Signs you are dating a borderline woman

[Luc1fer]

dude you have to elaborate on this

the literal same exact thing happened to me. that was 2 years ago.. she basically lied to my face but i saw the emptiness finally it was so weird like she could look you dead ass in the face and lie


im tempted to look up her ******** to show you what im talking about but i dont want to see her and her new boyfriend so i wont.

This girl wasn't lying to me as she looked me in the face. This was when I was angry at her for crossing the line, and she recognized it as a mistake. She was trying to gain forgiveness. It was a really strong gaze like I said, IDK why I even recall this tbh. I just remember thinking something was off.

[SwaggerMcdaniel]

This girl wasn't lying to me as she looked me in the face. This was when I was angry at her for crossing the line, and she recognized it as a mistake. She was trying to gain forgiveness. It was a really strong gaze like I said, IDK why I even recall this tbh. I just remember thinking something was off.

oh word, i know what you mean though. some people are literally empty inside.

[Latslikewings]

My first ever relationship and love (and only still to this day) was with a girl who is diagnosed BPD. I was 19 and she was 21. We dated for 9 months... and it destroyed me. There were not more than maybe 2-3 weeks combined time that she was not cheating on me with someone else. For the first 6 months she was still involved with her "ex" in her hometown. At one point she was "dating" 3 guys at once. She had us all believing that we were exclusive with her. She made out with my best friend, fukked a close friend of mine, and otherwise fooled around with several other guys I knew. She even cheated on me with a girl who was a lesbian, leading her to believe they were dating.

I fell headfirst into the trap of trying to "save" her. She told all kinds of stories about how all her past exes were abusive, cheated on her, she was raped, etc. I still have no idea what all is true or not. After out final split I heard from others that she was telling people I hit her and was emotionally abusive. 3 years of college she had gone to 3 different schools (I realized later she moves so often because she can't hold a life together wherever she goes). She is CONSTANTLY involved with someone, and more often multiple people. The lies... it is almost unfathomable that someone can keep so many of them straight (and impossible, it is how she gets caught). She self harmed and snorted hydros while I was with her, as well as for a time made herself throw up after meals because she was concerned about her weight. There was ALWAYS a new crisis.

She was in DBT, it did not help, largely because she was not committed to it (although I don't know that there is much helping these people). I went to therapy with her a few times. I loved this girl with all my heart, and being the jaded, stupid 19 year old I was thought that there was a sweet girl inside that was being corrupted by the disorder, and I could defeat the disorder. It might seem self explanatory, but it took me a long time to realize that the disorder is WHO SHE IS. It is inherently who that person is, how they perceive things, how they behave, etc. It isn't something like the flu that they caught that can be gotten rid of.

I finally broke things off with her after moving home for the summer and discovering she was cheating again. I won't lie to anyone here, I was a total beta and I knew of much of the cheating as it happened throughout the relationship. Each time we would split up and then reconcile, because "this time will be different". She took full advantage of my kindness and desire to help her realize a better, more complete life.

Getting off that merry go round ranks up there with the hardest things I have had to do in my life. I felt dead inside without her. I spent ~3 months in therapy dealing with the aftermath of all that had happened... The betrayal of both my girlfriend and those I considered my most trusted friends was hard to deal with. It was one crisis after another, and in order to keep going and managing them I had to bottle up the emotions and save them for another day... and the bill finally came. It was not until this past summer, over a year after the breakup, that I actually got "over" it and felt alive again. I still have random days where something will get to me and really get me down, but I am largely recovered. My experience with her stands as the most defining one of my life thus far, and has taught me quite a bit about people and myself. Unfortunately it has left me unwilling to open up and make myself vulnerable to girls, something I recognize I need to change if I ever hope to find a healthy relationship, but it is the conditioned response after what I went through.

I had no idea how manipulative, and downright evil people could be. It is true that they have the emotional capacity of a 3 year old; but that does not mean that they are not aware of what they are doing to you, and that they are not consciously choosing to cheat, lie, manipulate, and destroy you.

FWIW, my ex's father left at birth and she had some major issues there. Poor relationship with her mother (she is on her 3rd marriage). My ex, at the age of 22, had been married once, and engaged at least 2 more times on top of that.

[deadliftbrah19]

My first ever relationship and love (and only still to this day) was with a girl who is diagnosed BPD. I was 19 and she was 21. We dated for 9 months... and it destroyed me. There were not more than maybe 2-3 weeks combined time that she was not cheating on me with someone else. For the first 6 months she was still involved with her "ex" in her hometown. At one point she was "dating" 3 guys at once. She had us all believing that we were exclusive with her. She made out with my best friend, fukked a close friend of mine, and otherwise fooled around with several other guys I knew. She even cheated on me with a girl who was a lesbian, leading her to believe they were dating.

I fell headfirst into the trap of trying to "save" her. She told all kinds of stories about how all her past exes were abusive, cheated on her, etc. In 3 years of college she had gone to 3 different schools (I realized later she moves so often because she can't hold a life together wherever she goes). She is CONSTANTLY involved with someone, and more often multiple people. The lies... it is almost unfathomable that someone can keep so many of them straight (and impossible, it is how she gets caught). She self harmed and snorted hydros while I was with her, as well as for a time made herself throw up after meals because she was concerned about her weight. There was ALWAYS a new crisis.

