bipolar, cardiac foot-in-grave man crashes again...crap!

[notyetjacked]

I cannot freaking beilieve it. This is the kind of stuff I need to save for my therapist, but I'm going to throw it out there anyway. Trying to get up to speed on a new job, tomorrow is kind of a milestone do-or-die day, and a class I am taking, well, these two pursuits are weakening each other and my physical body, and I walked way freaking weeping from class, didn't bail totally, just delayed state boards, concentrating 100% on the job now, getting a good night's sleep when i get home, eating clean, and trying to get back on track. feeling a lot less stress, but I was flat on my back in a depressive funk as brother and sister cleaned up the crime scene called my place, and gave me the ass-chewing of my life, not getting the whole concept of this awesome thing called bipolar. thanks for letting me vent. felt like dying, but no intention to, as I have been in hell so long, I've actually toured the other side a couple of times, there's nothing to be afraid of bro's, so i'm not a bit afraid to throw down with the steel on this earth, and make another attempt to look like an animalpak mothership dude, even if if it kills me, fine...perhaps we all get sick and tired of the lack of respect we get when we're out of shape...i'm not addicted to other people's approval by any means, that's for idiots, but i will have their respect when i change this body. i feel like i've been shot full of lead this week, but i'm going over the top and charge the front lines...watching a lot of bas ruten videos...let's give this another shot...

[IronCharles]

You need to find some peace, bro!

[jeffaus]

I have a friend that is bipolar and there is one thing about this disorder, you are either on huge high or a huge low. There is no eveness in your life that the rest of the population have. Yes everybody has highs and lows, but people with bipolar have extremes one way or the other. You seriously need to be medicated to even out your moods. I hate medications at the best of times, but its the only thing that allows my friend to lead a normal life. The problem with him is that after a while on his meds, he thinks he is fine and can go off them, the moment he does, its high and low time again. Get some help man, for your own sanity and peace of mind and you wont think the world is crashing down around you.

[Whatanejit]

I have a friend that is bipolar and there is one thing about this disorder, you are either on huge high or a huge low. There is no eveness in your life that the rest of the population have. Yes everybody has highs and lows, but people with bipolar have extremes one way or the other. You seriously need to be medicated to even out your moods. I hate medications at the best of times, but its the only thing that allows my friend to lead a normal life. The problem with him is that after a while on his meds, he thinks he is fine and can go off them, the moment he does, its high and low time again. Get some help man, for your own sanity and peace of mind and you wont think the world is crashing down around you.

Absolutely.. are you seeing a doctor notyetjacked?

[DaddyR]

Of course share it with your Therapist and Psych, but thanks for sharing here too. There are a few of us who've fought the same battle. Best thing to do is be consistent with your training as the physical activity will help a lot, and take each challenge as it comes. Don't fall into the trap of worrying overmuch about tomorrow's troubles.

[dungeonmistress]

I cannot freaking beilieve it. This is the kind of stuff I need to save for my therapist, but I'm going to throw it out there anyway. Trying to get up to speed on a new job, tomorrow is kind of a milestone do-or-die day, and a class I am taking, well, these two pursuits are weakening each other and my physical body, and I walked way freaking weeping from class, didn't bail totally, just delayed state boards, concentrating 100% on the job now, getting a good night's sleep when i get home, eating clean, and trying to get back on track. feeling a lot less stress, but I was flat on my back in a depressive funk as brother and sister cleaned up the crime scene called my place, and gave me the ass-chewing of my life, not getting the whole concept of this awesome thing called bipolar. thanks for letting me vent. felt like dying, but no intention to, as I have been in hell so long, I've actually toured the other side a couple of times, there's nothing to be afraid of bro's, so i'm not a bit afraid to throw down with the steel on this earth, and make another attempt to look like an animalpak mothership dude, even if if it kills me, fine...perhaps we all get sick and tired of the lack of respect we get when we're out of shape...i'm not addicted to other people's approval by any means, that's for idiots, but i will have their respect when i change this body. i feel like i've been shot full of lead this week, but i'm going over the top and charge the front lines...watching a lot of bas ruten videos...let's give this another shot...

i'm not going to sugar coat this because it's not what you need: if you aren't on drugs i think you should investigate that avenue asap. seriously, for all we know this could be our only lifetime - why make it miserable on yourself and stressful for those who care about you?

[notyetjacked]

i'm not going to sugar coat this because it's not what you need: if you aren't on drugs i think you should investigate that avenue asap. seriously, for all we know this could be our only lifetime - why make it miserable on yourself and stressful for those who care about you?

I am absolutely on meds, but based on the horrible events of last year, the meds I'm on are no longer appropriate for my new diagnosis, and I'm having a mother of a time getting an appointment with the doc I've been referred to. I do need peace. I do have a couple of supportive friends who are with me no matter what who are making sure I don't completely crash. My diet has improved since I wrote the first letter, I absolutely make every effort to get the full 8 hours of sleep I need, no alcohol, minimal caffeine during third shift job. I am getting a handle on this, but getting to point B is a lot of dirty work, that has to be done. Went to the botanical-type park today, and lay flat on my back in the grass today, and soaked up the sun a while, felt great. Thanks to everyone who wrote in, as I think there's a more specific thread about recovery issues. God bless you all, and good luck. Goal for 730 am when I get home is situps until burnout...just something...

[jeffaus]

Good luck to you, I hope you find some peace.

[DaddyR]

I am absolutely on meds, but based on the horrible events of last year, the meds I'm on are no longer appropriate for my new diagnosis, and I'm having a mother of a time getting an appointment with the doc I've been referred to...

