. I was in that hermit mode, so that's what I did too. Online dating is a little strange though. I found that often men would post pics of themselves from when they were younger/in better shape and they looked nothing like their pic. It's good that you are putting up a current photo of yourself. Don't be surprised if some of the women you meet don't, however. I also found that men would respond to my profile w/o actually having read it and I could tell we shared none of the same values and would not be compatible.
Still, you're making the right move. Just get back out there. Good luck!
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04-02-2012, 02:55 PM #15
I have to agree here, my best friend was trying to date online... she met the weirdest people who were nothing like their profiles protrayed them. It's a weird world, I hear ya. I think i'd be too shy to meet somebody online though. Plus i'm scared what might happen when I meet them in person.
When I got out of my 10 year relationship I just spent time with my girlfriends that were also single, I wasn't as crazy as them but that's a great way to meet people.
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04-02-2012, 02:57 PM #16
- Join Date: Aug 2009
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Is that a free site is so avoid. I found a lot better people on pay sites. Dont get too caught up in the web thing. Keep going out and trying in real life to. Summon your balls and start approaching women. If you cant in real life chances are your dates not going to go that well either. Put up a pic of you doing something fun maybe with your buddies where you can actually see what you look like.
Shirtless pic might be ok depending on what you are trying to attract. I tried it for fun and to be honest i got tons of emails. Some were not that flattering but who cares. I mean I am a bodybuilder right so if I take a pic of me flexing I dont get how that is different than a say a guy who fishes holding a fishing pole.
Be yourself, be attentive and funny on line and you will separate yourself from the pack. Lots of guys on line out for booty call. Even if you are dont make it dam obvious.Resident smart arse and grammar fool....instagram: heartandfitness
Open Heart Surgery on May 26, 2012. My life goal is to educate and inspire other heart patients. Medical study for new heart patient drugs to start in January 2013. If you have a family history of heart disease please get your blood tested ASAP and your kids. It could save their life.
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04-02-2012, 03:01 PM #17
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04-02-2012, 03:09 PM #18
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04-02-2012, 03:12 PM #19
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04-02-2012, 03:24 PM #20
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04-02-2012, 03:27 PM #21
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04-02-2012, 03:33 PM #22
- Join Date: Aug 2009
- Location: Michigan, United States
- Age: 52
- Posts: 6,348
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Resident smart arse and grammar fool....instagram: heartandfitness
Open Heart Surgery on May 26, 2012. My life goal is to educate and inspire other heart patients. Medical study for new heart patient drugs to start in January 2013. If you have a family history of heart disease please get your blood tested ASAP and your kids. It could save their life.
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04-02-2012, 03:36 PM #23
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04-02-2012, 03:39 PM #24
- Join Date: Aug 2009
- Location: Michigan, United States
- Age: 52
- Posts: 6,348
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Resident smart arse and grammar fool....instagram: heartandfitness
Open Heart Surgery on May 26, 2012. My life goal is to educate and inspire other heart patients. Medical study for new heart patient drugs to start in January 2013. If you have a family history of heart disease please get your blood tested ASAP and your kids. It could save their life.
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04-02-2012, 03:47 PM #25
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04-02-2012, 03:48 PM #26
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04-02-2012, 04:01 PM #27
- Join Date: Aug 2009
- Location: Michigan, United States
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That was just mean.
The truth is I dated 20-40 in the past 1.5 years. I just prefer around 30. I see no problem with that. If women want to date men with a good job they don't catch sheet for it now do they? If I like 10-15 years younger and can get it see no reason I should not do it.Resident smart arse and grammar fool....instagram: heartandfitness
Open Heart Surgery on May 26, 2012. My life goal is to educate and inspire other heart patients. Medical study for new heart patient drugs to start in January 2013. If you have a family history of heart disease please get your blood tested ASAP and your kids. It could save their life.
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04-02-2012, 04:10 PM #28
Aw, c'mon now, not mean; just teasing you! Don't be so sensitive.
And, btw, if you are inferring that women only date men who have a good job b/c they have money, I will tell you that you are holding misconceptions about many women. I, for example, am financially responsible, have a good job and do not need to date a man so he can pay my bills. I do want to date a man who has a job, goals and direction. I don't care about how much money he makes b/c I have my own money.
10 years isn't too much younger (you did say "under 30" in your original post). Just think that some men will date much younger women, because they are young and hot, and then these same men are confused why they are dealing with 20-year-old dramatic b*lls**t.
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04-02-2012, 04:23 PM #29
- Join Date: Aug 2009
- Location: Michigan, United States
- Age: 52
- Posts: 6,348
- Rep Power: 21127
Resident smart arse and grammar fool....instagram: heartandfitness
Open Heart Surgery on May 26, 2012. My life goal is to educate and inspire other heart patients. Medical study for new heart patient drugs to start in January 2013. If you have a family history of heart disease please get your blood tested ASAP and your kids. It could save their life.
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04-02-2012, 04:37 PM #30
Another question, is it a bad thing that I am still indifferent right now with meeting women? I am having a great time hanging out with friends now, getting back into shape, moving up in my job, and I just have like no drive at the moment to try to approach girls which is why I haven't in the last 3 months I've been single.
I am not one of those people who is anti-women/marriage for life just because I had one bad relationship, but I also can't deny that something inside me right now makes me feel completely indifferent whether or not I am dating. I live in my own place now in an awesome city/location, and everything is basically awesome and improving right now so much from my situation during my relationship that I just haven't even thought about dating/hooking up.
I am doing this because I want to get the drive back. Although I am having fun and enjoy being relaxed and stress-free, I also have no idea if I am missing out on a lot of potentially great people by just not putting any effort into it right now? It's tricky lol.
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