She was in DBT, it did not help, largely because she was not committed to it (although I don't know that there is much helping these people). I went to therapy with her a few times. I loved this girl with all my heart, and being the jaded, stupid 19 year old I was thought that there was a sweet girl inside that was being corrupted by the disorder, and I could defeat the disorder. It might seem self explanatory, but it took me a long time to realize that the disorder is WHO SHE IS. It is inherently who that person is, how they perceive things, how they behave, etc. It isn't something like the flu that they caught that can be gotten rid of.

I finally broke things off with her after moving home for the summer and discovering she was cheating again. I won't lie to anyone here, I was a total beta and I knew of much of the cheating as it happened throughout the relationship. Each time we would split up and then reconcile, because "this time will be different". She took full advantage of my kindness and desire to help her realize a better, more complete life.

Getting off that merry go round ranks up there with the hardest things I have had to do in my life. I felt dead inside without her. I spent ~3 months in therapy dealing with the aftermath of all that had happened... The betrayal of both my girlfriend and those I considered my most trusted friends was hard to deal with. It was one crisis after another, and in order to keep going and managing them I had to bottle up the emotions and save them for another day... and the bill finally came. It was not until this past summer, over a year after the breakup, that I actually got "over" it and felt alive again. I still have random days where something will get to me and really get me down, but I am largely recovered. My experience with her stands as the most defining one of my life thus far, and has taught me quite a bit about people and myself. Unfortunately it has left me unwilling to open up and make myself vulnerable to girls, something I recognize I need to change if I ever hope to find a healthy relationship, but it is the conditioned response after what I went through.

I had no idea how manipulative, and downright evil people could be. It is true that they have the emotional capacity of a 3 year old; but that does not mean that they are not aware of what they are doing to you, and that they are not consciously choosing to cheat, lie, manipulate, and destroy you.

FWIW, my ex's father left at birth and she had some major issues there. Poor relationship with her mother (she is on her 3rd marriage). My ex, at the age of 22, had been married once, and engaged at least 2 more times on top of that.

That is really sad.

Too bad she is not committed to DBT.

I'm not Borderline.....but DBT skills have saved my life from the hell of Bulimia that is always trigged by cutting. I've had one episode in 11 months thanks to DBT, compared to weekly binge/purge sessions which destroyed my eso****us.

I also have learned to not diet as that always triggers a binge, and accept myself more which is very tough. I'm sure those on a bodybuilding site can understand how tough this is, but for me it is a life or death decision. Yeah I can get my body fat super low, but then I'm starving and overeat, which leads to the thoughts of "getting rid" of the food through overexercise or throwing it up.

But I was in DBT group for 6 months with Borderlines, so I know how they are. The lead very chaotic lives.

For those committed to DBT, it did help them with relationships and holding down a job. But yeah it's not going to work if you don't GAF.

I spent thousands of dollars on DBT courses so you better believe I'm going to follow the skill cards!

There is hope for those with Borderline with DBT, I believe in it and swear by it.

I can now handle a 60 hour a week high pressure job with back to back meetings thanks to DBT skills. In the past I would have self destructed from this pressure.

[Smykowski]

Getting off that merry go round ranks up there with the hardest things I have had to do in my life. I felt dead inside without her. I spent ~3 months in therapy dealing with the aftermath of all that had happened... The betrayal of both my girlfriend and those I considered my most trusted friends was hard to deal with. It was one crisis after another, and in order to keep going and managing them I had to bottle up the emotions and save them for another day... and the bill finally came. It was not until this past summer, over a year after the breakup, that I actually got "over" it and felt alive again. I still have random days where something will get to me and really get me down, but I am largely recovered. My experience with her stands as the most defining one of my life thus far, and has taught me quite a bit about people and myself. Unfortunately it has left me unwilling to open up and make myself vulnerable to girls, something I recognize I need to change if I ever hope to find a healthy relationship, but it is the conditioned response after what I went through.

I had no idea how manipulative, and downright evil people could be. It is true that they have the emotional capacity of a 3 year old; but that does not mean that they are not aware of what they are doing to you, and that they are not consciously choosing to cheat, lie, manipulate, and destroy you.

FWIW, my ex's father left at birth and she had some major issues there. Poor relationship with her mother (she is on her 3rd marriage). My ex, at the age of 22, had been married once, and engaged at least 2 more times on top of that.

Thanks for the post. I'm sorry that happened to you especially with your first love. I've never felt like I needed to save my girl. I can see a lot of similar things that you said though. Snorting hydros while with her my girl takes lots of oxys now while I'm with her thanks to her friend. She's always acted like she would never cheat on me but since we havent been having sex lately I'm wondering if she is cheating on me. If she is with her friends hookups I'd rather just know. Her pussy was tight the last time we sex. She says should would "never" cheat. We used to have sex several 5-10 times a week now it's like once every few weeks if that but we also don't see each other much.

The biggest thing is bottling up your emotions while with a bpd girl. I haven't told my friends about her bpd or her recent drug problems. I read how a text from her to her friend about how I was pushing my "depression" on her in relation to telling her to stop seeing this friend and using heroin and oc. Mostly you just bottle up your emotions every day and you are going to have to talk to someone about your girlfriend having bpd no matter how bad it is and my girlfriend isn't as bad as some of you guys have had it, at least I don't think she is as bad but it is starting to get bad.