Yep since you mentioned your Therapist I figured you were getting medical care. Keep on pursuing that appointment though! Even at the best of times, with bipolar disorder I know the going can be awfully difficult. Sounds like you caught a chance for a little peaceful relaxation. Keep taking good care of yourself, and know that you're not alone.

[Deborah_Lyn]

I cannot freaking beilieve it. This is the kind of stuff I need to save for my therapist, but I'm going to throw it out there anyway. Trying to get up to speed on a new job, tomorrow is kind of a milestone do-or-die day, and a class I am taking, well, these two pursuits are weakening each other and my physical body, and I walked way freaking weeping from class, didn't bail totally, just delayed state boards, concentrating 100% on the job now, getting a good night's sleep when i get home, eating clean, and trying to get back on track. feeling a lot less stress, but I was flat on my back in a depressive funk as brother and sister cleaned up the crime scene called my place, and gave me the ass-chewing of my life, not getting the whole concept of this awesome thing called bipolar. thanks for letting me vent. felt like dying, but no intention to, as I have been in hell so long, I've actually toured the other side a couple of times, there's nothing to be afraid of bro's, so i'm not a bit afraid to throw down with the steel on this earth, and make another attempt to look like an animalpak mothership dude, even if if it kills me, fine...perhaps we all get sick and tired of the lack of respect we get when we're out of shape...i'm not addicted to other people's approval by any means, that's for idiots, but i will have their respect when i change this body. i feel like i've been shot full of lead this week, but i'm going over the top and charge the front lines...watching a lot of bas ruten videos...let's give this another shot...

You sound overwhelmed and down on yourself - so (in my in-expert opinion) stop now.

make a list prioritize what your goas are and be realistic and then post them in your place

meds
job
school
gym
cleaning

this is how I would do it top down - but examine what's going on and figure it out for yourself

About respect - STOP! It's nice to have it because we are social animals, but it won't kill you. So, look at yourself and list 5 things you like. Work on building your self respect and go from there. Do not put yourself down about the condition of your body now. Aceept it and move on.

I kind of go back and forth, I'm not were I want to be, so it's frustrating. But, I realized I was being really hard on myself ( creating internal stress) so I stopped . Today, a neighbor said I was half the size I was last year and she wanted to know what I had done - I said lift weights So, keep your perspective in place it's easy to get tunnel vision.

Again, that's just me, but I almost always have an internal monologue going on in my head

Don't let stress eat you up. It can, I was there a few weeks ago.

Good luck~

[Minotaur]

I cannot freaking beilieve it. This is the kind of stuff I need to save for my therapist, but I'm going to throw it out there anyway. ...

If it's any consolation I am also bipolar. I am hypomanic/depressive. My mania is other people's normal. I have two bipolar states... depressed and enraged. Though the rage is much lessened. The depression has been bad enough to think of finding homes for my animals (bird and newly acquired ferret) and thought out ways to end it. But then there are times like this when I have my little feathered and furry buddies next to me, being happy and playing.

I am on Lamictal 200 mg, Wellbutrin XL 300 mg both 1x/day and Klonopin .5 mg 3x/day, plus ****** CR. Most of the regulars here know of my drama and travail. I think about giving up my hobbies because "well, why bother with them?" But that's not the answer, nor are any of the myriad ways I have to get off this planet.

One day at a time (and I should take my own advice ). All I can say is I feel ya.

[crazycelt]

I cannot freaking beilieve it. This is the kind of stuff I need to save for my therapist, but I'm going to throw it out there anyway. Trying to get up to speed on a new job, tomorrow is kind of a milestone do-or-die day, and a class I am taking, well, these two pursuits are weakening each other and my physical body, and I walked way freaking weeping from class, didn't bail totally, just delayed state boards, concentrating 100% on the job now, getting a good night's sleep when i get home, eating clean, and trying to get back on track. feeling a lot less stress, but I was flat on my back in a depressive funk as brother and sister cleaned up the crime scene called my place, and gave me the ass-chewing of my life, not getting the whole concept of this awesome thing called bipolar. thanks for letting me vent. felt like dying, but no intention to, as I have been in hell so long, I've actually toured the other side a couple of times, there's nothing to be afraid of bro's, so i'm not a bit afraid to throw down with the steel on this earth, and make another attempt to look like an animalpak mothership dude, even if if it kills me, fine...perhaps we all get sick and tired of the lack of respect we get when we're out of shape...i'm not addicted to other people's approval by any means, that's for idiots, but i will have their respect when i change this body. i feel like i've been shot full of lead this week, but i'm going over the top and charge the front lines...watching a lot of bas ruten videos...let's give this another shot...

Keep "reaching out" Bro.......

[notyetjacked]

Keep "reaching out" Bro.......

Thanks to all for the recent posts, I am seeing the Psych Doc in just a few days, and also a PCP for a complete physical. My shift ends at 7am this morning. The post about priorities is absolutely right on. It's a self-fulfilling prophecy, worrying about messing up new situations. I think I may be on the cusp of messing up one of 2, and delaying the development of the second. I am losing 1-2 hours of productivity trying to figure out how to quell the deafening noise in my head and get on with life? One hour of cardio + One of hour of weights, yes. I've known that for so long. I'm now 45 and have had this generalized fear of making anything happen or being noticed in the physical world because of my illness and past experiences. How to make the jump to busting a move in the physical world? When the consequences of not doing so get too damned painful. This is backed up by literature. Thanks for reading. My situation pales in comparison to situation of DungeonMistress's post. God, sustain her and all that love her, Psalm91 NIV.