Parental guilt re: gym time

[toodlepip]

I had my 3 yr old come up to me yesterday after I got home from the gym and tell me she didn't want me to go to the gym anymore. Often days when I leave (am usually gone 2 hrs max) my girls (3 & 6yrs old) will complain...give me 'are you going to the gym AGAIN?', tell me they don't want me to go etc. There have been hysterics on rare occasions. And it's not like this is new. I've been going since they were born.

Anybody else with little kids deal with this? I've done the whole mommy loves/needs to exercise/be healthy talk...and it's not like I'm gone for hours or every night...but the parental guilt is brutal at times. I really don't know how to respond to this any other way.

I go to the gym 3-5x a week, but the 2 weekend workouts are usually family ones where we go to the Y and they go swimming with my hubby while I go to the gym and then we all might go skating or what have you in the afternoon. Weekends are really all family time.

Granted during the week workouts I do go when they are awake (usually around dinner time when we have done homework, played, dinner is on the table for them etc.) as if I waited until they were asleep/in bed I would never go.

So how do you deal with this/assuage guilt/what do you say? Any advice is much appreciated.

[GreenWave1]

My workouts used to get in the way as well. So I switched to early morning. Now it's not a problem.

[kademrulz]

You go to work for your family. You may not like the time away but you go for them. Working out is the same. You need your health or you will not be able to enjoy them as you get older nor they you. For THEM you go and there should be no guilt in that. Also, you need time to yourself. As long as you are not neglecting them than you shouldn't feel guilty. Kids also cry when they want candy, don't want to go to school, homework has to be done etc. You don't feel guilty when you make the right decisions there so this is just another time when what you know is best needs to come before their wants.

I have a 2 and 4 yr old so I know what you are going through.

[GnomusMaximus]

Yep, all the time. Now my oldest is able to be in the after-school program at our school, so I can lift then. During the weekends they come out and play while I work out.

[fitmom43]

I usually go either early morning before they wake up, or during the day when they are in school.

[lovingit]

This was an issue when I first started going (my kids are 4 and 5 years old). I take them to the gym with me and they stay in the childcare/play place there. They didn't like it at first. They whined and complained and would throw fits. I felt really horrible. But, it was something that I NEEDED to do, so I pushed my guilt aside and just kept going. Now they are totally used to it and even ask to go sometimes. It still *sometimes* depends on their mood, but at least now they realize it's not optional.

I do keep my gym visits to what I need to do (lifting, little to no socializing), I do my cardio at home on my treadmill, and I only go 4 days a week. If it wasn't for them getting bored, I'd probably hang out a little longer at the gym doing some extra stuff for fun.

eta: Next year my son will be in pre-k and I will be able to go sans kids. It will be nice because I won't have to stress over the amount of time I'm taking!

[GnomusMaximus]

If you watch around the castle you'll see my little guys
http://sports.webshots.com/video/301...51574359rfTFkx

[swimmer32]

I had the same issue, so I stopped my membership and dedicated a room at home for working out. They still don't like it when I work out, but at least I'm at home and see them at times during my workout.

[kimsquit]

As long as you are not neglecting them than you shouldn't feel guilty. Kids also cry when they want candy, don't want to go to school, homework has to be done etc. You don't feel guilty when you make the right decisions there so this is just another time when what you know is best needs to come before their wants. .

this ^

If I'd let my toddler kids call the shots back then, we'd have been living in a cardboard box outside the gates of Disneyland and eating nothing but candy every day.

[phikappa]

My workouts used to get in the way as well. So I switched to early morning. Now it's not a problem.

Yep.

I workout on my lunch hour. I started this about the time my first was born.

[hypnocrip]

I left the gym and built one at home. Now my 2 oldest (14,11) lift with me and no annoying whining or gym fees.

[GeHfN VAlLiS]

So how do you deal with this/assuage guilt/what do you say? Any advice is much appreciated.

Who is the decision making adult? Who is responsible for being the primary role model?

Remember these days, they only last for a little while.

[toodlepip]

Thanks all, I'll take some relief in knowing I'm not alone.

Unfortunately the early morning option won't work for me. I used to do this when I started work at 8:30 but now I start at 7:30 so it's no longer feasible. My gym opens at 6:00 but that still doesn't allow time for a workout, shower and travel time to work. I also take a truncated lunch break during which I will occasionally squeeze in some yoga but that's about it.

As long as you are not neglecting them than you shouldn't feel guilty. Kids also cry when they want candy, don't want to go to school, homework has to be done etc. You don't feel guilty when you make the right decisions there so this is just another time when what you know is best needs to come before their wants.

this ^

If I'd let my toddler kids call the shots back then, we'd have been living in a cardboard box outside the gates of Disneyland and eating nothing but candy every day.

Lmao.

Very good point. There are in no way neglected - my hubby works from home so he plays with them etc. when I'm gone, they aren't just plopped in front of the telly or anything.

Btw my 3 yr old often still asks for sweets in the morning...and cries when I say no.

This was an issue when I first started going (my kids are 4 and 5 years old). I take them to the gym with me and they stay in the childcare/play place there. They didn't like it at first.

