Dealing with Friends that are Naysayers??

[msulisa99]

Anyone have one of 'those' friends?! The type that is critical about everything you say and do? I have one of those type of friends, she's not a close friend of mine, but of my sister in law, she's a cousin of my hubby, so I see her a lot. Problem is she eats whatever she wants, when she wants. She's overweight and kind of lazy.

Every SINGLE time I see her she makes multiple wise cracks about my eating and NOW she has started in with the gym too. Saying she wouldn't put her child in the babysitting room for hours on end, women with muscles are nasty, etc etc. Hmmm ok.

To say the least it is annoying. I don't know why she acts like that, I totally feel stuck in high school. Anyone have someone like that in your life?

[bethanyboo]

I'd be so tempted to fire back at her that being a lazy fatass is nasty..

Buuuut you could also try a nicer route. You could smile back and say "I appreciate your concern but it's really none of your business". Say something to that effect every time and don't let her know that she's bothering you and eventually she'll shut up and realize that your decisions aren't up for debate.

[vabyss]

An ugly person that is insecure about her ugliness tearing down someone that has the discipline to do things she won't in an attempt to comfort her rabid insecurity. It's nothing new.

Just laugh it off.

[msulisa99]

LOL thanks ladies!! I usually just laugh it off and totally ignore her comments all together. It just gets flipping OLD because she feels compelled to do it every single time I see her...get OVER it already, geesh!!!!!

[NOVA888]

Very often, making the 'right' decisions for your health (physical or otherwise), is the easy part. Although for many, taking that first step is difficult as well.

On the other hand, another stumbling block (sometimes the biggest sabotage), is dealing with the scorn of those that adhere to whatever herd mentality--the folks that aren't happy when one of the flocks strays.

The answer: Find a new flock. And if you can't find one, start your own, or become a happy loner, or develop a leathery skin/duck feather mentality.

[amberly]

I think everyone has someone (or multiple people) in their lives who are like that. Don't let it bother you. There are very few people in this world who can just shut up and be happy for others.

[borcherding]

She's just jealous that YOU are making changes and she is not. Blow it off and BE PROUD of what you are accomplishing!!! KEEP IT UP!!!

[KaraPhoto]

You know ... I tend to be pretty direct with that kind of thing. I realize it's not an option for everyone, but I do believe that at some point, being direct - but polite - is the best option.

You said: It just gets flipping OLD because she feels compelled to do it every single time I see her and I can totally see how it would. So my response would be to say something like this:

Jane, every single time I see you, you make negative comments about the choices I've made to be healthy. I appreciate that you have chosen a different path, but I'm asking you to please stop criticizing my choices every single time we talk. It's really starting to upset me.

Like I said, I realize that might not be everyone's choice, but I've learned in my life that sitting back and taking crap from ignorant people in an effort to be polite and nice is a sure road to making myself ill.

[atalley23]

Anyone have one of 'those' friends?! The type that is critical about everything you say and do? I have one of those type of friends, she's not a close friend of mine, but of my sister in law, she's a cousin of my hubby, so I see her a lot. Problem is she eats whatever she wants, when she wants. She's overweight and kind of lazy.

Every SINGLE time I see her she makes multiple wise cracks about my eating and NOW she has started in with the gym too. Saying she wouldn't put her child in the babysitting room for hours on end, women with muscles are nasty, etc etc. Hmmm ok.

To say the least it is annoying. I don't know why she acts like that, I totally feel stuck in high school. Anyone have someone like that in your life?

Don't worry, she'll croak soon due to diabetes, heart disease, being too slow to cross the street before the bus hits her...

But seriously, I deal with these people on a daily basis. They are completely insecure about themselves and so attempt to divert attention away from themselves by drawing attention to others. They have every excuse in the book as to why they can't (or won't) adapt a healthier lifestyle but it all boils down to lack of self confidence and motivation. Keep doing what you're doing and if she really gets under your skin, repeat to her the first line in this post =)

[racejunkie]

I agree with Kara on this. If you see her that often, then it would be good to sit down and communicate your feelings to her. Otherwise, you'll just end up resenting her even more the longer this goes on. It sounds like you recently decided to make positive changes in your fitness/health and she's jealous of the extra attention you might be getting from others in the family. Keep up the good work

[karoline8]

I also agree with Kara as well, however if after talking with her as an adult this yeilds no results I would turn her comments back onto her. If she makes wise cracks about your healthy lifestyle then you should feel compelled to share how you feel about her unhealthy one . You may even want to go as far as to show pics of healthy, beautiful woman who lift to her (I have done this in the past), it gets the point across pretty good .