The most annoying part to me is the anti-social like behavior she displays quite often. Not wanting to hang out with my friends(which is fine but was very disappointing that she didn't want to be a part of my life at first) or make her own new friends even when the new friends she makes like her. Not putting herself out there. Instead she fell back into her comfort zone of some ****ty old friend. She doesn't like to try anything new or different and is complains all the time which makes it difficult to plan things or do anything fun. Then, she gets mad about not going out and doing things. I can understand to some extent but she has a lot of antisocial tendencies.

Another thing that's funny, you guys say detach yourself emotionally. She can tell immediately once I do that. She shows a lack of empathy half the time when I'm explaining something to her unless it's specifically about me, but even then not always. She's been mad at me for not emotionally opening up to her about anything/everything in my life. I've told her some things but never entirely told her how I feel about certain/everything things in my life. How can you emotionally open up to someone who acts so callous? It's to save yourself. I'm not saying she is a stone cold bitch. She can be very pleasant and warm. Maybe other people can understand.

[Latslikewings]

Thanks for the post. I'm sorry that happened to you especially with your first love. I've never felt like I needed to save my girl. I can see a lot of similar things that you said though. Snorting hydros while with her my girl takes lots of oxys now while I'm with her thanks to her friend. She's always acted like she would never cheat on me but since we havent been having sex lately I'm wondering if she is cheating on me. If she is with her friends hookups I'd rather just know. Her pussy was tight the last time we sex. She says should would "never" cheat. We used to have sex several 5-10 times a week now it's like once every few weeks if that but we also don't see each other much.

The biggest thing is bottling up your emotions while with a bpd girl. I haven't told my friends about her bpd or her recent drug problems. I read how a text from her to her friend about how I was pushing my "depression" on her in relation to telling her to stop seeing this friend and using heroin and oc. Mostly you just bottle up your emotions every day and you are going to have to talk to someone about your girlfriend having bpd no matter how bad it is and my girlfriend isn't as bad as some of you guys have had it, at least I don't think she is as bad but it is starting to get bad.

The most annoying part to me is the anti-social like behavior she displays quite often. Not wanting to hang out with my friends(which is fine but was very disappointing that she didn't want to be a part of my life at first) or make her own new friends even when the new friends she makes like her. Not putting herself out there. Instead she fell back into her comfort zone of some ****ty old friend. She doesn't like to try anything new or different and is complains all the time which makes it difficult to plan things or do anything fun. Then, she gets mad about not going out and doing things. I can understand to some extent but she has a lot of antisocial tendencies.

Another thing that's funny, you guys say detach yourself emotionally. She can tell immediately once I do that. She shows a lack of empathy half the time when I'm explaining something to her unless it's specifically about me, but even then not always. She's been mad at me for not emotionally opening up to her about anything/everything in my life. I've told her some things but never entirely told her how I feel about certain/everything things in my life. How can you emotionally open up to someone who acts so callous? It's to save yourself. I'm not saying she is a stone cold bitch. She can be very pleasant and warm. Maybe other people can understand.

RE: Being detached emotionally, you are protecting yourself from her. If you do not open up and let someone in they cannot hurt you nearly as bad. If a relationship is going to work, you have to be willing to do that. If you suspect your girl might be BPD, or if she has lots of other problems, staying detached until you have felt the waters out is the smartest move you can make.

RE: Needing to save her... It is absolutely unfukkingbelievable how far down the rabbit hole I was when it came to her. She did all of those terrible, awful, things to me and I still somehow rationalized a way to defend her actions/excuse them. As sad as it is to say, the whole battered wife syndrome thing isn't that far off from what I was experiencing (albeit of course mostly emotional abuse/mind games than physical abuse. She only raised a hand to me once and my instincts fired and shot a hand out and caught hers before she struck me). My friends (the ones who weren't fooling around with her) tried to tell me over and over again she was no good and I wouldn't listen, told them that she was different, blah blah blah. Once a chick with BPD has you, she really has you.

One statement that I have heard in regards to BPD relationships really stuck with me.... Broken Girl seeks Lost Boy. It is sobering how accurately that describes the dynamic my ex and I had.

[MeFromG]

@ Latslikewings

But where is your fault? You say, she is so evil and women are evil and that's why you don't let any women anymore in your life etc. etc. But where is the passage where it says that you clearly were not ready for a relationship, that you didn't estimate yourself and cared for yourself. Cause if you had done this, harm happening afterwards in your rs with her would have been much less, no therapy needed etc.

Stop blaming and pushing all / the majority of fault on that poor, sick girl, and start taking responsibility for your state of mind too prior to and during your relationship with her.

[MeFromG]

Preach all you want to me. I am a recovered BPD and I daresay my knowledge and understanding of BPD far out weighs 99.9% of anyone who posts here.

Thanks for contributing to the stigma relating to mental health. "Pathetic creatures". I feel sorry for you.

Exactly. BPD can be easily treated and fixed. The only problem is that many patients don't stick to the therapy, aren't patient in that sense (all due to their sickness) and leave the program before finishing their treatment. But those who stay, get healthy again. Congratulations to you .

[deadliftbrah19]

Exactly. BPD can be easily treated and fixed. The only problem is that many patients don't stick to the therapy, aren't patient in that sense (all due to their sickness) and leave the program before finishing their treatment. But those who stay, get healthy again. Congratulations to you .

Right on, Dialectical Behavioral Therapy is one of the best ways to treat Borderline Personality Disorder.