Yeah we use the Y daycare place for an hour a couple times a month to take a spinning class. It's a great service for gyms to offer. Mine weren't crazy about it the first time either but the following week asked to go back. Go figure.

If you watch around the castle you'll see my little guys
http://sports.webshots.com/video/301...51574359rfTFkx

That's brilliant! If I tried that my 3 yr old would try to 'help' and end up in an ER.

[coffey1]

If you watch around the castle you'll see my little guys
http://sports.webshots.com/video/301...51574359rfTFkx

look like mine.. just goin about thier buisness..lol mine are at the age they like going with me or working out in the barn with me, even made me buy them thier own dumbells ..lol if you think the guilt trips are bad wait till you have to adjust your workouts so they can join you..lol

[toodlepip]

Who is the decision making adult? Who is responsible for being the primary role model?

Remember these days, they only last for a little while.

True, true...


I love the idea of building a home gym but absolutely no room in my pokey house and we don't have a garage I could squeeze on in either.

[litljay]

I hit the gym after they go to bed (~8:00pm). It's difficult at times to get my lazy a$$ out the door, but once I'm in the gym, the attitude usually changes.

I also try to go on the weekend so as to limit my need for the late night workout.

[Iceman1800]

They are way too young to miss time with them. Go to the gym early in the morning or after they go to bed. Stop making excuses why you can't adjust to their schedule. I have 4 kids so I know.

[Old-Time-Lifter]

this ^

If I'd let my toddler kids call the shots back then, we'd have been living in a cardboard box outside the gates of Disneyland and eating nothing but candy every day.

You say that like there is something wrong with it??? LOL

They are way too young to miss time with them. Go to the gym early in the morning or after they go to bed. Stop making excuses why you can't adjust to their schedule. I have 4 kids so I know.

I hate to agree with Iceman, but today I do........ your kids won't be little for very long and once you've missed it you'll never get it back. So I agree just go after or before they wake up....... just do it!

[desslok]

Kids sleep at around 8pm, I work out at 8:30pm. They grow so fast.

[Iceman1800]

You say that like there is something wrong with it??? LOL



I hate to agree with Iceman, but today I do........ your kids won't be little for very long and once you've missed it you'll never get it back. So I agree just go after or before they wake up....... just do it!

Lol, no politics in this post so we can agree

[lovingit]

I hate to agree with Iceman, but today I do........ your kids won't be little for very long and once you've missed it you'll never get it back. So I agree just go after or before they wake up....... just do it!

Eh. In my case I am with my kids 24/7 since I don't work. They'll live without my presence for 4 hours a week.

However, if I worked, I would have to go after they went to bed or something.

[dbluegoat]

My kid (5) has been going to the gym with me since day one, goes in the childcare there and loves it. He gets pissed if we take a day off and now when we leave he wants to spend 5-10 mins exercising himself with the bosu balls, picking up 5lb DB's etc

kids run our lives mostly and consume the majority of our time you must have time for yourself and your health.

[Meatpants]

I think it's important for your kids to undrstand that they can't always have what they want. I also think you are setting a great example for them. Your are teaching them that it's good to have fun, but there is also a time to work to reach your goals. I would suggest explaining to them why you do what you do, and why it is important to you.

I wish more parents would show their children the importance of proper diet and exercise.

[Old-Time-Lifter]

Eh. In my case I am with my kids 24/7 since I don't work. They'll live without my presence for 4 hours a week.

However, if I worked, I would have to go after they went to bed or something.

That's true and if Dad is taking care of them while you're gone it's actually good for them to have some alone time with Dad.

[erinlee01]

I'm with Kade & Kimsquit - my kids don't get an opinion on what I do. As long as you get quality time with them, you are entitled to a few hours a week to do something that benefits you.

That said, I do try and work my gym time in so that it doesn't impact my time with them. But I certainly don't feel guilty if I can't.

[Hm3KDoc]

I worked out, outside for a while untill I could get the garage cleaned so I could do it in there. Winter was brutal.

True, true...


I love the idea of building a home gym but absolutely no room in my pokey house and we don't have a garage I could squeeze on in either.

[Hm3KDoc]

Oh and I had my son workout with me (when he was 6) got light weights for him and had him do calisthenics. Now at age 14 he is still doing it and wanting to be a Navy Seal.

[Hibiscus09]

It's actually good for your children to be apart from you somewhat. It will teach independence and they will learn at a young age it isn't a stressful event for you to be apart. They'll need that later in life.

My children did great with it all and I'm so proud of how independent they have been throughout the time they lived at home and now out in the big, bad world.

Having said that, I have to admit -- I feel guilty putting my puppy in his crate to go workout! lolol He's not exactly suffering either -- he's a spoiled rotten sweetie pie pooch.

[toodlepip]

Always good to hear what other people think/do...thanks for all your thoughts.

[Marius_Ursus]

The guilt for my trips to the gym isn't so much guilt as a matter of priorities for me. Since my younger son was born, I've been missing the gym more than I've been making it by a wide margin. I want to spend as much time with him as I can, and I love being the one who gets up with him in the morning and giving him his first feeding. I wouldn't trade that for anything, even a 500-pound deadlift.