Give me a random paragraph to send to someone in a text and i will rep you.

[PowerAIDS]

Go.

[eleesr]

I was in my 8th grade math class. All year a particular student, known for being a little wacky, had been occasionally pretending to be Pikachu. Some days he would sit there working on stuff and someone would ask him a question or whater and he'd just respond 'Pika? Piiiika CHUU' or any other combination. Well, one day late in the year we are working on our assignment after recieving the lecture and said kid starts making some weird noises. Starts to shake a little bit. At first I thought maybe he was starting to seize, but just as it starts to get frighteningly violent he stops still as a rock and practically shouts "RAICHU!!!' After a couple seconds of stunned silence, our teacher simply shakes his head and says, 'Derrick, principles office, now.'

[Smithers115]

when are you gonna come over and kill a bottle of wine and pack of condoms with me??

[PowerAIDS]

lmfao this is some good ****. will send. repped, if i dont get you now i will on recharge

[PowerAIDS]

need moar

[No7]

alright maybe i blow you both i like you mutherfukkas so much i got cherry eyes bitch

[Brolific]

I like turtles because they’re so chill. They don’t hurt anyone. They’re just like, “Hey man, I want to swim, and maybe eat some lettuce. But I’m gonna take my time getting there, I’m not in a rush. Because I’m a turtle.”

[TankerBrah]

I like turtles because they’re so chill. They don’t hurt anyone. They’re just like, “Hey man, I want to swim, and maybe eat some lettuce. But I’m gonna take my time getting there, I’m not in a rush. Because I’m a turtle.”

My friend added this ****ing ******** like to her profile. ......

[PowerAIDS]

Need moar fast!@!@!

[Brolific]

what if one day you woke up and your nipples were completely gone
like no scars or anything, just flat skin
and then once you leave your room you find out your dad died last night
and then several days later, you find out that for your entire life your dad had been sneaking into your room while you slept
and sucking on your chest to make to gigantic hickeys where your nipples should be
because you were born without them
not for any sexual reason, just so you would fit in

god bless you dad

[KillDowzer]

I don't know who you are. I don't know what you want. If you are looking for ransom, I can tell you I don't have money. But what I do have are a very particular set of skills; skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. If you let my daughter go now, that'll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you. But if you don't, I will look for you, I will find you, and I will kill you.

I cannot believe how incredibly stupid you are. I mean rock-hard stupid. Dehydrated-rock-hard stupid. Stupid so stupid that it goes way beyond the stupid we know into a whole different dimension of stupid. You are trans-stupid stupid. Meta-stupid. Stupid collapsed on itself so far that even the neutrons have collapsed. Stupid gotten so dense that no intellect can escape. Singularity stupid. Blazing hot mid-day sun on Mercury stupid. You emit more stupid in one second than our entire galaxy emits in a year. Quasar stupid. Your writing has to be a troll. Nothing in our universe can really be this stupid. Perhaps this is some primordial fragment from the original big bang of stupid. Some pure essence of a stupid so uncontaminated by anything else as to be beyond the laws of physics that we know. I'm sorry. I can't go on. This is an epiphany of stupid for me. After this, you may not hear from me again for a while. I don't have enough strength left to deride your ignorant questions and half baked comments about unimportant trivia, or any of the rest of this drivel. Duh.

[Soflogator528]

When I was 12 I had my first sexual experience. At the time, I lived in a little suburb outside of Cleveland and anyway, the girl next door and I were really good friends. Our parents were both gone for the day and she was over playing Transformers with me. So anyway, we kinda got.. Bored I guess? And we started playing truth or dare, which turned into 'you show me yours, I'll show you mine". So anyway there I Was, 12 years old, heart pounding, blood rushing in my ears, and the chick (who was a year older than me actually) takes off her panties and hikes her little skirt up. So What did I do, you ask? I whistled for a cab, and when it came near, the license plate said "fresh" and there were dice in the mirror. If anything I could say that this cab was rare, but I thought "naw forget it, yo home to bel-air!" I pulled up to the house about seven or eight and I yelled to the cabbie "yo homes smell ya later!" Looked at my kingdom, I was finally there. To settle my throne as the prince of bel-air.