It is expensive and many large insurance companies won't cover the classes, but it's worth it.

As one who uses DBT skills in my every day life, I don't know how even non BPD people cope without them!

These women aren't evil, they are just sick and need help. If the person will not get help, then you cannot save them and you may have to cut contact for self-preservation.

But ask them to see a DBT therapist before you "run for the hills". So many guys on here run at the sign of any red flag vs. trying to work things out. No wonder the divorce rate is so high.

[LN11]

I've been with a couple of girls like this before in sort of month or 2 month flings
One thing I've noticed is that they'll go out of their way to heighten the intensity , introduce to friends (more like show you off), have around a lot , almost as the role of a trophy .(nosubtlebrag , just the way it feels)
Sex for them is means of control.
Will always say what they think you want to hear
constant inconsistencies in stories, who they get along with etc.

Edit: upon reading through post I can see it can be treated. That's good to hear.
what however is the rate of regression into old ways for people who have recovered

[candyman99]

dude you have to elaborate on this

the literal same exact thing happened to me. that was 2 years ago.. she basically lied to my face but i saw the emptiness finally it was so weird like she could look you dead ass in the face and lie


im tempted to look up her ******** to show you what im talking about but i dont want to see her and her new boyfriend so i wont.

They definitely do have a crazy/empty look of sadness to their eyes, I actually noticed this about my ex before I started dating her but she was beautiful so I brushed it off. Another fascinating thing with borderlines is they always seem to have mysterious health issues. (physical) Mine had numerous kidney problems, carpal tunnel, it was always something new with her. And yes they usually are baby crazy, it's a way for them to build security. The tattoos and piercings are a dead give away, they like pain it feels good to them because they are so hallow and empty. Many of them will also keep gifts from exes even if there is no feelings towards the ex anymore and they ****ed him over, usually it's an old gift.. It's a sign of victory/conquest to them. Very critical of other men as well not just you, they will find something wrong with every guy. As for the guy who asked about NPD well most BPD's do have the same traits of NPD, more often than not actually.


MY advice for you and Luc1fer is to not waste your time trying to figure out her strange stories, the why's, or if she really loved you in the first place, if she cheated on you, if she was ever attracted to you, if she's still thinking about you etc it will only drive you mad and you'll never know for sure. I know what a let down it is to know that the woman you fell for wasn't even real, and the anger is something that comes from this is something that takes a lot of time to get over. IF it helps, take comfort in knowing that she's not going to suddenly turn into a sweet angel with the next guy.

[Armando777]

I think they do it to control you and the relationship. The real tragedy is how they treat and raise children when they get married. Most likely the children will suffer greatly, probably more than the husband.
Dodging the bullet with these types is a blessing.

[SwaggerMcdaniel]

I think they do it to control you and the relationship. The real tragedy is how they treat and raise children when they get married. Most likely the children will suffer greatly, probably more than the husband.
Dodging the bullet with these types is a blessing.

It's crazy how cruel they can be

This girl replaced me w someone she knew the entire time we dated. Crazy ****. She broke me in half.


I just tell myself that even tho she's with someone else no one will ever mean anything to her n that that guy is just on the path to being devalued like I was

they will find something wrong with everyone .. Except themselves

[candyman99]

I think they do it to control you and the relationship. The real tragedy is how they treat and raise children when they get married. Most likely the children will suffer greatly, probably more than the husband.
Dodging the bullet with these types is a blessing.

The one I dated had a kid and he used to sock the **** out of their dog, kid had huge anger issues. I believe there is some genetic component, I can't think of anything worse than having offspring with a borderline woman

[candyman99]

It's crazy how cruel they can be

This girl replaced me w someone she knew the entire time we dated. Crazy ****. She broke me in half.


I just tell myself that even tho she's with someone else no one will ever mean anything to her n that that guy is just on the path to being devalued like I was

they will find something wrong with everyone .. Except themselves

Was the guy trying to get at her while you two were dating? That was the case with me. Take comfort in knowing that she liked you more than that guy at one time...she'll leave him for someone else too unless he wises up and leaves before she does.

.but yeah They like to keep orbiters around so they never have to deal with being single. They can't stand being alone.I actually find them to be quite fascinating, It got to a point where I could literally predict weeks in advance when she will attempt to make hoover attempts to try an get back in my life.....the scary part about these women is they never really go away....shivers.

[candyman99]

One thing I've always wondered when it comes to borderlines is if they are physical attracted to their lovers like normal women are. It's a chilling thought when you realize the only reason she was probably ****ing you to fill a hollow void and to feel desired.

As for infidelity and leaving you for another guy if it helps remember these women don't respond to the hormone oxytocin the same way as normal girls do during sex. Oxytocin for the most part is what keeps women loyal to their partners in the first place it makes women get attached.......cheating is a given with most of these women.

[BetaAsPhuck]

Exactly. BPD can be easily treated and fixed.

Complete bullcrap, ask any therapist. People with personality disorders are not 'easily fixed'.

I would strongly advise anyone on this forum to ignore any opinions and advice from this woman.

[BetaAsPhuck]

The one I dated had a kid and he used to sock the **** out of their dog, kid had huge anger issues. I believe there is some genetic component, I can't think of anything worse than having offspring with a borderline woman

I think that's a major reason to avoid seriously dating women with personality disorders.

