Kristen's Journal

[imperfectly_lou]

You can do it Kristen!

[Emma-Leigh]

Originally posted by hotgymchick
I will give it a try!

Great

Ok.... What about something like this then.... Write back and tell me what you like, and what you want to change... Also - are you sure oats are the only low GI carb you are ok to eat? What about chick-peas? Rice? Lentils? Sweet potato etc? (Just that oats will get a little boring after a while)

Meal 1
1/2 Cup of dry oats (200 cals, 32g carbs, 7g protein, 5g fat )
6 egg whites, scrambled (72 cals, 18g protein)
Total: 272 cals, 32g carbs, 25g protein, 5g fat

Post-workout
1 large banana (~ 120 cals, 30g carbs)
25g of whey protein (~ 100 cals, 25g protein)
Total: 220 cals, 30g carbs, 25g protein

Meal 2
1/3 cup dry oats (130 cals, 20g carbs, 4.6g protein, 3.3g fat)
100g cooked chicken (120 cals, 25g protein, 2g fat)
2 cups green vegetables (60 cals, 12g carbs, 4g protein)
Total: 310 cals, 32g carbs, 34g protein, 5.3g fat

Meal 3
100g cooked ground turkey (130 cals, 26g protein, 2.5g fat)
1/3 cup dry oats (130 cals, 20g carbs, 4.6g protein, 3.3g fat)
2 cup green vegetables (60 cals, 12g carb, 4g protein)
Total: 320 cals, 32g carbs, 35g protein, 5.8g fat

Meal 4
1 whole egg + 5 egg whites (130 cals, 21g protein, 5g fat)
cooked with 1 tsp olive oil (45 cals, 5g fat)
2 cups Green vegetables (60 cals, 12g carbs, 4g protein)
Total: 235 cals, 12g carbs, 25g protein, 10g fat

meal 5
1/2 cup 1% cottage cheese (96 cals, 5g carbs, 16g protein, 1g fat)
4 oz sugar/fat-free yoghurt (80 cals, 12g carbs, 4g protein)
1/2 oz walnuts (1g carb, 3g protein, 7g fats)
Total: 236 cals, 18g carbs, 23g protein, 8g fat

Totals:
Cals: 1590
Carbs: 156g carbs (39%)
Protein: 166g protein (42%)
Fats: 34g fat (19%)


Ok - this is not ideal because the food choises are so limited... but it is a start and something we can work with.... Make changes and tell me what you think.

[imperfectly_lou]

That looks do-able Kristen! But ohhhh so boring (no offence Emma_Leigh!) What about brown rice? I love brown rice cooked in a bit of veggie stock amd mixed with some chick peas. How about dark rye bread? Oh sooo yumm with natural PB.

[hotgymchick]

I'm definitely going to try Emma, thank you for writing that up.

I jsut need some reassurance that this new pared down cardio will help lose these last few percentages of bf as opposed to what I did before?

[sillygirl]

Originally posted by hotgymchick
I'm definitely going to try Emma, thank you for writing that up.

I jsut need some reassurance that this new pared down cardio will help lose these last few percentages of bf as opposed to what I did before?

Hey Kristin- you'll NEVER know until you try. It's obvious that the old routine wasn't working very well for ya, so why not try something new? Give it a go, and if you don't like it after a few months, figure out what's wrong and change it.

I think Emma's plan looks like a fabulous start- so give it a try.

[imperfectly_lou]

It was obvious that what you have been doing in the past wasn't working, so all you can do is try something different. If it doesn't work, thats ok, you just try something else but you are not going to get the results you want doing what you have been, so give it a go! The only thing we fear is fear itself!

[hotgymchick]

Giving an update on everything.

I've been eating similar to what Emma posted (give or take a few things) and its been really rough to eat more and more often but I'm managing. My cardio has basically been halved and I feel alot better and think I look alot better too.

Now, I've been having the worst panic and anxiety attacks. I usually never got them and lately they have been an almost nightly occurance. I don't understand why I bother with certain things in my life.

Hope everyone else is doing well, Lou I read your journal and it seems like you're doing great! Give us updated pics when this section of your program is over!

[sheblond&strong]

Kristen, I think all the women here are just expressing their concerns for you, thats very sweet,
My name is Juile and i'm new on the board
and I think it's great that we women have a board of our own!

[imperfectly_lou]

Thanks Kristen.......