[PowerAIDS]

moreeeeeeeeee

[Soflogator528]

Well my first gay experience happened like this:

I was about 50 yards or so up this path when I noticed a man standing off the side of the path apparently staring into the woods. As I got closer I realized his pants were down around his ankles and I could see his ass. Now, I'm straight but I have to say that it was a really nicely shaped ass for a man and I took notice. I figured maybe he was drunk and just peeing in the bushes, so I started to walk quieter so I wouldn't disturb him. But as I got closer I started hearing strange grunts and sucking sounds. I realized there was another man blowing him.

Now, I'm not gay but I slowed my pace down to watch. I slowed and approached the standing man from behind. His friend didn't take any notice as his eyes were tightly closed. I came right up behind the man standing so that I could have reached out and touched him. That's when I brought the cinder block down on his head, hard. He collapsed on top of his ***got friend and I quickly finished them both off. I rolled them into the bushes and finished my walk. That was only my first of many such gay encounters.

[PowerAIDS]

keep it up

[Youbestsquatfoo]

Text to random number
Hey, It's Michael. Remember me? Dont blame you if you don't, you were ****ed up lol. Well I just wanna thank you for a fun night, I'll never forget when we went into the forest and broke threw rocks at bird nests, an then sticking the chicks corpses into out asses? Good times lol. Well, if you're ever down to hang out again, just call me.

[Soflogator528]

Mother****ing ****. I was just masturbating and everything was going great. I was in my room, i had my headphones on, i was totally naked sitting at my computer fapping away to a video on redtube. All of a sudden there's this really sharp pain in my dick, like it just got stabbed with a sewing needle. I jerked my hand back and it bumped into my computer tower, which sits on the desk. Well, i had my stick of deodorant on top of the tower, and that bitch fell off and landed deodorant-end-down on the head of my cock. Holy ****ing **** did that hurt, and on top of that it hit so hard that it actually forced some deodorant into my urethra. I've never had anything burn so bad in my entire life. I jumped out of my ****ing chair and stood up because it hurt so bad; this caused my headphone cable to get yanked out of my speakers, which caused "oh yeah baby come deep in my tight teen ******* uh uh uh" to get blared through my ****ing house and almost maximum volume. Now my eyes are watering from the pain of the deodorant inside my cock but i manage to punch one of my speakers hard enough so they turn off. I looked down and noticed blood dripping off of my cock; i guess the lip of the plastic deodorant thing bit into my foreskin as it connected with my cock. The blood was dripping down my leg.

This all happened in the space of maybe 6 seconds. It may seem bad but it gets worse. Just as i'm standing there trying to figure out what the **** happened, my bedroom door ****ing opens. My dad was standing there with my acceptance letter to johns hopkins. I froze and he stared at me, naked with my bloody erection for maybe 15 seconds before he noticed my computer monitor and the brutal anal sex scene going on full-screen. He immediately closed the door and left without saying anything. This may seem embarrassing but my dad is a seriously conservative christian. This happened about 15 minutes ago and he hasn't said anything to me yet. I'm still in my room trying to get the god damn ****ing old spice out of my cock. What should i do?

[germs1]

Are you aware I have a ritual called ‘terminator’. I crouch in the shower in the “naked terminator” pose. With eyes closed I crouch for a minute and visualize either Arnie or the guy from the 2nd movie. I then start to hum the T2 theme. Slowly I rise to a standing position and open my eyes. It helps me get through my day. The only problem is if the shower curtain sticks to my terminator leg. It sorta ruins the fantasy.