Why would anyone want to take the risk of predisposing their child to a personality disorder by having a baby with a BPD sufferer?

Even if someone doesn't believe that people can be predisposed to a personality disorder, why would you want someone with a personality disorder raising your child?

I've had/have a mood disorder (GAD) and I won't have kids because mood disorders run in my family, and so I might genetically pre-dispose any potential child to ill mental health. I'm not suicidal and I'm generally a happy person, but I would have preferred not to have existed rather than have had to go through 2 decades of struggle to become a functional and grounded human being.

[SwaggerMcdaniel]

Was the guy trying to get at her while you two were dating? That was the case with me. Take comfort in knowing that she liked you more than that guy at one time...she'll leave him for someone else too unless he wises up and leaves before she does.

.but yeah They like to keep orbiters around so they never have to deal with being single. They can't stand being alone.I actually find them to be quite fascinating, It got to a point where I could literally predict weeks in advance when she will attempt to make hoover attempts to try an get back in my life.....the scary part about these women is they never really go away....shivers.

I don't know. Probably. She kept me a secret. I was very naive and listened to what she said instead of her actions. She lied to me so many times


When she dumped me she said she was sorry for not telling me what the deal was

I couldn't understand that there was a deal in place n why she said she loved me and accepted my gifts n what not here n there

She bought me a present, and kept it for herself.. I never got it

From what I can tell he was probably in the picture the whole time

I wasn't sure why she lead me on so hardcore

One week it was I love you then the next it was like you need to get the fuk away from me ew your gross

She never mentioned once what happened to her dad n mom but it's pretty clear that is why she can be such a monster and remorseless .. I read that article on gettinbetter n it describes her perfectly. She never smiled. I was like a toy to her. Not a person w feelings.

A while back, I got a gchat invite from her n she denied ever sending it. I think she just did it to get my intention. I'm pretty sure that it's impossible for your account to send a random g chat. I couldn't/can't figure out why she would do that and lie for the life of me if she did do it. I guess that's what you mean by them never going away ?

[Latslikewings]

@ Latslikewings

But where is your fault? You say, she is so evil and women are evil and that's why you don't let any women anymore in your life etc. etc. But where is the passage where it says that you clearly were not ready for a relationship, that you didn't estimate yourself and cared for yourself. Cause if you had done this, harm happening afterwards in your rs with her would have been much less, no therapy needed etc.

Stop blaming and pushing all / the majority of fault on that poor, sick girl, and start taking responsibility for your state of mind too prior to and during your relationship with her.

I assumed it was unspoken, but yes of course I have to take responsibility for my part in it. I did not deserve, nor cause, her to do any of the things she did. Those were choices she made. MY role was that I chose to stay and endure it for as long as I did. And I learned a lesson from that. I don't think anywhere in my post did I say that women are evil. I said that I have issues opening myself up to women now because I did so, and because I did so, I was hurt much worse. It is a preventative measure; if you don't get attached, it doesn't hurt as bad when they screw you over. Will all women screw you over? No.

You need to stop being an apologist. She may be sick. But she is still conscious, and she still chooses to hurt people rather than seek and stick with treatment. She chooses to cheat, lie, steal, and manipulate. I sat up more than one sleepless nights with her comforting her as she had panic attacks, attempted to snort hydros, wanted to cut, etc. I supported her through family issues, periods of intense self-loathing, and other destructive spells. I took her home to meet my family, and showed her a sense of normalcy that she was totally unaccustomed to her. I saw a girl who had up til that point had such a rough go of things, who was taken advantage of by so many people, who was hurt by so many people, and did everything I could to love her and show her something different, something more positive. To suggest that something I did "caused" or "forced" her to cheat is asinine, and only proves that you are as stupid as some here believe.



On a side note, I found out quite a bit about my ex's history and past. She has lived on both coasts, and in the midwest at and after the age of 18. Like I mentioned she has attended 3 colleges in 3 years of schooling. She has been with almost every imaginable type of guy, and disaster and abuse seems to have followed her everywhere she has gone. It was a real AHA! moment when I realized that the ONLY thing tying all of the different places and people she has been involved with together is HER. She is the common link.

Exactly. BPD can be easily treated and fixed. The only problem is that many patients don't stick to the therapy, aren't patient in that sense (all due to their sickness) and leave the program before finishing their treatment. But those who stay, get healthy again. Congratulations to you .

BPD can not be easily treated and fixed. If you knew anything about this disorder at all, that much would be evident to you. Those who do stick with treatment (YEARS of treatment) do have success in managing those behaviors which affect themselves primarily (self-harm, binge behaviors, drug use etc), but their interactions with other people will always be crippled. Your statement of, "Those who stay (in treatment), get healthy again" shows how little you understand this disorder. It isn't a cold that they caught. They never were healthy. To treat BPD is to fundamentally rewire that persons' brain and how they perceive things, think about things, and react to things. You are talking about going all the way back to childhood, when their emotional growth was stunted, and redoing everything that they have learned that has shaped them into the person that they are.

In conclusion, Shut your fukking mouth.