I am proud of you...... no one said it was going to beasy but it is one of those things you have to DO more and more often before it feels OK..... Keep it up sweetie xoxo

[hotgymchick]

AM Cardio: 30 minutes, HR around 150 BPM

meal 1: 1/2 cup oatmeal, 20g protein

meal 2: 5 oz ground turkey, apple, low fat cheese

meal 3: protein bar

GYM: back, 13 minute warmup/7 minute cooldown

meal 4: chicken breast, lettuce, green beans, olive oil

meal 5: egg whites, mushrooms, lettuce

i wasn't going to go to the gym twice but rather do it all at once but i worked for the majority of today. i feel terribly bloated. i'm having ovary problems.

[hotgymchick]

meal 1: 1/4 c. cottage cheese, 3 oz yogurt

meal 2: 4 oz ground turkey, 1 cup green beans, mushrooms, lettuce

meal 3: rye cracker, 3 oz yogurt, apple

meal 4: 3 pc. 45 calorie low carb bread, pb

meal 5: chicken breast, mushrooms, lettuce

gym 1: 30 min cardio

gym 2: shoulders, triceps, 20 min cardio

military press: 2 warmup, 3 working
lateral raises: 3 sets

close grip bench press: 2 sets

compound set (2 times through):
french press, overhead extension, dips

reverse grip cable pressdown: 3 sets x 12 reps

[Emma-Leigh]

Nice to see you are taking into consideration the advice you recieved and you are putting those healthy changes that were suggested into practice. **rolls eyes**


You are not showing yourself to be a very capable or mature person at this point in time Kristen.

There is only so many times people will come to try to help you. And there is only so many times people will believe your 'I'm trying' or 'I'm going to's'... Then they will just get pissed-off and give up.

You really have let yourself and your life stagnate. You are choosing a position where you don't have to take responsibility for yourself or your actions. You are trying to stay a child - you are trying to be a victim. Why in the world would you want to do that? Heaven forbid you actually became active in your own life and took charge of the situation. Heaven forbid you actually made some real progress in your life.

I really don't know what you think you are achieving by continuing to act this way.... but it is not a very good image you are projecting to the world. It is not a good attitude to life in general - you will remain a victim for your entire life and continue to wonder why your life sucks and why 'everything bad happens to you'.

Grow up. Suck it up and get on with it. No one in going to 'rescue' you Kristen and the longer you take in showing that you are trying to help yourself, the less likely they are going to want to help you out either....

[leolady]

I don' think she is being completly honest with you or herself and she will not change until then. You have done an admirable job of trying ot help her, as have a few others I have seen on here, but her history has been to say she will listen and that she wants help, but not really follow through with action. I found it curious that earlier in this post when you asked her weight she said she was 115, the I read another post on another thread a day later that said she was 113. No offense because you are trying to help this girl, but nobody has seen pictures of her or knows her ( I am assuming), and at this point I would see it as difficult to give her any more advice without really knowing what you are working with. Words are just that and she may not be telling the truth about her stats for fear of rejection if you really knew what condition she is on.

Kristen, you need therapy, it is clear that given good advice from caring people on here you are unwilling to change or make a change for the better because of the fear you have inside..and no amount of message board therpy is going to overcome that, you need the real deal at this point.

[sweetbecky]

I don't think I've ever replied in one of your journals, Kristen, but now is the time!

Emma, you have done a commendable job of helping Kristen develop a meal plan. That said, that is all you can do. Although it may be frustrating to watch Kristen eat less and less, it's not only out of your control, but it's out of Kristen's. She IS trying... she doesn't want this constant stress and heartache over her body... she would do anything, I am sure, to have it done with, once and for all.

Laying out a meal plan and pleading with someone who has an eating disorder just isn't going to fix things. Again, I have seen you post very supportive replies and I know you would like to see her be healthy, but there is no point in becoming frustrated with her.

Leolady, Kristen has mentioned in the past that she sees a therapist. In one post she said she was 115, in another she was 113? I don't understand what point you're trying to make in pointing that out. If Kristen is in a bad state, she is probably hopping on the scale a minimum of once a day. This is detrimental to sufferers of eating disorders. If she is dehydrated or bloated, as she said she was a few days ago, the scale could certainly show this. It doesn't mean she is being dishonest, it means she may be obsessed with checking the number on the scale.


Kristen, I don't have any words to help, because I know words cannot help. Just have faith in your therapist and try to work out the issues. Everything else will fall into place.

[Emma-Leigh]

Originally posted by sweetbecky
Emma, you have done a commendable job of helping Kristen develop a meal plan. That said, that is all you can do.