[Ottermode]

I honestly find that ive had no real support from friends during my body transformation.

I've gone from an unhealthy 180lb's to a perfectly fine 147lb's in 5 months of dieting and gym work. Lots of people now just say I'm too skinny and they prefered me when I was chubby.. which I cannot understand since I hated myself when I was chubby.

Another annoying thing I had to deal with was my mom, I bought in some basic whey protein mixture and some preworkout supplement called jack3d to help me work harder/recover faster etc, she flipped out at me saying I was going to kill myself and the next thing I know I'll be injecting steroids into my arms :/

I've just learned to ignore them now, I think that everyone should just do what makes them happy, people don't really have the right to judge at all..

[tedsheckler]

You've got to get strong with women like that.

"Know what's nastier than muscles? Fat smelly women that don't take care of themselves"

[hmcarter2007]

You know ... I tend to be pretty direct with that kind of thing. I realize it's not an option for everyone, but I do believe that at some point, being direct - but polite - is the best option.

You said: It just gets flipping OLD because she feels compelled to do it every single time I see her and I can totally see how it would. So my response would be to say something like this:

Jane, every single time I see you, you make negative comments about the choices I've made to be healthy. I appreciate that you have chosen a different path, but I'm asking you to please stop criticizing my choices every single time we talk. It's really starting to upset me.

Like I said, I realize that might not be everyone's choice, but I've learned in my life that sitting back and taking crap from ignorant people in an effort to be polite and nice is a sure road to making myself ill.

I also have that tendency........just not in such a nice way LOL! Generally speaking.....I don't harm anything and I'm nice to everyone unless that anything tries to tear me down

So, I agree. You are just going to have to call her out on it. I would say otherwise if this was, say, the first and only time you met. But since you will see a lot more of her, it's important you let her know you mean business.

[hmcarter2007]

You've got to get strong with women like that.

"Know what's nastier than muscles? Fat smelly women that don't take care of themselves"

ROFLMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OMG well said!

[IronRooster2]

You can counter all this by going "eh, you're fat" shrug, and walk away as a counter measure every time she starts in. Without any emotional reward (which is what she's seeking from you), and nothing but the cold, harsh mistress of reality in return, she'd eventually dread ever sassing you again about anything.

Please tell me you're going to try this.

[BTM1ND3D]

.

Every SINGLE time I see her she makes multiple wise cracks about my eating and NOW she has started in with the gym too. ?

I agree with Kara,

the way I've dealt with friends and family that constatly Criticize me and pick at all my healthy choices - i just say, well doing this or eating like this makes me happy. you dont because you like you but i like being happy and i do this.

usually they dont say anything after...

just a suggestion.

[thehobbes]

don't worry, she'll croak soon due to diabetes, heart disease, being too slow to cross the street before the bus hits her...

LMAO! This made my day.

[ives]

"I understand that your fat ass is jealous, but until you're ready to get off it and start making changes so your fugly kid isn't without a mother 20 years from now because you keel over from a McHeartAttack, please kindly refrain from commenting on my efforts at self-improvement."

I'm amused that she thinks her kid is better off with a fatass mom who probably can't really actively play with her, than your kid is with having an active mom who is a good role model of healthy habits and puts him/her in what is probably an awesomely fun childcare room at the gym (I've seen some of them that are like massive indoor playgrounds and I'm kinda jealous that *I* can't play in there!).

My mom is kinda overweight and I think all her failed diets have her believing that making positive body changes is SO difficult that I couldn't possibly have put on this much muscle without juicing, so while I get a lot of "is that STEROIDS?" when she sees my multivites or protein powder, she's never an outright hag about it like your relative is.

[Ameinseto]

I'm amused that she thinks her kid is better off with a fatass mom who probably can't really actively play with her, than your kid is with having an active mom who is a good role model of healthy habits and puts him/her in what is probably an awesomely fun childcare room at the gym (I've seen some of them that are like massive indoor playgrounds and I'm kinda jealous that *I* can't play in there!).

Agreed. And who doesn't want to run around on a jungle gym now and again? Lol. Alot of my friends are really liberal about life choices, and although most of them don't necessarily agree with mine, they're all really supportive. Since this woman isn't really your friend or someone you can choose not to see, I agree with all of the above who said you should say something. Sometimes the direct approach is better, sometimes something should be said in public if she's the kind of person who needs that to make it kick in. And I don't generally advocate passive aggression, but it really works on some women who otherwise can't seem to get the point. A nice sarcasm-dripping comment might be the best route.