[candyman99]

I don't know. Probably. She kept me a secret. I was very naive and listened to what she said instead of her actions. She lied to me so many times


When she dumped me she said she was sorry for not telling me what the deal was

I couldn't understand that there was a deal in place n why she said she loved me and accepted my gifts n what not here n there

She bought me a present, and kept it for herself.. I never got it

From what I can tell he was probably in the picture the whole time

I wasn't sure why she lead me on so hardcore

One week it was I love you then the next it was like you need to get the fuk away from me ew your gross

She never mentioned once what happened to her dad n mom but it's pretty clear that is why she can be such a monster and remorseless .. I read that article on gettinbetter n it describes her perfectly. She never smiled. I was like a toy to her. Not a person w feelings.

A while back, I got a gchat invite from her n she denied ever sending it. I think she just did it to get my intention. I'm pretty sure that it's impossible for your account to send a random g chat. I couldn't/can't figure out why she would do that and lie for the life of me if she did do it. I guess that's what you mean by them never going away ?

HAHA dude mine sent me a random snap chat weeks after we broke up and denied ever sending it too. Remember most borderline women have some traits of NPD to a degree. They want to know that your still there as a safety net in case the new guy doesn't work out. They will all make some sort of hoover attempt after they break up, and will continue to for a very long time. Could me months of years down the road.... The best way to get a BPD to leave you alone? Tell her how much you love her, and you can't live without her. That always does the trick

[candyman99]

I assumed it was unspoken, but yes of course I have to take responsibility for my part in it. I did not deserve, nor cause, her to do any of the things she did. Those were choices she made. MY role was that I chose to stay and endure it for as long as I did. And I learned a lesson from that. I don't think anywhere in my post did I say that women are evil. I said that I have issues opening myself up to women now because I did so, and because I did so, I was hurt much worse. It is a preventative measure; if you don't get attached, it doesn't hurt as bad when they screw you over. Will all women screw you over? No.

You need to stop being an apologist. She may be sick. But she is still conscious, and she still chooses to hurt people rather than seek and stick with treatment. She chooses to cheat, lie, steal, and manipulate. I sat up more than one sleepless nights with her comforting her as she had panic attacks, attempted to snort hydros, wanted to cut, etc. I supported her through family issues, periods of intense self-loathing, and other destructive spells. I took her home to meet my family, and showed her a sense of normalcy that she was totally unaccustomed to her. I saw a girl who had up til that point had such a rough go of things, who was taken advantage of by so many people, who was hurt by so many people, and did everything I could to love her and show her something different, something more positive. To suggest that something I did "caused" or "forced" her to cheat is asinine, and only proves that you are as stupid as some here believe.



On a side note, I found out quite a bit about my ex's history and past. She has lived on both coasts, and in the midwest at and after the age of 18. Like I mentioned she has attended 3 colleges in 3 years of schooling. She has been with almost every imaginable type of guy, and disaster and abuse seems to have followed her everywhere she has gone. It was a real AHA! moment when I realized that the ONLY thing tying all of the different places and people she has been involved with together is HER. She is the common link.



BPD can not be easily treated and fixed. If you knew anything about this disorder at all, that much would be evident to you. Those who do stick with treatment (YEARS of treatment) do have success in managing those behaviors which affect themselves primarily (self-harm, binge behaviors, drug use etc), but their interactions with other people will always be crippled. Your statement of, "Those who stay (in treatment), get healthy again" shows how little you understand this disorder. It isn't a cold that they caught. They never were healthy. To treat BPD is to fundamentally rewire that persons' brain and how they perceive things, think about things, and react to things. You are talking about going all the way back to childhood, when their emotional growth was stunted, and redoing everything that they have learned that has shaped them into the person that they are.

In conclusion, Shut your fukking mouth.

As for your third paragraph mine was the same situation. I didn't find out who she really was until months after we broke up and I started doing some digging into her past. . A real ahha !" moment indeed. What's amazing is how well they seem to back up their stories, and lie about the person you are when you first meet them. They transform into the woman you want them to be until they know they got you hooked. I think what makes them such effective liars is that they actually believe most of their own lies. Mine made herself out to be this broken chick who really just wanted to be loved, didn't seem like the type to sleep with guys outside of a relationship and most of her stories backed that fact. boy was I wrong.

[candyman99]

Listen to "A thousand faces" by creed. Song is about dating a borderline woman to the T!

[SwaggerMcdaniel]

HAHA dude mine sent me a random snap chat weeks after we broke up and denied ever sending it too. Remember most borderline women have some traits of NPD to a degree. They want to know that your still there as a safety net in case the new guy doesn't work out. They will all make some sort of hoover attempt after they break up, and will continue to for a very long time. Could me months of years down the road.... The best way to get a BPD to leave you alone? Tell her how much you love her, and you can't live without her. That always does the trick

I couldn't wrap my head around it. There's no way your g chat typed in blablabla@gmail.com and clicked send chat invite. I don't understand the motivation other than like you said they are narcissistic and like toying with you because she knows she bothers/hurts me. They are very indirect. Trying to talk to them or have an honest conversation it's like dealing with a 3 year old. But they act like adults in the real world n she would always use perfect punctuation and grammar in casual ********/emails.

She asked me for something back that she left at my house like a year later after coldly dumping me on a text message. I sometimes wonder if she wanted to meet up with me. They have no concept of time/empathy what so ever. They don't feel emotions like a normal person does.

I don't know mine ran away. I won't ever see or hear from her again I don't think. Only when her new bf doesn't work probably.