Thank you - and I know that in reality I can do nothing more. I have tried to help her out with meal plans (with exact calorie breakdowns), workout suggestions and even CBT suggestions and I know that, in reality, this is all really nothing at all as they are simply words on a page... But I still want to try...

Although it may be frustrating to watch Kristen eat less and less, it's not only out of your control, but it's out of Kristen's.

This is where I disagree. Kirsten has LET herself become out of control. And she continues to LET herself be out of control!

She may FEEL compulsions to perform these behaviours (exercise and restrictive eating) and she may experience obsessive thoughts and get extremely anxious and feel horrible when she does not follow her exact routine... and she may FEEL like she is horrible and disgusting and ugly and she may feel that she needs to be 'punished'...

But ultimately SHE IS IN CONTROL of her ACTIONS in relation to these obsessions and compulsions!

This is what is frustrating to me.... I am not frustrated AT her I am frustrated FOR her - because all she has to do is realise that she is in control!! She has to realise that spending her life thinking she is a 'victim of her situation' or a 'victim of her genetics' and spending those years wishing for 'a better body' or wishing for 'one less inch on her waist' and constantly striving for what she feels is 'perfection' is going to lead her to a life wasted.

Also - At the moment she is letting her fear and her neurotic thoughts rule her behaviour. She is not willing to try to change because ultimately she does not want to change. For some reason (be it fear of 'growing up', fear of 'the unknown' or fear of what will happen if she does 'take control') she is choosing to maintain her 'sickness'. Until she works out why she does not what to take responsibility for herself and her life she will continue to spiral in this path.

At this point in time she thinks this is all crap and that she is 'trying' because she is not be able to assess her behaviour from an external view point - I am trying to help her to SEE her behaviour. To SEE that she is the one who is trapping herself in this unhappiness....

Deep down, she knows this...

She IS trying... she doesn't want this constant stress and heartache over her body... she would do anything, I am sure, to have it done with, once and for all.

I think that she wants to 'believe' she is trying and she wants everyone else to think she is trying, but she is not REALLY stepping back and assessing her life and her actions.

By continuing in this pattern of behaviour she is allowing herself to 'be sick' and when she is 'sick' she does not have to take responsibility for herself or her actions because she is 'the victim of an illness'. And yes - I understand anorexia nervosa and bulimia are MENTAL ILLNESSES, and I understand there are components of a persons personality which can make change hard, but there is ALWAYS an ACTIVE component to these two diseases. They are not merely organic in nature (that is, they are not all related to chemical imbalances in the brain) - the person has SOME CONTROL over their actions and the person with that illness HAS the ability to change - and this is ultimately what leads to their survival and recovery.

They just have to be active in their own recovery and make the choice to be healthy. Even if their MIND remains sick (that is, even if they still believe they are 'fat' or they still believe that they need to run for 10 miles every day) they can still get their BODIES healthy (through proper diet and exercise) while they work with a psychiatrist on things such as cognative behavioural therapy or even with medication (in those individuals with a marked organic component to the disease).

Hell - one thing that could be contributing significantly to her obsessive exercise, restrictive eating and depression is the lack of carbohydrate in her diet! Although people have known that carbohydrates have an effect on serotonin levels in the brain for a while now, there is a lot of research out recently that suggests low carbohydrate diets can actually trigger depression/OCD/eating disorders/anxiety in those individuals prone to these disorder via modulation of their brain serotonin levels...


She has to start making changes - and until she does, she is not going to get anywhere.


Kristen - I am not sorry for what I have said - as it is stuff you need to hear. You need to try to work out why you are letting yourself be beaten by this. You are in control and you have to want to get over this - until you see that, you will continue to be unhappy.

I hope you understand that I am trying to help - I am not writing this just to 'be mean' or to 'be horrible' to you.



Good luck - I hope you find what you are looking for...

[imperfectly_lou]

i can agree 100% with Emma-Leigh's post. I now consider myself 90% recovered.

I have beenin therapy for 2.5years

I only actually started TRYING really hard a year ago.

It is easy to go to your appointments, keep restricting your intake and fooling everyone including yourself into the fact that you are TRYING, but its crap....

You either want to or you don't. and no one else can make that decision for you - you have to find it within yourself

[sweetbecky]

I guess I'm not as far along in my healing as you both are. I'm having a hard time seeing where you're coming from and right now I'm identifying more with Kristen. I'm sure she appreciates your concern

[Muscle_chick]

Just wanted to say hi and from what I've read it seems that your doing good... I don't know you too well but I'm behind ya haha Keep it up!! byeeeeee