[DHFX]

They are completely insecure about themselves and so attempt to divert attention away from themselves by drawing attention to others. They have every excuse in the book as to why they can't (or won't) adapt a healthier lifestyle...

This.

Also you could ask her to go workout with you just one day and see how long she lasts before quitting while you're doing double the amount she's doing. With people like that, it takes more of a real time physical example to make them realize how hard it can be and what the payoff really is...
Just one day of that and she'll never bother you again except with all the excuses on why she wont go.

[Jeanle]

I agree with Kara, too. You can draw a firm boundary without being mean or angry, just clear.

I usually say, "thank you for your concern, but I've found a healthy lifestyle that works for me and I'm happy." If the discussion continues, I usually just repeat myself.

I can relate though and want to vent that on Friday, a friend of mine told me she would not want arms like mine because they're too big and manly. She is very jealous of my abs however. I was actually confused, because my arms aren't that big and don't look overly muscular. I think I told her not to worry about it because it takes years to get arms like this, so she's in no danger.

[LAZ3052]

Anyone have one of 'those' friends?! The type that is critical about everything you say and do? I have one of those type of friends, she's not a close friend of mine, but of my sister in law, she's a cousin of my hubby, so I see her a lot. Problem is she eats whatever she wants, when she wants. She's overweight and kind of lazy.

Every SINGLE time I see her she makes multiple wise cracks about my eating and NOW she has started in with the gym too. Saying she wouldn't put her child in the babysitting room for hours on end, women with muscles are nasty, etc etc. Hmmm ok.

To say the least it is annoying. I don't know why she acts like that, I totally feel stuck in high school. Anyone have someone like that in your life?

You will encounter 'those' friends forever... unfortunately, there isn't anything to do about them except use them as fuel for your fire. As you say you feel like your stuck in high school, because it mirrors that adolescent behavior - the same way boys who liked you in grade school picked on you, those who pick on you now also have some secret admiration but cannot find a way to rightfully tell you. Those who do not live a lifestyle such as ours, where every thing we do matters because we have goals that are literally measurable and visible, do not have the discipline, desire or love for something to understand. Instead of supporting you and admiring you respectfully, they pick on your behavior. You know as well as I, that 'those' friends could not look in the mirror and repeat those words. If they did they would be forced to pick on their BAD eating habits, or lack of gym habits, etc. As I said, use them as fuel - recall what separates your success from theirs and do what you do and move forward. Successfully.

[anakiya]

Totally agree with Kara. Be direct and polite. It's been my experience that if you do it in front of others it has a bigger effect. Live and let live is my motto.

By letting her get to you she feels powerful. You can put a stop to it by acknowledging her comment politely.

Hope this helps. Congratulations to you for being your own woman. It takes a lot to stand up to the status quo

[Ami514]

Jumping up on the Kara bandwagon.

Just remember that her words do not change your life, just keep telling her that you live your life the way you want to, you enjoy it and it makes you happy...then smile and find something to remove yourself from her.

...or you can take a different approach and see if you can have a heart to heart with her and help her gain a small bit of control back in her life.

She is probably unhappy and steeped in feelings of self loathing and wants others to feel as she does. She may not even know where to start to change herself.

Whatever you decide to do, keep doing what makes you happy, congratulations on your progress and stay strong.

[5more]

Invite her to go swimming or to the beach. She'll feel wonderful in her bikini standing next to you right? Make sure her boyfriend is with her (if she has one.)

[pwrhse2]

Anyone have one of 'those' friends?! The type that is critical about everything you say and do? I have one of those type of friends, she's not a close friend of mine, but of my sister in law, she's a cousin of my hubby, so I see her a lot. Problem is she eats whatever she wants, when she wants. She's overweight and kind of lazy.

Every SINGLE time I see her she makes multiple wise cracks about my eating and NOW she has started in with the gym too. Saying she wouldn't put her child in the babysitting room for hours on end, women with muscles are nasty, etc etc. Hmmm ok.

To say the least it is annoying. I don't know why she acts like that, I totally feel stuck in high school. Anyone have someone like that in your life?

People who eat a lot and are unhealthy make these kinds of cracks because they are jealous of your dedication and wish they could have what you have.
Take it more as a compliment to yourself. There are allways going to be these kinds of people. Don't you get nasty looks from people as well. ( same thing ) those are jealousy looks. Even though it doesn't feel like it, that's what it is.