I've read that they know how to illicit feelings of love from others but can't understand it or figure out why they become suddenly annoyed by you

They basically will never "love" which is sad

So tempted to post a pic of her but I won't

Absolutely gorgeous but completely deviod of any heart

[candyman99]

I couldn't wrap my head around it. There's no way your g chat typed in blablabla@gmail.com and clicked send chat invite. I don't understand the motivation other than like you said they are narcissistic and like toying with you because she knows she bothers/hurts me. They are very indirect. Trying to talk to them or have an honest conversation it's like dealing with a 3 year old. But they act like adults in the real world n she would always use perfect punctuation and grammar in casual ********/emails.

She asked me for something back that she left at my house like a year later after coldly dumping me on a text message. I sometimes wonder if she wanted to meet up with me. They have no concept of time/empathy what so ever. They don't feel emotions like a normal person does.

I don't know mine ran away. I won't ever see or hear from her again I don't think. Only when her new bf doesn't work probably.

I've read that they know how to illicit feelings of love from others but can't understand it or figure out why they become suddenly annoyed by you

They basically will never "love" which is sad

So tempted to post a pic of her but I won't

Absolutely gorgeous but completely deviod of any heart

How long have you guys been broken up for and is she still with this new guy? And yeah bet your ass she wanted to meet up with you, mine did the same thing with me too. good on you for not giving in though, no contact hurts them more than anything.

[MeFromG]

1. I assumed it was unspoken, but yes of course I have to take responsibility for my part in it. I did not deserve, nor cause, her to do any of the things she did. Those were choices she made. MY role was that I chose to stay and endure it for as long as I did. And I learned a lesson from that. I don't think anywhere in my post did I say that women are evil. I said that I have issues opening myself up to women now because I did so, and because I did so, I was hurt much worse. It is a preventative measure; if you don't get attached, it doesn't hurt as bad when they screw you over. Will all women screw you over? No.

2. You need to stop being an apologist. She may be sick. But she is still conscious, and she still chooses to hurt people rather than seek and stick with treatment. She chooses to cheat, lie, steal, and manipulate. I sat up more than one sleepless nights with her comforting her as she had panic attacks, attempted to snort hydros, wanted to cut, etc. I supported her through family issues, periods of intense self-loathing, and other destructive spells. I took her home to meet my family, and showed her a sense of normalcy that she was totally unaccustomed to her. I saw a girl who had up til that point had such a rough go of things, who was taken advantage of by so many people, who was hurt by so many people, and did everything I could to love her and show her something different, something more positive. To suggest that something I did "caused" or "forced" her to cheat is asinine, and only proves that you are as stupid as some here believe.



3. On a side note, I found out quite a bit about my ex's history and past. She has lived on both coasts, and in the midwest at and after the age of 18. Like I mentioned she has attended 3 colleges in 3 years of schooling. She has been with almost every imaginable type of guy, and disaster and abuse seems to have followed her everywhere she has gone. It was a real AHA! moment when I realized that the ONLY thing tying all of the different places and people she has been involved with together is HER. She is the common link.



4. BPD can not be easily treated and fixed. If you knew anything about this disorder at all, that much would be evident to you. Those who do stick with treatment (YEARS of treatment) do have success in managing those behaviors which affect themselves primarily (self-harm, binge behaviors, drug use etc), but their interactions with other people will always be crippled. Your statement of, "Those who stay (in treatment), get healthy again" shows how little you understand this disorder. It isn't a cold that they caught. They never were healthy. To treat BPD is to fundamentally rewire that persons' brain and how they perceive things, think about things, and react to things. You are talking about going all the way back to childhood, when their emotional growth was stunted, and redoing everything that they have learned that has shaped them into the person that they are.

5. In conclusion, Shut your fukking mouth.

1. What you said is: "My experience with her stands as the most defining one of my life thus far, and has taught me quite a bit about people and myself. Unfortunately it has left me unwilling to open up and make myself vulnerable to girls, something I recognize I need to change if I ever hope to find a healthy relationship, but it is the conditioned response after what I went through."
Firstly it didn't teach you anything about you, cause in every sentence you write you blame her and what she did to you. But nothing about your state of mind, which was / is obviously broken too, already prior to having a relationship with her and your break ups and make ups inbetween. Secondly you clearly consider women evil, bad, harmful now, or else you would open up to someone new, you would trust someone else. But you are confounding every other woman with her, you're scared shiitless.

2. She was and is still sick and needs help asap. This is reality. You yourself can call it whatever you want to, doesn't change what it is though.

3. See second point made.

4. YOU don't know much about this disease, it seems. It can be easily treated and fixed. Effective tools are given and people who stick to the process / treatment have success and get healed completely. It is indeed like a cold you catch but with much more severe consequences and suffering. And you can catch it at any time. And of course those people were healthy at one point in life, but they experienced bad circumstances and got sick as a consequence. Doctors can fix this, if those people cooperate and submit themselves to full treatment. Again, you can believe what you want, it doesn't change reality, everything is documented and proven.

5. *Lol* - certainly not. And especially not when you (or anybody else) is spreading false, personal believes claiming them as truth.

[SwaggerMcdaniel]

How long have you guys been broken up for and is she still with this new guy? And yeah bet your ass she wanted to meet up with you, mine did the same thing with me too. good on you for not giving in though, no contact hurts them more than anything.

A year and a half. This was 4 ish months ago.