[TheClimax]

This one time both the sexpo and porn convention were on at the same time on the same block, all the hottest porn stars and closet fappers were chillin at this one club during the after party and the place was just erotic beyond belief with the freakiest of freaks. so many virgins were wearing pheramones I got sick and puked down some random girls mouth and she proceeded to puke in the mouth of the girl next to her, before I knew it we had a circle jerk of people puking in eachother's mouths like 2 girls 1 cup, but this was more like 10 porn stars and 100 pathetic fans. the floor was already covered in puke but there must have been 50 used condoms on the floor, all of which were fresh, from this point I knew I would get an STD just from breathing the air. the freakiest of all freaks caught my eye, she actually performed the Coctopuss which is when there's only 1 puss being her, and 8 cocks being the arms all fitting into her many holes. It was clear she had every STD and STI known to both humans and animals but I wanted her so bad anyway with the ravaging force of over 9000 spartans on death row. I would drag my balls down over nine thousand miles of broken glass and diseased infested syringes all of which were covered in fire ants if it meant I could hear Mrs. Coctopuss fart through a phone.

[Soflogator528]

So I met this girl who worked at Starbucks, and I worked up the courage to ask her on a date after a couple of conversations at the register. She was a month older than me but I didn't really care, she was fun to be around. So we took a walk along the beach, and we kissed in the pale moonlight, a full moon, it was really romantic. We started really getting into it, and she slowly unzipped my jeans, she reaches inside and starts kissing her way down my chest, she finally gets all the way down, looks up at me with the most seductive eyes I've ever seen and says "No thanks, I had Reese's for breakfast" and I'm like "No way, you had candy for breakfast?" She replies, "Not candy! Reese's puffs cereal!" So she sliiiiides me a bowl. I crunch into it and WHAM! My mouth goes crazy! That smooth combo of peanut butter and chocolate-y taste attacking my taste buds! She zips my pants back up and says "And it's part of this complete breakfast!"

[PowerAIDS]

you guys are the best

[PowerAIDS]

sup

[PowerAIDS]

more

[sean061788]

unlike you living in your mom's basement, I actually played football against guys who are in the NFL. I know what wins games & what makes teams tick... I'm not a casual fan like you morons who just suck the nuts of the quarterback and give him all the credit when my team wins

[dhfootball92]

lets pig roast your girlfriend

[Soflogator528]

Due to extensive research done by the University of Pittsburgh, diamond has been confirmed as the hardest metal known to man. The research is as follows. Pocket-protected scientists built a wall of iron and crashed a diamond car into it at 400 miles per hour, and the car was unharmed. They then built a wall out of diamond and crashed a car made of iron moving at 400 miles an hour into the wall, and the wall came out fine. They then crashed a diamond car made of 400 miles per hour into a wall, and there were no survivors. They crashed 400 miles per hour into a diamond traveling at iron car. Western New York was powerless for hours. They rammed a wall of metal into a 400 mile per hour made of diamond, and the resulting explosion shifted the earth's orbit 400 million miles away from the sun, saving the earth from a meteor the size of a small Washington suburb that was hurtling towards mid-western Prussia at 400 billion miles per hour. They shot a diamond made of iron at a car moving at 400 walls per hour, and as a result caused two wayward airplanes to lose track of their bearings, and make a fatal crash with two buildings in downtown New York. They spun 400 miles at diamond into iron per wall. The results were inconclusive. Finally, they placed 400 diamonds per hour in front of a car made of wall traveling at miles per iron, and the result proved without a doubt that diamonds were the hardest metal of all time, if not just the hardest metal known to man.

[Soflogator528]

why do they call it the xbox 360?

because when you see it, you'll turn 360 degrees and walk away

[Tgeo]

Sometimes, when I get really angry I tuck my balls under my ashole and bounce and scream

[UsernameTaken]

MOAR!

and LONGER ones please

[Tgeo]

I understand that scissors can beat paper and i get how rock can beat scissors. But there's no ****ing way paper can beat rock. Is paper supposed to magically wrap around rock leaving it immobile? Why the hell can't paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of college-ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating students as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anybody, a rock would tear that **** up in two seconds. When i play rock/paper/scissors i always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper i punch them in the throat with my already clenched fist and say "oh **** i'm sorry. I thought paper would protect you, stupid-fuk"