I sent her the thing she asked for .. It was sitting at her house for like 2 or 3 weeks (I mailed it to her)

She didn't say ANYTHING, not thank you not how are you NOTHING

so I blew the **** up on her and said some of the meanest **** ever to her that I've ever said to anyone in my entire life.. She said "glad you got that off your chest n if you ever need anything let me know" lmfao

They've been together over a year.. N however long they were together while she was still telling me I love you

Idk no contact doesn't hurt her if she's the one that didn't want to be with me. Although I will say some women like to say they were able to keep their exes as friends for god knows what reason. She is like this too. Should have saw that one coming.

[SwaggerMcdaniel]

1. What you said is: "My experience with her stands as the most defining one of my life thus far, and has taught me quite a bit about people and myself. Unfortunately it has left me unwilling to open up and make myself vulnerable to girls, something I recognize I need to change if I ever hope to find a healthy relationship, but it is the conditioned response after what I went through."
Firstly it didn't teach you anything about you, cause in every sentence you write you blame her and what she did to you. But nothing about your state of mind, which was / is obviously broken too, already prior to having a relationship with her and your break ups and make ups inbetween. Secondly you clearly consider women evil, bad, harmful now, or else you would open up to someone new, you would trust someone else. But you are confounding every other woman with her, you're scared shiitless.

2. She was and is still sick and needs help asap. This is reality. You yourself can call it whatever you want to, doesn't change what it is though.

3. See second point made.

4. YOU don't know much about this disease, it seems. It can be easily treated and fixed. Effective tools are given and people who stick to the process / treatment have success and get healed completely. It is indeed like a cold you catch but with much more severe consequences and suffering. And you can catch it at any time. And of course those people were healthy at one point in life, but they experienced bad circumstances and got sick as a consequence. Doctors can fix this, if those people cooperate and submit themselves to full treatment. Again, you can believe what you want, it doesn't change reality, everything is documented and proven.

5. *Lol* - certainly not. And especially not when you (or anybody else) is spreading false, personal believes claiming them as truth.

Bpd isn't a disease it's a disorder

You can't come down w bpd like it's a cold

[candyman99]

A year and a half. This was 4 ish months ago.

I sent her the thing she asked for .. It was sitting at her house for like 2 or 3 weeks (I mailed it to her)

She didn't say ANYTHING, not thank you not how are you NOTHING

so I blew the **** up on her and said some of the meanest **** ever to her that I've ever said to anyone in my entire life.. She said "glad you got that off your chest n if you ever need anything let me know" lmfao

They've been together over a year.. N however long they were together while she was still telling me I love you

Idk no contact doesn't hurt her if she's the one that didn't want to be with me. Although I will say some women like to say they were able to keep their exes as friends for god knows what reason. She is like this too. Should have saw that one coming.

The only thing that's not adding up to me up to me with her being a legitimate BPD is her keeping you a secret. Most borderlines can't shut the **** up about their new bf . Was their ever a strong idealization phase? From the sounds of it its almost like she never liked you that much and you were just the rebound guy. My ex was practically obsessed with me for the first two months we started dating. Only to act like I never existed...but I know she does this with all guys. Did the same thing to the guy before me.

[Luc1fer]

They definitely do have a crazy/empty look of sadness to their eyes, I actually noticed this about my ex before I started dating her but she was beautiful so I brushed it off. Another fascinating thing with borderlines is they always seem to have mysterious health issues. (physical) Mine had numerous kidney problems, carpal tunnel, it was always something new with her. And yes they usually are baby crazy, it's a way for them to build security. The tattoos and piercings are a dead give away, they like pain it feels good to them because they are so hallow and empty.

I wasn't with her long enough to really know, but the very first time I stayed over at hers she woke up in a horrible mood. She was puking every 15 mins, couldn't eat or drink. I thought the entire thing was a bizarre coincidence and, once again, my intuition was telling me it was fake. I gave the benefit of the doubt (why would she fake this, it made zero sense) and went out to get her some food etc. like a decent person. After I left she said she was in the hospital on IV's. This was pretty damn serious. IDK, to this day I do not know if it was real or not - she did look sick as hell though so maybe it was, just thought I'd mention that.

She hinted that maybe I had spiked her drink; actually she was super paranoid with me for a very long time. I thought it was a good thing, to be cautious like that, but the paranoia went a bit far. Is this a sign?

Many of them will also keep gifts from exes even if there is no feelings towards the ex anymore and they ****ed him over, usually it's an old gift.. It's a sign of victory/conquest to them. Very critical of other men as well not just you, they will find something wrong with every guy. As for the guy who asked about NPD well most BPD's do have the same traits of NPD, more often than not actually.

Oh wow, the very first time we were properly intimate she, for no discernible reason, pointed across her room towards an ornament and said it was a gift from her ex. I was like WTF did you just say that for, and she just brushed it off and said sorry. Weird, right?

As for your third paragraph mine was the same situation. I didn't find out who she really was until months after we broke up and I started doing some digging into her past. . A real ahha !" moment indeed. What's amazing is how well they seem to back up their stories, and lie about the person you are when you first meet them. They transform into the woman you want them to be until they know they got you hooked. I think what makes them such effective liars is that they actually believe most of their own lies. Mine made herself out to be this broken chick who really just wanted to be loved, didn't seem like the type to sleep with guys outside of a relationship and most of her stories backed that fact. boy was I wrong.

I never got beyond that bolded part, because I ended it before that could even happen. I listened to my brain instead of my dick.